Blackberry Fields ataraxia - Printable Version

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that," she lent. Niles' ears lowered. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'm a good listener. If you wanted to talk, that is." This, Niles appreciated, but what he was even more grateful for was the fact that she also told him that he didn't have to talk and that they could do something else or she could leave him alone. For a few moments, he actually considered it. All arguments, however, told him that it wasn't solitude that he needed; he would have that later, if and when he chose to leave her.

His ears perked up as she began to talk once more. More words. But, these words, he found, were definitely meaningful. They made up her story, her past... She sighed, and when she looked at him, he met her gaze. He understood her on some level, mainly the part where it had just been her and her dad.

"Tha-at would be nice," he managed with a soft smile. "I mean, just, knowing that you'll be around." His tail, which had been limp in the snow actually rose up in two beats of a wag. "The only one I'd hoped to be with was my sister, but she's still back at home. I don't know if I'll ever go back, if she'll come out to find me--" Another pained expression settled on his brow before being whisked away, "It's definitely a lil' nicer to have some company to keep." She wasn't Ravenna, he knew, and she was no Enoki, but something told him that if Isolde had befriended anyone, it might've been Castel. There was just something about her personality that spoke to him; and, then there was the way in which she had prompted him out of his shell. Without warning and definitely with the good intentions of having fun.

He cleared his throat, a bit of scratchiness sounding from it until he spoke again. "I'm Niles," he offered at last, his smile nearly recovered. "Who ever taught you that you make your own fate? What I've been told was that there were the Old Ones. They ruled the earth, the sun, the moon, the stars... they listen, but I've never understood who looked after us. My mother was never that religious an' my dad, he only knew what she knew. What he couldn't explain, he filled in with his own reasoning, but it was never enough for me."

She let out a breath she hadn't known she had been holding when he accepted her offer to stick around with him. She knew it was no good for wolves to be alone after losses, and she was worried that this boy would be consumed by his own grief if he were left with it for too long on his own. So she was very relieved when he agreed; seemed happy about it, actually. It caused her own tail to set back to wagging, whisking the snow around behind her as she listened to him speak. She found that she really liked it when he spoke - his voice sounded scratchy and rough, like he didn't use it much, and she expected he didn't. It just made it more important for her to listen when he did speak, and so she angled her ears forward and shut her mouth, a soft smile playing on her lips as he talked.

There was a slight break in his speech, after he spoke of his sister and Cas saw the briefest hint of sadness on his expression. He'd said it would be nice to have her around, which felt... good. Cas always liked to be wanted; she thrived on positivity, and though she didn't express it often, was more affected by the words of others than she outwardly expressed. "Of course it will!" she exclaimed, faux confidence oozing from her words and an excessive amount of haughtiness thrown in to make the scene extra dramatic. She added a toss of the head for bravado. "I am pretty great. It's 'bout time somebody noticed!" She winked at the end, mischievous eyes meeting the boy's own, calmer ones.

Then, he said his name - finally - and it was a wonderful, fitting name for him. Just the right amount of subtlety and softness to match his personality that she'd seen so far. "Niles," she said slowly, just to feel it roll off her tongue. She nodded decisively and grinned. "I like it! You definitely look like a Niles." She wagged her tail once more, then got into a sitting position so that she was closer to eye level with him.

'Who ever taught you that you make your own fate?' That question resonated strongly within the very core of Cas' being, in spite of the religious material he spoke of afterward. Cas was not a religious wolf in any way, shape, or form - they were all fairy tales to her - but she had come to find that she liked to hear Niles speak, regardless of what it was about. It just felt important. She laughed breezily in response to the question, her blue eyes bright. "Nobody had to tell me; I figured it out for myself. If you let other people decide everything for you, or if you leave your fate to whatever you believe in, you aren't really living your life, are you?" she questioned, tipping her head to one side. "I spent most of my life believing I had to live by rules that I had no say in making, and one day... I decided I didn't want to do that anymore. Life's short, so my viewpoint is to do whatever the hell you want, and help others when you can. Make the world a better place, you know?" Her tone was lilting, light, and passionate as she spoke, and she hoped he understood her.

"I've never been one for religion, but it doesn't bother me to think about. I just have a hard time believing, s'all," she explained, then tilted her nose to the sky. The sun shone brightly. "I do like to look at the stars when I get the chance, though." She turned her eyes back to Niles, tail thumping the ground softly behind her. "What do you think? Are there 'Old Ones' out there? How do you want to live your life?"

The idea that she believed herself to be great and that he looked like a Niles wasn't completely lost in the whirlwind of words that just kept on coming, and to this he gave another little smirk. She had every right to believe so and he knew this because he was smiling. Upon being question about his religious outlook, he met her tilted gaze with a roll of a shoulder, something that said, without words, I guess... She went on to say a whole bunch of other things - she wanted to make her own rules and live by them on her own, the fact that life really was too short, and that she would do whatever she could and help others when she was able. Though when she mentioned that she had a hard time believing, it struck a chord, and it vibrated deep within Niles to a point where he, too, actually looked up to the sky and out across the lands. So where was the Forest Keeper and the Sun Roller now? Where was the large old wolf who blew the winds across the whole of Relic Lore? Who was to say that they truly were real in some tangible, visible sense at all?

"Stars are nice," he mumbled. When Angier had still had his sight, this was an activity he shared with Niles and his sisters. If the old Lyall had done anything right by his last and youngest litter, he had brought up their curiosity and instilled within them a strong sense of pride. "What do you think?" Cas asked. Niles was instantly pulled away from the memory. One of his ears swiveled to one side to signal that he was thinking.

After about a minute he admitted, "I-I don't know. I couldn't say. I've never seen 'em but I can't be sure they're out there." He looked to her now as if she were ready to dangle some sort of answer right in front of him. He sniffed, studying the fur patterns along the side of her face. "I want to be worth something more," he answered, returning his gaze now to the field of hidden brambles and dead blackberry bushes. "All my life I've had footprints to fill. I'm uniquely my own wolf but I'm tied to my namesake, my home. Without my home, I'm nothing. I don't know how to change that though."

Cas listened to him speak, her face crinkling a bit in confusion, particularly when he got to the part about him being worth nothing. Her blue eyes narrowed. She had no comment for the religion part, because she had no answer. She'd never been a believer in anything much, instead preferring to stare across the cloudland and wonder what the stars in the sky were, and how far away they were, and if they were living beings or not. She had considered the idea of a higher power, but she never felt like ancestors were watching over her.

Now, his self-deprecation, on the other hand... that, she had a few comments for.

"Don't be ridiculous," she told him, firm but patient, and made sure to meet his gaze. "Names don't mean anything, and you're under no obligation to meet anyone's standards or expectations." Well, those were pretty big words, coming from her. She usually didn't try to sound so smart, but she felt as though it was necessary to emphasize her point, here. "You're worth plenty on your own, silly." She smiled at the statement, still meeting his gaze.

She offered him a wag of her tail and frowned in concentration, flicked her stare away, and once again picking her words more carefully now. "So..." she began, then met his eyes with a smile. "So, no more of this 'I'm worth nothing' crap, okay? Because you're important, and even if that means nothing to you, I happen to think you're pretty great!" She grinned, tail still stirring up snow behind her. "In my opinion, you're stressing yourself out over something that doesn't even matter at all."

She was quick to snap him out of it, "Don't be ridiculous. Names don't mean anything..." Niles made the sort of face that made it clear he was thinking a little too hard, creases forming along his brow and inching up along his muzzle as he scrunched up his snout. He supposed she was speaking the truth when she told him that he didn't have to meet anyone standards or expectations. And, to his little confetti toss of a pity party, she scolded him (lightly), "You're worth plenty on your own, silly."

To this, he spiraled back down into the depths of his skull, wondering if maybe he and Ravenna were led on in anyway. All they had ever really wanted was to make their parents proud, to continue... to continue... well, whatever traditions Willow Ridge had carried since its founding so many years ago. As it was, he was currently in no state to uphold such things, so he guessed he had to take Cas' word on that one.

"So..." she started again, drawing his eyes to her face. He simply sat there like a big puppy, tail half-arched in mid-wag and ears fully forward to convey that she had his full attention. He nodded slowly in reply, taking her words to heart. She thought that he was great; surely, that had to be enough. It was definitely something more than a "good boy, Niles" or a "nice try, son." She wholeheartedly believed - upon first impression, no less - that he was pretty great.

"In my opinion, you're stressing yourself out over something that doesn't even matter at all."

He hunched down a bit as he considered these next few words, but gradually, he came to sit up straight again. He nodded once more at her. The grief was still ever fresh in his mind but this, he decided, would be the beginning of his life without them.

"Oh-kay," he managed. After some more thought, he eyed her forepaws in the snow and seized that chance to move onto another topic, "Are your paws okay? Do ya have to go back through the field to get back to where ya came from?" He had almost said back home, which might have been appropriate if he had actually used his nose and realized that she really did belong with somebody. But, maybe - just maybe - he would get to keep Castel to himself for a little while longer. Either they could stay the night together in the coming hours or they would part ways; and, when he needed her, he would come looking for her here.

He was nodding in response to her, which Cas took as a sign that she had victory over whatever doubts the poor yearling had plaguing him. She smiled, tail arcing again and waving like a triumphant banner, even in her sitting position. The small girl was pretty darn proud of herself, to be honest; she absolutely adored helping people out, and he was just the type she liked. Her heart gave a small, completely abnormal flutter in her chest, and though it was absolutely strange and not something she'd ever experienced before, she only hesitated for a moment before brushing it off as excitement.

That had to be it.

"Good," she said in response to his stuttered 'Oh-kay' and leaned forward to tap her nose lightly against his muzzle, thinking nothing of it. She touched noses or muzzles with nearly everybody she met - mostly @Askan, which was odd because she was almost certain that he hated her and she him. "Don't forget that when I'm not around, okay? Because it's important!" And it was, too. In the brief amount of time they'd known one another, Niles' self-esteem had become an extremely important thing to her.

His query about her paws elicited a laugh from her muzzle. "My paws are fine; I'm just a total drama queen," she informed him, then rose to her feet and bounced about to prove her point. "See? Totally fine!" Okay, it had hurt... but only a little bit. She certainly didn't want to walk all the way back up to the Rye wolves on them tonight, though. "No, I can probably go around and head back up an easier way," she said, to the second part of his question.

Her ears angled forward and her brow knitted in concern as she stood before him, head once more tipping to the side. "Why do you ask?" she enquired, hoping she hadn't gotten on his nerves enough for him to want her to leave. She'd thought they'd been having a fun time. "Am I - uh - am I being annoying? Do you want me to leave?" The questions were asked in a serious, level tone, but her chest tightened a bit at the implications behind her own words.

She found that she didn't really want to leave.

If there was anything that Niles would take away from this meet cute of sorts, it would be this. Castel with her waving tail, encouraging words, and assurances that he was worth so much more than he initially believed. He would not forget; she would have his word on that for sure. Being with her, he realized now, was as easy as breathing. The words came easy (even if they had been hesitant and tripped him up at first) and she was in such spirits that it was hard not to get swept up in it all.

She stood up and showed him with a little prance that her paws were fine. Fair enough. Though, when she questioned why she asked, he bit his tongue. "No, no," he told her without a moment's hesitance. A large dark paw rose - wait - as if that alone would have stopped her if she did think to just remove herself from his presence. "Not annoying at all! You're nice." His tone was genuinely heartfelt, as sincere and clear as he could manage without having to clear his throat again. "Lovely, really."

A flash of heat washed over his cheeks again. Having never been subject to even an inkling of infatuation before meeting Castel, he was fighting the confusion that was starting to build at the back of his mind. Sure, he had experienced the sort of affection that was reserved for family and family friends, but for an individual whom he had just formally met and had never seen before, this was definitely different - in fact, it made his heart feel like it had turned into a huge and rather startled frawg. "I was actually wondering if I might join you. Y'know, since I... I do-on't think I can go home."

This whole encounter had been a sort of rollercoaster for Cas, but it was definitely more enjoyable than any other meeting she'd ever had. This was different than her flirtatious, ego-boosting run-ins with Alastor; different than her nighttime emotion-fest with Icicle, before she'd joined Wild Rye Fields; opposite to her bumping into the other dark male in the Wild Cherry Orchard. This was more comfortable than Al, just as heartfelt as her talk with Icicle, and she felt completely free to be herself; like she was accepted without question for who she was - a dramatic, noisy, overwhelming mess.

And Niles thought her to be lovely.

She'd never been called lovely before - not in this way. Al had said it a time or two, but it seemed fleeting and meaningless then, as opposed to now. This felt more important - more meaningful than a passing, flirtatious remark. The dark boy before her sounded like he really, genuinely meant it about her. It made the butterflies act up in her chest again.

For a moment, prickles of warmth rose in her face and ears - she recognized the feeling as embarrassment, but not a bad kind of it. It was comfortable, and made her feel genuinely good about herself. Like she really was lovely, which was a farfetched statement in itself. It was even more strange that she believed him when he said it.

"Thank you," she said, just as genuinely as he had talked about her. She smiled a bit, breaking herself out of the twitterpated stupor she had found herself in and wagged her tail again. "I'd love if you wanted to go with me. I live up north, in Wild Rye Fields," she explained, feeling her chest give a lurch of unease. "But we don't have to go there just yet. It's getting late; we could go find somewhere to sleep, if that sounds better." She didn't know how he'd feel about her being in a pack - she didn't know if he knew, even though she carried the scent of her packmates on her fur. She didn't want it to scare him off

He met her smile with one of his own, still a bit crooked from bashfulness but truly bona fide. She mentioned that she would love it if he accompanied her, but they didn't need to go... yet. This made his mouth form something like an 'o' shape as it dawned on him that finding a place to rest would be probably a good idea. The afternoon hours would slip past them easily if they remained this way and if it would take a while for the both of them to reach this Wild Rye Fields, then rest would be an excellent idea.

His pale eyes went back up to the sky, studying the position of the sun and what kind of blue the sky had become since he had stumbled into Cas. Amidst the willows, all he had ever minded was just how much time he had before the sun set (meaning: how much time he and Ravenna had left to play and explore away from the den).

"That sounds great," he agreed, and with this, he stood up, ready to escort her to some place beneath the trees. Sleeping out in the open was something he didn't want to do (even if he had another set of ears and eyes to keep watch at any time during the night). They could still talk as they went. He made this clear in the way he had angled his body towards her, waged his tail and relaxed his ears; he even lowered his body a bit just to show her that they were 'equals' here, even if he stood a little taller, it didn't mean he was more dominant or domineering over her. Niles wanted to know everything about her and her pack (he could pick up a faint trace of them now, he realized); and, If this was to be a fresh start, he was going to seize it all and find a family of his own and, as she said before, make his own fate... wherever it may take him.

The little wolf hadn't expected him to be so willing to just go with her like that, but she was more than happy to have an adventure buddy to go with. Cas wasn't afraid to be on her own, even at night, but having someone with her - especially Niles - felt very right, for some reason. So, she bounced a little on her paws and brushed her flank alongside his, grateful for his company, and for the fact he was trying to not impose his larger structure on her. She hadn't even considered it until then, and she wouldn't have minded either way, but the thought was very appreciated.

She trotted a bit ahead, turned slightly to look back at him, and smiled. "C'mon, there's some woods on the other side of the blackberries that we can stay in for the night," she said brightly, making a show of flouncing around the brambles toward the east rather than straight up north. "We are not going through there, though!"

There was no doubt in her mind that the Rye wolves would accept Niles, should he decide to stay. She was hoping he would, and then maybe... maybe they could go with Sahalie and Alastor later on in the year to go make their own pack. She made a mental note to tell the dark boy beside he about that later.

For now, though, their new adventure was just beginning.