The beta's gaze lifted to meet that from the one eyed man at the sound of his name, he shook his head. “I appreciate the concern you have for our friendship, the worry of the strain that not telling me would put on it.” He felt he at least owed Tagg that much and also a small dip of his head. “I wish I could help you to understand why…” Kajika trailed off not sure where he was going with that line of thought. His gaze drifting across the border, “I’m sorry,” he said looking at Tagg once more, “I have to see her for myself before I can believe she's actually coming back. I hope you can understand why it has to be that way?” Kajika was trying to remain calm, he felt he had upset his friend but he needed him to understand why this news had affected him the way it had.

Admitting that since they had spoken the previous day Kajika's outlook on his situation had changed. His talk with Moonshadow and what he had told her left him feeling even more alone, he had done it all for Moonshadow and Tagg so they could be happy. What was he supposed to tell the man, 'I’ve told her not to worry about me so the two of you could be happy together’? The beta wasn't that man and he wouldn't out that guilt on the tawny man. The thought of it caused his chest to tighten with the pain he had felt telling Moonshadow all that he had. Tagg's suggestion brought his thoughts back to the conversation at hand. “Maybe I do, a change could help but I can't go now. Not with winter still upon us and so much to do.” A vacation was something he would have to consider because maybe Tagg was right and he did need to get away from the cove for awhile.

The words that were spoken to him next were appreciated and though with his latest failures he wasn't sure anymore. “Thank you for kind words Tagg.” He stated offering the man a small smile to show he was truly appreciative of the confidence in him. “I don't want to leave the cove,” he reassured, “It's been my home for a long time and I have worked hard for my place within it but if it came to me or her…” he trailed off once more sure he didn't have to finish his sentence, “But,” he said pausing a moment to collect his thoughts, “I hope it wouldn't come to that.” He hoped that if Des really was coming back the two of them could work things out.

Though Tagg said Des was coming back Kajika didn't want to believe it until it was true after everything he had been through. The past few months had been hard constantly thinking about her, what he'd lost. Then his talk with Moonshadow had only made it worse, pushing her away and keeping his feelings from her all for her and Tagg's happiness. So it hurt when Tagg had brought this to him after all he'd told him the previous day. The beta did understand and if he were in the Tawny males paw pads he would probably do the same. It wouldn't have helped him to get angry with his friend. He already felt as though he lost Moonshadow so he could not imagine losing Tagg too. Explaining to him what was going on in his head the best he could was the only way he could help him understand.

It seemed that he did to as he stated as much which he acknowledged with a nod, “I have not properly coped with her disappearance so without her physically here I still have to do that. What if she changes her mind?” He would still have to cope and wonder why she chose not to return. Kajika would give Tagg's suggestion though, maybe being away from the cove and all of the places he and Des had spent time together would help him sort through things. He also thought as much as he didn't like the idea of it much, getting away from Moonshadow and Taggs relationship might be necessary too. He wouldn't ever admit that to them though, “It might be what I need,” he nodded, “Some space and time to work things out. I haven't really had that here with my duties as well as here is where I am reminded so strongly about her.” He of course would have to talk with both Namid and Vespertio both saying it was okay for him to go.

Kajika nodded and returned Taggs smile with a small one of his own, “It would be good for me to get away from the cove for a bit. I haven't been far from the cove since I joined. It would be good for me to get out and see what has changed in the lore.” The idea of a vacation or trip outside the cove was starting to look better.

If the beta were completely honest with himself he wasn't sure how he would act if Des showed up as Tagg suggested she was going to. He didn't know what would happen between them and he didn't know if things between them were the same. He knew had he felt about her now, the same as he had then. It hadn't changed and he didn't think it ever would because she was the first to make him feel as he did about her. He had stopped denying that a long time ago and he regretted everyday that he didn't tell her but could he if she came back? Another question that could only be answered when she was standing in front of him. A sigh left him at all the thoughts and emotions that even speaking about her reappearance he had.

He did have to wonder if this would all stop if and when she came back or would there be more, maybe he would still have to go through all of this. Then what about Moonshadow? His feelings for her were still strong, would he feel better about her relationship with Tagg if Des was at his side? There was just so much more it was best if he kept it simpler for now and worry about coping with her disappearance. One thing at a time that was the only way he could get through this and not lose his mind completely.

Kajika was brought out of the tail spin he'd sent himself on when Tagg asked about the places he'd been in the lore. “Mostly the North and between here and there. I've been on the mountain as well and over into Blackberry fields,” he told trying to think if there had been more places, “Oh and I've been south to the Den.” A smile crossed his face as he remembered that trip, he'd come directly to lost lake to see Des after that and he'd been covered in mud. “Mostly between here and Turtleback lake. I used to visit Des here as often as I could but I really liked Turtleback lake so I would try to go there often too. I was never there long though because I missed her too much and had to come back.” He reminisced absent mindedly a smile across his maw. Then he realized what he'd been doing, “Sorry,” he said a little embarrassed, “I'm afraid that happens a lot.”

It wasn't a hard question that had been asked of him and one that he found rather easy to answer as long as he remembered all of the places he'd traveled to. The problem was it was during the time in his life when Des was such a big part of it, his visits to her had become so important them. Still he had listened all of the places he had been but there were still so many others to explore and more and more spring was looking like the best time to go and see them.

His embarrassment came as he started talking about Des and his visits to her and the smile that had crossed his maw...Just drown him in the lake. The beta was quick to apologize and then the conversation was over. Tagg on the other hand didn't seem to be offended which was good. The new question was about turtleback lake and what it was like, “Yes and no I suppose. I mean it's a like but it's much bigger than our lake and there is an island that you can swim to. I actually stayed the night on the island once and hunted deer before coming back to shore.” There that was easy enough, he could do this, answer Taggs questions like a normal conversation.

A few beats of silence passed between and while Kajika thought about the times he had spent there. “The next question was about the different packs in the lore. I believe there have been at the very least four but that all could have changed quite easily.”

Turtleback lake was a place that Kajika felt that he should go back to,it reminded him of simpler times. The times he had spent with Des and was much happier than he had been in months. The news of Des’s possible return was something he couldn't wrap his mind around. He didn't know how it would be possible and if he were honest with himself he would rather not believe it. This way he couldn't be disappointed when it didn't happen. He'd had too much of that lately and too much lost hope it was taking its toll on him to the point he wasn't sure how much more he could take. It seemed Tagg had heard all he needed about what laid beyond the borders as he suddenly felt the should be getting back to work. Kajika gave a nod in acknowledgement and didn't wait for the tawny man to disappear into the forest before he turned to go back to his makeshift den. Whatever work he had to do could wait, he wanted to be alone.