Oak Tree Bend If we ever meet again

For @Ice - after the challenge and decompression, and shortly after this thread

what's somebody like you doin' in a place like this?

Naira

For someone so decrepit she was moving particularly well despite the cold. Decision made, adrenalin pumping, for the first time in months she felt she had a purpose again. First things first, she had to find her children in a quieter manner than Spieden had. As large as they were now it was getting increasingly difficult to keep the twins close. They would have to know something was up, the tension in the air was palpable. Just how far might the pair have gone?

Steps slowed as she spotted the white mass ahead, the intense feeling of Deja Vu washing over her, just as it did almost every time she saw him. She tried to smile, but it came out looking wry, as she chuffed a companionable greeting, angling herself to come along with her good side towards him in case he chose to speak. It had only been hours. How much longer did she have? "You've looked better," she teased, knowing it wouldn't nearly be enough to detract from her own sorry state, but this might be her last chance to speak to Ice, and she didn't want to leave on the same terms she had before. Besides, if anyone would know the weight of her words, it might be him. Someone had to be warned.

you do not know who is your friend

and who is your enemy

He had avoided her. What else was he supposed to do? Grab her by the scruff and throw her out from the pack, leave her beyond the borders and warn her to never return? Or, worse, just outright kill her?

He didn't want to do either of those things. Call it mellowing out with old age, call it coming to his senses, anything—but the fact remained, he did not want to kill Naira. He did not want to boot her out. He didn't want to abandon her in a blizzard. He didn't know what he wanted to do with her, either; forgive her? Forget her? But how could he forgive what she had done—and how could he forget it? Her betrayal had almost been worse than Rhysis's, and.. and all this time...

They had met again, when he ended Blaze's life. Drunk on blood and fury he had wanted to go for her, too, but Triell had been there, asking him not to. Why? He hadn't wanted to know. Hadn't wanted to ask. Had just wanted to forget about it, and the feeling of betrayal as his friend protected the enemy. He had allowed himself to be steered away, led astray, and Naira had remained unharmed by his fangs. He hadn't seen her since. He had allowed himself to forget Triell's treachery.

But now.. Triell had taken it one step further; Naira had children sired by him. And Ice... Ice wondered how much you could hate someone—anyone. When had it run its course? When did it become pointless? And if he was supposed to forgive himself for not having returned sooner; how could he not forgive her what she had done wrong?

So he had avoided, avoided, avoided, but now, he could run no more.

She found him and he looked at nothing in particular, a tree, a rock, thinking about Aiyana's snake bite back in Swift River. Her scent preceded her but he found himself unable to move, and unable to look. What was he supposed to do, anyway? Snarl at her? Maybe she was just passing by, happening to come a little too close to disaster... "You've looked better," she said, every word projected at him, and one ear folded back as he turned to look over his shoulder. She looked worse than him, as if the years had taken their toll on her, bitten pieces from her heart. The other ear followed, both pricked towards her, and his tail twitched where it hung limply down his legs. "Naira," he said, fighting to reconcile everything he felt, the age-old reflex hatred and her teasing voice. As if no time at all had passed. As if they were back in Swift River, happy and carefree, merciful and unbroken.

He hesitated. How have you been? felt like a strange substitute for biting somebody's face off. "I, uh..." He licked his lips, took the opportunity to bare just the slightest hint of teeth without true aggression—he'd never forgive himself if he didn't at least warn her that she was out on thin ice, and that he hadn't forgotten the despair her treachery had left behind. ".. what do you want?" he finally said, with only a little suspicious lacing his voice.

until the ice breaks.

let the stars above shine in your soul

and i confess, i'm only holding on by a thin thin thread

Naira

Gold eyes watched the white wolf war with himself, wondering if perhaps she should have done as she had been doing all these months and just skirted around his in the opposite direction, but with @Spieden gone, she didn't know how much time she had. How much time they had. "I'm looking for my children." She answered honestly, worried frown pulling at the corner of her mouth as she considered what she wanted to say next. Well there was no point skirting the issue. "We both know the only thing that would ever outweigh my own drive for self preservation is the safety of my children," even unborn, hadn't that been what drove her from the river? "I'm leaving again, Ice, and @Triell is coming with me." She didn't want to leave him in the dark again.

"@Aponi is my daughter, but she has a lot of Rhysis in her for someone that never met the man. I won't just sit around and wait for the inevitable. My agreement was with Spieden." Yes she was doing it again, and she had to wonder if he was suddenly regretting his restraint. Be careful." She was ready for whatever may come, be it teeth or growls or hurled insults. She would take it if she had to, but wouldn't he know better than anyone what the weight of that name could carry?

Shallow water has trapped several fish in a small pond. Hunt Opportunity

you do not know who is your friend

and who is your enemy

He didn't know what to expect. Apologies? Explanations? Even violence? He had not been the voice of reason the last time they had met—had she been? Had she tried to fix what was still too broken, stop the blood flow with spiderwebs..? He didn't know what to expect of himself, either. Maybe once he had known (violence), but now..? It merely weighted on him like ten thousand tons, an uncertainty pressing on every sense until he felt sick with it.

"I'm looking for my children." "Right," he said before he knew it, just to acknowledge it. There was no distrust in his voice, for honestly, he believed her, though.. it couldn't be the entire truth. Ice was hardly one of her kids, yet she had made the rather obvious detour to come poke him. He blinked, waited for more. Slowly, it came, heavy words.

Words he did not want to hear. Not now, not ever—and his hackles raised, his tail grew stiff, and bit by bit his lips peeled back until his pale fangs gleamed in the bleak winter light. It didn't matter that it wasn't her fault all of these rocks had set off a landslide, but he could've attacked her on the spot anyway. Torn her heart out, and screamed into her dead ears that no one was allowed to take his life from him. Not when he had just found it. Reclaimed it. Not.. not Triell—he couldn't leave. They—he couldn't. Ever since Ice had been roped in to the Tainn family at Swift River, they had been there together, brothers, friends (—and his heart whispered a slow, faint treachery). Triell had stayed when Ruiko left to form Copper Rock Creek. Triell had stayed when.. everything had happened. He had been there when Rissa died. He had gone ahead over the mountains, to found Oak Tree Bend with them. He had been uncle, maybe more, to the children Ice had left behind.

And now he was leaving. "Why?" he whispered, barely hearing the rest of what she said, not even twitching at the mention of Rhysis. He blinked, but he couldn't see her; he breathed, but it felt like he was drowning. Waterlogged with sorrow his lips fell back into place over his teeth, and, dazed, he collapsed into a sit. ".. how?"

Blunt claws scrabbled in the dirt, and he looked up at her—silver eyes like fires, ablaze with sorrow and love. He had to know. He had to know more than the words she had dropped here, more than just the mention of Rhysis, or the plain fact that they were leaving.. a bitter betrayal and repetition of history, and one that hurt. It was too sudden. "Tell me everything," he demanded, trying to lock eyes with her.

until the ice breaks.

let the stars above shine in your soul

and i confess, i'm only holding on by a thin thin thread

Naira

She had expected a reaction but it certainly hadn't been one where the pale wolf lost his strength and fell to the floor. Concern was painted on her face, but it was edged with a determined hardness that had helped her live this long. Why? Wasn't it obvious? "Because it's his turn." She tried to be gentle, but firm. After all these years wasn't it obvious? "He's spent his whole life trying to make up for the damage others have done, Indru, me..." Indru, again. "He followed Corinna across the mountain, helped keep it together when you dissapeared. Now her son is grown and leading, and he has chosen someone capable to lead beside him. Someone who makes no secret of not liking me."

But even then she doubted her words were enough. A small sigh escaped her. "You're back Ice, it's your turn to be there for them. Triell wants to see the Grove again, to show it to his children. Walk through the wildwood and listen to the falls. Don't you ever miss it?" Then again perhaps he didn't. There were hard memories there, but surely there were good ones too? And everything? Everything was a broad topic and even she would admit she didn't know it all. "What more do you want to know?"

you do not know who is your friend

and who is your enemy

Ice had been a silly dork, once—a wolf, as all wolves were, but one who did not aspire to much. He had been content to be third beneath Indru and Marsh. He had been at peace with raising Fenru almost as his own. Four years old and content to follow, to guard.

Then Indru had left, and Marsh, while being perfect, had not been leadership material in Ice's eyes. So he had taken his place, found himself at the head of an army avenging a young girl's life.. and that innocent, playful life had been shattered forever. Marsh had died. Ice left. Everything fell apart around him.

Even now, that old pride warred with the unambitious yearling; the desire to lead, to have his own space and give raising children a second try, battled with his contentment at being.. well, what would probably be Second now. Triell had had what he had had. A pack. A mate. Cubs. Three litters. Was that not enough? Did he want to throw Oak Tree Bend away, in the dead of winter, for a fourth litter?

"Don't you ever miss it?"

"Every day," he breathed huskily without truly knowing it. Swift River had haunted him ever since he had left it; the novelty of founding a new pack, leaving the bad memories behind, had caused Marsh's death. If they had stayed on the western side...

"I.." But the great white wolf found no words to say to his once-enemy; could they be swayed, to stay just a little longer? Was Naira, indomitable and fierce, afraid of her daughter? Was this little but a flight, back into a safe place, another time..? And truly, what could he say? Stay? He swallowed. "Why did you—why did you do what you did, all those years ago..? And what happened after that?"

He was fumbling in the dark, and he knew it. He had hated her, but now he didn't know—maybe, he was even trying to make peace with her. Maybe. He didn't know if he could admit it; if he could do that to his poor, battered heart.

until the ice breaks.

let the stars above shine in your soul

and i confess, i'm only holding on by a thin thin thread

Naira

Her breathing was steady, an almost indiscernible nod offered to his whisper of an answer. Every day. What treasonous words to whisper she thought with a quirk of her lips. Once she had felt the same way about the mountain, about the gnarled woods, but now? @Triell was all the home she had left, and if he wanted to go, she would go. If not, she would stay close, but she wouldn't, couldn't stay here just waiting for the day she would be declared no more than a burden and cast out into the wilds, if she didn't die first.

All those years ago. She tensed for a moment, mind running back. "I was young, and stupid, and wrapped up in the season." She shrugged, there was no apologising now, so much else had rolled on from that point, nothing would change all that had happened. "But I truly thought, when we were running, that we were running alone. I didn't know about Athena, or Ava..." She had been blindly running into the unknown, to save her own skin but more importantly, the lives that had taken root within her. "I loved them from the moment I knew they existed." Through the shock and the fear, it was that spark that made her run. "I couldn't make them pay for my mistakes."

The rest... well that was where it started to hurt, karma biting her ass so hard she still struggled to give voice to it even now. "When they were just a few weeks old, my brother found us. He... Something was wrong with him. He took one of the children and I went after him. Rhysis must have thought I was running again because he took the smallest and tried to come after me. We fought, we fell... and I was trapped on this side of the mountain, with my boy. It took us months, but when we finally got back Athena had claimed the pack and the remaining children as her own, she didn't believe me." All she could do was shrug with a sigh. "I was mad," the insane sort, not just angry. "I couldn't speak, I couldn't think beyond survive. Run. Run. I hadn't asked for any of it." All that she had ever wanted was her children, and her mate. But had he ever felt the same?

It got easier from there, and if he had more questions he could ask them in turn. "Rhysis turned up but my daughter was gone, we moved north and settled in the Pass, but he was crueller and distant. By the time Spring rolled around I think we both knew..." that he wasn't going to stay. "I left for a few days, went down to Bramble Falls and I ran into Triell..." she stopped to give a small chuckle. "My daughter Nova... spitting image, if a little lighter..." but she would never know for sure. "When I got back, Rhysis was gone. My advisor stepped up to lead beside me and when the winter hit so hard and fast, we had to move, down into the ghastly woods," and hadn't they all hated her for it? Drifting off one by one until nobody was left to hold them together.

So much disaster in such a short span of time. "One of our subordinates found a willow pup wandering around and bought him all the way back to the Keep." It was the final straw. "My mate lost his life for her stupidity and I took my infant children and left. I came back just as Triell's last litter were born. I helped him search for her but we couldn't find a trace. They were only hours old." Her own anxiety over the situation still hadn't quite faded. She couldn't wrap her head around it. "I've been here since." She could only shrug, because now she was leaving again, and going back to where it all started.

you do not know who is your friend

and who is your enemy

For years and years he had loathed her—

She had been like him, once. Silly and carefree. Devoted.

But truly, were they not more alike than he had ever wanted to admit? She had been lured in by Rhysis, a charismatic disaster waiting to happen, and Ice—well, Ice had almost, almost, been the father of Rissa, Aiyana, and Torrel. He would've been, had not Corinna refused to stop believing in Indru. How was it different?

I was driven by plight, by Corinna's need his mind whispered anxiously, hating itself for likening himself to Naira. She hadn't had to, she wasn't the leader of a pack, she had no right to (want) to breed—

Who are you kidding? Even Jessie had left, to have a cub of her own. Fenru had left, settling down with the graceful Arlette. Kisla had struck out. Who knew what Aiyana was doing, all the way over in Renegade's Reach?

Swift River had needed something to hold them together, and that had been pain, pain and hatred. Here, now, years and years after the fact, he couldn't help but feel like he had hated her for nothing—no real reason, just flimsy ghosts and self-defense. He gritted his teeth together. Old habits died hard and he didn't know if he was good enough to not lapse into judgment and anger, simply because it felt better and easier than somehow being a good guy.

He swallowed all of that, though, and listened as she began to speak.

Foolishly, he had thought her life full of sunshine and daisies from the day she left them to their misery. He had been aware of their movements in the periphery of his consciousness, like a wolf must be aware of how the packs flow, shift, and settle, but in his bitter anger he had never stopped to wonder why. He knew that Triell had gone up in the mountains at some point, but he hadn't wanted to know the details of it—just as he hadn't wanted to know the details of when Triell defended Naira from his wrath, Blaze's blood still slick and fresh on his white maw. What came was a story not unlike the one of Swift River. A story of bereavement, loss, of wolves disappearing for no reason; his gut clenched. Wrong wolves taking your children...

Ice had liked Rhysis, the time he'd met him by the Lagoon. He had liked him then—pitied him, even. Felt for him. Ice would've helped him, without second thought, but that had all changed after he ran away with Naira; after he goaded and mocked Triell to the point that Ice saw red and attacked him. Maybe he had played into Rhysis' plan entirely but who cared? It had been violent and satisfying and like a release—

Again, knowing how he, too, had been drawn in by Rhysis, could he fault Naira for all this shit? Could he blame her for being kind and naive and so in love with the children she had made?

Then, she laid out the facts in far more plain light than he had been ready for. "By the time Spring rolled around I think we both knew... I left for a few days, went down to Bramble Falls and I ran into Triell... My daughter Nova... spitting image, if a little lighter..."

The ground shook, the mountains crumbled, the heavens fell. Ice stopped breathing, frozen in place, mind shattering as the betrayal punched its way into his heart, his soul, his mind; Triell? While being.. Swift River... his defense of her, when Ice had wanted long-awaited justice...

Triell. Why? How—? It must've been before they left, before they moved, when Ice finally assumed the role of leader himself.. but it hurt. Hadn't he trusted Ice? Had he been ashamed? Why hadn't he said anything—?

Had he been trying to protect Naira from Ice? Protect himself from Ice? Had he not dared trust that Ice would forgive him? Would he have forgiven him?

I am a monster.

When her tale ended, the story of how her mate died for another's stupidity, and how she came to be here—came to Triell's rescue when his children were in dire need, he remained silent.

He was already sitting, but he looked like he might be blown over at any time. He didn't want to hear any more. There wasn't enough space in his head, thoughts swimming in tears and, slowly, drowning, all to the backdrop noise of his heart hammering out its jagged, uneven pulse.

He wanted her to disappear, merge with the fog and go like a ghost, but she was real, tangible, warm. Slowly, he let out a shaking breath. It rose in a white cloud before dissipating, and Ice heaved himself to his feet. He felt beaten; worn. Stupid. It was too late for everything. He was old, she was old, they were all old and many of his best years had been spent in mourning, or just plain gone.

His gaze flicked up, settling on her. No more anger. No more hatred. Only the sadness born from pain and disappointment, from betrayal and self-loathing. "I'm an idiot, am I not?" he said, faintly, one corner of his mouth curving up in a very tired smile.

until the ice breaks.

let the stars above shine in your soul

and i confess, i'm only holding on by a thin thin thread

Naira

It was a lot to take in, years and even she still struggled with it all sometimes. As she watched the emotion wash across his body, she rode her own roller coaster of memories and emotions long since let go. As he moved to stand her muscles went stiff instinctively, his sad, tired smile was met with one of her own. "No more than the rest of us." She offered back, the bitter edge of a laugh working its way into the end of her words. Tentatively, she stepped closer, stretching out her nose to bump against his cheek if he would allow it, the low wave of her tail an attempt to convey that she had put the past to bed and if he could let it be, that she wouldn't make herself an obstacle ever again.

But the day was fading and her time to slip away (almost) unnoticed was running out with the light. A glance was given to the mist covered forest, eyes straining for any sign of movement that might betray her children's whereabouts. She couldn't say she would miss the eastern lore, the red forest still haunting her on nights when rest simply would not come. "You'll know where to find us if you cross the mountain," It wasn't a question, but a clue - they were leaving for the heart. "You'll always be welcome, wherever we wind up." Although her smile was a sad one, it was genuine. She wasn't sure if she would ever see the giant white wolf again, but she would hold onto the hope regardless.