She still couldn't believe that he was gone. Some foolish part of her had clung onto the hope that he would return to her, just like Koda had; Hollow never came. She knew that there was no way that she would have been able to refuse him if he came back, it was the way of her nature. She had, after all, accepted Koda back into her family after he had returned...and he had been gone for much longer than Hollow. The once again pregnant woman was resting in the sun, of which she was hoping would warm her from the cool that still settled into the land. So far, the woman had suffered much loss in the past year: she had lost Tacoma, she had experienced the return of her former mate, Ashanti had left them, both of her children had left the pack, and then she had been ditched after being bred with. She should have learned from years past that she would suffer, but she was wise enough to cling onto the family that remained. Even Koda had stayed after everything that had occurred.

Eventually, the mother forced herself off of her paws and pushed herself forward, her golden brown head shaking slightly to get the dirt off of her fur before roaming her territory, looking for anyone who might need her assistance or any herbs that might be in early blooming. Now with Ashanti and Azariah gone Nina was once again the head healer and Aideen her new apprentice. She knew that Kashikoi would always help her should she ask of it, but usually, Nina was the first Medic on the scene. Sighing and shaking her head to clear her thoughts, her body froze when the piercing call of Koda echoed out to her. Pursing her lips slightly, the alpha made her way towards where her former mate was calling for her. It was quite obvious that Nina had gained a little bit of weight now that she was once again with children, and Nina hoped that Koda wouldn't point anything drastic out to her. Upon entrance, the woman lifted herself up and huffed softly as she looked at the creamy man, her single emerald eye gleaming at him from the shadows.

He was vulnerable and so was she. Right after it became apparent that she was to be bearing pups, Hollow had disappeared and in her frantic state, her brain had not fully processed what had happened and what would have to happen. She could hardly even understand what Koda was asking her and distractedly nodded her head, knowing that her heart was not in the conversation that was laid out before them. She couldn't get a mental grasp on what he was saying to her, but she tried as hard as she could to remember. She definitely did not want to seem like she was incapable of having a normal conversation with someone. However, when his words reached her ears, she could find no normal answer that she could give him. Her thoughts were muddled and confused, she didn't know what to say, and when she did speak, her words didn't make much sense, ”Understand....pain....not good enough....never I.”

Her former demons were once again returning to plague her in her time of vulnerability. What she wouldn't give to have Hollow's embrace surround her, or anyone's embrace for that matter. The stress that she was putting herself under was, no doubt, unhealthy for the pregnancy. Unfortunately her disheveled mind did not think of such. Her gaze grew much more distant almost frantic as she remembered. You know you will never be good enough, so why have you even tried. It's worthless. Inside of her own mind, sanity quickly slipped from the leader for long stretched of time, and as she recalled the horrible memories of her past, her lip trembled and the rational side of her hoped that Koda understood why she couldn't gather the courage to reply. She had been broken, once again, by a man that she had thought loved her through everything and would find his way back to her no matter what. But once again she had been fooled...and that was all she truly was: a fool.

The woman's brows creased in confusion as Koda spoke. Was he really asking her about this now...when her mate had just left her? While she was pregnant with another man's children? Her head turned away from him and tilted towards the towering trees above her head, looking for answers. She didn't know, or even trust Miccah very well but she did not trust Koda either. Closing her single eye for a moment, the alpha took a deep breath before releasing it, trying to reign in her wavering thoughts. She was nothing to this man, not any more, and she could not have herself crumbling beneath his persistent stare. The lady did not know what to do though. Her leadership with Koda had been much more compatible, and she didn't know how everything would work out with her and Miccah, considering she already didn't like the man very much.

Hardening her core, Nina turned back towards her former mate, making herself much taller than how she felt, her emerald eye blazing in power over the man. As her lips parted, her voice rang, clear and focused, ”If it is what you think is best, then yes. As I said before, it will take much more time for me to completely trust you...but...I'd rather have you by my side then....Miccah. If you do regain leadership...our relationship will be nothing more than friends, understand?” She couldn't bare the thought of having someone enter her heart again, at least not how Koda and Hollow once had. Her emerald eye settled onto the Reinier, letting her gaze pierce him, and almost challenging him to revoke her standards.

The loss of Hollow was still heavy in her mind while she was having this conversation. She missed him dearly and his disappearance would be a never ending reminder of what she had lost. It was not as if she knew she did not need the reminder, she just wished that there would be someone in her life that would be a never changing constant, but so far, she had encountered no such luck. As she listened to her former mate's words, she couldn't help the slight tense of her jaw. It just did not seem as though he was getting it through his brain that she had trust issues, and she had no other way to explain her problems to him. Trust was not going to come easy and he was just going to have to find that out on his own. Everyone always learned better from experience anyway, and it seemed like that was what Koda needed.

The next question the male asked threw her slightly off guard and she instantly turned her head to gaze upon him once again, her single eye still cold. Opening her jaws to speak, she spoke calmly and collectively, ”He told me he would take care of Ashanti, who is like a daughter to me, and he failed miserably in that aspect. And...Hollow ruled by me for quite some time...his transition as my partner was easy and natural, but Miccah and I just don't work well together, we never have.” Her gaze seemed to be lost for quite some time, her lips forming into a frown at the memory of Hollow's entrance into her life, which had indeed been on accident.