Speaking with Namid helped just like he hoped it would she couldn't give him certain answers because he hasn't brought her a certain thing. It was now more clear than ever that he would need time to get through everything that was bothering him about Des. Why she had left? What might have happened to her? He also needed to be patient with himself so that he could properly go through the process. He was willing to do what he had to all he had to do now was figure out how. Moonshadow was right about the fact that it was something that he had to do on his own. It was a personal battle that only he would know how to fight, he accepted that. Part of that was what talking about what his talk with Moonshadow had done.

As she spoke he nodded in agreement with her words, “I know you're right. I need to go to her and explain why I hadn't told her before and tell her what I'm feeling. Just be honest with her because we always have been but I fear that by doing so I will betray Tagg. I don't think it would be fair of me to tell her now while their relationship is so new. I fear that if I were to do that and it cause problems between her and him it will have a much longer lasting effect on our friendship then me not telling her how I feel. This is important to her and I think that as her friend I should support her, am I wrong in my thinking?”

Though he hadn't wanted to burden anyone else with his problems he felt coming to Namid had been the right choice. Though what had sent her into the place he currently was had been different than his he felt some of the emotions might be the same. As she spoke she confirmed that it was the same place and now he felt he could understand a little better what she must have been going through. Still there were things he knew he wouldn't ever be able to understand but her stepping down made even more sense. “I don't think if they truly knew what was happening they would want that for me. Would it be fair to them though to burden them with this, the knowledge of how badly I have truly fallen? I know that they both care a great deal for me, they have proven that. However, I worry that if I were to tell them it would be because they care to not cause me more pain that they would eventually decided a relationship isn't worth it and then I would have ruined their happiness. I do understand that at times I do need to think of myself but maybe I need to start with moving on from Des and figuring out what that means.” It had taken sometime but Kajika felt that it had been his feelings for Moonshadow that had brought his unresolved emotions about Des up so that he had no choice but to deal with them.

Namid's advice was to tell them both how he felt and to make it clear his intentions, part of him knew she was right. He knew that he would have to tell Moonshadow how he felt, it wasn't fair to keep it from her but at the same time it was his choice to tell her. This was his personal thing that he had to work through and he hoped that she would understand he needed time to do that. Kajika nodded as Namid told him what she felt the best course of action was in the situation and what would be best for them all. His gaze met hers and he offered a small smile. “I'm not sure that I'm ready to tell them. There is still Des, I don't think I ever truly dealt with her disappearance. I do miss her a great deal and I think throwing myself into my work for the pack was the way I coped but that isn't working anymore. I do care for them a great deal though and I don't want to ruin my friendship with either and I fear that by not telling them when they came to me they will feel betrayed and I will lose their friendship anyway.” He knew for sure that Moonshadow would be hurt that he hadn't told her sooner and maybe even Tagg. The thought of the pain it might cause them was too much to think about just then. With a sigh he continued, “I know that you are right and I will have to eventually have to face this and the consequences that may follow.” His smile widened a little, “You’ve given me a lot to think about and I hope in the end I do make the right choice. I really needed someone to talk to and appreciate you being there and if I do need to talk again I will come to you.” He felt she could understand his situation better than any and though Moonshadow had done what she could to help and he felt she understood what he told her there was what he hadn't.

He still stood with his decision to not tell Moonshadow and Tagg of his feelings, not yet anyway. He felt it best to work through some of the other things that he needed to first, if he were able to do that… The dark man felt he might be in a better place which would help when he finally did go to them. Namid was right though talking to them about it and explaining himself with them both at the same time was the right way to go about it. While speaking with his alpha and getting her view he felt a little better, less like he wanted to crawl inside his den and die. While he didn't feel completely like him old self he at least felt more like facing the day than he’d had in awhile and so the beta took that small victory and held onto it.

She answered his question in a way that brought a small smile to his face, He supposed he hadn't realized he was seen as such inside the pack. It caused his chest to swell a little with pride at the work he'd done for his pack during his time there. More importantly he felt he'd fulfilled his promise to the woman in front of him. “Thank you that really means a lot,” he said with a nod, “I don't want to ruin their happiness with my unhappiness.” He stated thinking it unfair for him to do that to them when they had just found each other. “Yes I would like that very much,” he stated when she asked if he wanted to accompany her on a hunt. “Hunting with a companion is always better,” he added with a chuckle. Feeling as he did then he didn't see anything wrong with accompanying his alpha on a hunt.

Fade