Charred Ash Draw against illusions and reality

Surprise thread for @Maera. || Late night, Light snow, 22 ° F, -5 ° C

He was tired but he hadn't gone to the den that night. Instead, he was laying some good distance down from the den. The ground building with a light snow. He too was being covered in the little dusting that fell from the sky. There were no stars dazzling the sky tonight through the clouds, but the moon made its way through when it could. He laid there on his side with his pale golden eyes occasionally trying to catch a glimpse. He wondered if anyone noticed his form missing from the den tonight.

With a sigh, he shifted his weight around. Some of the snow moving out of his way and some of the snow on him falling off around his form. It was cold but it wasn't unbearable. He had been in colder nights alone or just with Mae. He supposed she had too and that she would be fine without him in the den tonight. Perhaps she'd take a place next to Reiko or Leotie. Regardless he knew she'd be safe and warm, that's why he stayed out here. For once he felt he didn't have to fear what would happen if he didn't head back to the den. Not to mention the borders were marked freshly so he knew any surrounding trouble would know that there were others here.

Restless he rose to his feet and paced around a bit. Usually he always ready to rest so why couldn't he tonight? What had disrupted him and disrupted his sleeping pattern?

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Maera had been fighting the lull of sleep until she was confident that her mate was beside her… and yet, he never returned, and she started to grow worried. She shouldn’t – he was a grown adult and he could take care of himself, and she couldn’t really explain what she was feeling all that well… but she needed to find him. Fighting against the drowsiness that ached deep into her muscles, she pushed herself up, a soft yawn on her features. She carefully navigated around everyone else, watching out for tails to avoid stepping on them before her nose went to work.

She’d had her share of restless nights, most of which had come before she met him. It didn’t take her too long to find him. He was lying in the snow, a soft frown on her features as she crept up alongside him, unceremoniously flopping down next to him as snow went into a tizzy around her, gently nudging him with her snout as she quickly allowed a smile to form on her features. “I was wondering where you’d gotten to.” She commented idly. Of course she’d noticed his absence, the absence of warmth next to her that she’d come to rely on being there. “What’s on your mind?” She could only assume that something was bothering him seeing as he was choosing to lie out in the freezing cold.

He was never alone it seemed, but not once did that bother him. As he laid there in the snow it seemed Maera had noticed he was missing. Her nudge was met with a soft lick to her cheek. "Guess Reiko didn't keep you warm in my absence." He smiled softly at her as his tail thumped against the ground.

The dark tawny male was content to lay there but her question nagged at him. "A few things I guess." He hummed his words softly. The warmth of Maera calmed some of his thoughts, though. "I suppose I was just trying to see if anyone would speak to me tonight." His nosed pointed upwards to the stars to let her know he wasn't talking about an actual wolf. While his faith in these ancestors, elders, or stars was likely not as strong as her own, he still wanted to believe he could learn something from them.

"I love you, you know." He whispered softly as he pressed his body into hers. Kerberos closed his eyes and tucked his head into her side. His tongue reached out to groom a small patch of her fur that seemed a little unkempt. He never minds his love's fur being ruffled (in fact, he thought it was adorable) but it gave him something to focus on besides his thoughts.

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The woman chuckled softly at his comment; that grin grew just a little as her tail thumped almost in rhythm with his. “It’s not the same with your absence.” She responded softly, her eyes closing for just a moment as his tongue slid lightly against her cheek. It was completely true – she’d grown use to his presence, his scent, and his warmth… it was almost terrifying how dependent she’d become of his company at night – she noticed when he wasn’t there. He admitted he had a couple things flying through his head – she did too. Trying to sort things out had always been a hard part for her, but even the stars couldn’t give her the answers for the questions she wanted to ask.

Her smile hinted at the edges of her maw with sadness as she responded, choosing her words carefully. “The ancestors speak to protect the balance of life… I’ve learned that over the years – they don’t take sides, but they will always watch out for you… and they’ll be there in the most unexpected ways… but only when you need them most.” Lacey and Pascal and Papa were up there, watching over the couple nestled in the snow, in the heart of the Draw.

Those words still made her heart flutter in ways she couldn’t understand. “I love you too.” She murmured back, licking the side of his cheek before resting her head on her forepaws, which were out in front of her, looking up at him. She was content with just being in his presence as he groomed her, a soft smile forming. “Want to talk about it?” She'd always be there for him, even if it was just ears to listen.

 

"It's not the same with your absence."

Oh, how that little sentence hurt his heart in a way he couldn't explain. "I know, I'm sorry." He whispered softly.  Perhaps he should have said something before deciding to root out here for the night but she didn't seem mad. He wasn't in trouble. He hadn't done anything wrong and something about knowing that felt so good. The tawny male couldn't stand to do Maera wrong or upset her in any way.

His ears tilted slightly to hear her words and a frown was obvious on his face. "My balance is off, but I guess it must not be too awful if they won't speak to me." He mused aloud. He started to think that sounded a bit wrong. "I mean, it's a little off but nothing awful I guess. I'm just sensitive, you know that. Just thought that some guidance would have been nice." He scrambled to explain himself. Everything was good but something was off. Something was missing and he could not put his nail on it. Every day he tried something new to see if that helped but nothing seemed to fill that small crack that had appeared.

He could feel his face heat up from her words and that kiss. As she relaxed he kept grooming for a few silent moments. He made sure to mess up some places like her shoulders. He always thought it was funny and a bit cute how fluffed she could look if she tried. Kerberos also knew that if she every size up against him it would not be funny or cute. Instead, it'd likely be rather terrifying. She was already larger than him so he prayed that he'd never tick her off.

The Rigel's face grew a tad bit puzzled at her question. He was used to being open with her but there were some things that crossed his mind that he usually never spoke aloud. "What do you think will happen when the season changes?" That was the only way he could think about putting it.

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There is a deer that was killed by a lynx nearby. +10 Health

“I know, I’m sorry.” Her heart ached slightly – he had nothing to be sorry for. He didn’t have to sleep in the den, or near her, all the time… and his apology made it sound like he had to. “It’s fine, Kerb…” She insisted softly – what matters was they were there now, right? He talked about his balance, how it was talking off kilter though she didn’t think she understood what he meant by it. He seemed to be the better of the two – he seemed like he’d adjusted whereas she was still trying to figure out what exactly it meant to be a pack wolf, even in a laid back pack such as the Draw.

Nothing awful I guess… That gave her so much confidence… that frown returned to her features. “I think they’re guiding you more than you think, love.” She commented, thinking about how much she’d seen him personally grow since they first met. “I think they’re trying to tell you that they don’t have all the answers…” She mused quietly. “Sometimes we have to figure things out for ourselves, and when we pass, it’s only then that ancestors can provide wisdom… we can provide wisdom to the next generation.” She explained carefully, remembering the lessons to heart. She didn’t talk about her faith often, but when she did, she was absolute in it.

His question surprised her for a moment, thinking about the question. At first she hadn’t known what he meant – spring was spring was… oh. “I don’t know.” She answered again in her soft demeanor as she looked at him. “I’ve never really thought about it… after my siblings and everything with my aunt… I just… it never came up.”

 

He listened as she assured him it was fine. Was it really? He wondered how much wasn't truly fine but at the same time, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. What if everything wasn't fine? He felt a sense of panic build up in him slightly. This all was a terrible idea, he should have just laid down in the den and stared at the ceiling for hours.

The young male softly stuffed down those feelings. He listened to her words and tried to feel reassured. "But," He mused softly between her sentences. His ears pinned back against his skull. A soft realization that she was probably right. Hadn't she known much more about all this star stuff too? "You're right." He nodded his head softly and relaxed again.

Pale yellow eyes watched her face in the dark. He bit his tongue to keep from saying anything until she was finished. "That wouldn't happen here," He paused to put his face into her scruff. "I promise." Her scent filled his lungs and soothed any wired nerves. "But I'd only want to do it if you wanted to. We'd need permission too of course but I can deal with that if you even wanted to." His words a little shaky but there was a certain sureness in his eyes. If she was ready to take this kind of leap then he was too.

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At much as sometimes his quirks bothered her – his sometimes lack of self-confidence and his tendency to apologize to her – that was part of him that made him who he was and she didn’t expect him to change. The worrying from her came from the intense emotions burning in her heart and lighting it on fire, and it was simply her wanting to make sure he was okay. She offered a soft smile, trying to reassure him as her tongue grazed across the top of his crown by one of his pinned back ears. She’d never admit it out loud but sometimes his fuss was cute – it reminded her that he cared about her and her thoughts just like she cared about his, even if she had a harder time showing it.

It was his turn to reassure her, her soft smile being replaced with a frown. How could he be certain? Naira and Triell seemed laid back, but it was quite possible that upon approaching that kind of question, they’d be chased off… a repeat of what happened with her parents and she knew, from the experiences she went through as a loner pup, that raising children without a pack was incredibly difficult. It terrified her because she’d barely managed the loss of her siblings – to lose a child, she’d likely end up like her father had before he passed. She’d go completely numb.

It was time for her to speak candidly. “I… I want to… I just… I don’t think I’d be very good at it.” She was, of course, referring to the whole rearing children part. “And if they don’t react well to the question… I just… I can’t lose them like I did Lacey and Pascal.” This was a part of her, a side of her, that wolves did not often see – the vulnerable, worried, scared side of her that desperately craved his comfort and assurance that everything would be fine.

He pushed himself into her form deeper. The tawny male felt as if he could melt into her warmth. He never felt more at home than here in her presence among the charred trees and young dogwoods. Not even the snow around them could discourage him from feeling like this. Kerberos had never felt more grateful for being pushed out of his birth pack. Had he stayed there he likely would have never met his Mae. Good lord, he could not imagine the world without her anymore.

His heart stopped listening to her uneven words. He knew this was extremely tough for her. She was always so confident and strong but he somehow seemed to touch all the right heart strings that could break her down. He never did it with ill intent, though. A soft lick was given to her chin and he tucked himself into her. "My Mae," He whispered softly. "If protecting our future children meant sacrificing my life I'd do it over and over for a thousand lifetimes. As long as I'm here, on this earth, I wouldn't let any harm come to you or them." He paused to give her a moment to think. Pale yellow eyes hid behind closed eyelids as he listened to her heartbeat and breathing. "If waiting for another year or two or even three, makes you feel better then I don't mind. I just want you happy."

It was in her court now. All she had to do was solidly agree or disagree and Kerberos would take care of the rest.

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