It didn’t feel real… it didn’t feel like he could truly be gone. He had been the first person she had met in the Lore… he had been the father of her first child as well, and on top of that one of her dearest friends. She mourned, silently and in her own way. In many ways, she felt she was not allowed to mourn, not when she had failed him just as she had failed her mother. She had not been able to help him through the illness that had taken his life. It was her fault and she would need to live with that grief for the rest of her life.

All she could do now was attempt to pick up the pieces, tend to those she cared for most, and those he had cared for most, and try to help them through it. With that, came a rabbit clutched in her jaws as she headed towards the grave of her friend, finding Oksana there. She had known the woman had returned because she had crossed her scent while hunting, and wanted to check in on her. She saw her moving, a path through the forest as Aquene rushed to catch up to her. She moved in front of her, sitting down before placing a rabbit at the woman’s feet. “Eat, please.” She stated, her voice as soft as normal, no explanation.

Just as she had promised Oksana she would pick Aleister up in the face of grief over the loss of his love, she had promised Aleister the same thing where Oksana was concerned. “You’ve been on your paws and travelling all week… sit with me?”

She was grateful the woman did not fight her on the manner. Aquene was a healer, and she cared for all, especially her friend who was also family. The fact of the matter was, had Oksana pulled rank with her, there would have been nothing that she could have done about it one way or another. She hummed softly, offering a kind smile to the woman as she insisted she must eat as well. As if on cue, her own stomach rumbled traitorously to reveal that Oksana had been right in that regard.

She slipped in, taking a bite herself though she was slow to actually eat. It felt much like a chore, exhausting… and something she merely did for continued survival. She was almost certain that Nash was worried about her in that regard, even though she knew he was dealing with his own grief. They had all been so close-knit… and she worried about how her Love was coping with it just as she worried about the children, about Oksana, about the entire pack. It was in her nature to worry, and that had never changed.

“And I, you.” She admitted back softly when the woman admitted she had wanted to check in with her. “I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you, and to rush right into communicating with the other packs…” She needed rest, though Aquene would not say it aloud. She needed time to grieve just as the rest of them did. “If I can help lighten the load in any way, be it watching the children while you rest or eat or anything please do not hesitate to ask.”

Aquene was thankful that the woman was not putting up a fight. She recalled when she had lost her mother; others had tried to help but she had refused their advances. Her uncle had tried to soothe her worries, even give her work to bury herself in… and yet it had not worked. Instead she had left, fleeing… she had met Aleister, been brought to the Cove, had Kateri… she’d met her mate, had three more beautiful children… all that pain and mourning felt like it was a lifetime ago in the grand scheme of things.

She was proud of the woman for not doing as she had done, recognizing now how unhealthy it had been even if it had been a massive case of self-loathing and doubt. She scoffed, not in a way meant to offend but in a shocked manner. “Me? I’m fine.” She stated, though her words lacked the conviction she normally held when discussing her own opinion on things.

She closed her eyes, breathing in and out when the other woman admitted that it had been hard. She even thanked her, and Aquene’s eyes softened, her maw curving softly into a frown. “Of course… if our roles were reversed, I know you would do the same. We are family, and we look out for each other.” She murmured softly, shifting gently to offer her a gentle comforting nudge.

And then she picked on the one thing that Aquene had been tormented on since it had happened, shaking her head as she looked down at her paws. “I lost my mother the same way… I was tasked with her care as well. I feel as though I failed them both.” She should have been better; it was the first time she spoke about it aloud.

Aquene could not imagine how she would hold it together or what she would do if she lost Nash… she could not place herself into Oksana’s paws. She could not relate; she did not know that pain. She knew the pain of losing a mother, and a mother’s love… but a mate was so much different… to lose her true love… yes, she had lost the father of her eldest daughter, and one of her closest friends, but Oksana had lost a soulmate, and all Aquene could figure was that it left a hole beyond repair… it would have for her.

She would be there as she could for her, ensuring that she ate and took care of herself, even if Aquene was hypocritical in that regard. “Time will heal all wounds.” She was just not sure how much time it would take… she recalled how the loss of her own mother had worn on her, and how it had affected her to her core… how it still did, even now… how Aleister’s death piled onto it. What if she died before she could heal from it?

She felt selfish for thinking of such things when the crow was clearly going through so much more. “Together.” She agreed with a soft smile, a hint of warmth that was there if only to sooth Oksana. She felt cold inside. Aquene herself started to feel guilty the moment she brought up her own loss, the thoughts in her own head. Surely the matriarch of the pack did not need to concern herself with such things? Aquene had just killed her mate; that was how she saw it, even if Oksana insisted otherwise.

She tried to even reason, and Aquene did not feel she deserved such a kindness. “I could not save him… even with all of my knowledge, the years upon years and constant studying, I could not treat him.” She had done much. She had treated Chan’s tail, treated them all after the cougar: Chan, Flair, Nash… how could she not have helped one of her oldest friends in the Lore?

It was the weight of expectations that Aquene wanted to remove from her; she deserved the right to break down and to grieve and hole herself away for the sake of grieving her mate… she deserved to be able to find herself holed away for a few days, so long as she took care of herself which Aquene would be dutiful in ensuring.

She could relate to that too; she felt guilty any time she realized that she had coped mostly with her mother’s death, feeling like she was forgetting her in the process. “In a way, we never really do… we heal, but there’s always a mark there, a scar on our hearts to remember them by, and the role they played in our lives.” She offered the woman, hoping the counsel was not unsolicited, and that she did find some peace and solace in it. “We’ll always remember them; we were shaped by their love.” She firmly believed that.

She felt that pain in her chest again, closing her eyes for a moment as she took a few breaths in and out. “It is… I don’t understand how he did not get better, how he got worse yet.” She explained with a frown on her features, once more feeling guilty for the sentiment when talking about how she had failed to protect and heal Oksana’s mate.

“If I had done better, he would still be here… it doesn’t matter the circumstances… I should have found a way. I have so much knowledge; I was trained by the best healers I have ever met, and yet still even then I failed… which means I didn’t learn enough.”