She couldn’t sleep again… it was becoming a reoccurring habit and it was one that had started to take its toll on her – she just couldn’t find it in herself to actively talk to Lachesis about it. It meant she’d have to explain, and talk about her troubles, so he could understand what was happening and why and give her something to fix it… or worse, he wouldn’t have a solution and she’d just be a burden for the pack to deal with. She was still trying to figure out what had brought it on after almost two years of it raging through her head but never effecting her ability.

Perhaps that was why she was waltzing just outside the border, but still in the Kingsfall, in the middle of night, her head down, intent to watching the way the earth held firm and steady against the weight of her paws rather than on her emotions and the fact that she felt dead on her paws. She was humming to herself, some tune locked in on her subconscious, though she wasn’t really processing what she was doing and she was almost lost in through, though it was clear from her features and the way she was so tense that those thoughts weren’t happy ones.

She’d become so familiar with these parts during her nightly walks that she could blindly and mindlessly move through the forest with very little effort. She needed to get a handle on it. Kisla was back but had yet to come find Lilya and regain her rank, as it were… she was almost certain there’d be some kind of conversation about it… and what if she didn’t? What if Lilya got stuck in a role she certainly didn’t want? It wasn’t good for the pack either… a lot to think about, all of it bad, and not all of it from the dark depths of her past. She had to have faith that it wouldn’t happen and that the queen would reclaim her crown soon enough.

She heard a voice, causing her to snap out of her daze, her head turning with confusion hinting at her features, her nose twitching. Male. Hearthwood River. Those two facts alone caused her to calm down quite a bit, her icy blue eyes making out the figure in the dark thanks to the moon that hung overhead. She’d never met him before… in fact, she couldn’t recall ever seeing him before. She’d smelled him around, sure… but the only male she really knew, or more of males if you were counting the pups, were Kyrios and Lachesis. “I guess… it’s a little hard to define what’s ‘all right’ anymore.” She sounded almost nonchalant about it, detached even.

“Ah’ve walked th’paths too much ta fall… even if Ah’m not payin’ ‘tention.” Of course, that wasn’t necessarily the best plan if a predator approached or something. She hadn’t even noticed the man until he showed up and spoke to her. “M’names Lilya.”

Begrudgingly, he had a point, and he was certain to get the point across that it wasn’t some joke. “Sometimes a walk help clear ma head… it’s easy ter get lost ‘n thought.” She shrugged in return, though she made it clear that she wasn’t making an excuse, merely giving a reason as to why he managed to sneak up on her. His point continued after he offered a name. Aleksei. She stored it away for memory along with his features. Sometimes, she thought she couldn’t do anything right. She wasn’t meant for all of this. A pack? Sure, she was fine in a pack… leading it? Hell no, and she felt that’s when things had started to go downhill for her.

He apologized and just pleaded with her to be careful… she could respect that. “S’alright… Ah understood what yer were tryin’ to say.” He cared. He didn’t know her, but he cared that she stayed safe because she was a member of the pack that he was in, and she could respect that. “Care ta join me?” She asked softly. She still had a bit to go along the familiar path and some company wouldn’t hurt by any means. Besides, wasn't she supposed to talk to wolves? Wasn't she supposed to get to know the packmates she would fight and hunt alongside? She'd done a pretty shitty job of it over the past couple months.

The scolding had reminded her of times before she was on her own, just not to the severity her parents had used. Then again, they weren’t at war. Aleksei was not stressed because of encroaching enemies on his children – the circumstances were different. He agreed to her company, saying that he was intending it anyway. She fell in beside him – part of her thought it was kind of weird but having someone at her side, no matter what they were doing, put her on edge. Old instincts had to have died hard, right? How long has you been part of Hearthwood?

She had to think about it for a few seconds. “Ah’ve been ‘ere since late last Spring… arrived shortly after th’passin’ of Naia and Maksim.” She’d heard they were good wolves, and she felt as if she was at a loss because she’d never been able to meet them – they’d been important and influential members, a leader, a founder… still, she was doing her best with the wolves she did have the honor of meeting. “Th’River is ah lot more peaceful than where Ah come from.” She noted with a soft smile – even with the fallout from Kjors, it was tranquil in comparison. “It’s nice…”

A sad smile found her features when he spoke… she’d heard so much of the two, but never enough to know what they were truly like. He then went on to explain, to tell her about why it was so peaceful… a betrayal within the pack… her heart went out to them. It had to have been a rough experience for all of the wolves. They’d seen so much hardship and yet they clung together, stayed strong, for survival. That had been something she’d been unable to do. Perhaps if she had stayed, her family would have stood a chance… or maybe she’d be dead alongside them.

“E’eryone makes foolish decisions…” She defended him to his own doubts. She’d been an idiot, run from her blood… sure, she’d survived, but she’d still abandoned her own family… something she was keen on not doing with this one. “Y’all talk funny… Ah talk jus’ fine.” She jokingly defended… had they been in her neck of the woods, maybe, but this was their home and their ancestral homeland. “It’s n’accent from my homeland… ma ‘ntire family has… had it.” She forced herself to correct her wording with a soft frown. “M’parents n’siblings are dead… m’all that’s left, really.” She felt the need to explain, so maybe he’d get an idea of what she meant when she’d said it was so peaceful.

“S’rry… didn’t mean ta get depressin’ or nothin’.” She apologized quickly as she walked. She missed them, Lia most of all… Lia’d been her role model, and watching her gruesome death… it still haunted every step she took, and every dream she walked.