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+---- Thread: Sanguine Cove couldn't (/showthread.php?tid=21467)
RE: couldn't - Chan - Mar 16, 2023
Nash treated him with kindness, all traces of his anger now gone as he tried to comfort Chan. It made him feel worse, as though he had just purposefully manipulated the situation even when he knew better. Every time he gave in to baring his own emotions, it felt like a punishment rather than catharsis. It had nothing to do with Nash, or likely anyone else. There was something inside of Chan that kept him from being able to see himself in a positive light, and it was getting tortuous.
It should be the other way around, he should be the strong one while Nash expressed his strife. It didn't matter that the other Eastfall son was an adult, and had been for quite some time now. He was still Chan's little sibling, and yet he'd never been able to depend on his older brother like he should have been able to.
Chan began to cry in earnest, fangs gritted against sobs but cheeks streaming. He embraced Nash back, and tried to just be thankful for him instead of wallowing in his own misery and self-loathing.
"I'm sorry," was all he could manage to murmur back.
RE: couldn't - Nash - Jul 12, 2023
[dohtml]
To Nash's great dismay, Chan began to cry. Nash could swear he could hear his brother's teeth grinding and for a moment he thought he would pull away, but instead he embraced him in return and clung on. Nash squeezed tighter, and his heart nearly broke when he heard the apology. There was a lot for Chan to be sorry for, but Nash suspected the words were for none of them.
So he remained silent for a moment more, allowing his brother to finally, finally let it all out before speaking in a gentle tone. "I know something terrible happened while you were gone," he murmured. "I wish you would tell me, so I could help. But I can understand why you might not. Whatever it is, I hope you can find comfort some day."
And now, with his anger gone and grief and compassion for his brother in his heart, Nash felt okay to share his next thought. He still held on to his embrace; the words would probably hurt, but the younger Eastfall man needed Chan to know he was speaking from love. "Chan," he said, nearly a whisper, "I don't think you should come back." He squeezed Chan one more time before taking the smallest step back, just so he could meet his brother's gaze. "I love you, and you are always welcome to visit, but... this place isn't good for you. You're not happy here. You never have been. I want you to be happy."
If that was even possible anymore.
RE: couldn't - Chan - Oct 04, 2023
'I know something terrible happened while you were gone.'
The locks began to tighten and close, squeezing his heart so tightly it numbed all feeling. All he could sense was the chasm. The tears began to slow, cold control slowly dripping back into place.
'Chan, I don't think you should come back.'
Confirmation that could never be reassuring. Nash went on, and his elder brother never met his gaze. Wolfish cheeks now drying, all he knew was that this understanding was not the relief it should have been. It felt done. All of this felt done.
"Yeah. I know."
Spoken quietly, before giving his body a shake, putting the air back into his fur and readying himself to move. He had nothing more to say, hesitating only a faint moment before turning and taking his leave.
RE: couldn't - Nash - Oct 09, 2023
[dohtml]
Nash spoke and his voice was trying for gentle, but he was seized with panic when Chan suddenly turned his back and began to walk away. He hadn't meant right now, he didn't want his brother to leave like this-
"Chan, wait-" He followed a step, desperate that he not go just now. "I don't mean to send you away. I love you, you're my brother." I don't want this to be goodbye, he did not say, could not find the words. He was terrified if Chan left now he would never see him again, and what about their mother? She wouldn't be able to travel down the mountain to find him. Nash didn't think she would be doing much traveling at all anymore.
RE: couldn't - Chan - Nov 11, 2023
Chan could hear it in his brother's voice, that pitch of fear that'd broken through more times than he could count; because he had never been the big brother that he should have been for him, that Nash and Staryn and Elwood and Chenoa all had deserved. Weary, saddened, he looked over his shoulder at the younger wolf.
"I'm not leaving right now," he assured, voice hushed for lack of energy and strength. This was all too much, he could no longer handle being perceived. Hopefully these words would be enough for tonight.
"I just, want rest. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"
RE: couldn't - Nash - Nov 14, 2023
[dohtml]
The tension eased, but only slightly; at least Chan wasn't leaving now. Still it meant he was leaving soon and despite Nash's changed opinion regarding his brother's homestead, he still didn't look forward to the goodbye. He never did.
"Alright, Nash said, voice melancholy. "Just... say goodbye before you go, please?" It was his only request. Chan didn't need his blessing - probably didn't even want his blessing, but he was still his brother and Nash wanted to send him off properly.
He gave one last awkward nod before turning and walking the opposite direction Chan had turned. His paws dragged, and he set off to find Aquene.
EXIT