The fog hung low over the frozen lake when Kajika finally awoke for the morning though he didn’t immediately get up from the place on the shore he’d chosen to stay the previous night. It was cold yes, but at least he didn’t have to relive what happened after his hunt the previous day. His suspicions when he had arrived at the den had been confirmed, leaving him wondering what he was doing. Since he had walked up on Moonshadow and Tagg he had kept his distance of the den and much preferred to stay by the lake where he wouldn’t have to face it, them. He wanted to be happy for them but the longer that all of this went on and then seeing them together he couldn’t deny that Moonshadow wasn’t just his student or his friend. He didn’t know when it had happened but it had and he had to figure out how to move on. That however seemed impossible, he still wasn’t over Des and she had disappeared so long ago.

Laying in the frozen sand with his tail curled around him covering his nose he looked over the fur across the lake a sigh escaping him. He wondered if it would be best if he just stayed there and didn’t return to the den, get his hunting and patrolling done then retire there for the night. Then he wouldn’t have to face it and maybe he could have time to get over it. The sound of footfalls coming toward the lake did have the beta rising to his feet and moving toward the lake. There he found a small opening where he was able to drink some water from as the sound of the foot falls came closer.

The hope that the wolf coming was Namid, Vespertio or even one of the children was quickly dashed when the scent of Tagg reached his nose. What was worse was the reminder of what had happened the day before that hung to him. Kajika could smell Moonshadow all over him which told the beta only one thing. It was just as he expected and he felt that it was worth sleeping in the cold if had meant he didn’t have to witness them curling up together for the night. He pushed the urge to growl at the man to leave him alone down, it wouldn’t help him to feel any better so what was the point.

He still kept to what he believed to be right and that was that he could not let Tagg or Moonshadow know how he felt. It had been clear when he had found them at the den that she did not feel the same so it was best if he kept it to himself and let them go about their lives. If Moonshadow was going to be happy that was how it had to be but Kajika knew that he needed to get his emotions under control. However having the tawny male show up first thing in the morning before he’d barely been awake was not how he wanted to start his day. Especially when the man was demanding answers that he was unwilling to give.

The dark furred man slowly turned to face the man that he considered a friend but with everything so muddled in his mind he wasn’t sure of much anymore. He knew he had to hunt and patrol and if he did that he would be fine. Eventually he would be able to move on and perhaps even be able to be around Tagg and Moonshadow together without wanting to run from the cove and not return.

Slowly he turned to face the man that had sought him out that morning, the one who demanded the answers to questions that Kajika had no desire in answering. He sighed, “I thought it was best I stay out here last night,” he explained, “I’m perfectly fine.” Aside from the stiffness in his joints from sleeping on the cold ground all night he was in perfect physical health. And the question that was the hardest to answer because he had no idea what to tell the man. He couldn’t very well tell him that he too had feelings for Moonshadow. The words that Tagg spoke about being his friend felt like he had jumped into the frozen lake. Regardless he had to tell him something, “I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately,” he told finally. It wasn’t a lie and it was a rather pathetic explanation but it was all that he had at the moment.

A lot had been on his mind or rather just one thing that occupied his mind so much he didn't have much time for anything else. It was becoming harder to push the thoughts of Des out of his mind. However, now it wasn't just her but Moonshadow too because he had been made to realize that he had feelings for her. History was in a way repeating itself. Only this time Moonshadow hadn't just left without a word, instead she had left because she has feelings for Tagg. That was after all what had been implied to him the previous day, the beta wasn't stupid he knew what it meant.

Now he was faced with Tagg whom he did consider a friend, one whose feelings needed to be spared. Kajika couldn't and wouldn't tell the tawny man about his feelings for the woman Tagg loved. He wouldn't be the one to come between them. However as the man spoke it became increasingly harder for him to not blurt it out.

He did answer with a shake of his head because it wasn't something Tagg did on purpose, at least he would think the man wouldn't do it had he been aware. “No, you didn't do anything wrong,” he tried assuring the man. After all could Tagg really be blamed when the dark furred man should have said something to Moonshadow before. “It's just I haven't really talked to anyone about it. I'm not exactly the greatest at sharing if you hadn't noticed.”

What he told the man was the truth because if he were better at sharing then Des wouldn't have left and he might have Moonshadow instead of the tawny man. His ebony friend would also have known about Des and what she did a long time ago but has only recently found out. Then the question was should he tell Tagg too? Try to be better about sharing what was eating him up on the inside?

The tawny man seemed to think that what was wrong with Kajika was something he'd done and while he was in some ways angry with him the beta knew it wasn't fair. Kajika was more mad at himself because again he had not followed his own advice and now he'd lost his chance. The only thing he felt he could do is reassure the ma. That he hadn't done anything wrong. The dark furred male knew he hadn't all Tagg had done was follow his heart and spoke his feelings first. Could he be blamed for being brave enough to open his mouth and the beta hadn't had the heart to hurt the tawny man and tell him to stay away from Moonshadow. It wouldn't have been fair and Kajika did his best to be fair as he was trying to do now no matter what it cost him.

A nod was the acknowledgement he gave Tagg's first statement, “I appreciate that,” and to his second he mustered a smile despite what he was feeling. “I'll be sure to do that so we can work it out,” he responded because the man did deserve that much. They were pack mates and they needed to be able to work things out so the pack didn't fall apart. Kajika knew it was important to not let that happen and out of respect for his alphas he didn't want it to happen because of him.

The thoughts that maybe telling him about Des crossed his mind once more as he was asked to share at least a little in the hopes it might help. He considered Tagg a moment, the man had known Des as well that had been established. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to at least say something because she was the biggest problem and perhaps the reason all of this had started for him. His world couldn't fall apart anymore by telling Tagg just a little, could it? So that was when he uttered just one word to the man, “Des.”

There he'd said it though Des wasn't the only thing on his mind it was the bigger part but the question was did he feel better? He didn't and he didn't think he ever would where she was concerned because he would never have the answers to his questions. She'd been gone too long for him to have any hope she was coming back. It was something it had taken him awhile to accept but he had still it was the questions and what ifs that kept him up at night and now it was the same thing with Moonshadow. They just wouldn't leave him alone let him live in peace just for a moment, just long enough to catch his breath and get his bearings on his world once more.

Looking at the tawny man beside him though he wondered if Des’s return wasn't impossible because hadn't Tagg returned after such a long absence. Kajika shook his head to erase that thought, he wouldn't let himself hope that any more. Des wasn't coming back, he couldn't change it she had made her choice and that was what he had to accept.

However, Tagg wasn't finished yet. He wanted to know more about Des and what she had to do with why he was acting as he was. Kajika supposed he wasn't very good at hiding his emotions. “She did, without a word. At least not to me.” He confirmed for the tawny man in regards to Des’s disappearance. The man's next question was answer first with a shake of his head, “That is the problem,” he stated before looking out over the lake another memory of him teaching her to fish her just as he had with Moonshadow. It did cause a small smile to form in his maw.

Tagg's next question brought Kajika back to the present his smile at the memory slipped from his face almost as quickly as it had appeared. “Nothing happened when she left,” he said his gaze meeting that of the tawny males once more, “It's what didn't happen and what happened long before she left, things that were never said.” It was vague Kajika knew but he had already rehashed the story once that week and he wasn't sure he could tell Tagg the whole story just then. It was painful but as long as Tagg wanted to supply the questions Kajika felt he could give the man some answers that might help to understand better without another full telling.