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+---- Thread: Bramble Falls I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' (/showthread.php?tid=21800)
I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' - Archer - Jul 22, 2023
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Archer
They'd arrived that morning. Archer had pushed their pace coming down a little more than he had going up; it was easier coming back, especially on the familiar paths he'd taken from all his other trips to and from the Cove. He felt hollow, a sensation he was growing used to, but it felt... heavier, now. He'd been so sure Kat would be up with her mother. As certain as he'd been that @Viorel wouldn't kick him out, and the disappointment he'd had at finding he was wrong was nearly as bad as it had been the first time.
He was crushed, and scared, and angry. All the old questions came flooding back, only this time there was no solace in inventing answers. Where was she? Why had she left? Why didn't she say anything? Was she hurt? What would have kept her away? Archer had never thought she would abandon him - abandon their children. But then, her mother probably hadn't thought she would leave home the way she had, with no word. Maybe he should have been prepared for that, given her history of running when times got uncomfortable.
But he didn't want to hate her the way Viorel now hated Vanadis. He was already more like him than he wanted to be.
At last they reached the waters of the falls and Archer set @Ally loose to explore as she'd like, just to stay out of the water and don't wander too far - and don't talk to any strangers. Come straight back. He didn't want her running into someone from the Backwater and following them back home. He himself managed to find an unsuspecting rabbit and picked it off before it knew he was there and settled on the shores to have his lunch while he waited for Eros to find him.
RE: I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' - Eros - Jul 26, 2023
Eros wasn't sure what he had hoped to find. When Kateri's scent was not amongst Archer and Ally's as he approached the falls, however, there was a resounding feeling of disappointment. Alive and cowardly (or perhaps mired by further tragedy) was better than the alternative. When he found his brother along the pool's shore, his ears were drooped and his eyes communicated a muted measure of sorrow.
"Had they heard anything?"
Perhaps she'd at least passed through, maybe Archer at least had found himself some answers, even if not all of them? His peach gaze sought Ally, but she wasn't in view. His muscles tensed as he thought of Rayjiek, but he was comforted both by the fact that his nose told him she was still very much near and that the monster had not been sighted since that awful day. Still, he was a bit more alert as he reclined next to his brother.
RE: I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' - Archer - Aug 25, 2023
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Archer
It didn't take long for Eros to appear and Archer couldn't help but wonder if he'd been around already, lurking and waiting for his littermate to show up. Archer hadn't thought he'd been late, but then again it had taken longer to climb the mountain than expected. He took his time finishing his bite before looking up and shaking his head. "Nothing." He thought back to Aquene's reaction, a bit surprised to learn she was a grandmother. Archer had thought Leo had known, from his meeting with Eros, and that he would have shared that information.
Then again, the Cove had their own troubles. Not that he had much sympathy for them. His troubles had started with their negligence.
RE: I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' - Eros - Sep 26, 2023
Archer confirmed Eros' fear. He couldn't help the frown that crossed his countenance, and his peach eyes continued to watch his brother's face. There was a moment of pause, where he hoped the other would have more to say, but nothing came. Just silence. He looked away a moment, and swallowed. There were many feelings to be had over this, but what was truly needed was for Eros to swallow everything inside of him and act purely on rationale.
That was difficult. That was painful. But he did it anyway, because Archer still mattered to him, regardless of what his actions had conveyed.
"I'm sorry," he said again, gaze lifting to meet Archer's once more, if his brother was willing. There was another pause, a measure of hesitation, and then he pressed forward, trying to swallow his reservations for the betterment of them all.
"This isn't what we wanted for you, Archer. I understand why that's hard to believe, but it's true. We wanted you to succeed, we just hoped that the effort necessary to do so would show you why all of this was so significant. I didn't... I really didn't think you would both try this all on your own."
His voice began to crack, and his eyes were now burning as emotion crept throw every fiber of his being. He regretted letting Archer go, regretted being any part of what lead to such a grave loss. Tears started to flow.
"I tried to find you. I should of known better though. There were other ways. I'm sorry."
RE: I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' - Archer - Sep 28, 2023
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Archer
Archer took another bite of his lunch while Eros paused, and then his ears twisted back at the apology. He kept doing that. Andy's death was not his fault, not even Viorel's... as much as Archer wanted to blame him. He couldn't even bring himself to blame Kateri, though perhaps when the numb was gone he might. For now he simply existed, drifting along for the sake of his daughter.
He scoffed as his brother continued. "Could have fooled me," he muttered without looking up.
What the fuck is wrong with you?! The last conversation he'd had with Viorel ran through his mind again, as they it often had - more, since running into Eros again. When you fail.
Archer turned his face away, grinding his teeth. He didn't know what to do anymore, didn't know where to go. Kateri was gone. He had to accept that. He couldn't drag Ally around looking for her forever. His daughter deserved more. She deserved more from him.
"I have no one to blame but myself," he said quietly. "I've only ever done my best, and it's never been enough. No wonder he knew I'd fail." It had been inevitable after all.
RE: I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' - Eros - Oct 07, 2023
Eros' ears slanted backward, corners of his mouth tugging down deeply at the words. His brows pinched as his mind lurched with a bitter 'you really think I'd want a child to die?!', but then he swallowed, reminded himself. Archer likely didn't mean to be so cutting. It was because he had so much anger and hurt in him over his losses, he couldn't help letting it leak out here and there. Like their Dad. Like Eros himself sometimes. All wolves had a threshold.
'I have no one to blame but myself.'
He looked up again, at his brother's turned back, and felt his heart ache as he listened.
"... he didn't mean it," he answered, just as hushed. The tenderness in his voice signaled his speaking from the heart, rather than repeating what Viorel himself had communicated. It was what had made sense to him, given both what he'd witnessed himself and the fact that he refused to believe that their father truly did not love his children.
"You all were trying to hurt each other. That's why it came out. And... Archer I know, if any part of you had thought this had been a possible outcome... none of it would have happened."
RE: I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' - Archer - Oct 09, 2023
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Archer
Eros spoke and Archer had to bite back a bitter laugh. Yes he did, he thought, but he didn't say it. He didn't want to sit and argue circles with his brother about the things that were said the day he left. The day he was kicked out. Still his mind rolled over the events leading up to that day. As much as he'd said about Eros being gone, he knew why he'd left. Their ma was missing, and even that expedition hadn't brought her back.
Archer had been hurt. He'd been grieving. He'd made poor choices. Had he known even just how much hurt would be dealt by his actions he wouldn't have... but as he glanced off in the direction he'd sent Allie, a sort of peace settled in his stomach. "Something good came of it," he said softly. "Even if everything else has gone to shit, I don't regret her." How could he? She was precious, and she was his.
And she deserves so much better.
RE: I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' - Eros - Oct 09, 2023
Eros' eyes followed his brothers, letting him understand exactly who Archer meant. His niece. It was still weird to think about. He was quiet a while, watching the forest, contemplating the words that needed to be said. How to best present them. Finally, he just said it.
"I told Dad what happened. The first thing he asked... was if you were coming home."
His peach gaze focused back onto Archer's features now, expecting plenty of scoffing at the notion, the wording. It mattered though, didn't it? Knowing that through all the anger and hurt, their father still considered Archer family, a Valle, who belonged in the Backwater.
"He lifted the punishment, and... we really want you to come back."
Eros' voice turned choked around that singular proclamation, the words difficult to say out loud. It was the truth though, and being honest was his only chance at seeing that happen.
"I get if you don't want to, though. Whatever you choose... I'm here to support you, Archer."
RE: I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' - Archer - Oct 24, 2023
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Archer
The first thing Archer thought was to scoff: I don't have a home anymore. He managed to remain quiet, however, by some miracle, though his eyes finally met his brother's even as they widened. He hesitated. Go back? The thought was laughable. He'd promised Viorel would never see him again - but then, he'd promised the same thing to Eros, and here they were. Eros had been the one to come to him, though. Archer had fully intended to keep his word.
He didn't laugh. There was too much emotion in Eros's voice, and Archer had dealt him enough hurt. Still, he opened his mouth to tell him no, thanks, he wouldn't put up with the others' treating him like the pariah he was, but instead what came out was, "He said that?" It was quiet, nearly inaudible. With the way they'd parted, he couldn't imagine Viorel wanting him to return. "He said he wants me to come back?"
RE: I feel like I'm screamin' but a moan is all I'm leavin' - Eros - Nov 24, 2023
Why did he have to ask it like that? Eros blinked back at him, jaw moving but nothing coming out at first. Because he didn't want to say the wrong thing, didn't want to pretend he could remember verbatim the whole conversation, didn't want to push Archer away or be the reason him and Viorel were driven even further apart. If only it were at all possible that his brother and father would work out their differences alone. He fought back a sigh.
"Not word-for-word, no," he answered slowly, brow furrowing as he looked down in thought.
"Why else would that be his first reaction, though? Why would he choose that word?"
Home. Viorel's gut reaction had been wanting his son home. Eros was sure of it.
"What do you want, Archer? I mean-," he wanted to take the question back immediately, knew exactly what his brother wanted most. His ears fell with a measure of shame, hoping Archer wouldn't take the opportunity to be angered again.
"From here. Going forward."