The last two weeks had been more emotionally and mentally draining than Viorel could have ever imagined. At this point, he was tired of feeling ashamed and like he was walking on eggshells, and was happy it was all out in the open. For better or worse everyone knew now that both Clover and Vanadis would be bearing his children this spring. Certainly not the surprise that any of them had been expecting.

Viorel was up much earlier than usual. His normal routine had him awake most of the night, sleeping through the morning until the sun was already high in the sky, but today it had only been up for an hour or two. He just couldn’t sleep anymore, and the fatigue was clear in his eyes as he moved throughout the territory. Grey and dreary the weather matched his mood, but he was on a mission to find Vanadis. It had been a couple days since the meeting and they hadn’t had a chance to speak privately since.

Along the way he had a burst of inspiration. Rearing back on his hind legs he had managed to pluck one of the earliest purple blooms from a low bearing empress tree. Clutching it carefully in his jaws so as to not crumple it, he followed Vanadis’s most recent scent path.

Vanadis’ trail eventually led him close to the creek that wound itself in and out of their territory. It’s banks had swole since the beginning of the thaw, most of their snow had retreated back now despite the fact that the nights and some days remained well below freezing. Viorel thought he would have been more excited for the thaw than he was, instead it was just a reminder how quickly the days were passing them by.

She didn’t seem upset by his approach, and so he offered her as much of a smile as he could while still holding the plucked flower in his teeth. Coming in close he attempted to brush it into the fur near her ear. It stuck for now, but he could see it ruffle slightly in the light breeze and knew it was only a matter of time before it fell out. Tired yellow eyes looked her over, it was strange, how she looked the same and yet there was something so important growing inside her.

Glancing back towards her he smirked, that same cheeky grin that he had always shown her, despite the fact that he looked so tired. Raising his eyebrows he teased, ”I could say the same for you Archer, last I checked you were as much of a night owl as I am.” It was what had allowed them so much time to explore. And it was what had gotten them into so much trouble.

Her muzzle grazed his chin, and it felt like electricity running down his back. Things had been so hectic since they had changed their relationship that they had not really even had a chance to enjoy it. If he were a cat he would have purred, but instead he just hummed happily, enjoying the momentary gesture. He watched as the flower wobbled almost comically, before coming to rest in a spot that was more secure at least for now.

Her playful look was a relief. More mature adults may have started openly talking about the problems right off the bat, but for now it was nice to enjoy a moment of flirting. Pressing his forehead against the soft fur behind her ear he chuckled, ”It’s hard to sleep without getting into trouble with you first.” It was true. Prior to everything the pair had spent a lot of nights together out exploring, goofing around, and all of that had kind of come to a skidding halt.

He didn’t really know how to voice how he had been feeling, it was a lot of big emotions for such a young wolf. Of course, he was the cause of a lot of it, but that didn’t mean he was mature enough to speak it out loud. Closing his eyes, but not moving his head he said the only thing that he could think of, ”I’ve missed it, and missed you.” It’s not like they didn’t see each other, but it was different. He wanted to go back out and find sinkholes, and rapids, and orchards, and see the world with her.

Viorel didn’t see the small purple blossom as it floated away, but he definitely noticed as soon as he pulled away. Pulling back slightly so he could sit on his haunches, if they were going to have a serious conversation he was going to look her in the eye. A few days ago he had been unable to do this with his cousin, but even this small moment with Vanadis was steeling his resolve. Things were a mess, but he was going to make the best of it, for her, and for Clover, and for his children. That meant swallowing his pride, and growing up.

It was nice that she understood what he meant when he said that he missed her. She understood that it wasn’t a physical missing, but a longing for the simpleness of what had been just a few weeks ago. Waiting until she met his eye he offered her a smile, not the cheeky grin he usually wore, an actual genuine smile. ”I’m going to be honest with you; I’m scared,” he paused for a moment to make sure that he had his words right, ”but, I don’t regret being with you. I’m scared that I’m not going to be good enough for you, or for our children, or frankly for my children with Clover who will be siblings to ours.” Letting out a slow sigh, there was a lot of chatter in his head he was trying to sort through.

Shifting on his paws in his signature way he tried to make sense of it all. Taking an extra moment he added, ”it’s all really fast you know? But, as much as I’m scared, I’m happy that I met you, and that we’re, you know, that you’re my girlfriend.” It felt like a childish title given they were bringing children into the world, but he didn’t have a better word for it.

Her voice was small, and he hated it. He hated that he knew that he was the cause that destroyed the sarcastic, flirty tone that it usually had, and had been replaced with this smaller version of herself. Silent for just a moment all he could think to say was, ”We’ll get through this together, and if we can’t we can always run away back to the orchard.” The end was supposed to be a joke, but it would be a lie if Viorel hadn’t thought about trying to whisk her away and ignore their problems. But, he wasn’t that kind of wolf, as tempting as it was.

This was still an awkward topic, and when Clover’s name left Vanadis’ mouth the man shifted on his paws again. He wanted to groan but he held it together, ”For what it’s worth, Clover and I are just friends it’s not like with us. It was only because erm, well I obviously didn’t know we were going to get together and Vayko told me the pack would need pups and she offered…..it was just, for the pack.” It felt like a lame excuse now, but it was the honest truth. ”But um, they’re still going to be my kids so I’m obviously going to love them and want them to be around and that means Clover too.” There was no explaining this in a good way, all he could hope for was that time would heal their relationships so they could all be more comfortable.

His salt and pepper brow furrowed deep over his yellow eyes at the end of her statement. It had started off so nice and made him feel butterflies in a way that he hadn’t felt before with anyone. Every girl before had liked him because he was a Valle and wanted the status symbol, but it seemed like Vanadis liked him for him. But, what had she meant by slow them down? The confusion was clear in his voice, ”Slow down? What do you mean? Is that something you want?” Was she trying to tell him to back off?