Cut Rock River toying somewhere between love and abuse

For @Quil ~ RE: There is a falling star tonight.
Backdated for 8/22.

Sleeping had become more and more difficult, these days of late.  It wasn’t as if Veho did not wish to sleep, for that was a rather ridiculous notion, but his mind never seemed to quiet.  Even when it did afford him a few hours peace, he'd always startle awake with a jolt or a yip, plunged into a nightmare by a subconscious struggling to deal with too many factors ignored during the majority of the day.  For this reason the male was awake in the dead of night, and after tossing and turning, decided to call it quits.  Perhaps he could nap in the late afternoon sun, but for now, his best choice was to get up and move around.

Hunting for foliage was difficult this time of day.  While he knew Grizzly Hollow and the surrounding woods fairly well, he also had acquired most of the herbs in the area.  Tracking them by scent would not be too difficult, but would not be particularly useful, either.  With a huff, he trekked slowly, carefully – most of his packmates were probably resting at this hour, and it would not do to disturb them (especially @Borden, so rare was it for the man to get his proper rest these days of late).

With a heavy heart, he came to a river, unknowingly tracking it to the outskirts of where a pack had once bed.  Were he paying attention, he might have been able to note the last tendrils of scent clinging to the borders – as it were, the wolf had found himself a clearing and sat, searching for a moon that was not there.  Instead, he was graced with a single falling star, and he hummed softly.

"Make a wish."

(This post was last modified: Aug 24, 2015, 09:56 PM by Veho.)

She slipped though the darkness with ease, the soft falls of her paws on the earth as quiet as the night itself. Quil was no stranger to sleepless nights, though as of late she'd had more and more of them. It sat upon her chest like a boulder, this unspoken thing that had so gradually, so carefully crept into her life...Things with Rook were different, there was no denying it. After the birth of their son, melancholy had taken to her mate, visible for her to see in his mismatched eyes at the day's end and yet the reason for it still eluded her. The Lyall provided for her and Tomen, yes, but there were needs yet unmet ─ emotional ones, and ones that she'd never before had to pay even a single second thought to. Sometimes she felt alone, sometimes she worried for her son, and sometimes she was hollow. Sometimes she felt like she wasn't enough. Good enough. Hard enough. Loving enough. Loved enough...Rook was there, in her life, physically, but she had not seen the man she'd once fell in love with for weeks.

For a time she didn't allow herself to be bothered with it, unable to think or see past the glowing regard she had for the one person in her life that was sworn to uphold her and their family. But the days without much of him in them went on, and eventually Quil could no longer ignore the instinct in her gut that told her that things in haven that was Grizzly Hollow were no longer what once they may have appeared.

This, this was the unspoken thing that kept her up late at night, and tonight proved no different as she kissed her son and left him behind to find some peace of mind, stopping to look over her shoulder with hesitation. Her golden eyes roved over the form of her slumbering mate. A sentiment similar to her show of affection to Tomen was given to Rook, but somehow the feel of his fur against her chin was incredibly saddening, and the resentment that followed made her jaws clench.

---

The dark girl with the silvered fur roamed beneath the cedar trees, welcoming the way the summer wind blew through her fur and seemed to take a load off her mind as it carried her further from home. Eventually she ended up in the exact place she'd been avoiding since her return to Cedarwood Forest.

The outskirts of Cut Rock River were different than she remembered, yet, all the same, the distant sight of it ─ a snaking sliver of silver beneath an inky sky ─ brought back a slew of familiar emotions, some of which she could have done without remembering. Whether or not she regarded the place with fondness, tonight she was drawn closer to the river's waters and her lust to feel faraway  ─ if only for a few hours ─ brought her to a clearing where, beneath a moonless sky, the night's light shone dimly upon the silhouette of a stranger. Quil kept her distance, her rounded ears folding forward as she surveyed the sight of him with caution, the faint smell of cedar carried to her on the wind just as a glimmering star fell from above.

 

(This post was last modified: Aug 26, 2015, 06:28 AM by Quil.)

There was someone nearby.  Veho did not need to see the woman, not when a wolf's ears could detect a mouse skittering beneath the undergrowth, much less a grown packmate padding through the forest.  He knew her to belong to the Hollow readily enough, the scent of pine and evergreen wafting slowly on the still night, but he did not know her.  The only female he knew among the ranks was Dove, and the dark female was clearly someone else.  A lump rose in his throat, suspicion growing as he tipped his head, regarding the younger wolf with his silver gaze.

After several moments of silence, he exhaled softly, and tipped his head the woman.  "A wish on a falling star will bring you luck," he rumbled softly, glancing back up towards the sky in hopes of glimpsing another.  "Though I cannot say I understand the notion – how does a light ripped from the horizon bestow the good fortune it clearly did not have?" Veho wondered, a wry smile twisted across his muzzle as he sighed.  It would be very easy to ramble, but the medic was feeling tired, and not so chatty as his usual self.  His usual protean quality seemed to have diminished alongside his endless energy, having not the strength to muster up Merlin and his determinedly cheerful demeanor.

It was with a heavy sigh that he shifted, and nodded again, welcoming @Quil towards him no matter what demon he might have invited into his safe haven.  "You may join me, if you wish," he murmured softly, the slightest breeze tickling his fur.  Having spent the afternoon with @Rook himself, the alpha's scent was heavy upon his coat, thoroughly marking the medic as one of Grizzly Hollow's wolves, if not something else as well.  "I cannot sleep, but I am not opposed to company, if you wish it."

(This post was last modified: Aug 27, 2015, 03:28 PM by Veho.)

Quil stayed put as the silhouetted figure before her turned to get as much a look at her as she had at him. Though she didn't readily recognize him, his gesture was nothing if not inviting, perhaps even friendly. The man went on to comment about the irony of the luck of a falling star, and, for quite possibly the first time ever, she didn't want to believe in either luck or falling stars; she didn't know that perhaps it had been her own luck to cross paths with this particular personality tonight.

"You may join me if you wish."

She looked him over briefly before deciding she would. As she approached Veho's side and gingerly took a seat ─ comfortably enough, as the scent of Grizzly Hollow filled the air about him ─ she inclined her head to look into the night sky. The stars were many, scattered across the darkness like tiny diamonds, and mostly all of them flickered as if at any moment they could simply go out. Yet there were some that held their glow, looming with luminescence steady enough to pronounce their forever-place in the heavens. Truth be told they were beautiful to behold, and while her gaze lingered upon them, her attention was all on the man at her side. In a brief time of silence she breathed him in, the scent of her mate so heavy in his coat that she wondered who exactly he might be to @Rook. A faithful guard, with whom her mate spent an obvious deal of time with, perhaps securing the borders or the like. Or, perhaps even a friend of Rook's she hadn't yet met? Granted that Rook hadn't said much at all to her lately, he hadn't mentioned a new friend. Or guard.

"It seems to me like a lonely existence, the one the stars lead. All that sky and all those other stars in all their awe, yet always they are singular. Each simply remains in place, untouched, probably unnoticed among a sea of similar beauties..." She breathed with ease, watching for one to come loose and tumble to the earth. "...until at last, one falls. And while all the others are stuck in place, in an eternity of black, the single shooting star becomes a wonder for all the world to behold and wish upon, suddenly something special." Her golden eyes, made a ghostly silver in the light of the moon and stars, falls steadily upon his face, for the first time taking in the sight of her packmate entirely.

"It might lead one to wonder with whom, or which one, the good fortune lies."

A soft smile graced her lips genuinely as she drew her gaze from Veho and cast it out to the wilderness before them. She couldn't shake the thought that the philosophically-spoken stranger's fur ─ someone who she didn't know, who belonged to Grizzly Hollow, too ─ held more of Rook in it than her own did. Once again, not for the first time tonight, Quil felt subtly deflated. "I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who can't seem to sleep worth a damn," she replied sweetly, feeling the heat as it rushed to her cheeks. "I'm Quil."

She guessed she had a lot of catching up to do, but the pair had the whole night ahead of them, or so it seemed, and she welcomed the company. Perhaps she would make a new friend of her own.

 

He shouldn’t be spending time with Rook’s mate, he thought. Was this not the very woman he was ultimately betraying? Was this not the woman to whom he would bring the greatest harm?

Even in his most selfish moments when he desired nothing more than to hoard the alpha close in his heart and share him with no one else, Veho never wished ill upon the woman that ruled by his side. As far as the medicine could understand it, @Quil had done nothing wrong. She was a mother to the lord’s son, a fine and healthy child, well-loved and wanting for nothing. Grizzly Hollow clearly hadn’t come on strife or hard times since she’d replaced the Lyall matriarch. There was simply no reason to cultivate acrimony towards a wolf he’d never met.

Here they were now, side-by-side, gazing at the stares under the blanket of a dark night and cloaked by their inability to find peace. The faint hint of @Rook on her dark pelt was enough to remind the male how heavily he stunk of the gray wolf, and were he able, a self-conscious blush might have arisen on his cheeks.

Did she know?

If she knew, she certainly did not care – if she cared, than the elegant queen was wearing an impenetrable mask.

“I know,” he sighed, shoulders dropping by fractions. “Only a fool would not recognize his lady alpha. It is my pleasure. I am Veho. Veho Macieo, medic, aspiring advisor, at your service.” Hopelessly in love with your mate, despite all my better interests. “I also go by Merlin, outside of the Hollow,” he tacked on after a moment, aware his packmate may not have heard the moniker before. (It’d do him no good, where his true calling blurted out in front of perfect strangers.) Here, he would offer the woman everything – his love for her and her kin, his loyalty to her and her pack, his strength or abilities whenever the pack might call upon it. Instead, his tongue became lead, and for not the first time, the male found himself at an utter loss. At the genesis of his relationship with Rook, he’d only meant to offer the man friendship and stability – something he himself lacked in his own life as a wanderer. Somehow, companionship and understanding quickly blossomed to something else. It happened so quickly it made his head spin.

And now here he was, sharing the sky with Quil as he choked on his own tongue trying not to vomit up a confession she may have already heard.

“Fortune, I find, is a fickle lady. Not often is she with me. I prefer the company of my Ancestors, if I am honest. However, I fear even their advice is nebulous at best these days,” he murmured softly, slowly turning his pale eyes upon the swarthy woman’s face. “But enough of these woes. What troubles you, my dear? I offer my assistance, if I am at all capable.”

Quil being such an adorable sweetie is making this thread about 100x more painful for me.

<33

A quiet breeze rustled up her back as she listened, a single rounded ear tipped sideways to better hear the man beside her. He introduced himself as both Veho and Merlin and she found herself pleased that he was so willing to abide with Rook's stipulations concerning keep all of their identities safe; the threat Skoll Archer and perhaps other from the Ridge posed now seemed like a distant memory to her. Quil wasn't so surprised that the man knew who she was, though she couldn't help but to feel a bit bashful for that, and was more surprised (and perhaps a bit ashamed) that she hadn't known him. Not for the first time she considered the fact that perhaps motherhood had drawn her from socialization with the rest of the pack, and she wondered how many other unfamiliar faces now lived beneath the ancient cedar trees.

Veho went on to comment about fortune and the natures of her ancestors' own words of wisdom, to which she could only continue to sit quietly and ponder about where the man came from and what his ancestors were like. Her own once lived by the sea, in a dark forest that her father had once grown up in, and as that crossed her mind she was quick to push matters of the past far away, for now.

What troubles you, my dear?

A humble smile pulled at the corners of her lips as she drew in a shallow breath. "I wish I knew," she admitted, pointedly leaving out anything concerning her current melancholy where her mate was concerned. Quil had never been one to air her dirty laundry to anyone who didn't share her blood, and sometimes she even kept her secrets from them, too. "Honestly, Veho, my trouble is that a decent sleep eludes me, no matter how tired I might be. I blame it on motherhood, mostly," she chuckled, looking over to him with the warmest gleam to her wide, golden eyes. "Tomen is an excellent cuddler, but I get the most rest with Rook's warmth wrapped around my back," she took a chance and added, finding that being honest with her words made them come most freely.

"And what about you, Veho-" she shifted her weight comfortably, her gaze leaving his face and roving among the stars. "What is it that keeps your dreams at bay?"

 

There is a deer that was killed by a lynx nearby. +10 Health

Ah, Veho thought, the mystery of a troubled mind.

How many times had he suffered the same fate? There was little more stressful than being able to seek the sleep so sought. It brought forth worries and fears, which of course did little to mollify an already anxious mind. Sometimes a wolf was not even to truly understand what was eating him from the inside out – it required an outside opinion, or better yet, an insightful journey alongside the Ancestors. Had he known the young mother better, he might have suggested they beseech the spirits long gone. Rook had shown little interest in the practice, however, and he could only assume the alpha’s mate was of a similar mind.

Quil’s next confession, however, came with a sharp inhale of breath. “Rook does not bed with you?” he inquired, forcing himself to gaze up at the sky. Oh, it was on occasion the two males found themselves staying up all night exchanging words and counting stars, but it was not a habit made by either of them. Where do you go? he wondered silently, a thousand possibilities buzzing through his mind, many of them troubling. Heart seizing, he tried to shake the cold clench of fear from his chest. Was something troubling @Rook? If he asked after the alpha, would he only get the man in deeper trouble?

Head swimming, he turned back to @Quil with a watery smile. “Perhaps you should speak with Rook,” the medic suggested, ignoring the stab of pain and the sear of guilt. “He may not know you feel this way. I am sure, if he knew, he would do his best to alleviate you of any discomfort.”

That much, Veho knew to be true. As far as he understood it, the man’s mate and child would always come first – while he might not understand where the king went in the dark of night, it didn’t seem far-fetched that the burdened lord simply didn’t understand it was effecting the way his mate slept. Perhaps a simple conversation would solve the entire ordeal neatly. Likely not, he sighed to himself, staring down at his paws as the queen inquired after his own recent bout of insomnia. “Guilt,” he answered without delay, wondering if it behooved him to be honest now. “It is my guilt. It is the silence in the dead of night that allows the worst of my fears to plague me, I suppose. It is easier to wander the woods on these nights, than try to rest and let my demons eat me from the inside out.”

After several moments, he felt compelled to add, “I have yarrow in my medical cache, if you would like some.”

At his initial reply, her eyes widened with disbelief. Sure, she had opened the door to this conversation, but she still couldn't help but to feel a bit off-put and slightly offended by Veho's inquiry. Quil blinked several times, her eyes darting from star to star in an attempt to find one that would help her make up her mind about whether to roll with it or revel in the way his comment had unexpectedly lit her fire. But then...the healer turned to her with a smile, making a sound suggestion and seemingly inviting her to find a way to solve her own problem. She turned her own head to meet his gaze, her eyes searching his face as she struggled to decide whether or not she liked him or not, thought he could be trusted or not, was sincere or not, and whether or not she was going to be able to say the right thing now.

The dark-furred woman looked him over for a number of quiet seconds before returning her gaze to the sky again. But before she had found the words to speak, he'd continued on, this time with his own confession. Guilt, he'd said. It was guilt that kept him from his sleep, and she found that that was something she could relate to. She'd been guilty for a long time, about many things that had been out of her control all along, and when the day came that she was able to let that all go, she'd dreamed her nights away for a long while. As if to top it all off, he'd added in the end that he had some yarrow if she'd liked.

The outrage that his first words had enticed was simply extinguished by the kindness of his last ones. With a sigh, she couldn't be mad, she could only be herself, and right now she just wanted to take his yarrow and his advice and lean on him and talk about what his ancestors thought about her and Rook sharing a bed. "No, thank you," she finally said, resigned. "Yarrow would be only a temporary fix to a problem that needs a permanent solution, though your offer is quite kind. And─" she glanced at him, a glare, the look on her face scolding and aware that she could not be scolding after his offer at the same time, "─who Rook beds with is none of your concern, and, neither is who I choose to bed with. You'll do well to remember that." So there, that'll teach you a lesson. Except that it wouldn't because she was genuinely interested in his company and knew that he knew she was just tired and avoiding answering the question concerning whether or not she an Rook sleep together. "...Yes, of course we share a bed. And he's home most nights. It's just that, when he isn't, I worry about him and miss him, and I know our son misses him, too. Rook is...he's a good man, an honorable man. I love him very much," she admitted, half for sake of conversation and half for sake of hearing herself say it out loud to herself or to anyone.

"And anyway...What could such a kind and insightful man be guilty of? Did you withhold your yarrow on the last poor girl to whine to you in the middle of the night?" A smile touched her face as she shouldered him lightheartedly.

 

Veho hadn’t expected his offer to be taken (for if she’d wanted a medicinal solution, he suspected the alpha to be the sort of woman who’d actually approach him and ask), but the man had expected the verbal lashing even less. Ears rolled back against his head, silver eyes widening for a moment before his gaze diverted, dropping down to his paws as he bobbed his head. “Forgive me,” the man rasped, shifting from foot to foot. “You are correct. I did not mean to pry, though I see now that was a very…that was very…” Unable to find the words, he allowed his leaden tongue to still. Indeed, he was the very image of a humbled subordinate, shoulders hunched and tail curled tightly around his hindquarters as the sharp tongue only nicked away at the wounds his guilt had already opened.

But @Quil continued, and she had every right to worry – so he whined softly, and shook his head. “I am afraid I am occasionally the cause of his absence. @Rook, I mean,” the medicine man admitted, head hung low. “We watched the stars, sometimes, chase the moon when we can’t sleep. It is not a frequent occurrence.” That the alternative to this was curling up like a pair of lovers was not something he was ready to admit, and allowed only a fraction of the truth. It did nothing to assuage his guilt.

Naturally, though, she would enquire after his guilt – he’d held that door open, and the queen had walked right through. How badly he wanted to confess! But this was a selfish need of his, and was it right to impose the truth on a woman already worried about her mate?

“A great many things,” he sighed. “My sisters. One died when we were very young – I ran the other off. I thought I was being protective,” Veho scoffed. These things, so old, they still ran through his dreams in the darkest of hours, nipping and biting at the sores and wounds accumulated over the years. “I should want for nothing – my life has been anything but extraordinary. But I am selfish still. Even to be among a pack feels…greedy.”

Perhaps you would be better off without me, Veho sighed, eyes seeking out the stars once more. Perhaps I am the most selfish one here, when I know what I have been doing all along.

Perhaps there was a place in Rook’s Hell for him, after all.