It couldn't be true.

It had been a dream at first, one she'd forgotten after the first night it had come to her. t had drifted from her memory as soon as the haze cleared from her eyes, though in retrospect she realized that she had indeed been left with a fairly happy feeling, one she couldn't explain, though nor did she try to figure it out. She'd left the Orchard where she'd spent some time tracking prey. A herd of deer had moved through the area and she'd managed to trail them close to the Thicket and had caught sight of several pregnant does. Something about seeing them, sides swollen and normal grace compromised with the promise of new life made her feel somewhat strange. She normally would have seen this as a weakness in them...She would have also envisioned a hunt in which the fawns were the target. But she didn't- instead, she felt nothing, even though she saw the small, tawny creatures with white speckles on their haunches and felt no hunger.

She'd traveled to Blackberry Fields- its name was unknown to her, but this was normal. Sagacity did not need names, she needed a visual representation of the place in her mind as well as the knowledge of its placement in context. The more she explored, the more clear her mental map became of Relic Lore. She was pleased to find that more prey were awakening and becoming more active. In the mornings the sun came earlier and the birds began to sing songs which were more elaborate than usual. Nothing seemed to be in a madcap state of mind, everything seemed calm, even when rain came. When it left, the snow was worn down and the scent of damp earth made her feel as though Spring was really on its way. The happy feeling returned.

But it turned to dread one morning when she awoke. She remembered the dream now, and was aware that she had had it a few times by now. It wasn't the same every time, but in each dream she found herself a mother. She found herself lying in a cool, dark den on a bed of her own shed fur with wriggling bodies next to hers, small and dark. She found herself walking alongside an adolescent, answering questions- the pup was almost a yearling and she was doing the best she could to teach her. She found herself watching over three pups who had only just ventured outside and, drunk on the warmth of sunlight and the energy it gave them, they wrestled and played. But last night the dream had been much more real- she'd had no pups by her side. She'd had no adolescent to teach. She'd had no toddlers to watch over. She'd still been pregnant with them.

What was the most striking was the feeling. Sagacity had never been a mother before- she didn't have any idea of what it felt like to be pregnant. But she'd felt it in her dream, the stirring of life within her womb, the instinct which told her she would have to eat for a family now, rather than just for herself. She'd felt the urge to hunt, to find a good den, to protect herself- and found herself wishing she was back in Nomad's Pass, a place she'd hardly lived in even since joining the pack, where there were borders that would protect her, other wolves who would keep her safe.

The worst part was that the feeling was still with her when she woke up. And then on through the morning, when she felt an insatiable hunger, and an insecurity, being so far from the safety of her pack. She felt it, and by the end of the day she knew it to be true. Under the pearly blue afternoon sky she'd fallen to the ground in anguish, acceptance, and under the savage pink sky of early evening she felt that anguish turn to fear. She had to do something. She couldn't return to Nomad's Pass pregnant.

But there had been a moment, beneath the orange and gold skyscape, where she'd felt joy. Pride. Strength. Within her were the children of Rhysis the King, the one she'd wanted so badly. They were his, they would be beautiful and strong, valiant sons and daughters of the patriarch who would grow to be like him. This was the manifestation of their love- and she felt content. Even if he never looked upon her with softness again, she would have, in the eyes of her children, the warmth and adoration that he had poured into her. Through them she would always feel his love.

And more than anything she wanted to hang onto that. But there were only two options, and neither were ones she liked. She could run away, and try to raise the children on her own, though she knew the odds of them surviving would be terribly slim. The only other option would be to somehow not have pups...But could she bear it? She would be able to return to Nomad's Pass, but she would likely never feel Rhysis' love ever again, and losing his pups would be to lose any chance of seeing love again.

Tinted crimson with the evening light, she paced through Blackberry Fields, preoccupied by her conflict, doing her best not to make any madcap decisions. She was frustrated, tense, riled up. Her emotions were wound tightly, and she felt like a catapult with a heavy load which just needed to be flung into the air. But in which direction, she couldn't decide.

It was amid this complex train of thought that the sterling girl let her guard down. She was approached and the stranger came within 50 metres without her realizing he was there. She lifted her head to see him striding toward her, head low and ears flattened- a position of attack. She quickly ducked her head and tail and sidepassed, changing direction swiftly so as to make it sure he saw that she wanted nothing to do with him and that had she crossed his path and pissed him off, she was sorry. But it wasn't enough. As soon as he was spotted he lunged forward into a charge and Sagacity's sidestepping turned into a gallop. The female was fleet but he gained on her quickly, due to having already been in motion and having a much longer stride. The beast's coat was a mottled coat of brown and black- he was a few years older from what she could tell from a first glance, and his coat had likely been lightened by the sun in summer over the years. He might've appeared handsome had he not had such a fixated gaze on her.

She snarled when she realized he'd caught up and put on an extra burst of speed, only to find her hind paws smacked out from beneath her. She regained her balance but had lost her speed and heavy jaws closed on the scruff of her neck. She twisted away from him and arched her back, pulling away to throw him off balance and she managed to wrench herself loose, but their proximity didn't lessen- he was upon her once again and tackled her with two strong forelegs. She skidded in a patch of snow to a halt and immediately snapped at him, cleaving through the fur and skin of one elbow. His vicious growls filled her ears as he gripped her scruff again, just behind her ears. Again she wrenched herself away and again he closed the distance between them- snapping at her face and managing to slice through the skin on the bridge of her nose with two upper fangs. She pressed forward and for a moment she had a grip on his throat- but he pulled away so she was left with a mouth full of fur and blood. She spat it out and lunged as he did the same toward her, the two rising onto hind legs and snapping at each other's faces and shoulders, the clicks of teeth punctuating the perpetual growls. Sagacity was forced back to four feet first as the weight of his front paws upon her shoulders was too much. She sidestepped away but wasn't fast enough- he gripped her neck just behind her skull and sank his teeth in deep. She writhed and his grasp became tighter. She panted, exhausted, growls punctuated by heavy breaths. He too was breathing hard, though not simply from exhaustion; he was breathing heavily in anticipation.

The memory of the event would haunt Sagacity forever. The feeling of his teeth at her neck, knowing that she had to choose between her life and her dignity, though even choosing the latter made her feel as though some of her life had been lost. She felt crushed, and did not know whether she felt more angry or fearful as she withstood the pain. Even when released from the beast's savage grip she did not know how to retaliate and staggered, dazed, vision turning to black for a moment. When her rage fuelled her with newfound energy she whirled but he had already put enough distance between the two that she knew she'd have no hope at all of catching up with him. She watched him go until everything went black.

It was dark when she came to, the scent of blood stinging her nostrils. She did what she could to nurse the various wounds about her shoulders, though had no access to her neck which was the most in need of care. And when she stood she immediately felt herself double in pain and sink back to the ground. She cried out as she felt a stabbing, sinking sensation in her core, voice lifting into the night sky, almost sharp enough to shear through the clouds. This unexpected backlash of pain surprised her- why was this happening? She couldn't understand...He'd only injured her shoulders, face and neck...Until she remembered, and in a short moment between the surges of pain she understood.

The snow became stained with blood and matter as the female struggled to withstand the pain. With each shudder and surge of pain came a short moment of numbness, during which she waited for the next to come. And when it was finally over, she wailed, a cry of mourning. Not for the loss of her dignity and the pain she had endured, but the loss of infant life which only hours ago had been even the smallest spark of hope. Any hope she had in keeping a piece of Rhysis with her was abandoned. She had survived, but lives had been lost to the savage cruelty of a stranger. In one sense, her problem was solved- but only now did she realize that this wasn't the choice she would have made.

It was only when she'd lost her children that she'd realized she wanted them.

She spent the night alone, shudders causing her slight frame to convulse now and again when she remembered. Wide-eyed, she spent several hours with her mind reeling as she tried to piece everything together. She'd been pregnant...She'd lost her children...She'd been hurt. Tears flowed, eventually, and her wails came again. Only when she'd spent her last bit of energy weeping did she finally succumb to sleep, intoxicated by grief.