Things had not been quite the same since that day in December, a small rift between the pair. Try as she might the woman spent too much time in her own mind second guessing her mates intentions nowadays. Aponi knew that Serach had done absolutely nothing wrong, in fact he had been nothing but amazing over the last year. Yet, the silver woman had been spending a lot of time alone and it had only gotten worse once her heat had begun.

She knew she wanted to have children again, and she knew she wanted Serach to be their father. But, did she want to further tie herself to the pale man? Wouldn’t that make it even harder if he up and left in the middle of the night? Or god forbid, something happened to his health?

Aponi had been easier on the subordinates this year, they were smaller and the queen had made it very clear how she stood. If any of the females became pregnant then they would be removed from the pack. No exceptions. That had seemed like enough and so the wolf had not bullied them as she had the year before. Laying beneath the grand oak tree the alpha’s blue eyes scanned the horizon for any members that may be nearby, she was craving company.

When he had become aware that something was off, Serach had tried to fix things, and in his mind, he had thought he had been successful. Aponi had never been one for outward displays of affection, and she wasn’t openly hostile towards him and so he thought that he had laid to rest whatever fears she had been feeling. But he had noticed as the weather started to warm up that her approach to him had not done the same, and that was a problem now that breeding season was upon them.

It had not been lost on him that she had been more lenient on their subordinates this year - gone was the snarling she-wolf who had defended her place at the top of the hierarchy. The consequence was that he had decided to stick to the outskirts of his territory to avoid not only the temptation of Aponi’s changing scents, but those of his subordinates as well. He was creeping back towards the den when he saw his mate’s form laying in the snow, almost an identical picture to the way he had found her a few months ago. Stopping in his tracks, he stood as a pale spectre against the trees, quietly watching her to see if she would chase him off.

But after a few moments, he grew too impatient and made the impulsive decision to approach her directly. Mustering up his courage with every step, he drew closer. ”That seems to be your new favorite spot,” he commented drly, his nostrils flaring in response to her changed scent.

She had been craving company, that was a thought that lay in her subconscious moments before Serach’s scent hit her. It was conflicting, her physical need for his connection was almost overpowering but her mind continued to struggle. This was her mate. The man who had stood unwaveringly by her side through everything. But every time she wanted to give in her head stopped her heart, what if he left? It seemed like a futile question in the face of everything they had been through but it still remained.

In the end he made the decision for her and approached. His voice was dry, almost gruff and it made a tingle run down we spine. Turning her gaze onto the pale man she couldn’t help but smile in affection. He really was incredibly handsome, and such a good father. Her voice was weak when she spoke but her words were teasing, ”That way you’ll always know how to find me.”

For a split-second as Aponi turned to look at him, Serach thought she might actually growl or snarl at him. She hadn't been hostile towards him, just evasive, but he had also been smart enough to give her the space she seemed to want. Barging into it now...well, he had seen her lash out in anger before and it was never a good thing to be on the receiving end of that. But when Aponi's blue eyes met his yellow ones, it was with a smile on her lips. Exhaling in relief, he realized that he had been holding his breath waiting for her to respond and he smiled back foolishly. Perhaps he was simply imagining the distance he had felt between them? "I don't need a tree for that," he teased her right back.

But the smile faded away after a moment as the doubt crept back into his brain. He needed to know, one way or the other, where they stood so the uncertainty wouldn't drive him mad. "But I've gotten the sense you haven't wanted me to find you recently," he confessed. His tone was not accusatory but rather almost a question - he hoped she would say he was being silly. "If I've done something to upset you, I'd wish you tell me."

Aponi thought for a minute that she had been able to fool her mate into dismissing her actions. Her joke went over well and when he returned one of his own the mother’s smile grew. But, as her mate’s own expression fell so did the silver woman’s. She should have known better, Serach had been able to see right through since day one even when they had been just friends.

Blinking at his words Aponi looked away quickly. It was a question they both knew the answer to but she was too afraid to say it out loud. She had been far from a good mate she knew, but she had not meant to cause him any pain. All she had wanted to do was protect herself.

Serach was still waiting for an answer but Aponi didn’t know the words to say, so instead she shuffled closer. Tucking her nose up under his chin, burying her face in the fluff of his neck, whimpering softly. The mother knew how this worked at least, the physical part of their relationship was well practiced and easy. The female Donata didn’t want to talk, instead she beat her tail against the ground, stirring the scent of her heat spiraling around them.

Aponi's face was like a mirror and he saw his own facial expression reflected in her features. She didn't seem confused by his question, and her breaking her gaze away from him only confirmed to Serach his suspicions were founded in truth. His stomach lurched and he took a few awkward steps in the snow, shuffling his paws while his tongue fumbled over the next words he had to say.

But any semblance of a sentence was lost when Aponi's warm nose made contact with the pale fur on his neck. His mate had moved closer, tucking her head beneath his. She had nuzzled into the hollow between the bottom of his muzzle and his shoulder, the feel of her breath hot. He whined, high-pitched and earnest. The side-effect of her tail moving from side to side was not going unnoticed either. She can't be that mad at me, his wolf brain thought, leaning into her embrace. A few steps is all it would take and they could put this whole thing behind them.

Until it's over. The rational side of his brain spoke up, screaming to be heard above the hormones raging in his system. Gritting his teeth, Serach tried to will the thoughts away and to just enjoy being close to her. But his brain wouldn't stop yelling at him and to silence the voice, he jerked backward violently, his neck suddenly cold where her head had been. "Answer me," he growled, angry at himself for being so easily persuaded by his baser instincts and at her for putting him in this position to begin with.

At first it seemed like her plan would work, the sound of Serach’s whine high in her ears and the catch in his breathing. Her tail beat harder still at the air in an attempt to seal the deal and put all of this behind them. New pups would fix things, she was sure of it. It was only cold paws after all and new life within the Bend should do wonders to warm them back up.

Aponi moved to bury her nose deeper in his scruff, allowing herself to become intoxicated by his nearness which she couldn’t bring herself to admit that she had missed. Instead though her nose met cold air as he pulled away suddenly, the silver wolf almost stumbling without his body there holding hers upright. Blue eyes blinked in confusion as they sought out her mate, looking for some kind of explanation as to what had just happened.

It wasn’t that he pulled away, or even his tone that set her off. It was his demand. Never before had Serach talked with her that way and while Aponi knew deep down she deserved it she couldn’t accept it. Hackles beginning to raise along her shoulders the she wolf narrowed her eyes, ”You didn’t ask a question. You made a statement.” The words were firm, challenging. Did Serach want to fix things or not? Here she was trying to make some kind of peace offering and he wanted to talk?!

You idiot.

The rational brain that had convinced him to pull away from Aponi's embrace had switched its position and was rapidly trying to back peddle. Serach stared her down, feeling completely unnerved that the blue-gray eyes he knew so well looked so unfamiliar and hostile. Never before had she looked at him like that and he never wanted to see her look at him this way again. Her tone was harsh and challenging, and despite wanting to put on a brave face, his ears fell back flat against his head. That was as much as he was willing to concede though - he continued to stare her down, his breathing heavy and heart racing. A smarter man might have immediately rolled onto his belly and begged for forgiveness, but Serach had never been known as being particularly smart.

"You're upset," he reasserted firmly. "You've been upset. Did you think I was too fucking dumb to notice? I'm not going to just fuck you and be done with it." It hurt him deeply to to know that she thought so lowly of him, that he would do something like that. His hormones were raging, which made the whole situation that much worse, but he could not bring himself to approach her when they were standing on such shaky foundations. "I love you, Aponi, but when you don't talk to me it hurts. So I'll ask you, what is wrong?" It felt grossly unfair for him to have to actually ask, but if that's what it took to try and repair whatever damage there was, then he would do it.

As usual, Aponi’s first reaction was pure anger. If Serach thought that her eyes had been hostile before the gaze that looked upon him now was pure ice, surrounded by an indignant expression on her face. The man finished swearing and the woman looked him over in disgust, never before had he spoken to her so crassly. She wanted to yell, she wanted to lunge forward and shove his muzzle into the snow until he begged her to let go.

But she didn’t.

Instead, through exposed gritted teeth she kept her tone even, cold, ”Don’t you ever speak to me that way again.” It was unacceptable, it was derogatory and frankly it whipped her in all the wrong places. Here she had been so worried that he couldn’t handle all of her truths and she had put distance between them and this just seemed like confirmation.

His next words were softer, an actual question and an explanation of his own feelings. Had Aponi been more mature she could have taken the high road and put everything behind them, laid out her concerns and let Serach soothe her. Aponi was graceful, she could even be respectful but she was at her core a scared little girl putting a wall between herself and the world. Everything her mate said now threatened to pull that wall down and she was fighting hard to keep it intact. ”I have led diligently beside you for a year in these damn woods that you would rather die than leave. Your father is gone, most of the pack is gone and loners aren’t even trying to join us.” the words were all true, all valid worries she had but still not what the root of the problem was. ”Any wolf with eyes can see this pack is dying and yet we stay. We’re not thriving Serach, we’re barely surviving and I know to even suggest we leave and go somewhere else would be a personal attack on you. So we stay in these miserable woods with your oak tree and all I ask is come spring we at least bring a little life back to this graveyard and you’re not even man enough to do that?” She had tried to be honest, even a little kind but the longer she spoke the steelier her tone became, ending in one single word laced with venom. ”Pathetic.”