Cut Rock River Meant to say - Printable Version

He had been focused on his border patrols since joining the pack. He did want to take the high road anymore and he couldn't ignore his anger. It was getting out of control and he was taking it out on the prey he hunted, the borders he marked, anything he could get his paws on. He needed help. He'd been having nightmares, flashbacks. He didn't know how to control it anymore. He had avoided the pack den and shut out his aunts and uncles. He talked to Adsi a little but he always put on some false sense of tranquility. He didn't know where to go or who to turn to anymore so he took it out on the trees and the leaves. He was always irritable it seemed though he tried not to be. The worst part was that he didn't know if anyone had even noticed. He'd stopped sleeping in the pack den even.

He stayed in a cave on the borders. It was the same cave he had stayed in when he waited for the alphas to return from their journey over the mountains and accept him. Part of him thought he knew how he could make it better even though he couldn't. He wanted to visit Pitch Pine Trail. He hadn't been back there since his leave to the mountains but he felt it essential that he visit. It wouldn't help his anger in the long term but perhaps it could calm his mind for a little bit. Who knew, maybe he'd even get the chance to kill a few yearlings he knew along the way.

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RE: Meant to say - Maksim - Jul 01, 2014

Hope you don't mind me throwing Mak in here!

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To say that Maksim had been scarce would be an understatement. He'd taken a long break from his duties, tending to his children and helping @Kisla with raising and teaching the cubs about the world outside. Of course, the king offered his queen space when she required it—he didn't want to push her, after all. Yet, as they slowly grow, he could take more time to return to his leadership duties. He longed for the day that @Aleksei or @Orren would join him on patrols of the border, the day he could teach his boys to defend themselves and the ones they loved. As for @Karina? Well, Maksim just wanted to see her blossom into a beautiful adolescent, to display the same grace that her mother held. He knew that they would be strong, capable wolves. They had some powerful bloodlines, after all.

It was during one of his rare patrols that he caught a scent in the air. One of the orphans that Naia, Lachesis and Capella had known from days passed. Karpos Slayer. He could smell the anger radiating from the lad, the tension that hung in the air. Something was certainly not right with the adolescent, and that did not sit right in the Baranski's gut. Taking a deep breath, Maksim slightly altered his course to meander closer to where the dark-furred yearling was hiding himself away. If there was something that the king could do to ease the boy of his frustration, then he'd be willing to help. Perhaps he just needed someone to talk to.

“Karpos?” The agouti leader peeked into the cave before stepping into the mouth, his head held high. “Is everything alright?”

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RE: Meant to say - Karpos - Jul 01, 2014

@Maksim
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The angered yearling had not noticed his leader about until the voice broke the silence that the boy had been wrapped in for too long. It had taken him by surprise so when he turned he had a shocked look on his face. His tail immediately ducked in respect for the man and his bristling spine instantly calmed. His leader had just seen the bout of anger that he had tried so hard to conceal from the rest of the pack. No one really needed to know about the harboring anger he held for the pack whom had belittled him. His mouth parted as if he was going to answer but no words came out. He didn't know what to say and his muzzle closed slowly as he tried to formulate words.

He finally figured out sometime to say after a short silence. "I don't know if anything is alright anymore sir. I... I'm just sorry you had to see that." He admitted as he sat down slowly, his head hung low. "No matter how hard I try to forget it, no matter what I do to try and get my mind off it, I can't forget. I can't forget my father on his death bed. I can't forget meeting a princess in the woods who turned out to be a spawn of the devil. I can't forget finally snapping from the pressure and I just worry that it won't be the last time. I worry that I'll snap again and again." He admitted with a broken tone. He felt useless and weak and utterly defeated.

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RE: Meant to say - Maksim - Jul 06, 2014

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Maksim watched the young swarthy boy tuck his tail beneath his stomach respectfully, trying to hide the anger that was so obvious mere seconds before. The king stepped closer, looking at the lad in silence as he watched Karpos' mouth open and close. Of course, the yearling needed time to think of how to respond—Maksim had just stepped into what was probably supposed to be a moment for him to simmer and boil in private. The agouti leader had no doubt that Karpos was troubled, which was made even worse by hormones.

When the orphan spoke up, Maksim sat too, remaining silent so that the Slayer boy could finish what he was saying. He spoke of his father's death, a princess who was nothing of the sort, of snapping. He didn't want to lose his composure again, it seemed. Karpos clearly wanted to be in control of his emotions, to be level-headed and not have to worry about losing control. The River king had to sympathise with the young wolf who had lost so much; it was no surprise that he was angry, though he sought normality and peace of mind. Maksim inhaled deeply, nodding his head as he momentarily mulled over what to say to the lad.

“You will snap again,” he stated almost bluntly, though his voice was soft. “And I'm sorry to say this, Karpos. But life is not easy—it challenges you before it even considers offering you rewards. You will snap and you will lose control, because things happen that we cannot prevent. And it's normal to do so. But it makes you stronger and wiser than other wolves. From tragedy, there is always something to learn.” He paused for a moment, considering what it would be like to see one's father laid before them, dying. The king yearned for his father's gaze, to see the pride in his eyes. “Even if we can't always see it.”

“It's unhealthy and self destructive to hold everything inside you. So let it out.” The agouti leader's voice grew stronger, his verdant green eyes focusing on the chocolate boy. “Be proud that, through all the pain and hardships, you have lived. Scream your defiance to those who dare to try and crush your spirit, to life itself. You are strong. Do you understand? It cannot break you for long.” He stood, squaring his shoulders. He lifted a paw before slamming it against the ground and lifting his tail. “Are you going to let a fiendish princess break your heart forever? Will you let a pack of lesser wolves tell you—the one who will carry the name Slayer on to glory and greatness like your father—that you are weak? A fool? Well? Will you?” Perhaps Maksim's methods of encouragement was a tad harsh, but it was all the king knew. He had learnt it from his father who, in turn, had learnt it from his.

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RE: Meant to say - Karpos - Jul 06, 2014

@Maksim
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The leader just listened to him. He had not but into the conversation to add his two sense nor had he tried to silence the boy as he spoke his mind. The leader had not charged off or made any effort to attack the boy and it put a certain level of comfort around the area that had been so tense only moments ago. He was careful when he had ended and he had managed to calm down once more. The Slayer boy listened as the leader bluntly pointed out that his anger would not just disappear and it would not be the last time he snapped. Karpos supposed he knew that but he didn't want to face it. It was the truth and the truth was it was his fault that he wasn't in the Keep anymore. He was about to speak but the leader kept going on with the lecture to the boy.

Life was hard but Karpos was surviving. He was living and that was enough to be thankful for. It was not what Karpos wanted though. He didn't want to just survive. He wanted to thrive. He wanted to lead. He wanted to fight fate until he died. It was these things that had gotten him so angry. It was all a learning experience Maksim said. Everything had taught him what not to do and what not to say. It was limiting him. What Maksim did and said next surprised him greatly that it showed on his face. Was he just told to let his anger show and to let it all out? Karpos wasn't sure he could. He had held it in so long that it was almost nature to not react to things that made him so angry. It was an internal war between what he thought he was supposed to do and what he knew was morally right for him to do.

Maksim called him strong... but the man didn't even know him. Karpos was mentally beating down on him self as he critiqued himself compared to what the agouti leader said to him. All Karpos had ever done was run. He could have chased Aponi down and dragged her back but instead he ran to the man he had considered a mentor. He could have fought Mapplethorpe for his right to stay in the pack but instead he had run and never looked back. He could have stayed and faced his feelings when his father died but instead he fled to the forest where it had all started. He was so used to running to the point where he had never been in a real fight. He'd been in training sessions but... no.... he had to trust Maksim's words because the man wouldn't have said it if he hadn't believed it. Right? It had to be what the man thought?

"I understand." He stated honestly and calmly as the man asked if he understood. Then he asked another question after another and he responded appropriately. "I WON'T LET THEM DEGRADE ME OR MY NAME ANYMORE." He almost howled it. He had yelled it with a ferocity in his eyes. He could feel it all coming back. The memories and the rage he had contained since his mother first abandoned them. His jaw clenched slightly as his heart beat rapidly in his chest. His blood pumped through his brain as he recalled everything.

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