Larkcall Lowlands It's All Over But the Crying

Though it weighed heavily on her conscience, Lenae wasn't in a state to much of anything these days.

Getting out of the den was hard enough, let alone eating, drinking or even leaving the safety of the Monadnock's heights. If it hadn't been for her fellow pack mates she would wasted away. Or worse yet, started to rot like her uncle, as he laid unmoving upon that awful hilltop.

Leaving the stone tower was a struggle, every footstep felt like a hoof to her chest. Over and over till she was battered and bruised, with a throbbing head and a broken heart.

It wasn't a matter of how much more she could take, she knew that she had nothing left to give. Her defences had been destroyed, decimated, the only thing left for her was too...she didn't know what. No amount of love and support could mend this, there wasn't much left at all to fix. Hugs and kisses did nothing and pity was poison, one she refused to swallow.

When she closed her eyes she saw his face, distorted by the pain, his eyes glazed over as foam dripped from his lips. The things she had seen...How was she supposed to get over it? Life was supposed to be full of hurdles, but weren't they supposed to be manageable? She didn't want to even try anymore, it seemed so fruitless, painful. Maybe she should have stayed with him, ended it all with family by her side.

She didn't even have any tears left, not that she had it in her to cry anymore. She stumbled to a stop and looked down at the snow dusting the ground, if it hadn't been so cold it would be raining. That's how snow worked, right? It was almost fitting, that the sky wanted to cry for her but couldn't. The world was too cold, to cruel for that. How could she have forgotten that important lesson? It was her fault, in the end all of her sorrows were.

He had promised his friend from the west that he would keep an eye out for his missing daughter. Lachesis knew the feeling of losing a child all too well, for he had experiences two different kinds of losses with three children. His first-born son had left in hopes of finding the one-eyed dragon that XIX and his former co-lead, Kisla, had exiled from the Kingswood. Chasing strange fables, or whatever nonsense the older male had been spewing. Atropos, his kind-hearted daughter, had left in pursuit of finding her brother and returning home with him. Or at least returning with news of his whereabouts. But she, too, had disappeared with barely a trail to follow. No word, no call to the wind. Both gone, leaving a deep, hollow hole in his heart. There wasn’t a day that went by where he didn’t think of them. Occasionally he would venture south-west, trailing along the base of the mountain, in hopes that he would catch scent of them. Even just one, just to know they were still alive.

Then there was Laddeus, the son Lachesis would never know, as his milky blue eyes never got a chance to see the world. Part of him still blamed the alabaster monadnock wolf, but he knew that stillborns were a natural occurrence. There was nothing he could have done to prevent it, which only tore at his heartstrings even more.

These losses pushed Lachesis forward into the tundra in hopes of catching wind of the missing Notch girl. To bring her home to his blue-eyed friend in the west. Because he had not been able to do it with his own children.

However, a familiar scent had caught his attention and pulled him away from his trail. Snow had started to fall, cooling the soft pads of his feet as he walked. Everly? He called out once he saw her tawny figure in the distance, her ears swept back against his skull. Something didn’t feel right. Her expression, it was all wrong.

Before Lenae would have flinched, maybe even yelped in surprise. Now she barely even blinked at the sound of someone calling 'her name'. She didn't even know why she bothered with that pretence anymore. Where had it gotten her? What difference had it made? None.
She didn't feel anymore brave or charismatic, it was just a lie for the sake of a lie.

Nonetheless, she was unsure of what to do. She turned a little, glancing over her shoulder to see who it was. White coat...@Cottongrass ? Where had he gone? When she'd visited the Rye field-just as he'd told her to-he wasn't there. That lady had said he'd gone missing, hadn't been seen for weeks. Had he finally found her, come this way to apologise for her wasted journey?

Ah no. It wasn't Cotton. She didn't even feel disappointed, not even the thought of her missing friend could evoke emotion in her. So she was truly broken then, wasn't she? Like machine that could no longer did its job, and instead of breaking down it just kept chugging away because it had nothing else to do.

She swallowed and her tongue tasted like bile.

"Hi."Was all she said, uncaring of whether she had spoken loud enough for him to hear.

The way she glanced over her shoulder, her yellow pools swollen with grief, Lachesis knew something was definitely wrong. His stomach tightened, his paws rooted in place as she responded, a single word rolling off her tongue. It didn’t sound right. No—it didn’t sound like Everly. His nose rolled to the side before he took a step forward, his tail swaying behind him. Lachesis had never been good at comforting others or articulating soothing words, but he always tried. He couldn’t stand to see others down or upset.

Even more so when it was someone he knew (and cared about).

He padded toward her, breaking the distance between them. Treating her like a broken doll wasn’t going to fix anything or make her feel better. Offering the tawny girl a shy smile Lachesis slumped down into the snow beside her, his shoulders sagging. Say something. But what? He glanced over at her, his chartreuse gaze soft; understanding. Anything.

Crummy weather, huh? Weather—a solid conversation topic. Safe. His lips were still curled into a soft smile, his tail thumping along the ground as he fixated his gaze on the grey sky overhead. A few flakes of snow fell onto his forehead but he didn’t mind. The Arctic was built for this weather, even if he had grown to dislike it over his years in Relic Lore. His ears twitched, falling to the back of his skull as he fell quiet, his insides churning impatiently as he waited for any kind of response from the troubled agouti.

He approached and Lenae remained stuck on the spot, like her legs had turned to stone. She could have easily fled if she'd wanted,left him behind in the dust, but she didn't. She didn't want to, she didn't want to do anything. Even breathing felt like a chore, blinking even more so. Her ears twitched at the sound of his footfalls, he was close, drawing ever closer, but why? Even a blind man would have been able to sense that she wasn't in a conversational mood. She was just...She wasn't herself anymore, that part of her had been torn away, ripped up and thrown to the wind. Lost forever, like her beloved family.

Lachesis sunk down onto the floor, earning him a quick sideways glance from the smallest Selwyn. What was he doing? Getting down to her level? It was sickening, that rather than seeing it as an act of kindness she was reminded of the men who'd come before. Those evil monsters dressed as men who'd hunker down in front of her and dare her to look directly into their eyes. She hadn't done it then and she certainly wasn't going to do it now.

So she continued to look ahead, her yellow eyes dim and glassy as she stared, unseeing at the horizon.

"I guess."She said, her indifference as blatant as a slap in the face."You called me Everly...I told you to call me that, I lied. I'm not her. Never have been, never will be."

Just saying it was like a knife to the heart, like she'd swallowed a thousand needles. It hurt and yet it wasn't enough, she deserved more, almost needed it. Like a fix, anything to cover up the shame and humiliation she felt.

His lips fell shut, his tongue slack between rows of ivory teeth as he watched the snow cascade around them. His brows were knitted together in concern, his claws curling into the soft ground. He felt as though his presence disturbed her, but Lachesis refused to retreat. Mostly because he was afraid to leave her alone. The single word that tumbled off her tongue was enough. Something was very wrong and XIX did not know how to help her. His lacklustre attempt at distracting her had not worked, just as he expected. His throat tightened, his ears falling to the side. But he did not look over at her, his chartreuse gaze fixated on the same horizon has Everly’s.

Except, she wasn’t Everly.

The news earned a dumbfounded expression from the pale healer. He did not care that she had lied to him. Lachesis had given out both of his names to those he encountered, picking and choosing who to be. But, if she wasn’t this Everly she had claimed to be, who was she?

The frown remained pressed to his lips as he shrugged, dismissing her words. That’s okay, he started, his gaze still focused on the snow-dusted lowlands. Whoever she is, you’re better than her. Even if you don’t think it. You are. He wasn’t really good at this whole reassuring shit. Lachesis was better at handing out herbs and collecting them. Not giving advice or consoling others. I don’t care that you lied. It’s not my business. But, I would like to know your name… if that’s okay? He swallowed, finally looking over at her, his eyes wide with curiosity.

Lachesis said it was okay, but she knew it wasn't. How was stealing her sister's-her dead sister- identity okay? It was sick and twisted, something a monster would do. And yet he was trying to excuse it, pardon her? No. She didn't deserve that, hell, Everly deserved more than having her memory tarnished like this. When people thought of the name Everly they'd think of her, small and cowardly. A shame to the Selwyn name and blood.

He claimed not to care, but so what if he didn't? His words didn't make her feel better, as things were she wasn't sure if anything ever would. Time, perhaps? She wanted to believe that, but she couldn't even muster the will to try, to put on a fake smile and pretend all was fine and dandy.

Poor Lach, he deserved better too.

"Lenae Selwyn."She finally admitted, and that name tasted like ash on her tongue. Thick and heavy, it made her eyes water. Or was she crying again, it was so hard to tell."Ever-Everly w-wuh-as my sister."

And now, like the rest she was gone. Aleksei had said he'd met an Everly too but...Where was she? He'd never said where she'd went, how she was? Lenae didn't even know for sure if she was dead, she hadn't even seen her since she left to look for Askan but...She had to be gone, why else would she have stayed away? Maybe she had gotten too close to the mountain and they'd torn her down, ripped her apart for the hell of it. Because they could, cause they were evil incarnate.

He wasn’t sure she’d answer. He was prepared for her not to. The pale leader was not one to pry or force information out of others. Listening was one of his stronger characteristics as talking had never been something the healer was good at. He had spent the first few years of his life fumbling over his words, struggling to spit them out fully intact. Now he just never knew what to say. He was still that timid, anxious yearling that had stumbled into the lands of Lore all those years ago… just trapped in an old man’s body.

Lenae Selwyn.

His brows rose in shock, his chartreuse gaze still fixated on the tawny girl’s sullen features. Selwyn. That was a name he recognized. The surname that belonged to one of his closest ~~bros~~ friends. It couldn’t be a coincidence—the name wasn’t a common one. They had to be related. But was Askan aware of Lenae being in the north, so close to where he had called home?

It wasn’t the right time to bombard the wilted flower with unnecessary questions.

Lenae, he repeated, smiling as he tested the name out. It suited her more than her sister’s name. It fit. A delicate name for a delicate flower. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lenae. You have a beautiful name. He poked her shoulder with his nose, his tail thumping behind him. You can call me Nineteen. If she was willing to share her real name with him, he was willing to share his with her. Even if it was a name given to him by the weird, pink two-legged creatures.

He was trying to distract her from whatever plagued her mind, but he didn’t think he was doing a very good job. She was crying and Lachesis was panicking. Tears + XIX = code red! What was she like? He asked, the words tumbling off his tongue without warning, staining the air between them.

Lenae didn't think so.

If anything, she resented all it stood for, how bright and sunny it was when now she felt anything but. These days it felt like heavy luggage, a ball and chain holding her back, dragging her down into the dark depths of oblivion. Lenae. It had an air of naivety and charm, don't you think? A name any dedicated manic-pixie-girl would die for. It hadn't been her intention at the time, to her it had just been a name, but now she could see it was like a self-fulfilling prophecy , one that she'd been so eager to cater to. That's why she'd taken Everly's name, it'd been an attempt to break the cycle, to start a new, but look where it had gotten her.

Things were worse than ever...she just couldn't cope.

As rude as it was, Lenae didn't think much of his name. It was a number, a fairly large one at that. What else? What did it mean? What did it stand for? She didn't care, not now anyways.

She sniffed and pawed at her eyes, like she wanted to claw them out.Awful yellow, Selwyn yellow. She wished she had different eyes, or better yet wasn't a part of her cursed clan.

Lenae didn't want to talk about her sister, he was trying to help, she knew that but...It wasn't helping at all. Thinking about how wonderful her sister was just reminded Lenae of how lacking she was in comparison. How meek and mild, stale, like old news. No one ever used to really pay too much attention to her, not for long. She'd hold their interest for a bit but she'd always seemed so dim in comparison to her sisters, Everly and Kaela, both long gone.

At the very least...she wanted to try. That was better than nothing, right?

"She w-w"Lenae shook her head."Better than me. Braver."