Skyfall Glen you're my only compass

Though she didn't have the strength to show it Lenae was endlessly relieved Cyril was okay. Physically at least. Here she was, worry about her emotions, her feelings, when he had seen his Father die in such a horrific way. He was the one who needed comfort, she should have been offering warmth and solace and yet there Lenae was, taking and offering nothing in return.

Awful.

If Cyril didn't want her apologies then...what was she supposed to do? She wasn't going to thrust them upon him, shove them in his face till it was all he could taste. He deserved better than that, so much more than she could offer. Before, perhaps she could have taught him a thing or two, about the stars and the histories of her homeland, but now? She had nothing, nothing but shaky breaths and tears.

At the very least they were together now, she felt his warmth flood into her and her shivering began to subside slowly but surely. She wanted to stay by his side forever but...it wasn't meant to be. If she remained she would bring death and destruction in her wake, she was convinced she was cursed. Why else would everything fall down around her?

Eventually, unwillingly, she pulled away.

"I have to go."

Her being here, despite her frail and unkempt appearance, made the broken, sullen boy feel as though everything had returned to normal. Nothing would ever bring his father back but she had always been there. Everly had played an important role in his life. Some of his fondest memories included her, like when he showed her his secret cave that overlooked the tundra. She had been a part of his family; her absence had been nearly as painful as the absence of his father. He wanted to bring her home to his mother, and Cheedo, and have their misfit family become sort of whole once more.

But it appeared she had other plans.

The sound of her voice dragged him back to reality, his brows furrowing as he, too, pulled away from her messy fur. No, he mouthed, his ears sweeping back against his skull. Please no. He had just found her; he couldn’t lose her a second time, especially not in her current condition. He feared if he let her go that he’d never see her again… and the thought was almost too much to bear. But he did not want to force her to stay—not if wasn’t what she wanted. Come back, he managed, his voice frail and tired, please come back. Mom misses you. We miss you. He paused, struggling to compose himself in order to keep his eyes from leaking and his voice from cracking. We’ll keep you safe. I promise. He would do anything to keep his word. No harm would come to the girl—not on his watch.

Lenae didn't want to be put on the spot, she didn't want to decide things here and now. It was all too much, overwhelming and of course her first instinct was to run and run and never look back. But Cyril deserves so much more than that, in doing so she would no doubt hurt him. That's not what she wanted at all, he had been through enough, and yet she knew she couldn't give him what he wanted, what he deserved.

Her lips trembled. Safety. It was such a foreign concept these days and yet it was so tantalising, like water landing on a parched tongue. Without it she would no doubt die but on the other, that was sort of what she wanted, what she thought she deserved.

No, she couldn't stay. She wouldn't go far, the woods surrounding the lake were good to hide in, a perfect place to disappear and so she would remain. Till at least she felt a little stronger, if that was ever going to happen.

"It was good to see you again." She murmured, breathing in his scent- the feeling of home. "I'll...I just, I'm not good Cyril. Don't cry please, not for me. I'm not worth it." She told him, pushing him away with a gentle poke of her nose.

She almost looked like she considered his request. To stay. To be safe. But he couldn’t force her—not if she didn’t want to. It didn’t matter how much he wanted her to come back to the haven with him. Everly had to do what was good for her. His lips were still drawn into a tight frown, his ears collapsed against his skull. Don’t leave, he wanted to plead, please don’t leave. His yellow gaze strained as he struggled to keep his focus on her. A low, defiant grumble purred from his chest as she attempted to nose him away. He refused and pressed his forehead into her unkempt fur instead. His eyes remained dry; he would not cry. He had not shed a tear since his father’s death. That would not change—not now. Even if he missed her presence and hated seeing her so… so broken.

She didn’t deserve this.

She deserved to be happy. To be with the broken monadnock family. To be home, wherever that was.

But if she wasn’t ready Cyril wouldn’t push her. He feared that if pressured her to stay it would only drive her away further. You are good, he mumbled into her tawny. You are worth it. He was supposed to be the self-loathing one—not her.

What had happened in her absence? How had she gotten so low?

A heavy sigh shook his chest as he reluctantly pulled away from her. Just be careful, he whispered, his eyes wide with worry. And come back to us. When you’re ready. Everyone dealt with grief in their own way. There was something else—something Everly wasn't telling him. But every wolf was entitled to their secrets. He just hoped she would share with him whenever she was ready.

Cyril insisted that she was good and worth it but Lenae couldn't believe him. She wanted to, with all her heart but wanting something didn't make it anymore real. Perhaps in time she could learn to love herself again, but as things were she was convinced she would never be whole again. She could make no promises, nor did she want to lie to him, so she merely dipped her head. She would try to return, to heal, but it was never a given, nothing in this world was.

And yet, she wanted them to wait. She wanted a place amongst their side, if they would have her still, no matter after how long it took....She could only hope.

With that she paced along the shoreline, before vanishing into the trees like a sad, tawny spectre.

Fade