Secret Woodlands Mockingbird Won't Sing

(This starts out in the pack den, and then Ashanti moves. A random Ashanti mood and it’s an attempted suicide. She needs someone to stop her, preferably a packmate because she feels useless and reflects too much on her nightmare, this just kinda came to me)

Ashanti’s eyes were closed; she was curled up in the pack den, of course in a ball. She stayed there. She wasn’t much use to the pack anymore, not since the incident that led to her impregnation. She could barely catch the scent of a packmate before breaking down again. She was always upset, she wished there was a way to force it to die in her. She didn’t want it, for fear that it would cause trouble, and it already was. She didn’t want Nina to have to choose between what she had to do and what she wanted to do. Pack laws were pack laws and they were broken by her. She didn’t want this anymore; she didn’t want this life or this thing inside her. She felt her stomach was becoming upset, again. That was all it was, the pain that filled her. She hated when others stopped by the den, she had to find some place separate from the rest and that would mean that she wouldn’t have to be around the wolves forced to put up with her. Perhaps that cave she had found when exploring for an herbal storage area with Ecco, the one that was too small for the herbs. That would be perfect for her.

She had to admit that she was depressed; she had tried every herbal mixture she could remember to try and help with the pain. Regardless of her state, she was going to be there for Nina, not caring if she died in the process. She was going to be there when Nina needed to get something to eat or when she was about to give birth to the true Secret Woodland’s pups. A frown on her face as the dark, REM sleep without dreams started to be haunted. She was haunted with nightmares, of many sorts. It wasn’t just about the dark black man with the burning orange eyes. She was haunted this time by what had been caused by the male. The time had come; the pup was born into the world through the pain and suffering of the mother who never wanted to be. She snarled at it as it suckled at her belly and Nina walked on into the den. The nightmare had twisted and the wolves of Secret Woodlands were all there. They were all snarling at her as they looked at the pup. “Ashanti, your time has come, you must leave immediately.” She was told by Koda. Then Nina smirked with a sly smile. “We do not mean leave Secret Woodlands; we mean you must leave earth. You must go to the stars after what you have done.” She snarled. The pure fear from Ashanti radiated, this was that things thought. She attempted to run, leaving the pup that she did not care for behind. She ran past the borders, sobs and fear was it.

She kept running and ran to a strange area she had never seen before, a man and a female she knew stood there. She couldn’t recall their names, but they were mad. She backed up, backing into a tree. “We thought you could get over your poor, miserable life.” The male snarled and a name came to her. It was Narime and Sloane, their pack was aligned with Secret Woodlands. She was just whimpering, she couldn’t tell what to do. Narime and she had never gotten along, but Sloane was nice. Then again, so had Nina, and this was a nightmare. She ran again, the nightmares never ending as she ran into Isen and her Aunt. Her aunt standing over Isen’s bloodied body. She was now terrified as her Aunt caught up with her. “I knew that he could do it, I can tell by your body. You were driven from everyone you ever loved Ashanti. Go to Aranna and stay there.” Her aunt told her as her throat was slowly slit with the blunt claws. Her teeth ripping out Ashanti’s windpipe and her body went limp. The mother who never wanted a child was dead.

Ashanti awoke with a startling yelp; she would have curled up, if not for the nightmare. She was even more scared then before. She lugged herself to her feet and she walked, her stomach ached, but she knew worse pains were to come. She walked towards the herb stores, making a sharp right and heading through some brambles. There was a thin layer of moss, she was lucky to have found such earlier on so she stored it in the cave she was in now. She only pulled it out for emergencies and only dire emergencies at that. She curled up in the cave, watching the entrance. This cave seemed familiar, but from where from she had no idea. She did not drift off to sleep, she couldn’t after that. She wasn’t comfortable around any of her packmates anymore, especially not Nina for she had betrayed her; or Azariah for causing all this pain. She especially could not be near Koda, the lead male because she was terrified. What if everybody lied? Everyone always lied.

Then there was Hollow, she could stand him for brief periods of time, but she still did not trust him, for he had black fur and all males were evil. This was always true, especially for males with black fur for they were the worst, they led other wolves. She wondered if it was all a conspiracy, if someone, one who disliked her were to send that male after her when she was most vulnerable. Then they knew she would be banished or killed. Perhaps they saw her leave the territory or a packmate filled them in and they sent the male after Ashanti knowing that after that she would not return unless forced to. ”Here I am, this is me, running on this earth so wild and free. Here I am, so tell me now, is this the place that I belong?” She said out loud, almost singing it, but not howling it. She could not let her ‘packmates’ find her like this. “Tell them I give up, I’m a soldier, wounded so I must give up the fight. As the seasons change, remember how I use to be. You’re a soldier now, fighting in a battle, to be free once more is that worth fighting for?” She said again. There were no words of happy. They only sounded sad and bitter. She hoped that she was remembered for who she was, not who she was now. She was sad, a broken little wrench that no one would ever be able to approach.

There was still the possibility that Ashanti was going to die, that they just pitied her or they would make her suffer to the full extent. It was like the nightmare, she commonly thought way too much of nightmares. She always took them as if they were real; she distorted them and made them what they weren’t. That was the new her, she had to worry about everything around her. “I must die, it’s the only way for peace to be restored.” She whispered to herself as she closed her eyes, still awake, hoping no one heard her last comments, they were private and she needed to keep them such. They would try to stop her and she wouldn’t let that happen. She preferred to disappear without a word, make it seem that she ran away rather than died. It hurt her, she didn’t want to, but she had to. Suddenly, she got up, she had to act now. She walked through the thicket, looking for some way to end the pain.

Ashanti walked towards the edge, looking for maybe some nightshade to eat or something to poison her. She could always go to the spring and drown herself. She hoped no one found her, or they would have to put up with a determined Ashanti.

(This post was last modified: Apr 17, 2013, 05:14 PM by Ashanti.)

Silence resonated with ease through his home, and the dark wolf no more than a year of age paced the edge of the territory concealing the wolf pack he called family. He was relieved to have finally made it home, to have brought Ashanti back, it felt good to have done well for his friend. Hollow hoped that in time she would see that it was for the better. In truth he had a very strange feeling of attachment to her and the pup now that he had made the journey home with her. He felt a need to be there for the both of them now, having finally overcome his own struggles it was time for him to help others. In Hollow's eyes, if a wolf ever needed help, it was Ashanti, and a pup that was to be born with no father, Hollow's heart cracked a little for the unborn young whom would grow up as he did, wondering what could have been. A snort rolled from his muzzle and into the silence, steel shown in the blue and green gaze of the wolf, It won't be alone, I will make sure that pup knows that even out of turmoil and tragedy, triumph and love can still prevail. Then in a very deeply buried part of his mind, he wished that it never happened to Ashanti, but to he and Azariah, on purpose.

Of course he began to shake his head somewhat violently to rid himself of the thought, That's crazy, have pups with Azariah? Nina would skin you both and throw you out! The dark male heard the voice in his head and spoke aloud to the air "Yes I know, now shut up brain." Hollow continued his low trek down the border until he heard rustling and followed the sounds to find Ashanti wandering through thickets, softly he called to her "It's me Hollow, what are you doing out this late Ashanti? You need your rest." He spoke stern yet still soft for he new of the delicate state of her mind, he even sucked in a breath ready to howl, if need be, to the pack just in case something happened or if she tried to attack him, or worse, harm herself.

Ashanti’s eyes turned, she was caught by the very wolf that brought her back and would force her to give up. She was starting believing the dream more and more. She just had that feeling like something bad would happen in the future. Warm whispers were not there, pride and joy faded. Without thinking, she bolted, she had to get away. She wished for things to be normal again. This would always be the same now, she’d always have that monstrosity, and she would always be remembered by what had happened to her rather then what she had done to make a life for herself. She wouldn’t, she couldn’t live with that kind of burden. Her icy blue eyes filled with fear, she didn’t know what she was supposed to do. What would someone else do in a situation like this? She’d never met another wolf who had gone through what she had. She looked back, checking to see if anyone followed her. She found a cave outside the borders and hid, it was all she could do.

Ashanti turned, curled up in a ball again, whispering into the air that she barely knew what they would say. Caught in the middle of a crossfire, l Lost my balance on the high wire, trying to figure out what to do. She had whispered to herself, she didn’t know what to do and she was scared. That was all it was, the dream true or was it false? She had no idea as her mind was confused in a bumbling heap of bleck. She had just run off the territory in the middle of the night, fully aware of her actions and that looked bad.

(This post was last modified: Apr 09, 2013, 07:00 PM by Ashanti.)

Dammit white disappeared into the blackness of the night. Hollow disappeared after Ashanti and let loose his howl summoning the pack. It probably wasn't the best thing to do given Ashanti's mental state but the young male was exhausted. Ever since they had returned he had slept very little and focused every last bit of his effort on the borders of secret woodlands. His guilt at being gone had prompted him into tireless work, and now he knew he would never catch the distraught she-wolf. His paws were fighting to find their way under him, the yearling's luck was up it seemed, his chase would not be going anywhere fast.

The tree he struck came from seemingly nowhere, but in his state of exhaustion coupled with the sudden dash he had been disoriented. Hollow's left shoulder drove into the tree hard enough to set him off his paws and send him spinning into the undergrowth. Shaking his head the young male cleared the dust from his body and the momentary fog from his vision. As he hoisted himself back to his paws he was sure to glance at the shoulder. Nothing but a scratch, good. Hollow set his weight set back upon his paws with little more than minor soreness, and raced after Ashanti's fresh scent trail hoping against hope that someone had heard his howl. If she decided to keep running he would never catch up for the slight limp in his front leg he was now fighting against,

Ashanti was still in the cave, but the scent of that same wolf came into her nose and it wasn’t good. Healing instincts took over, and a scratch, a limp, she watched from nearby. She was still couldn’t bear to see a packmate, but an injured packmate was a different story. She ran around now, looking for some ergot, some of the herbs were starting to bud so she could harvest them. She found a few little buds, but her nightmare returned to her, reminding her that she shouldn’t trust anyone, even an injured wolf. She cautiously approached the male, hiding herself in some scenery. “H-H-How do I k-know you w-w-weren’t sent to k-ki-kill me?” She asked him, a hurt and pain filled expression on her face.

She struggled and tried to keep her voice calm, but in the end she stuttered and her voice was a bit shaky. “H-How do I k-kn-know that you w-we-weren’t sent to k-kill me?” She asked again, she knew that Koda and Nina were mad about all this, she shouldn’t have ever returned, she should have stayed at the spring, which was where she needed to be. She was near the thicket, but not too close for fear more would come. She was crouched down and shaking. Her voice was a rasping like voice. She herself knew of her mental state and everything wrong with it. She had tried to use lavender every day. It helped a bit, she was calmer, but it wasn’t working fast enough. She was no use to the pack anymore. Pushed to the edge of my reason. Everywhere around me it's treason, I don't want to do that to you.

He had not gone far on Ashanti's trail when her scent came on much more strongly. The yearling turned only for his shoulder to give and send him into the floor of the thicket. Hollow cursed as he hit the dirt, the injury was not severe but it hurt from being so fresh. He gathered himself where he lie and stared into the branches above. Why do these things have to happen? Why do wolves feel the need to do these things to others? Questions ran rampant through his mind as to why it was that a short time ago he had met the she wolf with a hint of mischief in her lively blue eyes, but now there was a dead, hollow look. Ashanti had been full of vitality and now she was a wretched scrap of fur that could not face the situation at hand.

A ray of hope shone through as Hollow hoisted himself from the ground, he saw a small flash of Ashanti, holding what looked like herbs in her jaws. There is still some of Ashanti in there, we just have to coax it back out. Her words were wary and shaky, she asked him if he was here to kill her. The young male could have laughed aloud at such a suggestion. "No Ashanti, you know that is not who I am as well as you know that you cannot run from this." It was a harsh reality and nothing could be done to reverse it. But she could still do something about it. Move forward. The pup could be brought into the world and still made to be good wolf if only Ashanti could find determination in her heart. Determination to make something good come of a bad situation, but sadly, Hollow felt that was a very long way off.

(I'm not completely sure what the wound is, like how deep so PM me if I got something wrong)

Ashanti shook her head as he spoke, she was angry, and sad with tints of pain in between. “No, I don’t know anything or anyone anymore. My dreams tell me more than anything else around me.” She hissed in frustration. The ergot at her feet and she knew she needed to trust him. She walked over hesitantly and started to examine his wounds. “I don’t know why I’m here anymore.” She told him, probably one of the worst mistakes of her life, but she felt like he was someone who could somewhat understand what she went through. She was starting to gain herself back again, but there were still the nightmares… and the daydreams. “It’s the dreams, they scared me out of my fur. I-I think bad things will happen. The latest one literally almost sent me over the edge.” She admitted, she had to trust her packmates. What was she doing?

There was truth to his words, the words that this was now her life and she couldn’t avoid it. She was torn between doing what she needed to do and doing what she wanted to do. She wanted to run from it all and hide out, but she needed to stay and do whatever she could. Her stomach was still aching and her dream made her even more deranged, though Hollow seemed to have calmed her down. She was just scared, who wouldn’t be in her situation? She started to chew up some of the ergot, she examined it, it wasn’t too deep, but it was still a wound.

Hollow listened closely to what Ashanti was saying. To an extent he could understand what she meant, having been depressed and wondered at his own existence before. But the young male knew he could never truly understand her pain for it was something that was so far beyond his comprehension. Maybe the dark cloud would always remain over her but she had to try, at least, in Hollow's mind she had to. The woodlands wolf would never let any of his pack mates give up willingly, It was not his way to merely stand by whilst someone entered the darkest of places harbored in their own soul. Nor was it his way to give up himself. If Ashanti was determined to hate herself, she would have a very rough time doing so with Hollow around.

His mind made up, he decided to that he would watch over her, and her pup. To perform what he felt the utmost role of a guardian was. Not just merely to protect his family against outside threats, and physical harm,but to protect them from emotional harm as well and anything that posed a threat to the hearts of the good wolves of Secret Woodlands. It was time now to try once again to calm the female, to soothe her and hope that she may see the sense in his words.

"Ashanti, not many know this, but I do not have parents, they died when I was barely old enough to fend for myself. I was depressed just like you and more than once I stood at a cliffs edge or a fast flowing river and contemplated throwing myself in. But I didn't, why I may never know. I didn't have anyone there to stop me and no one to tell me it would all be okay. But you have all of that Ashanti, I'm here, Nina, Azariah, Koda. We are all here for you, and your pup, even if it against the pack laws Nina knows it wasn't your fault. Whoever your pup turns out to be for better or for worse, will be because of what you did, or didn't do. I'm here to ask you please, make it feel the love I felt for my parents whom were ripped away. Even if it's existence came in a bad way, there is still going to be some of you there too. From what I see, Ashanti is a good wolf and even now still has a big heart. After so much tragedy, here you are, shaking, terrified, yet you saw my limp and came anyways. That is what makes you Ashanti, not what happened to you, and I hope you can see that, I hope you can pass that on to your child."

After he was finished speaking the yearling almost gasped at his own conviction, never before had he felt such fire to protect the broken and weak. Never before had he felt so powerful, it was as if the young male had found in his own heart, the type of wolf he would grow to be in the coming years. It was amazing, and it was beautiful. His composure was solid and for all anyone else knew, none of these thoughts were in his head. He sat with his eyes fixed on the she wolf examining his shoulder waiting for her response.

Ashanti glared at him as he spoke, sympathy was not her best quality at the moment, neither was the fact that a wolf would call her strong and brave. A strong wolf would have been able to fight off the rapist, she instead passed out and in the end was raped an impregnated. That was not a strong wolf; a wolf with common sense would have taken someone with them. But no, she took no one; this was her fault, no one else’s. "It was my fault Hollow, I fell for the trap. I was tired, I couldn’t fight him off and I didn’t run as soon as I saw him, it was my fault. I should have run in the beginning. Sympathy was my downfall he made me feel like I needed to give pity to him. Then he launched himself and I passed out from shock. It was my fault.” She nearly yelled, the hormones in her body had overpowered her.

She wasn’t yelling at Hollow though, she saw it more as expressing the anger she had in herself through yelling and fierce snarls. She was mad at herself for putting her packmates through so much. "“I may be forced to bear this pup, but this thing is not my child.” She said, denouncing the thing that kicked her guts constantly. She only wanted to be herself, not what she had become. But that would never happen, it couldn’t after that. She didn’t want sympathy; she wanted to get rid of everything.

Her tail was curled around her as she saw down. Chewing the ergot and putting it on the light scratch that Hollow had gotten chasing after her. "My packmates are getting injured because of me, I’m supposed to be a healer and I’m a villain Hollow. I’m trying to do what is for the best of the pack."

If you feel like keeping it going she can follow him.

The growl came from the male unbidden, he had not meant for his lips to pull back and reveal his teeth but they had. He backed away from Ashanti staring at her, his eyes were wild and angry. The sting of his real wound was replaced by the pain of a reopened inner wound. The male began to see flashes of red and remembered his days alone and wandering. The yearling, back then a pup, had no idea why his parents were gone, why they had been taken. He had been alone and scared all the time, his heart was so heavy it ached everyday, so why, why would Ashanti willingly put that on her child? It made no sense to Hollow, but there it was just as plain as day, she denounced it blatantly. Now the pup would needlessly wonder why it was even born if only to have no one to love it.

He stopped and his eyes locked on to hers, "Fine Ashanti, maybe I am wrong and your heart is just as black as his. Maybe you are the villain. You willingly deprive your child of a mother, and I know what it's like to have no one from the start, do that then, make it wonder every. Single. Day. Why no one cares, why it has to watch the world flow by from the outside. You will destroy it's heart and I will not be there for you then Ashanti, not anymore." His words were harsh and cold. But she had the chance to make a difference and she was going to throw it away, her pup would turn out the same as the male that had put it there, unless she changed. Hollow turned and stalked into the thickets until he was out of sight. His anger spent his head dropped for a moment before lifting once more. With sorrow bright in the strange gaze, he howled. The same song of loss from the day he had come to the forest, only this time there was no song of hope to follow.