Elias walked with a limp.

That wasn't usual, his toes-or lack thereof- always gave him a bit of trouble, but hardly ever to this extent. Each step was near, but not quite, agony. That sort of pain was saved for the time they'd been torn off, when he'd been forced to watch family and friends alike hit the floor with a dreadful, final, thud. He staggered along, gritting his teeth as he pushed through the snow. Each step hurt, the pain flared up and shot through his paw then faded as he lifted it, only to return with a furious vengeance moments later. Over and over, again and again till he felt little else.

Or at least, he would have preferred that. Physical pain was manageable, he could cope, Raina had showed him how, but this? Elias shook his head as he pressed on. The issue was he didn't want to fight it, he didn't have the willpower to question the guilt, the doubt that surged up inside of him. Too many what ifs. Dozens if not hundreds of regrets flayed his mind, peeling away what made Elias 'Elias'. All his sunny smiles? His lips were firmly pulled back into a grimace. The bright gleam in his eyes? Gone, they were dull and dark like fractured ice. He looked so much like his Father, a spitting image, more than he would ever know. Regret grew in his bones like marrow, building a foundation of a broken, sad sad man. Or rather, a boy who just wanted to belong.

In his search for Revon he staggered further west than he had intended and once again stared up at the gaping entrance of Whisper Caverns. It was almost funny, he would have laughed if he didn't hurt so.

Elias stood there far longer than his toes liked. He didn't even know what he was waiting for, or what he hoped would happen. @Ravenna wasn't going to emerge from the depths, nor was @Thuban or even @Revon. He was alone, and for once he wasn't very concerned about changing that fact.

In typical fashion, the world dismissed his desires and shoved someone his way. Nineva. They had parted somewhat reasonably, as much as could be expected from someone as icy as her, but he hadn't expected to see her again so soon. Her tone was as cold as the weather, but not quite enough to make him numb. That would've been nice, but it wasn't to be.

"Nothing really." He sighed , his shoulders dropping in obvious defeat. He was a fighter- in a sense- but not today. How he was wasn't a big deal, he'd push on till he wore his paws down to the joint if he had to. Still, it was sort of, faintly, flattering that she even cared enough to ask."They hurt sometimes. Hardly ever this bad though."

He knew why but he didn't want to say, didn't want to admit that he was hurting in other ways too. Stubborn boy that he was. Aside from chewing his feet off he wasn't sure how to make it go away....And besides, he didn't think that'd help at all, as tempting as it was as of there and then.

"I'm um...looking for someone. Someone else this time."Another casualty of his ineptitude. Oh, he bet Nineva was going to lap this up, and rightly so. It was all he deserved and more."Revon Archer. Red like her Mother. We were told she was taken by,"he licked his lips. He didn't want to say it, putting it into words made it sound more real. As though he really was laying the blame at the Wolves of the Willow's paws. "A white wolf."

"I don't....know what I'd do if I found him. Or her." He amended, his only just looking away from the cavern's entrance. "Is that bad?"

Elias wouldn't have put it so bluntly but there was no denying that she had a point. In many ways she reminded him of his uncle, so strong and self assured in the knowledge that what they were doing was right. Violence for its own sake was a sin, but what of vengeance and justice? In principle he wanted to agree, to nod along and leave it at that, but the thought still felt a sour taste on the tip of his tongue. Elias had hurt others before, killed even, but just because he couldn't didn't mean he wanted to. At all.

Even now, the prospect bothered him. What would he do if he found the mysterious white wolf? What would he be made to do if war erupted between the wolves of the Heights and the Willows?

Kin slaying kin. Elias swallowed thickly at the thought. Not again, never again. He loved the Archers as though they were family, every single one he had met had treated him with nothing but kindness.  The thought of having to pick a side, of being dragged into a family feud was the last thing he could possibly want. Why couldn't they all just get along? It was clear some sort of mistake had been made down the line, perhaps if they just had a nice and calm conversation they would see-

He supposed he'd already chosen though, hadn't he? He was a wolf of the Heights, whenever @Kyna asked him to jump he'd want to know how high. That's just the sort of guy he was, far too willing to please.

Elias wasn't surprised by her vehemence, he could see it as clear as day and imagined that Kyna felt the same way. A crime like this couldn't go unpunished, the moment they had taken Revon they had sealed their own fate. With all the Archers on the lookout it was only a matter of time till more blood was spilled upon the snow.

Knowing that...it made him want to cry. For what had happened and what would happen...it was all too much for him.

But he didn't-nor could he really in that moment- and instead he turned a little as she settled beside him. No fanfare or fuss just the two of them staring at a cave.

"I've hurt people before...after what they did to me, to the others." He eventually said, looking ahead as though he was talking to the darkness. As if he expected it to speak back or to impart some well needed wisdom. "I don't want to do it again. But...what if I'm told to, what then? I can't say no."

Was it ever as easy as that? Could one word really end it all, push all of his worries aside as if they were nothing? As much as Elias wanted to believe her he couldn't. He was supposed to do good by the wolves of the Heights, he had pledged allegiance to their cause how could he just say no? What if it was as bad as he feared, what if he wasn't worrying over nothing? Could he really hurt those who had done nothing wrong?

Elias didn't have it in him, it would tear him apart if he even tried.

He could see that, despite her icy exterior he was convinced there was good in there, that the world had made her this way. One could only get hurt so many times before they were covered in scabs and scars. Physically she was fine, but her words carried a tired, heavy weight to them. He wasn't going to pry, he knew better than that, but he couldn't help wonder who had tried to drag her down.

Elias didn't want to die and he certainly didn't view himself as a martyr but the seeds of loyalty were buried deep. The longer he stayed at the Heights the deeper the roots would dig, till they coiled around his heart and made him give all he had, and more. Was he ready for that? In all honesty, he didn't know and that frightened him. The prospect of the unknown loomed over his shoulder, digging it's claws into him as it dragged his worries out into the light for all to see. Such a flawed creation he was, surely Nineva could see that.

"I might have to, yes."He told her, softly, as though he feared someone else might be listening.

He glanced to his side, his gaze lingering on her grey eye for a moment before he looked ahead once more. It reminded him of a storm, thunderous and foreboding, and yet awe inspiring, in it's own scary way.

"And if that day comes...I would want to leave, but I fear they would all hate me. What would I do then?" He asked, a panic rising in his voice.

As always, Nineva's words were anything but gentle. But that was okay, Elias-in the short time he had known her- had sort of gotten used to it. Her advice wasn't supportive nor were they kind but...they held strength and a sense of resilience, the sort Elias should have had by now. He'd been through so much and yet the thought of more drama sent him into a downward spiral or worry and fear. He'd stumbled through the last few months, what was to say he couldn't do so again? And perhaps, maybe even come out stronger in the end.

It all seemed so hopeless, as though dark clouds were forming on the horizon, heralding impending doom. Would he stand to face it, or turn and run with his tail between his legs? Only time would tell, he supposed.

He watched her climb to her feet and his heart ached a little. Nineva always seemed as though she had other places she would rather be, which was terribly sad when he thought about it...But then again, she no doubt was an awfully busy woman, so full of pride and purpose. Yeah, that had to be it. He liked that version much much more. Getting to his paws, Elias wiggled his toes and noticed that they didn't really hurt anymore, as though she had chased away his pain with her stern words and glowery gaze. His tail began to swish behind him, a blond blur as a smile tugged at his lips.

"I think I'd seek you out anyway, Nin." He told her, his eyes crinkling at the corners as his voice exuded warmth and affection, as though she was the grandest thing he'd ever set his eyes on. "But I will, promise."

And then he did something that was either very brave, or very stupid. Ducking down, his tail still wagging behind him, he gave her cheek a quick, submissive lick. The sort that said everything he couldn't.