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+---- Thread: Jasper Rocks my fears have worn me out (/showthread.php?tid=1963)
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my fears have worn me out - Jaysyek - Mar 17, 2012
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Almost like a ghost come back to haunt her, the difference being the ghost was alive, Alexander had found her wishing to see his daughter who she counted as much as her own. She had kept it together best she could with his anxious eyes, and Elettra's silver pair upon her. The truth of what she had almost believed she would never half to tell Arlette was inevitable. There was no escaping the it. Much as she knew this, and did not want to keep Alex and Arlette apart, it hurt.
The whirl wind of emotions she had caged not wanting to make things any more difficult. Now after she had asked to be given the time to do what was best for the mountain pup,she had adopted as her own, they were threatening to escape and make her come undone.
The silverly wolf, she did want Lettie to know the truth. The problem was things were fragile, so paper thin she wanted to break the news best she could. She had withheld it not wanting to put a strain on the already broken family, and he had thought that had been a smart choice. The last thing Jaysyek had wanted to do was alienate Arlette from the only family she'd known. How on earth was she going to tell her she was not her real mom, and Borden was not her father? What was worse, Theo had been her real brother, and he was gone too. She felt like beating her head against a stone rock, it would be nothing compared to the new rip upon her soul. There was only one wolf who could help her.
Maybe, just maybe.
He had offered to be there for her. All at once she was desperate to find him. She wasn't in the best state, and worried about her sense of judgement. She didn't care about the smell that clung to her coat. He had let her take them in, and this needed his sense too. A gulp of air, stiffly she pulled herself through the forest, trying to track down his fresh scent. She glided around like a tethered bird, frantic for freedom.
Her last resort was Jasper Rocks, their hold haunt, praying he might be there, or find her.
The whirl wind of emotions she had caged not wanting to make things any more difficult. Now after she had asked to be given the time to do what was best for the mountain pup,she had adopted as her own, they were threatening to escape and make her come undone.
The silverly wolf, she did want Lettie to know the truth. The problem was things were fragile, so paper thin she wanted to break the news best she could. She had withheld it not wanting to put a strain on the already broken family, and he had thought that had been a smart choice. The last thing Jaysyek had wanted to do was alienate Arlette from the only family she'd known. How on earth was she going to tell her she was not her real mom, and Borden was not her father? What was worse, Theo had been her real brother, and he was gone too. She felt like beating her head against a stone rock, it would be nothing compared to the new rip upon her soul. There was only one wolf who could help her.
Maybe, just maybe.
He had offered to be there for her. All at once she was desperate to find him. She wasn't in the best state, and worried about her sense of judgement. She didn't care about the smell that clung to her coat. He had let her take them in, and this needed his sense too. A gulp of air, stiffly she pulled herself through the forest, trying to track down his fresh scent. She glided around like a tethered bird, frantic for freedom.
Her last resort was Jasper Rocks, their hold haunt, praying he might be there, or find her.
my fears have worn me out - Borden - Mar 18, 2012
On the banks of the river Borden rested at the base of an ancient cedar. His sphinx-like position left him staring at the water; the only part of him that seemed to be moving was his rib cage which rose and fell just enough for his heartbeat to slow to a calmer pace. Apart from breathing he would also only blink every so often when he could not stand the cool spring air pressing against his eyes. His encounter with Raigo had given him a shock and for the past few days he had been recovering from it. The only way his body seemed to cope was to submit to a catatonic state. To cease all movement and wait for the hour in which he could finally stretch and slowly carry on with his day.
His body quivered as he closed his eyes for a few moments. He had been held captive here for a little over an hour now, just praying for release every time he mentally submerged from his thoughts. His arm twitched and he dragged it across the smooth pebbles before him. His eyes dropped to his other forepaw but eventually went back to staring at the forest across the river. He had figured by now that several things at hand prompted these fits - the perfume in the air, the hardships he had overcome and the allegiances he had fought to obtain, Elettra's ever-present vigilance to his whereabouts... the idea that some other man had put Jaysyek under a spell - and no matter what he did in attempt to keep his joints from locking up, he found himself absolutely helpless. At least this time it happened when he had fully reclined into a semi-comfortable position. Previously he had stumbled into the mud after standing still for so long.
The sound of paws pressing against the thawing earth made his ears swivel but he could not turn his head to see who had come forth from the thinning foliage. It wasn't until Jaysyek's scent wafted in his direction that a sort of relief washed over him but it took him several seconds regain full control of himself. It felt as if he had stood up for the first time after being knocked down by nearby brisance. At first he was only able to lower and raise his ears, then, slowly, he was able to painfully stretch out his left hind leg. Seconds after, he successfully opened and closed his clenched jaw. Pointing his muzzle towards where he had heard her footsteps, he let out a soft woof in acknowledgement then tilted his head curiously.
my fears have worn me out - Jaysyek - Mar 19, 2012
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Her heart felt like it was in her throat, making her seem to choke on the air coming in and out of her air way instead of breathing in and out like a normal being. She would be very unreconagized if anyone would see her now. She was not the calm, cool, and collected leader she often tried to be. She raised up on her toe tops, her black nose tipped in the faint breeze to catch a clue of his whereabouts. Her shoulders slowly sagged, and she lowered her frame back down to earth. This was a hell of a time for him not to be found, and the pressing guilt of all she done made her chest feel more heavy. She was starting to hyper ventilate. Calmly she took in a breath holding it tight. Very slowly she began to let it out."Oh, Borden," she sighed. Damn it, why was life so damn hard? Tail idly wipped the air behind her while she did her best to control her wild emotions. She was about to start up creek when she heard the famliar woof.
"Borden?" She called out much louder this time, her brow raised in uncertainty. She found her paws and cuatiously padded toward the sound. Mismatched eyes went around the tree she spotted him in his usual position seeming to look more like the shadow of who he really was. What was to do. She became unsure if she should talk to him now, and her front paw hung in the air ready to pull back before he saw her. She stubbornly put it down, striding forward. There you.....are," she blurted her the worry lines of her face trying to smooth. She tried to place what was an upside frown on her lips, but her lips merely straightened. Her stance was not strong like she was trying to keep it, her legs were quivering from the spike of both adreniline and emotions trying to fight for reign. Body was shaking she made herself move closer to him to try to hide the plain facts she was litteraly shaken. She really wanted to be next to him, and cry until she couldn't cry any more. Who knew when she would stop? Small talk on the edge of her lips she made a great effort to sit down. She could not resist resting her nose near his paws. There was some comfort in being close, she wasn't going to press her luck. She would not fall any farther. Mismatched eyes shifted to his to abruptly move back down to the place just past her nose.
Her breath came quick, and almost even threatning to give her away. She let her teeth sink the inside of her cheeks. "You..you know how you said we..could talk?" The words fell slowly from her lips, precise and very delicate. She ran them in her mind again, not sure if they were coherent. She decided that was behind the point, and shifted her weight, gulpling down what she really wanted to say. After what seemed like a great silent moment of nothing she tried again."I..There..your..not busy are you?" It was probably the dumbest thing she could have said. He wasn't doing anything, and she knew he would listen to her, if not be there for her in all this. Jaysyek did not know where to start. The once independent wolf she had been was hoping for his rescue once again, most desperately. She closed her eyes, pulling her muzzle away and shaking her head at herself. "It's about Arlette, it's...Alexander is back." There it was in the open, and she she cringed uncertain what the release of it all would cause. How could it be less than a brisance?
"Borden?" She called out much louder this time, her brow raised in uncertainty. She found her paws and cuatiously padded toward the sound. Mismatched eyes went around the tree she spotted him in his usual position seeming to look more like the shadow of who he really was. What was to do. She became unsure if she should talk to him now, and her front paw hung in the air ready to pull back before he saw her. She stubbornly put it down, striding forward. There you.....are," she blurted her the worry lines of her face trying to smooth. She tried to place what was an upside frown on her lips, but her lips merely straightened. Her stance was not strong like she was trying to keep it, her legs were quivering from the spike of both adreniline and emotions trying to fight for reign. Body was shaking she made herself move closer to him to try to hide the plain facts she was litteraly shaken. She really wanted to be next to him, and cry until she couldn't cry any more. Who knew when she would stop? Small talk on the edge of her lips she made a great effort to sit down. She could not resist resting her nose near his paws. There was some comfort in being close, she wasn't going to press her luck. She would not fall any farther. Mismatched eyes shifted to his to abruptly move back down to the place just past her nose.
Her breath came quick, and almost even threatning to give her away. She let her teeth sink the inside of her cheeks. "You..you know how you said we..could talk?" The words fell slowly from her lips, precise and very delicate. She ran them in her mind again, not sure if they were coherent. She decided that was behind the point, and shifted her weight, gulpling down what she really wanted to say. After what seemed like a great silent moment of nothing she tried again."I..There..your..not busy are you?" It was probably the dumbest thing she could have said. He wasn't doing anything, and she knew he would listen to her, if not be there for her in all this. Jaysyek did not know where to start. The once independent wolf she had been was hoping for his rescue once again, most desperately. She closed her eyes, pulling her muzzle away and shaking her head at herself. "It's about Arlette, it's...Alexander is back." There it was in the open, and she she cringed uncertain what the release of it all would cause. How could it be less than a brisance?
hope this isn't as scattered as Jayse is.
my fears have worn me out - Borden - Mar 20, 2012
"Borden?" her voice called out. She emerged from behind a tree and he merely stared as she approached. "There you..... are." His ears perked up. She looked distraught and it immediately made him furrow his brows. Her quivering figure drew closer and he slowly folded his left hind leg back into its natural position, curling his tail limply around him. "You..you know how you said we..could talk?" her voice came again. When she finally settled down he was looking up at her expectantly.
His sealed lips pursed for a moment before he replied quietly, "Yes?" Without thinking he heavily added an almost accusing "Why?" His ears folded back as suspicions began to form in his mind. "I..There..you're..not busy are you?" It was a rather odd thing to say, he thought, but he shook his head in reply. He could have been busy holding a vigil over the river but, really, compared to receiving Jaysyek's attention nothing was more important. She shook her head and he waited patiently as she tried to sort out what she was trying to tell him. "It's about Arlette, it's...Alexander is back."
His jaw fell open and he sprung up onto his feet in shock. "WHAT?!" His ears flattened and he scowled as he took an uneven step forward. His muzzle wrinkled but it was not accompanied by a growl or any sound of discontent. What little crossness he harbored only sounded out in an exasperated sigh when he closed his eyes and sat back down with his back to the white lady. In comparison to a lone graying tower seemingly forgotten by time, Borden might have been the most dilapidated of the two. "What does he want?" his voice had quieted to a tone barely above a whisper. "Has he finally come for her? How did he know she was here?"
my fears have worn me out - Jaysyek - Mar 20, 2012
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He pale ears pressed to her skull at the word why, but for different reasons than his. What strangers they'd become, and she had been hopefule they had gotten past it. It was obvious they had not, most painfully. She swallowed again, hating all the pressing issues that struck like sharp knives against her brain. Couldn't she only have one thing to deal with at a time? She was certainly stronger, but her limitations were coming to a breaking end. He nodded his head, and a nervous wry smile played against the corners of her lips. Get a grip. Inwardly she sharply said to herself. No time to be a mess now.
Then it was voiced, and another part of her life was changed.
Upon his movement to his paws she shrank back to clear the way. His scowl did not go unoted, and a prominant frown hung on her lips. She was afraid this was the turn things were taking, and sometime she wondered if she'd just spontainously combust. Part of her wished for her heart to do that. Let someone else try to sort all this fricken madness. The ideas of death were shoved back into the dark corners. Ears cupped foward, eyes trained upon him waiting for the growl to follow with his disheveled cream, and brown muzzle. There was no growl or further words, a sigh falling into tune with the one that fell from her own mouth. Somewhere the sharp pains she internally felt, and a headache raced across the back of her skull. Did Elettra have a remedy to put her out for a week? Her white teeth set hard, almost grinding together. She almost missed the hushed tones of his questions. Her chin tucked to her chest in protect herself, from what she did not know. With her eyes yielded sideways her eyes would seek his before flinching away. "He just wants to see her, but he has no want to just take her away. I..have offered him to stay, and asked him if I could sort this out...before she knows." The air became still, and disturbingly quiet.
She shuffled herself closer to him wanting his touch, but feeling rather undeserving of it, and she froze herself."I don't know what to do," she quietly murmured, but Arlette was not the only thing. Yet, Arlette and Alexander were the most important in her eyes.She had to sort one issue before stepping into another.
Then it was voiced, and another part of her life was changed.
Upon his movement to his paws she shrank back to clear the way. His scowl did not go unoted, and a prominant frown hung on her lips. She was afraid this was the turn things were taking, and sometime she wondered if she'd just spontainously combust. Part of her wished for her heart to do that. Let someone else try to sort all this fricken madness. The ideas of death were shoved back into the dark corners. Ears cupped foward, eyes trained upon him waiting for the growl to follow with his disheveled cream, and brown muzzle. There was no growl or further words, a sigh falling into tune with the one that fell from her own mouth. Somewhere the sharp pains she internally felt, and a headache raced across the back of her skull. Did Elettra have a remedy to put her out for a week? Her white teeth set hard, almost grinding together. She almost missed the hushed tones of his questions. Her chin tucked to her chest in protect herself, from what she did not know. With her eyes yielded sideways her eyes would seek his before flinching away. "He just wants to see her, but he has no want to just take her away. I..have offered him to stay, and asked him if I could sort this out...before she knows." The air became still, and disturbingly quiet.
She shuffled herself closer to him wanting his touch, but feeling rather undeserving of it, and she froze herself."I don't know what to do," she quietly murmured, but Arlette was not the only thing. Yet, Arlette and Alexander were the most important in her eyes.She had to sort one issue before stepping into another.
my fears have worn me out - Borden - Mar 20, 2012
Borden shivered as he leveled his muzzle and reopened his eyes to face the river. Jaysyek edged closer once more. He internally braced himself for her touch but the chilly vernal air continued to linger between them. Her own voice lowered into a hushed tone after she disclosed to him that the fallen king of the Plateau had only wanted to see Arlette, "I don't know what to do." His ears rose from their pinned back position and he glanced to her briefly from the corner of his eye.
A part of him questioned why she had come for his advice. She had Kade, after all, so why would she seek for his counsel on the matter? He winced, the voice in his head reminded him that in some sense Arlette had been his (and Jaysyek's) adopted daughter, not Kade's. "I don't know either," he answered back in a defeated tone. "If he only means to see her then go right ahead. It... It doesn't seem right anyhow to deny him his request. Arlette is his daughter to begin with." The simple black line carved across his muzzle drew downward again before cracking open to expand on his answer. "It's up to Arlette in the end, how she perceives things as they are for herself," he offered. "If you'd like I could talk to her? Tell her the truth about the Mountain of Dire, her family. Unless you prefer that I didn't; it's probably the only thing I can do to help... I don't think I can face Alexander."
my fears have worn me out - Jaysyek - Mar 20, 2012
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What he said made sense. It was Arlette's choice.Of coarse the answer was obvious once
it had become spoken. Instantly one burden was lifted from her shoulders, followed by
another one he offered to be the one to tell her. Her pale mask was a vacant stare, she
was far off thinking of past days when she was certain of things. A blink her eyes focused
on his own sullen facade. How badly she wanted to turn the corner's of his lips upward,
and assure him this time that everything was alright. She wanted to make him laugh, and forget, and yet remember. How could she say that if she wasn't convinced things were fine. Plain and simple they weren't. Rolling sigh, she shifted, and let the side of her jaw slide against the closet part of him. "You're right. Arlette is not exactly a child, and it should be her choice. And..if you told her well I'd appreciate that." She said, trying to keep her voice steady though it really wanted to fall apart like the rest of her.
She was worried about Alexander and Borden. Could they be friends? Could they put their differences aside, and past wrongs? She didn't know, and her head titled in her bemusement. She pulled herself back from him as if she was pressing her luck looking for kindness. "I understand, I don't think he'll exactly seek you out. Elettra will be round him any way. Or I did ask her to show him around. He looks like a skeleton with fur." She pointedly shielded her eyes from his, not sure if she could handle gazing back into his face. She was afraid what she might see there. Paw idly twitching beneath her, she let her head hang, ears turned back, almost appearing non-existent. "I'm sorry..for all this..and you..you've been so kind and patient through it all...."
it had become spoken. Instantly one burden was lifted from her shoulders, followed by
another one he offered to be the one to tell her. Her pale mask was a vacant stare, she
was far off thinking of past days when she was certain of things. A blink her eyes focused
on his own sullen facade. How badly she wanted to turn the corner's of his lips upward,
and assure him this time that everything was alright. She wanted to make him laugh, and forget, and yet remember. How could she say that if she wasn't convinced things were fine. Plain and simple they weren't. Rolling sigh, she shifted, and let the side of her jaw slide against the closet part of him. "You're right. Arlette is not exactly a child, and it should be her choice. And..if you told her well I'd appreciate that." She said, trying to keep her voice steady though it really wanted to fall apart like the rest of her.
She was worried about Alexander and Borden. Could they be friends? Could they put their differences aside, and past wrongs? She didn't know, and her head titled in her bemusement. She pulled herself back from him as if she was pressing her luck looking for kindness. "I understand, I don't think he'll exactly seek you out. Elettra will be round him any way. Or I did ask her to show him around. He looks like a skeleton with fur." She pointedly shielded her eyes from his, not sure if she could handle gazing back into his face. She was afraid what she might see there. Paw idly twitching beneath her, she let her head hang, ears turned back, almost appearing non-existent. "I'm sorry..for all this..and you..you've been so kind and patient through it all...."
my fears have worn me out - Borden - Mar 21, 2012
The masked Lyall felt a wave of warmth brush up against him. It took him a second or two to realize Jaysyek had nuzzled her jaw across his shoulder and neck, her nose tip barely nudging the base of his ear. He released the breath of air that had caught in his chest. Eventually he nodded in a thoughtful manner. He would have to talk to Arlette then sometime soon. These days he found himself unable to keep up with the pups and often resort to either resting here near the river or slowly making his rounds while keeping tabs on their whereabouts through scent alone.
She drew away slightly then told him that it was not likely that Alexander would seek him out... that their ex-leader had almost been withered away after the event on the mountainside. Before he could even grimace, Jaysyek averted her gaze. It was terrible news, and the memories that were woven around the deed that brought Arlette and Theodore to their doorstep did little to curb the pained expression that struck his dark features. "Elettra will surely take care of him then," he commented once his brow and muzzle smoothed out. She dropped her head and he glanced to her quietly. The wolf who sat at his side had seemingly dwindled from the proud leader he had known. "I'm sorry..for all this.." she spoke. "...and you..you've been so kind and patient through it all...."
The apology had taken him by surprise for once but he then realized that he probably should have expected it in the long run. Old habits die hard... he supposed. He shifted enough to turn around to fully face her. To tenderly sweep his lips and nose along her ivory shoulder. "Don't be sorry," he whispered. "It was never your fault."
my fears have worn me out - Jaysyek - Mar 21, 2012
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What he would say to Arlette she did not know, but had great faith it would be the right thing. Jayse she'd be around if Arlette needed her. What really bothered her, and made her sad was thinking Lettie was the only one who had accepted him back. Hocus, and Trisden might not have said anything ill, and they too had gone off on their own adventure. She saw neither of them giving him much heed. It was another thing she was set to change. The how, and when where out of her reach. She couldn't force things together if they refused to be. Quite frankly she felt like she was living to different lives, and could not bring them together. Day by day she was being pulled apart. She wasn't sure how many pieces were left, and if they could fuse together.
Badly she wanted to lie down, and close her eyes without a single thought to disturb her. Eyelids sweeping across her unmatched gaze, a considerate nod he did not back away from the responsibility she had asked him. A faint smile curved at the base of her cheek. Surely if he could help sort her out, he could help Arlette discover the truth of her birth, and her real parents. She would always be her daughter no matter, and it would be a secret no longer contained. Another thing that eased her mind.Tremendously she wanted to offer him more than her thanks. What she did not know. What could she give him? She felt like she tortured him these days. Even now...
She could feel the sorrow, almost as if it were a living thing. There lives were nothing perfect, they did have each other, and their children. Things certainly looked grim, but she kept faith in time all things would heal. What else kept her moving on? If there was no way to mend what had once been, and appeared to be half there between them there was no denying she'd always be tied to Borden Lyall.
It was if they were silent for those that had passed, and though he appeared no happier for the first time he spoke Elettra's name saying something almost nice. Ear was sharply to turn, and eyes shift up. If it hadn't been for their somber talk she might have smiled. Eyes cast down, and her paws twitched like she was uncomfortable in her own skin. Upon the fragile touch she let her face lean into him, ears straining to the softened sound of his voice. Taking her time she pulled back, her eyes glistening when she met his. "That's the thing, it's nobody's."
Her tongue uncurled and she licked his cheek. "See, I realize nobody wins in the blame game everyone just hurts," she swallowed, but never once let her eyes fall from his. If I can forgive Kiche, and offer him a second chance then why not you?"
Badly she wanted to lie down, and close her eyes without a single thought to disturb her. Eyelids sweeping across her unmatched gaze, a considerate nod he did not back away from the responsibility she had asked him. A faint smile curved at the base of her cheek. Surely if he could help sort her out, he could help Arlette discover the truth of her birth, and her real parents. She would always be her daughter no matter, and it would be a secret no longer contained. Another thing that eased her mind.Tremendously she wanted to offer him more than her thanks. What she did not know. What could she give him? She felt like she tortured him these days. Even now...
She could feel the sorrow, almost as if it were a living thing. There lives were nothing perfect, they did have each other, and their children. Things certainly looked grim, but she kept faith in time all things would heal. What else kept her moving on? If there was no way to mend what had once been, and appeared to be half there between them there was no denying she'd always be tied to Borden Lyall.
It was if they were silent for those that had passed, and though he appeared no happier for the first time he spoke Elettra's name saying something almost nice. Ear was sharply to turn, and eyes shift up. If it hadn't been for their somber talk she might have smiled. Eyes cast down, and her paws twitched like she was uncomfortable in her own skin. Upon the fragile touch she let her face lean into him, ears straining to the softened sound of his voice. Taking her time she pulled back, her eyes glistening when she met his. "That's the thing, it's nobody's."
Her tongue uncurled and she licked his cheek. "See, I realize nobody wins in the blame game everyone just hurts," she swallowed, but never once let her eyes fall from his. If I can forgive Kiche, and offer him a second chance then why not you?"
my fears have worn me out - Borden - Mar 21, 2012
She briefly let herself lean into him and for the time being he allowed himself to indulge in her closeness. It was possibly the one thing he sorely missed these days. Just the two of them, being near one another without all the craziness that had seemingly either sprung up in his absence or followed him back into Grizzly Hollow. He held her eyes with his as she withdrew from him. "That's the thing," she murmured. "It's nobody's."
She licked his cheek and the faintest of smiles settled on his features. The words she then offered made his smile broaden momentarily. She was right and, in the seconds that followed, he too realized it. No one won in the end and, ultimately, everyone hurt. The rhetorical question that accompanied her wise words made him crane his neck downward just enough to allow him to rub the bridge of his muzzle to her chin. The air seemed to be electrified now and it occurred to him that a small window of opportunity had opened. Perhaps the two of them could start all over again... Just perhaps. Since he had returned to the Hollow, he had believed that he was unworthy of her love, her sole companionship even... It had always hurt to even think about it, to just believe that maybe in the face of Kade and Elettra's reign that he had a chance of winning Jaysyek back was folly.
It didn't seem to hurt now though, he discerned, and he took a moment to assess what they had. Together. If this truly was a shot for him to come clean, to find grace by Jaysyek's forgiveness, what did it ultimately mean then? He tried to make sense of everything before their meeting here... It troubled him. What about Kade? Trisden and Hocus' doubts? Elettra's cultivated abhorrence for him as a leader? He tried not to think any further and closed his eyes as he straightened his posture to look back at the river before he reopened them. Once all his fears and doubts had been swallowed he turned back to her. His tone was level and he cautiously dared to tread further onto the topic, slowly asking the question as if the sound of his voice alone would splinter what delicate notions could be formed between them, "Where do we start then?"