“I am inclined to disagree, my friend,” Veho replied easily, shaking his head.  How should a wolf treat another so kind, but with sweetness and sugar?  He would only make her bitter if he used vinegar and acid (as if it were ever in his nature to do such).  “You need to nothing to ‘earn’ my friendship, for you already have.  You appear, and suddenly the world seems a different place, somehow full of grace, full of light.  How was I to know so much hope was held inside me?  You are such a rare creature, it would be a tragedy to diminish you by treating you any less than you rightly deserve.”

Where her shoulder pressed into his, the medic leaned right back, a satisfied sigh falling from his lips.  In truth, simple comradery did a great deal for the gray wolf – social interactions were so rewarding in and of themselves.  Still, he’d always been a chatty wolf, and once prodded, it was near impossible for the medicine man to resist.  “Ah, it would be ungrateful of me to complain, for I am blessed with what I have.  Some wolves never even see a pack, and I have fallen into one that suits me as if I was crafted just for it.  Still, I would be lying if I said nothing weighed upon me.”

And I have been struggling with my honesty, lately.

“I fear I have fallen in love, without much meaning to.  All the same, I can no longer imagine my life without, but --  But it feels rather selfish.  I love him.  I want nothing but happiness for him.”

Silence.

“But he’s already taken a mate.”

“Is this love? What was right seems wrong, and what was wrong seems right,” Veho sighed, wrinkling his nose at the melancholy blanketing him. It was not like him, he knew, to allow himself to fall into such a dark place. And yet here he was, leaning on a woman he’d only met once before as if she’d known him his whole life – as if this was his sister here, and not a veritable stranger. If Neha were still walking this earth, what would she have to say about him? About the situation he’d gotten himself into? All this time he’d know better, and while he could ignore it in the beginning, while it was still blossoming into something new, @Rook had revealed the truth of his relationships. That should have been the end if it – it should have been the end of it! A truly good wolf would have cut it off right then, no matter what he felt for the other party, because it was simply the right thing to do.

How would he feel, were the wolf he adored swept out right from under him?

Veho’s stomach turned traitorously and he shook his head, visibly restraining himself as he fought the urge to bury his face in the mother’s inviting ruff and ignore the world around him. “I regret this, Belladonna. I regret it. This is not the Veho my parents raised. There is nothing beautiful or pure about breaking someone else’s heart. There is nothing right about inserting myself where I do not belong. There is already something there, and where do I get off, thinking that I might waltz in and find a place. He has a mate. He has a mate. I know her, I’ve met her, she loves him. Misses him when he’s gone, wonders if she’s done something – and here I am, wishing after him all the same. He has a mate and he has a son. What kind of wolf, what kind of wolf--”

The gray wolf could not finish the sentence, erecting a mental barricade between himself and the veritable black hole of ‘what ifs’ and apparent sins. “This can’t be love. I want only the best for him, and this can’t be best. He has a life. I have nothing to offer, nothing but devotion and loyalty – how is that different than any pack wolf?” Perhaps he had made a grave mistake, thinking he’d found love when he was only engaging in a relationship that most wolves had grown up with. But, no, as soon as the thought came to mind, Veho was able to dismiss it – whatever it was, between himself and his partner, the world itself would have to end before he could bring himself to leave Rook. (It did not matter that he would forever play second fiddle. Veho could never bring himself to replace the mother of Rook’s child, anyways.)

“I-- Yes. I think? He is never quite clear with his words. And he does not want anyone to know. He says he is not ashamed, that he simply cannot stand sharing, and yet-- If anyone appears, he cannot get away fast enough. I-- I don’t know. I do not know.”

There was some comfort to know, Veho supposed, that he was not the only wolf in the world who’d fallen in love with the wrong man. That the woman was willing to share her past and mistakes was a show of solidarity, and the medic exhaled, wilting against her side as she explained the situation. He could only assume her past mate deceased now, the way she spoke about his untimely fate, and perhaps he might have offered his condolences if she didn’t seem freed by the chains broken after their parting. Idly, he wondered after the man bound to her once, the wolf that had sired the children she so loved – but that was another conversation for another day. It was not his place to pry.

“It speaks well of you,” he murmured, finding it much easier to speak about Belladonna than himself, “that you are able to look at the situation without anger, or hatred. There is good in everyone, I should think. It is just harder to see in some than it is others.”

Were it so black and white, he probably wouldn’t have had this problem. But every wolf he’d ever met was cloaked in some varying shade of grey, and @Rook himself was no different. He was a brilliant man of the best intentions, and even now, even knowing everything he did, nothing had changed his high opinion of the alpha of Grizzly Hollow. The young lord was noble, and he was kind. He was clever, witty, and perhaps he was a bit selfish, but for that one con, there were so many pros that the scale never even threatened to tip against him. Bella’s question was met with a heavy sigh and the shake of his head – he already knew the answer, but the healer had no desire to give life to the words.

“It is not my place to ask him such,” Veho replied instead, studying the earth beneath his paws as moonlit eyes lost some of that shimmering light, transforming to something like brittle steel instead. “I-- I have behaved selfishly. I could not ask a man to abandon his son, nor could I punish him in such a way for my inability to control my own emotions and needs. Whatever sparked between us, I had the choice to pursue, or not. I knew better, I knew better. I suppose it is unkind of him to keep us separate, but I should have never asked for his time in the first place.” Huffing again, he shook his head, trying to ignore the constant buzzing in his head that reminded him only how displeased he was with his own choices. “I honestly do not know what he’d chose, or if he’d chose at all. But his mate has done nothing to deserve abandonment, and if he should choose in that direction, I don’t think I’d be any happier than I am now. I-- I suppose I would rather he chose her, in the end. They have a family together. I offer nothing but chaos. I can remain an advisor without…without getting my personal feelings involved.”

“How unfortunate, that it came to this.”

Veho did not want to answer these queries.  Veho could not answer these queries, not comfortably, and if he wasn’t as comforted by the woman’s presence as he was.  He would have been content to continue snuggling into her plush ruff, worrying himself into oblivion in the comfort of a friend.  He was deflated, no longer the wise wolf with the tumescent tongue and wild words.  He felt like a pup, seeking comfort against a friend’s side.  Unfortunately, they could not stay like this forever – surely Belladonna had a life to get back to, one that likely involved the children she so adore.  The medic had his own responsibilities back at Grizzly Hollow, not limited to keeping an eye on @Borden and making sure the former patriarch was as comfortable as his condition allowed.

Even so, it seemed their conversation had not come to an end, and the observant woman pressed onwards.  She knew, she knew, even without his verbal answer, and all the same, the man felt obligated to oblige her, despite the mental barricade he’d placed between himself and this knowledge.  “It took some time,” he answered softly, eyes falling to the earth as he shuffled uncomfortably.  It was true in the very beginning, they were perfect strangers, but once he’d joined the pack, he began to have his own suspicions.  Veho simply didn’t want to know the truth, that his happiness should end so abruptly.  “I don’t--  I’m not angry.  Not with him.  No matter how selfish this entire might have been, I just--  Had you seen him when he arrives, so good and so pure, you might know how it feels to be struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight.  Even if I were to spend the rest of my days a world away, I think I would always love him,” the gray wolf sighed, ears flattening out to the side.

“Bella, I--  I thank you, for allowing me your shoulder.  It is not often I am able to share so freely.  Truly, you are a wonderful woman.  I am most pleased the Ancestors have brought our paths together again – and I do hope we can maintain this friendship.  You are a jewel among wolves.  Please, come visit me at the Hollow sometime.  I treasure your insight.”

A sigh, and he reached forward with his nuzzle, seeking out that comforting touch once more.  How lucky their children were, to have such a discerning, attentive wolf as their mother – her heart was filled with nothing but kindness and care.  It was a wonder her former mate hadn’t destroyed such a delicate, rare flower with his careless stomping, but he was so glad Wolesh hadn’t ruined the garden planted by her soul.  The world could use more wolves like Belladonna Calor, and it would be an infinitely better place, but Veho was content to count his graces that the Ancestors had guided his feet to cross her path in the first place.  Humming again, he wiggled his nose and gave her one finally brush before pulling back, allowing the angel her space once more.  “I have taken up a great deal of your time.  I suppose I ought to be heading on my way – but I do thank you, Bella.  And I do hope we might see more of each other.”