Secret Falls [S] I dug myself a grave

i crashed my car into the bridge, i watched, i let it burn

Phoenix Avalon

The Avalon couldn't shake the bitterness from the back of her throat, nor the throbbing from her temple. Not since she had returned from the fields. Better to keep her distance and be judged as lacking than turn teeth on wolves that were meant to be her allies. With the suffocating scent of coyotes cleared with the cloud of smoke that had arisen from further south, she had taken to wandering further and further from the Edge, east or west, but never north. There was nothing left for her in the north but a throbbing skull and ghosts of parents she couldn't quite remember. She knew she would be better off making it official, her break from the pack. To cut all ties and set herself free in the current of the winds, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't let @Askan down like that, not after everything he had done for her.

So instead, she sulked and moped, hunted and scouted but always alone. Maybe this was how she was meant to be from the start? After all, there hadn't even been a pack for her initially. Maybe, maybe... The roar of water beckoned her upwards, always up. Her breath was coming in short pants, despite the sprinkling of snow that dusted the ground and clung to her dark coat. It wasn't enough to stick to the ground yet, wasn't enough to bury her yet.

Everything would be so easy... So easy if she just gave in and let herself go.

(This post was last modified: Oct 14, 2018, 12:45 AM by Phoenix.)

Remi wasn’t surprised phoenix’s latest scent was away from the Edge. From everyone. It just seemed to be where she put herself. Away from thee noise. She use to be the hustle and bustle of the pack. Now she avoided it. Right now Remi wanted to avoid too. Wanted to just be with someone who understood that.

As the snow persisted Remi merely moved faster. Though as her own breaths became short she wondered how far her friend was going this time. She thought she saw movement ahead. In hopes she let out one of her deep barks. Then pushed forward ready to give a friendly shoulder check.

i crashed my car into the bridge

The bark was one of only two or three that she would consider tolerable at the moment. She wouldn't begrudge @Sachiel or @Askan joining her of course, the yearling had been around long enough to get a feel for and Askan had been around since before she was born, but it seemed most often if she was in the mood for company at all, that it was @Remington she sought out of late. She wasn't loud and didn't ask unnecessary questions. Ever since they had crashed together at the Lake as loners, well, it was nice to have someone other than Askan be a constant. They knew exactly where they stood with each other, and just as suspected, even after the rank challenge nothing had really changed between them.

So she allowed herself to stop, and wait, an easy wave in her tail, her head dipping to lick the underside of the dusky woman's chin as her shoulder came to bump against Percy's own. "Ya look like shit Rem, what's goin' on?" There was a smile as she said it, trying to pose the question as nonchalant, but her concern was made clear with the slight creasing at the corner of her eyes.

i watched, i let it burn

Remi welcomes the warm greeting with a heavy wag of her tail. It was nice to get one. But for the comment she smirked. She couldn’t bring herself to laugh. “Why thanks.” Apparently she was wearing her emotions or Phoenix just saw through it. She guessed the later. They’d been around each other long enough. There wasn’t reason to hide it any way. They had an understanding that she couldn’t explain but was glad for. Like sisters might she sometimes thought.

“You should see the other guy,” she quipped. Though there just wasn’t spark in her eyes, in her. She had no heart to brush concern away when she wasn’t sure how she wasn’t letting who knows what fall from her lips.

“You have the right idea today. The den probably pretty claustrophobic.” Not that she spent the night there. “Snow feels nice like this. Just a gentle storm to clear things away.” She stuck out her tongue attempting to catch a few. Attempting to quiet the chaos shifting beneath her coat.

i crashed my car into the bridge

Phoenix tipped her head and continued her trek once Remington had caught some snowflakes on her tongue, "Whole fuckin' rain bowl is claustrophobic," She quipped back with a smirk, besides a few short weeks, the Edge never quite seemed to dry out. If it wasn't falling from the sky it was blowing from the waterfall anyway. "An' noisy these days. It's safer for everyone if I just keep myself busy out here. Head's been killin' me since dad died," Although, she supposed that was mostly self-inflicted, "An' I don't like th' stink of strangers in the air. It's one thing t' talk to 'em, ya' don't have to go gettin' all buddy buddy with 'em surely?"

She was suitably vague, though she was sure that Remington would be able to pick up what she was putting down. As she hauled herself over a stone to the side of their path, and then took a moment to look downstream, back towards the shallows, and up again to the top of the falls, she felt bold. "Sometimes, I don't wanna come back. You an' Kana would probably be the only ones that'd notice I was gone anyway."

i watched, i let it burn

She struck close to Phoenix. Still holding onto her own words. More than happy the Avalon had no trouble steering the conversation. Even if of all things it was on Drestig. She pictured the man. Never being close to the wolf she didn't think about how he was gone for good. Not till a time like this.

Like it would be for most, the death of her father was a bad blow itself. But whatever had happened when she disappeared it had definitely made things a lot harder for the girl. Every realm of pain. With an evident frown she wanted to ask if Pietro could do anything to help her. But already flicked her tongue against her teeth, closing her jaws. She imagined he may have already offered, there was nothing to be done, or Phoenix was just going to solider on. Just maybe no one else even knew about the all the pain. For a moment she wondered if it she should clue someone in. Share the information. It was a debate for another time.

"Yeah we sure got a few more don't we? Feels like a stupid bother to even talk sometimes." Remi had tried before and it had only made her feel worse. They disappeared, or made it evident they didn't like her company in one way or another. It was easier to just go about on her own. Less to be disappointed about. So she didn't judge Phoenix for her own reasoning. It made sense and she ought to do what she felt was right. What made her feel better. So many changes were not good for anybody. Askan and Reyes wouldn't think highly of her if she was snapping at the "new recruits".

Remi remained to the side of the stony perch. Her eyes merely staring at the water. Her ears twisted back at her confession. She wouldn't deny her words made her sad. She wasn't sure what was more sad because of how true that could be or because deep down Phoenix believed that. "I feel ya. I think about how we roamed from place to place. How easy it'd be to keep walking without looking back...Like it wouldn't matter." It shouldn't be like that for either of them. Was this bad mood just warping her senses? She questioned if her feelings were unjust but she never got a straight answer. Stepping to get a better look she fell to her haunches. "That tawny snowflake probably be calling for you next. I'm still surprised someone has chewed me out for what I said to her since she seems to be the best member in the whole,wide world." The sweetness in her tone was acidic having no real warmth.

"I feel like something bad is going to happen but I don't know why or what."