What if who I hoped to be was always me?

Viorel didn’t really have a plan for the day, and he wasn’t sure exactly where the others had gone off to this morning. Instead, he had chosen to stop and hang around the clearing in case he had a chance to catch up with Sharlee, who was still sleeping. Vayko had found her a few days ago but he had not had a chance to speak with her individually, things had been moving at a crazy pace. He knew that she had been at the impromptu ‘meeting’ they had held at what he intended to be their future home, but he wanted a more intimate conversation with his cousin.

The teen had almost been dozing off himself in a sunny spot when Sharlee emerged from the den, looking a little bleary eyed herself. Wagging his tail against the snow Viorel chuffed a friendly greeting as he got to his paws. He didn’t catch up to her until she was finished at the creek, jogging up next to her he chuffed again. Looking her over with concern he asked, ”How are you feeling? The two leg’s poison made me feel so sick to my stomach for a day or two.” He hoped the same wasn’t true for his younger cousin.

When Vio had first woken up the whole situation had been confusing, hopeless, terrible. Now after speaking Vayko and all their future plans it almost seemed, hopeful? Had all of this been a blessing in disguise?

And the love I fought to feel was always free?

What if who I hoped to be was always me?

It took Sharlee a moment to realize that he was coming up behind her, so maybe she wasn’t feeling quite back to her normal self yet. Not that he could blame her, the two leg poison was the worst thing he had ever experienced. Returning her smile Viorel bumped her shoulder gently in greeting, before bending to take a drink from the stream himself. Sure, he could have easily just eaten the snow, but the flowing water reminded him more of home, a small comfort.

Shrugging away her apology, he certainly wasn’t offended - it took a lot more to offend Viorel than Vayko - he smiled sympathetically. ”I’m doing much better. Things were….tense and confusing for a few days, but I think they’re looking up now.” Sharlee had seemed surprised that the boys had planned on setting up home here, he wondered if she had had time to think about their proposal.

It seemed this was also present on Sharlee’s mind, ”Well, we didn’t at first,” at first all they could think of was home. Shifting on his paws as he thought about the best way to present their reasoning was he continued, ”But, if we go back in the spring we’re going to have to choose whether or not we want to challenge for leadership, vye for the council, or leave to join another pack.” This had been customary back home and had seemed fine when they were younger, but spring was only a few months away now. ”If we stay here and make our own pack Vayko and I can both lead, and we can create something new, something great. But, we would want you to stay with us, if you want to of course!” he wasn’t going to force his cousin to stay, but he really hoped she would.

And the love I fought to feel was always free?

What if who I hoped to be was always me?

Smiling sadly at Sharlee he suddenly realized how different their experiences had been. Sure, Vayko had found her shortly after she woke up, but Viorel had woken up next to his cousin and brother. There were moments that were scary and confusing, but there was never a moment where he was alone in this new world. A slight shudder ran down his dark spine at the thought, causing the grey tipped fur to ruffle as it went. Nodding he murmured, ”I miss them too, I wish I knew where @”Xulia” is. But, maybe they’re still safe at the Estuary?” He almost said home, but caught himself. This was going to be his home now.

Yellow eyes looked over his tawny cousin hopefully as he awaited her answer to his speech. He really did want her to stay, he wanted all the young Valles to stay so they could build something great together, and if one of them left it wouldn’t be the same. She stepped away from him and up onto a rock looking over the creek, and her expression was unreadable. Blunt black claws gripped into the ice underneath him, the silence didn’t actually last long but to Viorel it felt like forever.

Breaking out into a smile as Sharlee stepped down next to him, Valles stick together. Hell yes they did, or at least they were going to. Echoing her words he answered, ”Valles stick together.” They had been taught that as children, and now it felt like it was what drove him, he was going to make something even better for their generation. Glancing sideways in surprise he hummed, he hadn’t even thought that Sharlee might have felt out of place at this decision, ”That’s the best part Shar, you can do whatever you want to. You could be mine or Vayko’s advisor, you could lead all the hunts. Be a scout, learn everything there is to know about this new world, be the guardian that protects our borders.” The speech was getting him a little work up he would admit, ”Now more than ever, there’s no council saying how you should act or who you should be, you can just be whoever you want.”

And the love I fought to feel was always free?

What if who I hoped to be was always me?

Viorel took a moment to mull over what Sharlee had said, it was the truth, they couldn’t put their lives on hold forever. Nodding he agreed, ”That was the realization I came to as well, we could spend the winter hunkering down with no plans for the future or we could use this time to build something new.” Really, what was the point in making a pack, or a band, and temporary shelter just to abandon everything that they had worked so hard on? Also, it seemed that all the Valles were being dumped here if they came. If anyone else showed up they were close to the landing place and should be easy enough to find.

Her smile was encouraging and Viorel felt his tail begin to lighty swish behind him, it really did feel like everything was going to be alright. The four Valles and Clover could all band together and make something of themselves without the shadow of who they were supposed to become. Smiling widely, ”Well, I would love to have to be my advisor, my eyes on the ground as they say.” Unless Vayko really wanted his sister as his own advisor, but Viorel couldn’t think of a better person to keep it real with the pair of them.

Beginning to walk slowly between the trees he asked the question that he had been waiting to ask all along, ”So Sharlee what do you say? Will you stay with us and be my advisor, help us build something here that’s all ours?” With Sharlee along side them Viorel was confident that they would have enough members to make something more official, they would need more members in the long run, but a small band was all they needed to get started.

And the love I fought to feel was always free?

What if who I hoped to be was always me?

This conversation with Sharlee was really putting it into perspective that he may never see the coast again. A wave of homesickness washed over him, he had been so excited about the prospect of leading his own pack that he hadn’t had time to dwell on what it was he was giving up. Would he ever see his sister again? His mom? A frown pulled the edges of his smile down and yellow eyes wavered away from his cousin. He was still unbelievably excited for what was to come, but he was going to need to take the rest of the day to mourn what he had potentially lost.

There wasn’t time now though, these were things he would dwell on when he was alone. For now there was much to do and discuss with Sharlee. With a smile he bumped her shoulder as she accepted his formal request. Things would be good, Viorel couldn’t think of a better advisor than his cousin, she was calculating and even headed, could assess any situation before acting. The pair wandered through their future lands, plans fresh on their minds.

And the love I fought to feel was always free?