Kajika didn't know if telling Moonshadow about Des would somehow help him to get over what he had been feeling lately but that wasn't completely what telling her was about. She needed to know and she needed to know he trusted her with something he hadn't shared with anyone until her. He started at the beginning which was only natural, however, he left the part out about his birth pack. It wasn't necessary for her to know all of that to understand why he was in poison path. He had finally reached the part about Des and how she fit into the story but he had yet to explain her importance in his life. As of them all Moonshadow knew was she had helped him decide to join the cove. It was also important for Moonshadow to understand why he'd taken so long to make his decision about a pack.

The question that Moonshadow was was one that didn't have a definite answer since he didn't know. He wondered if he knew what had happened if it would be easier to move on but that was something that wasn't ever going to happen. “I don't know,” he said answering Moonshadows question,”She left the cove without a word. She hadn't spoken to me in a while which was odd and then her scent faded from the territory until it wasn't there anymore,” he said the sadness he'd felt at the realization that Des was gone coming into his voice once more. “She joined the cove first and told me about how fair and helpful Namid and Vespertio were and how much she loved it here. I wanted to join for her to be in the cove with her but it wouldn't have been fair to the pack if I had only joined for her. I'm the months after our first meeting I would visit her often and we would spend time catching up.” After finishing that part he gave Moonshadow time to take on what he'd said his gaze drifting to the place where he had once sparred with Des while he waited.

His story wasn't quite over after he explained about joining the cove and why he had taken so long to make up his mind. He had also told of how he had met Des but he had yet to help Moonshadow understand what the woman had meant to him and why he was here on poison path. He saw her ears flick back and accepted it for what it was after he had told her about Des leaving. It should be clear to her now why he worried so when she would disappear, he was afraid she would leave him too. Yes, Moonshadow had come back but the fear was always there in the back of his mind chipping away at any confidence and trust he had in his friend to always return.

He returned Moonshadows smile with a small on if his own, a small thank you for her being there to listen. He needed to continue on though, she needed to hear it all so that she would know not for any other reason then he wanted her to know. “I visited her as often as I could in the months between her joining the cove and mine. Often times we would just lay together by the lake and talk. There were other times where I taught her to fish in the lake or once we came here to this path and sparred right over there,” he indicated the spot with his muzzle. “Over time it became harder and harder to leave her until I finally came to the lake to stay for a few days, that's when I made the decision. Namid accepted me and I was able to see Des everyday until she was gone.”

He felt that he had told the entire story to Moonshadow or at least all the important parts so that she would have her initial question answered. More than that though she could have a better understanding of him hopefully and know that he trusted her.

He had finished telling Moonshadow about his past with Des and the full story of how he came to be in Fallen Tree Cove. She had been a good listener to letting him get everything out so that he wouldn't have to pause in the telling of it. He wasn't sure if his student has put all of the pieces together yet, though knowing her she had. He was glad to finally be done with all of the past details and he was glad that he had finally been able to tell Moonshadow about it. He had been keeping it to himself for far too long and especially keeping it from the woman he considered a dear friend.

Even though he had gotten through the details of his past with Des he still had a little more to say. He had promised to tell Moonshadow that he would tell her when something was bothering just as she had to him. “I have found lately that my mind drifts to that time more and more and so often I find myself here or at the lake. Sometimes, like today I don't even realize I have gone to those places until there and I don't understand why after so long this is happening.” He met her gaze, eyes filled with worry, “I am worried that it's going to get worse,” he told her honestly. After all it had gotten worse over time and even more so in the past months.

It wasn't easy to admit to Moonshadow that he worried about what would happen if he couldn't get through whatever it was he was going through. As hard as it was he felt she had a right to know that he hadn't been himself and even he recognized it. What made it worse was he didn't have any idea on what to do to make things better and part of him wanted to tell her that she should keep her distance. That it was better for her but he couldn't do that, he needed her because she was his friend. Even if she couldn't help him fix it just her sitting and listening helped because he could trust her and didn't feel he had to hold anything back from her.

Finally she he had finished his admissions she spoke about her family and how she had gone through the same kinds of emotions and experiences. He nodded, “I'm sorry I never realized,” said empathy on his tone because he knew how maddening it could be. She then spoke about finding another way to cope, his brow furrowed, “What did you do to cope with what happened to your family,?” he asked curiously. Perhaps what had worked for her might help him or give him some idea of what he could do because he did not like being in This place.

Kajika had only learned about her family and what had happened to them when she returned and while they had talked about it he hadn't pressed her for information. It wasn't his way as he had learned a long time ago it wasn't necessary. Not to mention he didn't like to be pressed for information so expected it was the same for others. She didn't share a whole lot more but he was empathetic toward what she had gone through, hadn't he after all in a way? It was different and similar at the same time which led him to asking how she had copied hoping it might help him to deal with what he was going through. It was then that she told him more about her family and what she had felt, how she had dealt with it. All of it seemed so similar to what he had done with Des in coping with with her disappearance. He listened as she spoke telling him more of the story but more importantly the feelings she had while it was all happening to her.

The nudge she gave him behind his ear when she had finished was a comfort, a gentle reminder that she was there for him. He turned to her and pressed his forehead into her scruff staying quiet for a moment as he processed all she said. Then he he was ready he pulled back to meet her gaze once more, “I wish you had spoken to me about this before, I might have been able to help but I understand if it's something you felt you needed to do on your own.” He also didn't want her to feel obligated to come to him if she wasn't ready to talk about something. “I did that for a long time with Des, holding out hope that she would return, that she hadn't left for good and perhaps she'd been sent on a scouting mission or was taking a little more time hunting. Then too much time had passed and my hope for her return started to wane.” He thought about her statement about no longer acknowledging her family seeming like she had moved on and again he couldn't help relating her words and situation to himself. “I think I did that to with her, put her in a safe place deep inside and not thinking about her and instead concentrating on the pack and you. It was only a few months before I met you that she was gone.” Then as she spoke about her brother's scent going cold and having to realize she wasn't ever going to see her family again he nodded. He understood, when he had realized Des’s scent was gone and there wasn't anything to follow to find her… He shook that out of his head,he couldn't think about it then, “Maybe I haven't ever given myself time to properly mourn her? Like you did with your family, maybe that's why it's coming back to me in this way.” She spoke of time being a great healer but that caused another question to arise, “How much time?” He asked a note of pleading in his tone, hope that she could give him some kind of answer as to how long he would feel as he did. “Is this all part of it? The feeling that I'm going crazy and there's nothing to do about it. Will it ever stop?” A note of a desperation for it to be over had entered his voice though he hadn't meant for it too.

His ears fell as she spoke the last words, “I just wish I knew what would help, hoping, giving up hope...I just don't know Moonshadow but I need to move on from this somehow.”