He was terrified, ashamed, embarrassed, destroyed… a series of emotions flooded through his thin, broken body. Without the blue-eyed dove who had helped him through the transition from his sheltered life on the reserve to life beyond the chain link fence Lachesis did not know how to survive. She had brought the light to his dull life; she had illuminated his life with her presence. With Anastasia everything made sense – without her… there was nothing. Nothing mattered.

The words that were being exchanged above him went by unnoticed – he wasn’t concerned about them. None of the voices belonged to the one he desperately wanted to hear. They were familiar, along with the scents that matched them, but it wasn’t the same. It would never be the same. As much as he wanted to be hopeful that Anastasia would return from the mountain, unscathed, he knew it was irrational thinking. The mountain had nearly claimed his own life during his escape, if it hadn’t already taken hers it would soon. It had been a stupid, reckless decision to attempt to cross the mountain – why had he agreed to it? He should have talked her out of it, not encouraged her…

Stupid.

He was the reason why she was gone; he had not looked hard enough, nor had he talked her out of it. All the broken boy wanted was for her to come back and pick up the pieces. She was the eye of the storm, the oasis in the middle of the desert…

Although he was surrounded by his pack mates XIX had never felt so alone. Maksim was present – his deep, baritone voice was distinct among the others – along with the gentle voice of Capella. It was evident by their broken voices that they were also distraught over Anastasia’s disappearance. Perhaps he should have disappeared too… stayed on the mountain, searching for her. Or fled. He could have easily escaped the mountain and fled south, perhaps discovering a new region to call home. Of course, Anastasia’s absence would have still affected him just the same… but at least this way he wouldn’t have to bring the pain back to his home, his family. They didn’t deserve to feel the same; he was meant to make others happy, not bring them down.

It was the harsh tone of Maksim that caused the thin yearling to raise his groggy head, waterlogged gaze struggling to focus on his large body. Even without looking he knew the words, whatever they were, had been addressed at Capella. Afraid for the sunflower-eyed girl, the boy temporarily broke out of his trance, his bottom lip quivering as he uttered a single word: “P-please.” He wasn’t sure what he was trying to say – he just felt as though something, anything needed to be said. As much as he wanted the comfort of his pack mates, he also wanted the familiar comfort of Capella – she was the only thing he had left of his former home in Pitch Pine Trail. Karpos was gone, establishing himself in a new pack to move forward from his past, and so were the other former Trail members. Aeolus had joined Cut Rock as well, but as a new member of Shade’s fallen pack XIX hadn’t got to know him as well as the other Trail wolves.

He wanted her to stay, but he also wanted to be alone. XIX wanted to retreat to his den and escape from the world – this was all too much to handle. Thoughts were constantly falling in and out of his head, spiraling out of control as he struggled to make sense of the situation. But nothing would make sense anymore… everything had changed.