Rage, turmoil, pain, sadness, repeat. Namara couldn't bear it, she had done nothing wrong. The silver eyed she wolf stared out from the highest point she could find towards the slope where the avalanche had nearly taken her life, on the other side, the lake she had once called home. Why didn't she just die? It would have been easier, easier on @Ash, easier on everyone. There was no reason for Namara she felt, she had nothing, no family, no home. "Maybe I'm better at being bad." She spoke into the wind knowing it would never be heard for Ash was likely still on his way to a new home with Darkwater Rapids. On his way to a new life, with better wolves than her.

She began to retrace her thoughts from the time she had entered the lore. She had been mean, angry and never did she care why. She didn't have to hurt, maybe that was just how she should live. In hate and anger she could be uncaring and cold. Namara knew that it would never fully work for now she knew happiness, there would always be doubt in her life now. Even if this had to be fixed it couldn't now. She was falling into rage and she knew it, I just don't fit in this stupid fucking place. Her words and heart always went unheeded, she only wanted to help those wolves but now, Maksim had instilled a black spot on her heart that wished to watch him fall. She never wanted the pack. Only to hear his begging ring in her ears.

The warrior followed her effortlessly up the mountains, no doubt much faster than the fools that they left back in the forest. His heart tugged at him for leaving Ava’s children unprotected, but he couldn’t let Namara go…not when they had sworn loyalty to one another time and time again. He breathed deeply afraid that she would snap at him and tell him to disappear if he did the wrong thing. At one point he finally believed that she did not realize that he was there, which would have been easy to consider when one thought of how silent he was being. When they finally got to Lost Lake, his lake, he listened attentively to what she was saying and raising his head, he decided that it was time to make his presence known. Walking towards her with purpose, he spoke deeply and calmly, "I personally like you whatever way you decide to be." He spoke quietly, his face turning slightly so that he could see hers.

Maksim had decided very poorly on the subject and for that Ash had to leave. From what he could tell, Ava and Kade were not coming back and the male had taken leadership. The former alpha had no desire to be under a man that he barely knew and whom had treated his own poorly. He was angry, but such emotion was unreadable upon his Guardian face. Namara had not deserved such treatment, she had simply been trying to help and Ash would not fault her for the decisions that Maksim had made. So softly, Ash nudged her shoulder affectionately, deciding not to apologize because in reality, both of them might have known that it would have happened eventually. Without Ava there, nothing was tying them down to the “family” they had so graciously tried to provide the two former Lake wolves. There was one more option to consider, and Ash had no problem bringing it up.

Namara almost sprung to face Ash with teethe bared at the first sign of his approach. The she wolf hadn't been expecting her friend to follow her. In fact as far as Namara was concerned Ash was better off without her, and his words didn't help. Namara wanted to be good like Kamota was. He never had these problems, he was just timid and fearful. Of course that was Namara's fault too, another major screw up she had made. So she froze and pulled mask over the pain in her heart, and turned towards Ash. Deep down she hoped he would see through this to what was really going on. The proud silver eyed Laylani was going to try and push him away. Ash would truly be better off.

Sold my Soul to Stop the Pain

I love you, Ash. Namara's whole world shattered with her decision, and the darkness crept in. "However I decide to be? HOW CAN I POSSIBLY DECIDE WHEN EVERYONE STEPS ON EVERYTHING I DO ASH? I fucked everything up everywhere I've ever been and you must be stupid to follow me around, or you have a death wish! How long do you think it will last before I get you killed? You should have stayed, it's the beginning of winter and here you are with no home, BECAUSE I'M A FUCK UP! Maybe you should just go your own way and save yourself. " Namara howled and snarled all but the very last two words. Because she was ready to die now, at least she couldn't screw things up and wreck his life then, and he could be happy with a real mate, not a fuck up. Everything was in the open now..... well almost everything.

There on the top of that could mountain Namara's heart was already beginning to break with the words she never spoke.

He had already been expecting her next move and that was why when she turned on him and spat, he didn’t move a muscle. He had lived with Namara for at least a year now and if she was angry enough to know that he knew her better than she thought he did then she was sourly mistaken. Everyone knew that he was the master at finding out information without that wolf knowing what he knew about them. It was one of the perks of being in the environment that he knew so well. It was why when she finished; he raised his head, his own mossy green eyes burning with an indescribable fire. His words rumbled in his chest making his voice seem deeper than it was, "You didn’t fuck up with me. I’m still here, aren’t I?" He paused for a moment, letting his question sink in before he continued, "I already made my decision and it’s not going to change…besides…I have one more option for us."

He had considered this when Poison Path had first officially disbanded but had decided that being with his best friend would be better than asking for help from his sister’s best friend. Hopefully Sloane would understand where he was coming from though, even if he had a shady past, Nina had made it clear that he had changed his ways and changed he had. Keeping his eyes on the woman in front of him, he spoke calmly, "Sloane and Narimé Thorben live in Hush Meadows. I believe that we can gain entrance into their family. He is, after all, my sister’s best friend." He waited patiently for her answer, his mossy green eyes taking in her face to gage her reaction.

"Right up until a better she wolf comes along and takes you away." Before she could stop herself the words had come out. Her anger with herself, with Maksim had made her reckless and now Namara may as well have howled her feelings into his face. She burned under her fur and just became more enraged and hurt. Good job stupid, now he's going to leave you for good. You never should have opened your big fucking jaws Namara. She was staring at the ground now, her ears burned and her heart rate was through the roof. A ghost of a pain existed in her stomach, nothing nearly as bad as what she had been through before. But enough to remind her of her fall anyways.

She muttered to Ash. "I suppose that's not a bad idea." Had Namara not had fur, she would have been glowing red from what was now immense embarrassment mixed with anger. If only things could go right, if only she could tell Ash, if she could just get the words out. But they wouldn't come, Namara Laylani, was afraid. Afraid not of death or illness in the winter but afraid of Ash's reaction if she were to ever spill out her heart to him and nothing could fix it. Plus, she thought bitterly, Like a wolf as great as him would go for me. The silver eyed she wolf's gaze was dull and thoughtful, brooding almost. Over the fact that she couldn't just open her mouth.

Her words to him brought an odd stir of emotions within him, one that could easily be described as possessive. He almost made a move forward to show her just how much he cared, but stayed rooted in his spot and waited for a response about his plan. Ash had been going through hell ever since the disbandment of Poison Path and if she thought that he was going to let her go, then she had a few surprises cut out for her. When he received her response of affirmation, he strode forward, his shoulder muscles flexing easily under his winter coat. Her muzzle then pressed against the side of her ear as he spoke gently, "I care about you…a lot. Wherever you go, expect me to follow." He then nipped at her cheek in an affectionate gesture before stepping away from her. They had been through a lot since the pack had left them, but that had stuck together and that’s what mattered.

Mentioning with his large head to where Whisper Caverns should have been, Ash mentions for Namara to follow him there, a small smile curving over his face. It was time that they were at home where they would be accepted. They would then be able to visit his sister and confirm some things between them. It had felt awkward in Darkriver Rapids not having a high position and leading, as he had attained a leading position for so long. He was not one to be in the lower ranks and the way he had acted just proved it. Both Ash and Namara would have enemies now and would need to be careful in which ways they set their alliances. He knew that if he had his sister by his side then they would be in a comfortable position…because his sister somehow had connections everywhere. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that she was much kinder than he, Ash didn’t know, all he knew was that he had to keep him and Namara safe.

Sharpen up your teeth your dreams are more than worth defending.

Namara's breath caught and she stumbled in her attempt to follow Ash. Before she knew it she was moving forward much faster than he, everything went in slow motion, he life, her heart, everything slowed to a crawl as she watched the scene unfold. It was as if she was no longer in control. She moved closer and closer until she head rounded on him and faced him. Namara fixed him with an intense stare that could pass as hostile for all of the fire it held. But it was not the fire of hostility, but a flame of love. Namara's heart burst at that moment, a dam let go and warmth spread over her body.

In a fight that's never ending, go on, go ahead and prove me wrong.

She felt herself stretching forwards, and begged herself to stop, she wanted to just enjoy him being there for her, what if he left? She kept asking the incessant question as her neck extended, followed by her paws. Her muzzle touched his in slow motion. She rubbed herself all along the length of his muzzle finally coming to a stop with her head pressed into his chest and words escaped her jaws, words she wanted to desperately call back for she did not want to know what would happen now, so convinced that it was going to hurt.

The further you go, the less you know. You're born to quit.

"I love you, Ash Hervok." There it was, she had said it, and now time stopped and her breath hung once more, she couldn't even try to breathe. What would he say? How was this going to end, Namara knew he had been caught off guard but now what? Her senses were on fire waiting for the response to what she had just done. The most reckless, most insane thing Namara Laylani had ever done in her entire life. She thought silently as she waited, You've blown it.

Even though he had started in the proper direction Ash did not get far because the slightly smaller form of Namara blocked his way before he could actually go as far as he had planned. To say he was surprised by her sudden movement in front of him was an understatement, he was very much shocked. But what stood out to him the most was the gleam in her eye. The one that told him that she was up to something but he wouldn’t know what it was until the moment that she did it. When she did move towards him he watched her every movement, a thrill running through him when their muzzle made contact. On instinct he memorized her scent, hid mossy green eyes continuously tracking her movements. A little skip of his heart beat told him that he was very much enjoying this…perhaps a little bit too much. A soft growl escaped from his lips as she pressed her head against his chest, which was now rumbling.

Though his growl was soft, it was almost too loud for him to hear the words that came out of her mouth. And with them, his breath stopped for a moment before he remembered that he needed to breathe. Unfortunately, there was no response from him immediately; his thoughts instantly went back to Treena. As much as he wanted to remember his former love…he knew that she would have wanted him to move on and as much as he didn’t want to admit that he hoped that she was safe and moved on from him…he knew he had to. He had Namara now and she had filled the place in his heart that had been empty ever since Treena had gone missing. Lowering his head to tuck to the woman closer to him, he gently ran his muzzle along her ear, his voice low as he responded, "I love you too, my darling." This caring side, the vulnerable one, was a side that Ash rarely showed to those around him. Getting hurt was not something that he ever wanted to experience again. He was trusting Namara with his heart and hopefully she would treat it with utmost care.

Silence.... she knew it. This was it, the final straw Namara fucked up. She felt a whine creep up her throat, felt hurt crawl into her heart, the silence was so long. Why couldn't he just say no already? This was only going to hurt worse. But then just as she started to release the pressure on his chest she felt Ash's strong jaws move and felt the vibration In her eardrum. "I love you too, my darling." Her brain misfired at the same moment. "I just kne-WHAT!?" It was like a switch was flicked and Namara's chest burned so that she made an audible sound almost like she was gasping for breath. But it wasn't that it was like a choked sob for Namara finally had the one thing she truly needed.

The hole inside her ceased to exist as the walls around her heart crashed down. She had someone now, she had a reason to live. Someone was there now that wanted her, that loved her, in her very darkest hour Namara had actually fucked up and done the right thing. The grey toned she wolf didn't know how to react other than by flicking her head up to try and toss his off just so she could look at him once more and say. "Lets go and find a home Ash. I think we deserve one for everything we've had to put up with don't you?" There was a teasing note in her voice as if to say everything would be fine without truly saying it. With that she turned around and pressed her side into him once backing off enough for their fur to touch and set her gaze ahead preparing for him to set off.