Kingsfall baby please, no more promises

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Music Inspiration: 'No Promises' by Shawn Mendes

Lorcan couldn’t help but feel that he’d been selfish.
The first time he had disappeared from Kingsfall he had been able to place the blame on matters out of his control. A series of ill-timed, unfortunate events had kept him from returning to his family and pack after a long failed hunting trip, and – after much grovelling and many heartfelt apologies – he had been welcomed back.

However, his second disappearance from Kingsfall had been entirely by choice. Lorcan’s lies had finally caught up. The bitter disapproval that Lachesis felt towards him and Inna had been all too obvious. For Lorcan it had been hard to bare, considering he was someone who was so used to being viewed as trustworthy and dependable. It had been hard for Inna too. Lorcan had known that she had felt betrayed by Lachesis, a man she considered to be as good as family, and so it had come as no surprise to the healer when Inna seemingly sunk into a deep depression – one that his kind words and fake smiles could not coax her out of.

Through everything, Lorcan had tried his best to push forward and persevere. He had thrown himself into his pack duties and even taken up extra chores in an attempt to get himself back into Lachesis’ good graces. However, he could only keep busy for so long, and it was in the times when he was forced to retire to the dens that he found his mind whirling. Before he knew it hours had passed by and he would blink back to reality to find that he had been staring blankly at the farthest chamber wall and whimper.

Eventually he had decided that he needed to get out of there, away from the glaring eyes and sadness of the wolves around him. On his way towards the borders he had stopped by Inna’s den and found that both her and their daughter were absent. At first the empty den had surprised him. He’d grown so used to seeing Inna’s dark form slumped there in the dirt day after day. He had figured that perhaps their daughter’s pestering had finally convinced the woman to take a walk and venture out, away from the territory that she had trapped herself in for so long. Not wanting to turn around and wait for them both to return, he had left Kingsfall without a word.

He had planned to be gone no longer than two days, three days at most – but he soon found that his paws kept wondering, each mile providing him with a greater sense of relief until eventually he found himself creeping along the borders of his old home…

The time away had been needed. In the company of his family, not all of whom he had particularly missed, he had been able to escape the drama and think things over. A part of him had considered staying there, to escape his life at the Lore altogether, but a greater part of him could not stand the thought of abandoning his precious daughter forever. She did not deserve to grow up feeling unwanted or unloved, for she was most certainly neither of those things. She deserved better. So, with some reluctance, he bid farewell to his family and made the arduous journey back to Kingsfall to see her.

Russet ears fell flat against his skull as he slunk quietly through the tall cedarwood trees which bordered Hearthwood River – the very same trees Lorcan had ran from two months earlier. The male made sure to move quietly as he sniffed around the territory in search of @Oksana. He was well aware that he now carried the scent of a loner and was reluctant to catch the attention of any scouts that might be patrolling the pack borders nearby; with his thinner frame and dishevelled, dirty coat he was unlikely to be recognised by those that once knew him.

The thought of bumping into someone else now was utterly terrifying, especially if that someone happened to be @Inna. She was sure to greet him with an earful.

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Since she had returned with Reid and her mother had finally returned from wherever she had disappeared to things seemed to be looking up for Oksana. She spent a lot of her time with her new friend helping to make sure he kept his place in the pack. When she wasn't with him she was with her mother practicing her hunting and doing border patrols. There was a change in Inna but the dark pup felt it was a good change. She was there like she had been before and she was attentive to whatever Oksana needed but the little Crow had also noticed that when they weren't together her mother wasn't around.

It was the instances when Inna wasn't around and she wasn't with Reid that Oksana took her chances to slip away. She would go to the lake to remind herself if her goal and the promise to train with Lavender for the day they would swim to the islands. She couldn't wait for that day to come when she and Lavender would beat the other pups in the race.

She managed to slip out into the Kingswood without being noticed by anyone especially her mum, thankfully. If Inna found out her adventure would be over before it even begun. Of course Oksana from it was a little ridiculous she couldn't he outside the border at this point since she was successful months old now. She picked her way across the snowy ground as she traveled through the trees toward the lake. She hadn't seen it with snow and wondered what it looked like. Would it be as pretty as the river that ran through the territory? As that question passed through her mind she found she was more eager to see it then she had been before.

She became distracted though by a scent that was familiar and not all at the same time. It brought her paws to a stop as she looked around the forest. It was the scent of a wolf, there was no doubt in her mind about that but how could it be. “Lorc,” she breathed into the Kingswood. It couldn't be, her father had been gone for months, he'd left when her and her mum had really needed him. Oksana's head and tail fell as she decided it couldn't be her father, he was gone. Her mum had even told her he wasn't coming back this time. Suddenly she didn't feel much like going to the lake anymore and turned back toward the border.

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Lorcan kept himself to the shadows, not daring to venture too far into the dappled sunlight for fear of being spotted. Quietly, he slunk through the thick brush which tangled between the tall trunks of the cedar trees, doing his best to keep away from the areas of thick snow which had gathered atop the autumn debris. Gingerly he hovered his muzzle above the frosted leaf litter as he picked his way through the territory, taking in deep breaths as he did so.

Russet ears perked forwards with recognition as he finally caught a scent upon the rough bark of one of the many redwoods. It belonged to a River wolf, but not the one he was currently searching for. Releasing a soft huff in disappointment, the male traipsed quietly on, hoping to have better luck tracking down his daughter further along, perhaps near one of the numerous sources of water which scattered the heart of Kingsfall.

It was as he approached the lake that Lorcan realised he was no longer alone in the woods. Immediately he froze in place, paws lowering down gently upon the crisp snow with a soft crunch. Crouching down slightly, making sure to keep himself well concealed within the shadows, his nostrils flared and his head turned cautiously to look over in search of the wolf whom now, unknowingly, shared his company.

He didn’t recognise her at first, but after a few hard blinks of his bright golden eyes he suddenly came to realise just who he was spying on. He felt his heart clench tight within his chest as he eyed the dark figure up and down in relieved disbelief. His name, breathed like a heavenly sigh into the wind met his ears and sent a chill down the length of his spine. He deliberated for a moment whether to reveal himself. He had travelled all the way to see her, but now that he was finally staring at her the idea seemed all the more scary.

Guilt churned deep within the pit of his stomach as he gazed across at his daughter, his pale brows furrowing in indecision as @Oksana stood there peering out into the trees. It was as he caught glimpse of her plush tail falling limp behind her as she moved to turn away that Lorcan finally made up his mind. “Wait..” He tried to call out, his voice breaking and wheezing as a result of days spent silent. Jaw clenching as he attempted to clear his throat, the father barged his way through the thick brush which he had been using to keep hidden.

“Sana, I’m here.” His voice strained out again, as he moved hurriedly after her, his paws crunching loudly against the settled snow.

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The little Crow had been looking forward to her day at the lake and away from the watchful eyes if her mother and Reid. She thought maybe a lap around the lake would do her good and help with her training so that she could be a strong swimmer and make it to islands. She also thought that maybe she would just sit by the lake and take in the sight of it covered in snow, at least that was how she imagined it. She hadn't been there since the snow had fallen her mother and Reid seemed to keep her rather busy as of late.

Everything changed when she caught a scent that she thought belonged to her father. It had caused her to pause for a long moment. First hope soaked through her as she thought that maybe he had finally come back. That she would get to see her father again and they could be a family again. All the things she wanted to tell him swirling in her head, about the lake and her mum. She thought Inna would get so glad to see him.

Then she remembered what her mother had said, it was the second time Lorcan had disappeared. He would not be coming back this time. Even when she had asked how Inna could know that her mother had told her that was how things worked. Wolves disappeared and came back and when they disappeared the second time they usually didn't come back. Still the little Crow had held out hope that her mum was wrong. She'd been so sad to discover her father's scent had faded upon her return.

Now though as she scanned the forest for any sign of him she was disappointed to not find anything. That was when her posture fell and she just wanted to go back home deciding it was a trick if the wind and that her mother had been right, Lorcan wasn't finding back. She would never see her father again.

A sound came to her ears that sounded like a word but she wasn't sure the voice sounded raspy, broken but it had stopped er from leaving. She didn't turn though still convinced the wind was playing tricks on her. She didn't understand why it would do that, why now after so many months. Then she heard her nickname and the words 'I’m here’. This caused her to turn her orange eyes landing on the figure of a wolf.

He was scrawny and unkempt, Oksana could see what might be a bald patch on his right shoulder. His face looked like her father but the rest of him didn't. Where was his plush agouti fur? And he was do thin, what had happened to him. She taxed at the man before her in disbelief before shaking her head. No, this couldn't be her father. She needed to see her uncle Lach because she was convinced she'd gone crazy.

When the wolf didn't go away with the shaking if her head she shouted at him. “You're not real. Mum said you weren't coming back.” She then turned away as a tear slid down her cheek. “Mum and I needed you. You we're supposed to be there for us and you just left me all alone to find mum by myself,” she said quietly shaking her head. Then she turned tear filled eyes to look into her father's yellow ones, “You promised you wouldn't ever leave again.”

[dohtml]It wasn’t the reaction he had been secretly hoping for.

Pale brows lifted in confusion as he observed his daughter shake her head at him. The first few words which left her mouth, which were spoken in a much more mature voice than the one he remembered, caused his brows to furrow down together in defiance and his lower jaw to fall ajar. As she moved to once again turn away, the father bravely stepped forwards.

“Sana, it’s me.” His voice strained again, desperate to reach her ears and halt his daughter’s attempt at a swift exit. “Wait, please.” The father wheezed again as he tentatively took another few step forwards through the snow towards her, leaving the shadows of the woodland brush for the harsh light of the midday sun.

Russet ears perked forwards as he struggled at catch her quiet words as she paused to stand facing away from him, her head once again shaking in what Lorcan could only imagine to be disapproval. The father only managed to catch snippets of what his daughter whispered, but it was still enough to cause his heart to sink and his ears to flatten down shamefully against his head. He felt awful.

The sight of her tear stained face when she finally turned to meet his gaze made his skin prickle hot, and he swallowed uncomfortably as he glanced across to her in defeat. She looked just like her mother when she was upset; it was haunting, feeling those fiery orange eyes burning right through him; but nothing hurt quite as much as her last words did.

The father felt his breath catch within his throat. He turned his golden eyes away, needing a moment to inhale sharply, before he looked back to his daughter. “I know, I should never have made that promise, not knowing for certain if I would be able to keep it.” The words blurted from his mouth in one heavy exhale as his tail move to tuck ashamedly between his hind legs. “I’m sorry, Sana.” He added, his voice cracking with a whimper as he dared to take another step forwards.

He wanted to rush up to her, to hold his daughter tight against his chest and comb his teeth through the thick fur of her neck like he had done many times before when she had been little, but he didn’t. He purposefully kept a wolfs-length between them, because if she was anything like her mother, he did not want to feel the pain of her temper should she choose to lash out at him.

“Look…” He sighed, bony shoulders sagging, as he refocused his golden gaze back on her sad, lucid orange eyes. “I didn’t come back expecting you to forgive me like before.” He explained honestly, pale brows furrowing. “I just wanted to make sure that you and your mother were alright.” The father admitted, narrowing his gaze in concern.[/dohtml]

Even as he stood there in front of her she didn't know if she could believe that it really was her father. He had disappeared before she had even really had the chance to get used to the idea and though she loved him just as she did her mother he had still broken his promise. Inna had said he wouldn't come back so how could he be in front of her? She shouted at him that he wasn't real that he couldn't be real and she should have felt bad for it but she didn't. He deserved to hear every bit of it after what he'd done.

Then he spoke again telling her that he was there asking her to wait. She couldn't leave because at the end of the day he was her father no matter how much she didn't want to hear his excuses for why he had hurt her. She knew her mother was right about the way wolves could hurt her. She'd seen it herself with her father and Rissy and Ferdie. Often she worried Reid would do the same thing, if she let Lorc back in would he up and leave her again?

So much had happened in the last months, so much she’d wanted to share with him and still did but it was hard when she was so angry. He had just fine without a word, without saying goodbye and maybe that was what hurt most of all. Oksana didn't know, she was only six months old and something inside her told her she shouldn't have to endure this much being so young. Thinking of Lavender she was reminded that her uncle Lach was always there for her friend, he was the kind of father Lorc should have been. The little Crow didn't understand so much about what had happened to her since her grandmum died but she knew that was when it all went badly for her and her mum.

Finally with a sigh Oksana turned to face her daughter the pain and sadness that caused her chest to tighten and her heart to hurt clear on her face. She didn't know what he had to say but she made sure that he knew he had broken his promise to her. “No, you probably shouldn't have,” she snapped back. He shouldn't have if there was the chance he was going to hurt her it her mother. “We needed you Lorc and you weren't there, I needed you, I needed my father,” she cried as more tears fell from her eyes.

She wanted to run back to her mother and bury her face in the fur that was so comforting to her. She couldn't she had to do this, she had to talk to her father because she was could face this. Just like she faces the pit with Reid to get the water and the search for her mum. Just like she had faced Lachesis even though she could have gotten in a lot of trouble. The dark pup steeled herself to hear what else yet father had to say.

Her ears pinned forward as he told her to look. “I want to be able to forgive you but I don't know if I can,” she admitted quietly letting her gaze drop to her paws. And then he said something that caused a growl to bubble up from the little Crow, “Alright? How can we be alright when you left us to figure things out in our own? Is that all you came here for? So are you just going to leave now you’ve seen me and know I haven't died?” She shouted at him taking a few steps toward him her tail lashing behind her.

The ebony Baranski had found a very promising looking rabbit Warren that she felt she could raid. Being something back for Oksana to have for dinner before she was off to bed for the night. She'd left her daughter at the den instructing her to find Reid or spend some time with Lavender. Her daughter had mentioned their plan for the spring and Inna had not discouraged her daughter. In fact she'd even offered to give the girls some help if they needed it. Just because she had negative feelings toward the river wolves did not mean her daughter needed to have them too. If anything Inna hoped that Oksana would never have to experience the distrust and betrayal that she had.

Being fairly certain that her daughter should have been in the territory Inna was perplexed when she heard her shouting through kingsfall. It was loud enough to interrupt her hunt and cause her to look in the direction. Inna's ears came forward as she tried to hear what was being said and she was sure that it was Oksana shouting.

Fearing the worst the Raven charged through the trees ready to step between her daughter and whatever was upsetting her. It did not take long before she saw.her daughter's small frame and that of another. He looked liked he'd been on his own for quite some time, a loner bothering her daughter. It caused a growl to leave her, “You better not have harmed my daughter,” she said hackles raised before she'd taken the time to take in the sight before her.

It was as she looked into his eyes though that she saw what had caused his scent to be so familiar to her. “Lorcan,” she stated coldly before backing down. Physical harm to her daughter wasn't what she needed to worry about. It was the harm that his leaving had caused bother her and Oksana. “Come back to leave again have you? That is after all what all of you do.” She didn't hide the bitterness that she felt toward him and everyone else who'd left her in her life.

She didn't care about excuses or good reasons he had made a promise and he had broken it and Inna had just about enough of broken promises and lies. She was tired and just wanted to make sure her daughter lived a happy life. She turned to her daughter, “I'm sorry I wasn't here,” she told her licking her crown, “You shouldn't have to do this on your own.” Inna then turned back to Lorcan her orange eyes narrowing, “So tell me was it another flood that kept you from your daughter or perhaps a huge bear this time. Huh, Lorcan what excuse is so good that allows you to get away with hurting our daughter?”

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MATURE LANGUAGE! Music Inspiration: 'Let's Hurt Tonight' by One Republic

She was just like her mother.

Hell hath no fury like a Baranski woman scorned.

Lorcan flinched as his she snapped back at him. The father would have never imagined that his daughter would grow so bold, but then, he supposed with him not being around much there had been no one there to quell her temper. His ears pricked forwards as he heard her voice splutter as she began to cry, and as she shrieked more words at him the father instinctively stepped forwards, desperate to comfort her despite the rage she was directing towards him in that moment.

“I’m really sorry, Sana…” He whined, his tail swaying apologetically beneath him, as his own eyes grew damp with guilt and regret. “I know it wasn’t fair on you.” He admitted, his croaky voice growing into a wheezing whisper as he attempted to calm the situation. The last thing the father wanted was for @Oksana to work herself up into a state. He hadn’t come there to fight.

The father felt his heart sink as his daughter admitted that she was unsure if she would be able to forgive him. The thought of the two of them growing distant, of him losing her forever, pained him. Lorcan’s top lip flickered and his pale brows pinched together, hinting at his dishearten, as he nodded in silent acknowledgement.

The growl that erupted out of the girl moments later caught him by surprise. Lorcan barely had time to blink before he realised that she was advancing towards him, tail lashing wildly and voice raised in anger. It was exactly the kind of reaction that the father had been trying to avoid. Instinctively the male braced, dark claws gripping at the snow covered ground as he prepared himself for some form of violent outburst. The bridge of his muzzle wrinkled in protest and frustration as he tried to formulate an answer. It was harder now with the fire that burned through his veins, forming clouds of dark smoke in his mind.

Another growl echoed out from the cedar trees around them.

Lorcan blinked, his mind snapping away from the confrontation he was having with his daughter, as he shifted on his paws to peer past Oksana in search of the source. He didn’t have to however, as the words which followed soon after were enough to tell him exactly who is was. Shit.

Immediately his muscles tensed as he stood frozen in his spot, waiting for Inna to reveal herself. As she stepped out from the shadows of the trees and onto the crisp snow, his golden eyes began to trace the dark contours of her familiar slender figure, rising up to finally meet the hellfire orange of her glaring eyes.

The cold tone with which he was greeted came as no surprise to the male. Inna’s raised hackles had already told him that she was well and truly pissed. Just like their daughter, Inna was not shy in voicing her opinion on him. It was clear now that they both had never expected him to return, and even now that he had, had already convinced themselves that he had plans to leave again. “Inna, please, I…” I can’t do this. Pale brows furrowed and his head dipped away to one side despondently.

Lorcan’s eyes drifted down to stare at the crisp white snow which was now melting at his paws, as Inna moved in to comfort their daughter. At her command, the male lifted his head again to meet the mother’s narrowed gaze, his russet ears pushing flat back and the corners of his dark lips curling downwards as she demanded answers from him. He couldn’t help but think that she was hardly being fair. Granted, he had left after promising that he wouldn’t, but @Inna hadn’t exactly been present in the months leading up to his most recent departure. She’d locked herself up in her den and blamed the world, hardly moved or spoke, whilst he’d been left to try and hold things together – attending to his pack duties, keeping an eye on their daughter and tending to Inna’s every need, for fear that Oksana would not have a mother come morning if he didn’t. He had given Inna months to grieve over her mother and figure things out, and that was perfectly fine, yet the moment he decided that he needed some time to heal, he was called out on it. He was always to blame.

Mirroring the dark woman’s anger, Lorcan released a snarl, his tail too now lifting to lash sharply behind him as he focused all of his attention on Inna. He hadn’t wanted to do this in front of Oksana. “I had to get away, Inna! Staying here, with you stuck in that fucking den–” He paused, gasping for breath as his brows furrowed deeper. “W-with Lachesis breathing down my neck all the time! Being punished just because some arsehole decided to stick his fucking nose in. It was suffocating!!” His eyes flashed across to their daughter then, his expression softening for just a moment. “You think I’d ever want to hurt her on purpose?!” He exclaimed, his voice growing louder and more desperate as he turned back to Inna. “You’re being ridiculous. After everything I’ve done for you both?!” The bridge of his muzzle wrinkled in disgust as he huffed to himself. It just went to show how much she even noticed – how much he was appreciated.

“Obviously I can never do enough, and since apparently all I’m good for is hurting our daughter, maybe me leaving is the best fucking option.” In a fit of rage the words tumbled from his mouth, and before he knew it, it was too late to take any of them back. Lorcan had never wanted for it to come to this. He looked back to his daughter, tears now welling up at the corners of his golden eyes. He doubted she’d ever be able to forgive him now. He’d made such a mess of things…

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For months the little Crow had kept her feelings about her parents absence in her life to herself. She'd tried to avoid them or pretend that she wasn't as angry as she truly was. She didn't understand why her mother had cooped herself up in the den for so long it why her father had just left without a word. She'd even tried moving on and doing what she could to help her mum the best she could. She wasn't stupid though, how much could she really do she was just a pup.

All of her anger and frustration with the situation had come out at her father. She raged at him screaming and crying. She made it clear just how upset his absence had made her. She could see the way he reacted and the remorse in his eyes but that didn't make the pain go away. Oksana calmed some when he stepped toward her the tone she used as she spoke was more controlled. “No it wasn't fair, none of it was fair to me,” and she wasn't just talking about him but her mother too.

She sighed before telling him that she didn't know if she could forgive him. Even though she wanted to so badly so that he could get back in her life she didn't want to feel the same emotions his leaving had caused the two previous times in her life. She still remembered how she'd felt when he had disappeared the first time, not understanding why he'd left, was it her that had done something? Wondering if he would ever come back.

When he spoke again it sounded like he wasn't planning on staying that he was only there to make sure they were doing okay without him. It brought a sound from her that she had never made before. Oksana growled at her father the emotions over flooding the pup and spilling out into a display of anger she didn't know that she was capable of. She couldn't stop herself, she had to get it all out now that she had started. He had to know what he had done and what he would do if he left again. She wanted her father to be in her life but she didn't know if he wanted to he in hers.

Then came the sound of her mother's growl and her voice ever protecting, Oksana knew she was lucky to have a mum like her. It still didn't mean she wasn't angry at her too for being in her den all of that time and leaving yet on her own. She may have turned her anger on her mother but Inna came in taking over before comforting her. So she backed down for the moment to let the older Baranski talk to her father.

At first Oksana thought they would talk things out and then it would be okay, her mum would convince Lorcan to stay and they would all be happy again. Delusion’s of a pup is what that was because it all went to crap as her father started yelling at her mum. She worried what her mother would do after Lorc had spoken to her in the way that he had.

Then he said it was best for him to leave and the tears flowed more quickly from her eyes, “Daddy, please,” she pleaded as she stepped around her mother. It didn't matter that she was upset with him or her mum she didn't want him to go away and not come back. “You can't go away again,” she elaborated in what she was asking of him.