Fool's Gold Chasm Reach up to the sky

had a dream so big and loud

JUMPED SO HIGH I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS

She saw the moment Woya deflated and it sent a pain deep into Enera's heart. There's been so much hurt here, in this place, and now she was adding to it. When the leader spoke again she did not condemn, nor judge, nor shut her out. Enera didn't understand what she meant; of course she belonged here. Her husband and children were here. Her brother had founded the pack, even if he and all his children had left.

Enera didn't know what she wanted from this conversation, but she couldn't help but feel a little disappointed in Woya's resignation. Had she wanted her leader to turn her away? To plead with her to stay, to shout and accuse and blame?

Tears filled the yearling's eyes and she looked away again, swallowing down the growing lump in her throat and failing to keep it from making her voice raw. "I don't want to leave... but I think I need to. Just for a little while." She peeked back up. "If I... can I come back, later?" She didn't want it to be forever. She just needed to be away from the heartbreak for a while.

Just for a little bit? Woya couldn't help but doubt the words. Too many had left without ever coming back. It was sinking in, slowly but surely, that this would be one of the last conversations she would have with the yearling. Again, she thought deeply before responding. Enera couldn't know, but she was the last wolf to whom Woya felt obligated to keep the Chasm going. Without her, what was the point of shackling themselves to this particular place?

If it was always just going to come down to her and Adelard, why couldn't they see the world?

"... I don't want to stay here without you, En."

Maybe that was unfair of her to say aloud, but it was the truth and the only way she could think to justify what she was going to say next.

"I'm tired of waiting, and if that's all I'm ever going to do here... please, don't ask me to promise to stay if you won't."

had a dream so big and loud

JUMPED SO HIGH I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS

With how the rest of this conversation had gone, Enera hadn't expected Woya's declaration. Permission, hopefully, or condemnation and banishment... something definitive. Not this... uncertainty.

Enera supposed it was a condemnation of sorts. She was the last... the last connection to the original pack, who really had ties here. Woya came here for her brother and stayed for his children. Now she was here with hers... but why must she? Enera's chest tightened in sudden panic. "B-but, where would you go? Why?" It was selfish of her to question this now, she knew. Woya had cared about Rhaegara too. She'd lost a friend, and all her family in the process.

"Why must all you do is wait? You have your kids to raise, and dad with you... and I'll come back. I want to come back. This is my home, I don't want..." the suffocation was coming back, the need to gulp down too much air that was making her dizzy. Enera closed her eyes and forced herself to take even breaths. If she left and Woya left after her, that was her choice... but who would be here to remember her mama? To tend the flowers and herbs over her grave? To tell the pups stories about the Lady of the Chasm, swathed in gold and beckoning them on? Who would there be to remember, if everyone was gone?

Woya hadn't wished to upset the girl, but certainly didn't want to mislead her either. This had never been her first choice, it was always something done for others. All that kept it from being a waste was her husband and litter of seven, and they didn't need to be mired into the same fate. Lard was already so beaten down, and with each passing day she couldn't help but hear whispers that he might be next...

Enera was clearly panicked by the idea, and she did not know how to comfort her. Woya's tail curled toward her stomach and her ears lowered sadly. She didn't know how to explain to the girl all that she felt, much less why. Perhaps it would have been better if the girl had spoken to her father about this instead, maybe he would have known what to say to make things right. She had half a mind to call him over, but remained quiet instead, allowing En time to collect her breathing.

"Everything that you feel, we are too. Have been, for years more than you've been alive, hun. I'm not trying to hold ya hostage, if you feel you need space then find space. I want you happy again but maybe I need a break too. ... maybe we all do."

had a dream so big and loud

JUMPED SO HIGH I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS

If she went back in time and told herself a year ago that Woya, the Scary Lady, would some day become one of her biggest supporters, and like another mother, or perhaps an aunt, to her, she might have laughed in her own face. She needed Woya now, sometimes like she needed to breathe. And yet here she was, asking for air.

Woya waited. Enera would always appreciate that she waited for her here, waited for her to breathe deep and collect herself before continuing. When she finally did speak the yearling opened her eyes and listened, this time taking her own time to think before responding. She was still counting her breaths, in, out, in, out, but she wasn't so panicked anymore.

"Where can I find you?" she asked softly, almost inaudible. "I want to find you. I don't want to be away forever, even if you're not here." That was so very important, and not just because of her sisters. Woya and Adelard... they were her family too. They always would be.

Woya did feel sorry. Part of her wished she still had the resolve to wait through the girl's absence, but she knew herself better than that by now. It was time to be selfish, both for her sake and her husband's. She could only hope that Enera would come to understand...

When she gave her answer, Woya let out a breath and moved to embrace the large yearling who easily dwarfed her.

"... I don't know where we'd go. Maybe, the Cove for a bit?" Certainly not permanently- the mountain wasn't exactly safe either.

"I want to see you again too hun, I really do. I don't want to lose you too. That's why I'd go out of my mind here without you, okay?" All she would be able to think about was how she wasn't home yet, that she would never come home just like Aweho, Caelyn and, most likely, Marrah.

"I'll make sure you can find us. Maybe... we could even all meet up here? Maybe we'll just need a little time too, and then we can all come home."

had a dream so big and loud

JUMPED SO HIGH I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS

It was all going sideways on her so fast, and yet everything should have been expected. It all made sense, now that she thought about it, and she would probably hate herself later, for taking away the home her sisters had been born into, that was their birthright. For now, however, she could only melt into Woya's embrace. She'd long ago outgrown her leader, but the hug was still as comforting as her own mama's would have been in this same situation.

This situation wouldn't be happening if her mama was here.

Enera took a deep breath. "Okay," she whispered. "I'll... I'll come to the Cove with you, to say hi, and then from there... she let out a soft breath. She didn't know where she was going to go. Try to find Marrah, probably. Or just see the world. "We can meet back here. At the end of next summer, maybe?" she offered, needing a timeline, a plan. "And we can leave a message with the Cove, if we need to."

She just needed something to know she would see them again.

This wasn't in any sense of the phrase a satisfying resolution. At this point, pretty much everything felt unfinished. Woya couldn't help but wish that Enera would change her mind, that nothing would change and they could finally, for once, rest in calm waters. There was a small part of her, though, that felt a different, stronger sense of hope at the idea of getting Adelard and their children away from this place for something of a vacation. Of forcing their luck to change, the others be damned.

"That sounds perfect," she agreed with Enera's skeleton of a plan, knowing that attempting to nail down much more would really be a waste of effort. They could not predict the future, and the young girl, despite her current beliefs, might end up never wanting to come back. Woya couldn't hold it against her, even if she would have preferred things be much, much different.

"You're family, okay En? I love you, and I am so, so proud of you."

The words were ones she hadn't necessarily planned on saying, and her voice quieted with emotion as she spoke them. She didn't enjoy being that way, and blinked the mist from her eyes quickly.

"Do you um, do you want to be the one to tell your dad?"

had a dream so big and loud

JUMPED SO HIGH I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS

Enera felt... lighter, somehow, even if her heart itself was heavier at the thought of leaving her family - her home. Now that she had voiced it she wasn't sure this was the right choice, but staying wasn't the right choice either. She nodded and embraced Woya harder, never wanting to let go. "No one can ever replace mama, but..." Enera sniffed, still trying to hold back the tears. "If anyone could come close, it would be you."

There was another, smaller hole in Enera's heart, next to the one where her grief for her mama was. It held everything that could have been, her life with Adora and Sovanya if only she'd been a better sister, or how maybe mama would have survived if she'd been a better daughter. How maybe Marrah wouldn't have left if she'd been a better friend. It held everything her life should have been.

Finally the yearling stepped back and glanced to their sleeping family. "I'll tell him... he should hear it from me. Adonya and Sovanya too. Take care of them for me?" she looked back to Woya. Enera had no doubt the leader would continue to care for the Rayvne girls as her own, as she had all this time, but it would help her to hear it. "And I'll... I'll come find you. I promise."

Woya wasn't expecting the hug, but it was Enera's next words that practically flattened her. All her attempts at biting back tears were now for naught, droplets slipping down her cheeks as her sandy eyes blinked with surprise. As much as she adored raising the twins and considered them just the same as the children she'd birthed herself, she also felt immense guilt about getting to be here for them when Rhaegara had done so much, including dying, for that chance. The Rayvne matriarch had earned her motherhood, while Woya had basically fallen into her own family.

That Enera, of all wolves, saw her as anything more than 'that scary lady' meant the world to her.

"Okay," she answered, "of course."

Woya's voice was thickened by that subtle crying, the evidence of which she attempted to quickly swipe away.

"Let's go grab some breakfast to wake everyone up with, yeah?"

She nodded with her head toward the forest. As much as she appreciated this heart to heart, she needed a time out from all the emotion swelling her heart.