Grizzly Hollow I Wish the Nights Lasted Forever

Had he known Borden? "Not really." He shrugged again, fairly unapologetic about it. He was feeling remarkably candid.

Answering Deacon's call, Tomen had not expected the conversation to turn as reflective, as personal, as it had. He barely knew the guy! But somehow, that made it easier, because Deacon came with little prejudice or opinions of his own about the wolves they discussed, and while Tomen cared deeply about how he was perceived by those close to him, Deacon was still a stranger. It was like attending some kind of anonymous meeting where he could just offload it all. And Deacon, to his credit, was a good, engaged listener, and Tomen found his inhibitions slowly crumbling, along with his usual occasionally-stumbling speech. Talking from such a raw, honest place made his hesitation all but vanish.

"I think he was sick before I was even born. I've heard so many people talk about him, about what he did, how great he was and how many lives he changed... but all I knew was an ill old man. Wish I had known him before, but I didn't. It hit dad hard 'cause he still was so young when Borden got old, I guess. Never really had his dad around for long before he had to take care of him. I know it was touch for him."

He wasn't totally heartless; he could see that Rook had struggled and suffered, had worked so hard, but for what? He'd worn himself thin and then just snapped, and... the rest was history. As far as Tomen was concerned, it could stay history.

The talk of Grizzly Hollow and the Macieos, though, brought a deep frown to the swarthy boy's face, ears flicking back in distaste of what he was hearing. Deacon apologised for it, and though Tomen felt strangely offended by the suggestion, he gave it the respect of a serious response. He'd never thought about it like that before. "I get what you mean, but... I think it is theirs. If I go, then the Lyalls haunt this place no more. Everybody else with that name has already abandoned it for the Reach. Grizzly Hollow is @Veho's now. He didn't form it or name it, but he stepped up when dad couldn't handle the pressure, and he's been here. His kids were born here. He loves these cedarwoods and I hope that they bring his family every bit of happiness that it denied mine."

Deacon's final whispered confession resonated so deeply with Tomen that, despite their different opinions on who Grizzly Hollow belonged to and whether or not that was right, despite his jealousy over who this man was to @Nineva, he felt a budding kinship - in this, at least. "I know exactly what you mean. It's like - they couldn't just pick one, you're stuck with both legacies, like you've got to make them both proud somehow, even when that's pretty much impossible. I was supposed to be the lord of Grizzly Hollow one day, after my dad got too old or whatever, but I really, really don't want it. Do you..."

Seeing how raw Deacon also looked, Tomen didn't realise he had shuffled forward to bring them closer together so they could still hear each other's hushed voices. "Do you ever think about changing it? Your name?"

Not my best but Dea wanted this post out here. @Tomen

Borden had been sick. Deacon guessed that made sense. How old was his own father now? Eight or nine? He pondered where he was, how he was doing. The Archer-Lyall could help but think about how much time Angier had left on the clock. What of his own mother too? It was all too much to think about. He tried to calm his head and just focus on the wolf before him. "That's really gotta hurt." His own voice soft and gentle. Not completely emotionless but not flooding with sadness either.

Tomen gave him a rather serious response and Deacon respected it all. He understood both sides to the coin but it was hard to say how it'd land for him. "I get that. I'm sorry for my outburst. I guess I still have a prince mentality sometimes." Sure, Deacon could be a spoiled baby sometimes but he thought he had stopped that when he left the Willows. But apparently not as envy was here rearing its ugly head before both of them. Maybe he was just meant to be that way. Didn't mean he liked it any, though.

"I think me and my dad thought I was gonna have the Ridge. But there was already an older half-brother and sister, and not to mention my own brothers. It was a lot to handle and try to take on but who wants to fail?" His ears tilted forwards to show interest in Tomen's next line of words. "Changing it? I haven't really thought about it. I don't even know what I'd change it to. I, I think I like the idea though. It'd be a break from the legacy and a fresh start."

have you checked out my player preferences?

Despite their common ground, there were still clearly ways in which the two young wolves differed. Tomen heard the words prince mentality and was struck by how utterly alien they were. He understood what they meant, the attitude that they implied, and felt that those two simple words gave him a deeper insight into Deacon's head. That outlook on life couldn't have been any more different to Tomen's, who felt no jealousy, ownership or resentment over the current state of Grizzly Hollow, or the fact that it would likely remain this way, in @Veho's family's paws. Though Tomen himself was unsure what he wanted from life, where he imagined himself being this time next year, being lord of the cedarwoods was not on his list of aspirations. Sure, he could see himself still living here, because this was his home. Maybe as Second to Veho, older brother-by-love to another litter of little Macieos.

Or maybe he'd be in the caverns to the east, @Nineva's scout rather than Veho's. His place there was shrouded in far more doubt and uncertainty though, compared to the Hollow. Here he was just another subordinate, another loyal member, owed nothing and expecting nothing. In Whisper Caverns, though...

Who wants to fail, indeed. Trouble is, Tomen wasn't sure what his success looked like, or if it was even attainable.

Whatever their differences, Deacon seemed to take the last-name question to heart, and Tomen listened with interest to what the proud Archer-Lyall might make of the notion. Unsurprisingly, it was not something on the other man's mind, because it seemed to Tomen that nobody really questioned it. But what was a name, really? Wasn't it just what you used to introduce yourself, how others knew you? If Tomen ran away and never said the words Attaya-Lyall again... would that mean he could just leave them behind, unwanted and eventually forgotten, irrelevant to whatever life he found?

"A fresh start," he breathed, nodding, glad that Deacon had come to the same conclusion. "I mean, I don't know if I can - if it's a good idea - if it's bad etiquette, or something, but... I really want to. It feels like carrying two stones in my chest that I just want to... to let go. Leave behind. But..." They were different, and yet not so. His mind looped back to what Deacon had said just before. "Do you still want the Ridge at all? Or is that something that you were told to want?"

hope you don't mind if dea leaves here?

The dark male nodded his head along softly as @Tomen spoke. But there was a question about the ridge and he had to pause. "When I was younger I think it was a bit of both. I wanted it but was also told to take it if I could." He paused and look down at the ground between them. "But now, I'm not sure if I still want it." His voice filled with confusion and a bit of frustration. The Archer-Lyall could never figure out why his head wasn't on right when it came to things like this. Maybe he wasn't meant to answer questions. Could wolves be like that?

As he rose to his feet he nodded politely towards Tomen. "Thanks for spending some time with me but I need to get some work done. Maybe we can chat again sometime?" Or maybe not. Perhaps all of this friendliness was a cloak to keep him hidden. To show Nineva that he wasn't a jerkwad and could put in some work.

-short exit-

have you checked out my player preferences?

Just as he was beginning to think that they might share more similarities than Tomen had first assumed, and just as the younger wolf wanted to dig down into their mutual affliction and figure out whether or not it was fair to feel like this and what they could do about it... Deacon decided he'd had enough.

Was it something he'd said? Tomen's mouth fell open as if prepared to contest it - he wanted to talk more - but the other wolf outranked him and was older and had been the one to seek him out in the first place, so... that left Tomen with no real rights to hold him back.

"Sure," he replied meekly, tail drooping to wag weakly at his hocks, watching the wolf leave with a growing wistfulness. Now his head was full of this business and he had nobody to talk to about it. Out of instinct, he turned to head towards Prudence's tree, although the little owl had been missing for some time. It still comforted him to chat at her empty burrow.