Kingsfall Sick Cycle Carousel - Printable Version

Listening was one of Lachesis’ better skills. Advice was not something that came easy to him, or words of comfort. Despite shedding the stutter from his younger years the ghost still stumbled over his words when it came to comforting others, tripping over each other and falling into a crumpled mess. But listening, that was hard to mess up.

So he listened patiently to the raven as she spoke, elaborating on things she had already told him (and the others) as well as explaining her feels a little better. His ears swept back, a line forming between his brows as the words tumbled off her tongue. I understand that losing both of them was difficult, it was difficult for me, too, and we all tried to help as best we could. I just wish you would have came to us sooner. Before everything blew up. We would have watched Oksana for you while you dealt with everything. We would have helped you. But everything just got worse. Inna had held everything inside, blaming others and refusing to believe that others actually wanted to help her.

The information about Lorcán made his lips curl into a deep scowl, his tail twitching in irritation. You don’t need him, he countered, voice clipped as he spoke, if he cared about you as much as he claimed he did Lorcán would have stayed. There is no point in fretting over him. The best thing you can do for both you and Oksana is to get over him. There were other wolves in the forest to fawn over. If you’re so worried she’s going to leave give her a reason to stay. Worrying over her leaving is only going to push her away. And you leaving her is the worst thing you can do. That won’t solve anything. He did not even understand why she had even considered the option. His scowl deepened. The raven had not been prepared for motherhood, that much was certain. How could she even consider abandoning her child? That would make her no better than Lorcán. A mother should be there for her children or she shouldn’t have children at all.

Inna had not told Lachesis what she had for his pity but for him to understand better where her mind had been and where it still was. She felt it was important if they were going to move past what had happened and move forward. That's what she wanted for herself and for her daughter. However, she understood that some things would still remain unresolved, she could dwell on them or move on from them never forgetting the lessons that she had learned from them.

She felt a little better finally getting some of it out in the open and off her chest. He again expressed that he wished she'd come to him sooner. “I know you're right I should have it would have been what was right for Oksana, me and the pack. I guess I'm just so used to dealing with things on my own that this time it was just too much and I didn't realize until it was too late how much it was destroying me and Oksana. I know you could have helped me now and I will try to come to you sooner in the future to try and prevent all of what happened from happening again.” She meant what she said, she wanted things to be different and this was the first step in trying to make it that way.

She saw the change in Lachesis as Lorcan was brought up and what she said about him. Again she nodded, “He's left me and Oksana three times now so what's to say he won't do it again. Lorcan leaves when things get too hard and he can't deal with conflict or stress. It just saddens me that he wouldn't even work things out for Oksana, she's the one that is really hurt in all of this. I am sad that things didn't work out between Lorcan and I but it's not me I'm worried about. It's Oksana, she doesn't understand.” Inna hoped that with Reid's help Oksana could get past her father leaving. That in time her daughter would be okay. “I don't know for sure that she will leave she seems to love Hearthwood too much. I think it's just me, that after everyone that has left I expect it from everyone, that at some point they are all going to leave Oksana included.” Her life seemed to mirror her mother's in so many ways that she couldn't help but expect her daughter to leave. “I don't plan on leaving her again, not like I did and I have been trying to spend more time with her. We've even gotten back to talking at night before we go to sleep,” she told with a smile. She did enjoy the times when she and Oksana laid in the den talking about the day.

After getting some of the things that had been on her mind most out in the air she had something else that she wanted to say. “I know that my behavior has been atrocious to say the least but I want to change that. I know an apology isn't enough and that I have to prove myself again. I want you to know Lachesis that I am ready to do that, whatever it takes to fix what I have broken and be there for the pack like I used to be.”

He nodded in understanding. It made sense why the raven had isolated herself—it was the same reason why little Risaela had fled from the Kingswood after watching her mother get mauled by a giant feline. Inna had not known how to handle the situation and attempted to do things on her own, which had not been a bad idea. She had just, unfortunately, executed it poorly. Perhaps she should have taken some more time to herself, allowing someone else to watch over Oksana in order for the young mother to work on her emotions and grasp the grief that had consumed her. But that was all in the past. Nothing could change what had already happened. They just needed to continue to move forward, just as they’d always done. It was what river wolves were best at. Persevering.

I just want you to be able to talk to me, he hummed in response, his chartreuse gaze soft as he studied her ebony features. It was not something you should have gone through alone. Fortunately Lilya had been there for him, and even Inna, otherwise he wasn’t sure he would have overcome the sorrow. Not after losing a child and two friends the year prior.

Perhaps one day he can have a relationship with Oksana, he responded softly, his head falling to the side, once he’s worked on his own issues. His lips tightened for a moment as he considered her comment about her daughter not understanding the situation, a soft nod being given before he responded once more. She’ll understand, eventually. You just have to keep explaining it to her. Remind her that Lorcán doesn’t hate her; that he’s doing it for himself. It’ll take some time, but she’ll get it.

He sighed at her last comment, his ears falling to the side. I know it’s difficult. I felt the same way for a long time after losing a lot of wolves that were close to me. But you have to keep moving forward and focusing on the ones that are still there. Otherwise you’ll only isolate yourself further, and I don’t want that for you. He truly wanted things to work between him and the raven, but he wasn’t sure they could. Trusting her seemed like an impossible task, even with the history they had together.

Inna knew there were so many things that she had done wrong in the past months. There were things she could have done differently and things that she might have been done differently but she had yet to see how. What she did know was that if she was going to remain in Hearthwood and regain the trust of the wolves there she had to make a change. She was starting by explaining herself further to Lachesis, telling him things that until then she had kept to herself but she hoped that in some small way sharing with him these thoughts and feelings could help. In some ways it helped her to finally get some of it off her chest especially the parts about Lorcan. She had wanted to tell Lachesis and her mother a long time ago but hadn't because of Lorcan and now it was costing her and she was the only one there to pay the price. That bothered her more than she would ever let on but what could she expect from a wolf who she now saw as a coward. He couldn't even deal with the consequences for his own daughter.

“I want to be able to talk to you too but since the rye disaster I have found it harder to because I know no matter how much you tell me that you do trust me you don't. That hurts more than you will ever know Lachesis and I wish there was something I could do to change it but I don't know if I can. Since my father died you have been as much of a father as he was to me and now to Oksana you have been more of a father to her than her own. I know the things you have done for me and all of it means so much.” She'd never told him any of those things before bit she felt now while she was telling him everything was a good time. “No, I shouldn't have but it was my choice and I see now not the best choice but what is done is done and now I have to find a way to fix the mistakes I have made,” she said it matter-of-factly because it was the truth and there wasn't any other way of looking at it.

“That will be her choice if she wants to have a relationship with him. She will be a yearling soon and she will be able to make that decision on her own. I just hope that @”Lorcan” doesn't wait too long to come and see her.” Her daughter wasn't usually one to be told how to thing but it was Inna’s goal to give her child all the information she would send let Oksana make her decisions based on that. “I want to explain everything to her so that she understands everything that has happened on the last months, with me and her father. I think she is old enough now and I don't want to keep anything from her.” She had promised herself when Oksana was born that she wouldn't ever keep anything from her but it has been hard since she had been so young and not always able to understand.

She kept her gaze on him as he spoke about moving forward and focusing on those who were still there. He understood it to be difficult so she didn't feel she had to go any further. <B
“It won't be easy, I know that the fear of losing someone else can be overwhelming but maybe focusing on those who have been there for a long time would be best for now. Maybe take it in steps.?”</b> Wolves like Lach and Lilya who had been there for so long it seemed like they had always been there and in Lach’s case he had since she was born.

How was he supposed to trust her? Inna was good at talking through her teeth, saying exactly what she needed to say in order to get herself out of trouble. She was wary of all the wolves Lachesis trusted and had good reasons to trust. The raven before him had been the only one to cross him, not Askan, Reyes or any of the Rye wolves. She had been the one that had lied to him. They had only told him the truth; only looked out for him. But he couldn’t tell her that—she wouldn’t believe him, and she would likely accuse him of not having her back. He wasn’t prepared for that conversation, not today. He was trying to mend things with the raven, for whatever reason; he didn’t want to push his luck.

He listened patiently to her, his ears cupped in her direction as a worry line creased his forehead. Trust is earned, Inna, he commented quietly, his nose tipping to the side. There was a lot the raven would have to do to earn his trust back, but he was willing to let her try. Only because of the history they had together. If it had been any other wolf he would have already kicked them from his ranks, expelling them into the brutal winter of Relic Lore. But it was just another exception—couldn’t she that? He was trying not to be the bad guy, even if it made him look weak to his subordinates. Because being bad, or malicious, wasn’t in his DNA.

He nodded. It would be best to tell her soon. She is capable of understanding more than you give her credit for. Babying her daughter wasn’t going to do the young mother any good. It would only push the little crow away, for she already did not understand what was going on with her father.

Yes, he nodded, his gaze suddenly soft, steps. It was all they could do.

His words let her know exactly where she stood with him and in that moment she felt something break that she didn't know if it could ever be fixed. That scared her but she didn't know what to do to fix it and didn't know if she ever would. She was sorry that it had come to this, sorry that he had chosen to listen to others instead of her but she now knew that nothing she said to him would ever matter.
Despite all of that she would still try, her loyalty wouldn't let her do anything else but it was becoming clear what her position in the pack and that was devastating to her. “I don't think I will,” she said quietly. He's wanted her to talk to him.after all, tell him what was bothering her. She felt it no longer mattered.