Since Ashanti's disappearance the young wolfess had felt lost. She had continued her patrols and her search for food that was nowhere to be found, but the rest of the time she spend curled up in her den, staring out at the snow, without really seeing it. Coal helped her as well as he could, just his presence next to her, in the small space, made her feel a little better, but he had his own duties to take care of; And he didn't know her.. Not the way Aideen had. Ashanti had been the one to tell her how plants could be used to heal, opening up a whole new world to the tri-colored girl, she had been the one to tell her about Secret Woodlands, giving her a home in the lonely winter, right when she needed it the most. And now she was just gone.

The white-pelted healer had only had time to teach Aideen very little before... In any case, the slender fae was yet to make any real progress towards fulfilling her dream and becoming a healer. She kept busy, patrolling the borders and hunting, getting to know the lands of her pack, and spending time with Coal; Maybe if I had been more insistent... She couldn't help but feel that, if she'd just studied enough, she would have been able to help Ashanti. Part of her knew it was a fools guilt - The healer had been just as busy, busier even, than Aideen - but it was drowned out by her worry and her sorrow.

Still, after a few days of complete misery, the woman's resolve started to return. It was faint, merely a flicker in the darkness of her heart, but it was there, and as more days went by, it started to grow. Today she had made a decision. She was gonna talk to Nina!

They hadn't seen much of each other since the day Coal and Aideen had joined Secret Woodlands, as a leader, the ochre wolfess undoubtedly had even more things on her schedule than the young new-comer, and, to be honest, Aideen had avoided the dame for a while. There was something about Nina that made her wary, what exactly she didn't know, but she had kept her distance. Now that Ashanti was gone, there was no one else to teach her what she needed to know; And it's about time I get over this whole thing and get to know her, properly! Nina had done nothing to provoke these feelings, and Aideen wasn't gonna judge her on a single, unmerited, first impression.

Word Count: 435

The orange girl halted in a small clearing to await her queen's response, ready to wait a long while; Who knows what else she might have to do... She would spend the time readying herself, shaking out her fur and taking long, calming breaths - no matter how much she tried, she couldn't help but be nervous - eyes darting over the trees around her, as she tried to guess which direction the lady might appear from. The snow was still covering the branches thickly, no sign of green to be seen. Aideen sighed; Spring is yet far away, it seems...

She was surprised when it didn't take long for the alphess to arrive, golden form entering the clearing with governing grace. Slightly flustered, the small girl lowered her head, posture falling low in respect for her leader, her tail and ears dropping. But she let her gaze linger on Nina, taking in the full force of her presence, meeting the woman's one, green eye shortly as the lady gave her greeting. Only then did she cast down her gaze, trailing a root on the ground in a mixture of respect and fluster; the kind words spread a warmth in her sorrowed chest, and cracked a small smile on her tri-colored face. But when she looked back up at the bronze dame, her copper eyes were full of sadness. Ashanti had been her closest friend in The Woodlands, and from what she knew, the leader had been quite close with her too; And now she's gone! ...Because of me..?

Her lips parted slowly to answer, one paw scraping lightly at the snow; "I... To talk, I guess..." She looked away, head hanging, now more in grief than submission. Her voice was small and hesitant, she didn't know Nina - not well enough to seek comfort - yet, something about her reminded the young wolfess of her own mother; the strength and authority she carried herself with... And I want to know her... Aideen looked back at her queen, voice less fragile as she added: "If you have the time..?" There was a slightly begging look under the sadness in her eyes, but she straightened herself up a bid; she understood that Nina might not have the time right now, and she didn't want to burden her. I just... Need to talk to someone.

Word Count: 393

The strong woman's answer came surprisingly softly, and Aideen's eyes shot back up to look at her, the tiniest of smiles lighting up her otherwise gloomy face. Family... Yeah, that's what we are now. It helped ease the girls mind a bit, making it easier for her to relax and talk to the golden woman; "I... I've been thinking of Ashanti..." She watched the other wolf closely, without ever meeting her eyes directly, and when Nina sat down, she too lowered herself slowly. Settling down on the forest floor, Aideen turned her head and gazed emptily into the forest for a little while, silently figuring out exactly what to say. Then she looked back to her queen, meeting her gaze with immense sadness in her copper eyes; "I spoke to her, when she was running away I... She was right there and, I didn't stop her!"

She was both relieved to finally get this off her chest, and shocked to be blurting it out in front of Nina, but now that she had started, she couldn't stop. Tears welling up in her eyes, she looked down at her paws, trying to not sob out right; "I mean, I tried but... She was my friend, I should have stopped her!" Shaking her head at the ground, she took a deep, slightly rasping breath. It felt like something heavy was strapped around her chest, weighing her down and making it hard to breath. But even as the tears started rolling down her cheeks, she felt her heart lighten a bit; I just needed to... Say it out loud.

Taking another deep breath, the orange pelted lass lifted a paw and wiped the water from her snout and eyes, then she looked back up at Nina; "I wanted to be a healer to help others, but if I can't even help my friend... My best friend." She winced lightly. She felt ashamed, had it not been for Ashanti, she wouldn't have even come here, and in return... I did NOTHING!

Word Count: 337

Her despair was close to gripping her completely, overwhelming her with its powerful weight and leaving her a complete mess. Had she not been sitting before Nina when the hysteria broke out, it probably would have. Now instead, she watched her leader closely, feeling how the calm of the Hervok slowly spread to herself. She breathed long deep breaths, turning her ears forwards to listen when the golden dame began to speak.

Nina's words were soft, but steady, offering consolation at the same time as explaining; teaching. Aideen listened with growing awe, feeling her hysteria subside as she listened intently. Her eyes widened her curiosity and interest in the subject winning over her sorrow while the older healer taught. Ears twitched as the new knowledge entered her mind and took root there, the new words and their definitions filling previously unknown gabs; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... Disease of the MIND?! She'd never heard of such a thing before, and the idea simultaneously fascinated and terrified her.

The vixen fae had little time to mull over the information though, as Nina had more to teach, and this lesson took all of her attention; Keep my emotions out..? What was that supposed to mean, don't feel? Wasn't a healer supposed to care for others, wasn't that the point? Aideen's brows furrowed as she considered her tutor's words, trying to figure out exactly what the meant. She wanted to be a healer because she cared so much about others, and now Nina was telling her that she shouldn't..?!

The silence stretched while the young wolfess contemplated, eyes directed at the ground, tail oscillating slowly; ...Over think things... The patient... Finally she began to realize, the older woman wasn't telling her not to feel, but to stay professional; To not let my emotions affect my work. She nodded slowly, lips pursed as she lifted her head to look at Nina again. Shortly, she met her leader's emerald eye, to prove the truth in her words as she said; "I understand." Her voice was low, but it didn't waver, she understood the notion, keeping a level head was imperative when you had someone else's life in your paws.

Still, it was much easier said than done, Aideen was an emotional wolf, staying calm could prove a real challenge; But I have to! She looked evenly at her superior, but there was vulnerability in her eyes' copper depths as she spoke in a somber voice; "But sometimes, that can be hard... With your friends, if it's someone you love..." She thought back to that day, when she had found Coal beaten and broken, the image still sent stabs of pain through her heart; How could I ignore my emotions in a situation like that?! But if she had been able to, would she have handled it better? She looked at Nina with questioning eyes, maybe the older, more experienced healer had some suggestions on how to handle such a situation.

Word Count: 494

The older healer took her time with the question, which, while she was anxious to get an answer, made Aideen feel a little better with herself; Nina was taking her worries seriously, carefully thinking it all over before replying. When the woman finally spoke, her student listened attentively, brow wrinkled in concentration as she took the words to heart; To stay calm... It was a strange concept to the young, emotional wolfess, used as she was to go with her feelings. This would take effort.

Nina affirmed as much, but stressed the importance of learning the skill despite the difficulty. She spoke about professionalism and how it was imperative to not cause panic, and went on to propose an example, based on the role of a guardian. Aideen nodded slowly, considering the scenario her leader had put forth and feeling a cold shiver run down her spine; Massacre..! It was an entirely new perspective to the reddish lass that a medic could cause the same kind of carnage by losing equanimity during a crisis. She took a deep breath at the prospect of the responsibility, then breathed out slowly; Calm...

She sat quietly for a while, letting the lesson sink in, feeling the weight of her aspirations on her shoulders. After some moments in sober acceptance she pushed the burden aside, for now she was a student, and eager to learn! Shimmering copper eyes looked up to her teacher's scarred face, she would learn to carry that weight, she would be a healer! "I see what you're saying, if I don't stay calm I can put even more wolves in danger." Her voice was solemn, mouth clenched tight in seriousness, this was a lesson she would remember. Attention fully on the experienced healer, Aideen waited to see if she had more to say, there was so much she wanted to learn about, so many things she did not yet know; But I will! Her sorrow and self-pity had drifted away while she listened to Nina, and now she felt balanced, ready to listen and study; Calm!

Word Count: 346