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+---- Thread: Red Fern Forest you're a ghost but that's okay (/showthread.php?tid=20425)
you're a ghost but that's okay - Gwendolyn - Feb 13, 2022
@Flair
“I’m way too tired for all of this,” She mumbled quietly beneath the slowly returning reds and oranges of the trees above her, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath through her nose before pushing it out of her mouth. Both her eyelids and tongue just felt so heavy in saying them, that she wasn’t entirely sure she’d be able to open her eyes again. Everything just felt like it cost too much energy, too much of her time, too much of everything about and of her. It had been like this ever since she’d been on her own. A bone deep weariness had settled in her bones and Gwendolyn wasn’t sure it’d ever leave now.
There was no reason for her to have been gone for so long - Gwendolyn felt terrible for leaving, after promising to meet up with Flair after the winter thaws had well, thawed. But it was spring again at least? And while it had been a whole year just about, she promised to be back by time the ice had melted and things had grown so technically -
Shaking out those thoughts from her brain, Gwendolyn knew why she’d left, deep down. She had gotten scared. Flair had been so nice and kind to her and Gwendolyn had been such a weirdo and -
She’d never admit it out loud, because for all her bravado about just wanting to know where the man wound up; there had been a scared young girl in her chest ever since her mother died, all alone with the briefest glint of hope that maybe if her father had been here and alive, she’d have slightest reason to call somewhere home. Even if it was just to tell him a ‘fuck you.’ and find herself on the other side of the lands he called home.
Maybe then he’d know the fraction of pain her mother went through and by extension, Gwendolyn when her last parent passed, knowing his daughter was so close but so far away.
But he’d gone and died years ago, buried in the very same pack lands he’d loved more than the mate he’d grown to love or the daughter he never stayed to know.
There had also been a disconcerting feeling that had settled even deeper in her heart, that Gwendolyn had yet to shake. It was a sort of disquieting bafflement, she supposed, that had settled into her bones too, after talking to Flair and how she'd had a mother and whole pack to rely on, after her own father’s death. While Gwendolyn had had no one but herself to look after. There were no siblings to ease the pain with, no uncles or aunts or cousins to share in the heartache, at least as far as she knew. There weren't even trusted friends and comrades to come to her aid, for the first month or two of darkness that enshrouded her, that barely left her able to hunt. There wasn’t even time or enough grace in the world for Gwendolyn to mourn those first few months and she wasn’t sure there’d ever be enough.
All she could have done and still could do was to survive, nothing more.
RE: you're a ghost but that's okay - Flair - Feb 13, 2022
[dohtml]
 She’d twisted her shoulder worse than it first seemed, stepping in that fox hole, walking with a noticeable limp, and the uneven footing in this bloody forest didn’t make it any better. Every step was painful and on top of that, she’d had to turn back numerous times when the undergrowth got so heavy it blocked her path – having grown up in a damn thicket, this was especially infuriating. Already, she had been away longer than she’d planned, and she worried about being too late; I shouldn’t have left in the first place… She’d needed some time on her own though, time to think; And a fat lot it’s helped…! This was all her own doing, and that only made it worse. All she could do was push on, struggling through the snow and bramble, wobbling slightly every time she had to compensate for her aching shoulder. In her state, she wasn’t at all excited to catch the scent of wolf on the breeze, fresh, couldn’t be far up ahead. She contemplated turning around, but she was exhausted already, she didn’t need another detour. Besides, there was something vaguely familiar about the scent, tough she couldn’t quite place it. Giving in to following the trail, she soon caught sight of a figure up ahead, silvery and russet fur standing out clearly against the snow. Flair’s eyes narrowed, a frown creasing her brow. Then she stumbled to a halt, calling out in shock: “G… Gwen?” ”Speech" Thoughts |
RE: you're a ghost but that's okay - Gwendolyn - Feb 14, 2022
Her ears swivelling towards a voice calling out her name, her eyes followed suit and her breath hitched in her throat as they landed on a familiar looking wolf. Gwen honestly wasn’t expecting to run into anyone, let alone...
“...Flair?” The word felt thick on her tongue as she spoke the other’s name, like she’d just eaten some honey and hadn’t quite swallowed yet. Nerves flared up at the sight of her, guilt eating away at her stomach as Gwen shuffled her paws and dropped her eyes down. It was then she noticed the way Flair was holding her leg, as if she’d sprained something. “Are you alright?”The last question almost came out too fast yet the concern was clear and dripped from her teeth all the same. That wasn’t good because as far as Gwen knew, Flair wasn’t part of a pack that laid close by and she was acutely aware that any sort of injury to a (lone) wolf could spell a potential death.
Taking a few steps towards the other, Gwen tilted her nose towards the injured leg. “It’s not too bad is it? Do you need any help?” Because dammit, if Gwen didn’t feel like she needed to something to distract her right now from all the thoughts swirling in her head.
RE: you're a ghost but that's okay - Flair - Feb 15, 2022
[dohtml]
| Was she hallucinating? I must be more exhausted than I thought… Surely this was just some stranger bearing a small resemblance, it couldn’t possibly be the same wolf she’d met on the mountain over a year ago. Except, she reacted to the call, turning to meet Flair with familiar silver eyes. An odd feeling bloomed in her chest as she met that gaze, her throat tightening strangely. Rust-red ears twitched as her name was returned, confirming without a shadow of a doubt that this really was her. For a moment she remained frozen, locked in place by that piercing look, but then Gwen’s eyes turned down, breaking the spell. Flair shook her head, sucking air in through her teeth to try and clear her thoughts. A rush of mixed feelings were battling for her attention, hurt being paramount among them, but there was relief too – she’d worried something horrible might have happened to the other shewolf, yet here she was, seemingly unharmed; So where did you go? The sudden question brought her back out of her head, looking at the larger woman with confusion; “I… Am I…?” She started, feeling the anger start to prickle at the back of her neck. But she stuttered to a halt as Gwendolyn came closer, again feeling herself tense up. She finally made the connection as the other wolf motioned towards her leg, her sincere worry diffusing Flair’s ire for a moment. “Oh what, This?” She asked, raising her leg slightly; “It’s nothing.” It would probably have come off as more sincere if the motion didn’t make her wince. Trying to push the attention off herself, she rushed to ask: “How about you? What happened t’ you? Where did you go?” Her voice grew louder with each question, showing a hint of that same anger returning. Yet, her expression was concerned as she looked at the silver-grey woman, brows creased in worry. ”Speech" Thoughts |
RE: you're a ghost but that's okay - Gwendolyn - Feb 23, 2022
Blinking at Flair as a look of confusion crossed Gwen’s face before she realized that of course Flair would be mad. There had been a promise made, to meet after the thaws and what had Gwen done?
Nothing. She’d done nothing but turned tail and left the other in the dust. Just like he had.
“I...I’m sorry, for not showing up. Going to his grave seemed just....” Too much for her heart to bear, so soon after her mother’s death? Her mother seemed nearly convinced on her deathbed, that he was alive and Gwen supposed a bit of that had settled into her as well. “It was too fresh, not...not after...” A hotness welled up behind her eyes and her voice kept catching but Gwen tried to stay strong, she had to stay strong. She only had herself after all, no matter how nice and safe it felt to have Flair nearby. To have someone who did seem to care, to be angry enough to ask where she’d been and look concerned enough. “My mother, she was only 4 months gone when I met you.” She’d never met him but the death of a parent still burned brightly in her then and had only dulled slightly since their meeting. "So I went back to visit her."
The woman just hoped Flair understood what she meant, because Gwendolyn wasn’t sure she was strong enough to elaborate if Flair pressed for more information about that subject.
"We...can catch up, if you want. Can rest that leg for a bit before you go." Gwen wasn't going to press her if she refused but she hadn't missed that wince Flair gave.
RE: you're a ghost but that's okay - Flair - Feb 24, 2022
[dohtml]
| Her obvious confusion was another stab of hurt; Did she really just forget? Or was it just that it hadn’t meant that much to her in the first place? As Gwen started to explain though, it didn’t take long for Flair’s pique to fade, quickly replaced by guilt as she heard the tension in the other woman’s voice. The explanation made perfect sense, of course it would have been overwhelming – caught up in her own feelings, Flair had forgotten the weight of everything that had been on her friend’s shoulders at the time. Catching the glint of tears in Gwen’s eyes, the fiery shewolf grimaced, mentally kicking herself for being so insensitive. Ignoring the pain in her shoulder, she limped across the remaining distance between them, reaching to rub her muzzle comfortingly against the larger wolf’s shoulder. She wanted to apologize, but before she could find the right words, Gwen spoke again, prompting Flair to pull her head back up and meet those luminous silver eyes, her own, rust red brows raised in surprise; Go…? She almost said it out loud, blinking in confusion, she was in no hurry to go anywhere. Flair shook her head lightly to signify as much, licking her lips before finally speaking softly: “I’m sorry Gwen. Of course, I understand, it was just… I waited for you at the Orchard and when y’ didn’t come… I jus’ got real worried, y’know?” She tried smiling up at the other woman, though it was shaky. She felt odd, suddenly realizing how close she was standing to the other woman, their noses almost touching. Her chest felt strangely tight, voice hoarse as she continued: “Resting would be nice.” ”Speech" Thoughts |
RE: you're a ghost but that's okay - Gwendolyn - Mar 06, 2022
Gwen realised too, just how close the two were when Flair turned towards her and their noses nearly brushed together.
"It's my fault for not saying anything before leaving." Gwen muttered, her cheeks heating up slightly as she glanced away from Flair's eyes and wondered if she should step away. Would it offend Flair if she did? Her skin was feeling kind of tight but it was...nice. Was this really what it felt like to have someone care, who wasn't a parent? To worry like Flair was? "But it's in the past now, I guess." Because it was and now it was warming up a bit once again, maybe Gwen would actually hang around this time and wait to see if Flair felt up to showing her the way.
Realising that she should back up her words about Flair resting, Gwen glanced around before gesturing towards some small cluster of trees that seemed to have kept the ground below them mostly free of snow.
"C'mon, that leg of yours must be hurting." Yet she still didn't move, waiting to see if Flair would take the first steps towards the trees, to see if it was the right call.
RE: you're a ghost but that's okay - Flair - Mar 07, 2022
[dohtml]
| Her head was spinning, breathing oddly shallow; I must have hurt that leg worse than I thought…! Or perhaps it was just the strain of continuing to walk on it. She blinked slowly to try and clear her head, opening her eyes only to stare straight into Gwen’s star-like silvers – only for a second, then the other woman looked away, mumbling an apology of her own. Flair shook her head, then realized Gwen wouldn’t see it, looking the other way. She parted her lips to say something reassuring instead, but before she could, the larger wolf continued, dismissing the whole thing. Flair’s mouth snapped back shut, brows furrowing just slightly. Sure it was in the past, but did that mean it didn’t matter? Everything’s in the past… She chewed her lip thoughtfully, wanting to say more. But if Gwen didn’t want to talk more about it, she wasn’t gonna press the issue. So when the silver-backed shewolf mentioned her leg again, Flair nodded, accepting the change of subject. She followed Gwen’s eyes to the snow free spot, starring at the hints of green peeking out amongst the brown. Her mind moved oddly slow, like her thoughts were moving through thick honey. Finally she looked back at the other woman, smiling awkwardly as their eyes met. “Oh… Uh-yeah…” She stammered, finally realizing that Gwen was waiting for her to move first. She shuffled to turn, her muzzle briefly brushing Gwen’s as she did, sending a jolt of electricity through her body. It made her stumble, and she had to catch herself on her bad leg, wincing at the pain. But she pushed through it, limping the remaining few steps before finally sitting down under the tree, looking back at the other wolf. “It really isn’t that bad,” She repeated, lamely, not knowing what else to say. ”Speech" Thoughts |