Oak Tree Bend I've A Homesick Heart

Lena felt positively sick.

Her stomach felt as though it had knotted itself a thousand times over, and her heart felt as if it had sunk down from her chest. Ember had left Oak Tree Bend. She couldn't say when it had happened, but the fact the girl had gone without even saying goodbye left Lena feeling worthless, unimportant. But why had it made her feel that way? She barely knew the wolf beyond a playful nickname and a fondness for her company! God, it was all so confusing! And infuriating! And … and sad. It was unbelievably sad, and equally shameful.

It got her thinking, though. Was this how her father and mother had felt when they discovered their second daughter had left Greystone Bluff? When their firstborn child delivered the news that Lena had gone, what had been their initial repsonse? Had they felt this empty and unconsidered? Now that Lena understood a fraction of this dreadful feeling, she wondered if she had made her decision poorly; should she had never left home? She'd never regret coming to Oak Tree Bend, she'd never regret meeting her uncle and her grandfather, but what had been the cost of her disappearance to her parents? Did they worry she was all right, safe, unharmed? Did Amelié ever think about her wanderlust stricken sibling? Was she even missed?

Lena had forgotten entirely what she had been doing, grown overcome with all the questions buzzing around her head like flies that she couldn't swat away, and simply stood still, dazed. Was mum carrying pups this spring? Had dad searched for his daughter, even just a little? Was Amelié still watching them both with a hawk-like stare whenever they had to treat something with an ounce of leadership? What about the others in the pack? Sully, Tor, Ingrid, Garrick, Delaine—how were they fairing?

Home. She wanted to go home.

Sorry it took me a while to get to this. <3 Was planning to post from the moment it went up.

There were questions left unanswered in his mind—and they drove him to seek solitude again. After he had returned from the north, his scent had been present on the borders, a comforting line between home and the world beyond, but rarely had he stepped into the heart of the territory and sought the company of his family. He knew enough from the scent crossing in and out of it. Serach, a pregnant Aponi, Lena, Arion, Nalda, Lila, and Tenebrae. They weren't as many as they once had been—as many as they could be—but it was enough for him.

He slipped through the foliage. Winter was relenting, if just a little, but snow still covered the land though the sun was warm enough to melt the top layers when it shone. Nothing at all like the cold, cold night on the shores of a lake. Nothing at all like the empty space next to him in the cold dawn light.

The tense knot in his belly had eased into a sort of constant disquiet. It lay like a shadow across the back of his mind, made his shoulders a bit tense, and haunted his eyes. The unanswered questions burned like bonfires, but no one had the answers for him.

Lena became a welcome distraction; she chased away the darkness, she chased away the cold. He followed her paw prints. She would distract him, for now, maybe they could go hunt something, or just.. play around, laugh, a sound and emotion that had grown alien to him over the weeks since he'd met Kisla.

The cold came rushing back in. The darkness bloomed again, to cover his soul. She, too, was tense. She smelled of anxiety, its scent barely faded from himself—the tightness returned and his eyes narrowed slightly. "Lena," he said as he came out of the bare bushes, a white ghost in a white world, his breath curling from his mouth. "What's wrong?"

let the stars above shine in your soul

Eee! It's okay, thank you for bringing Ice! Sorry this is so shoorrrt. ♥

She teetered, uncertain. It hurt to consider the fact that she may not be missed by her family, but it also hurt to think that she actually was. Either way she looked at it, Lena felt like she was the victim of her own choices, and she wasn't content to simply wallow in her sadness. Her inveterate cheerfulness was what wolves wanted from her, what her family in Oak Tree Bend needed from her. How could she disappoint them? And yet, was that not the same for her own father; hadn't he needed her to make him smile every morning with her own infectious grin?

Lena's stomach twisted, and her chest felt tight. She'd never felt so riddled with anxiety before, and it was a completely new experience. Sure, she'd felt guilty, but that was different. Still bad, but not as scary. It was like her brain wanted to run away, fast and far, to escape invisible, impossible demons.

Her thoughts came to a halt at the sound of Ice's voice, and she flinched in response, eyes snapping to him as her ears folded back momentarily. She caught herself though, ears lifting, before she felt the tense air and grimaced—had she caused this unease in her grandfather? Lena panicked. “What's wrong? With me?” She swallowed thickly, looking down at her toes with a tight frown. Like any young adult, she laughed nervously, shoved the bad thoughts to the back of her head, and lifted her gaze with a smile, half-hearted it may be, and (weakly) lied.

“Nothin', nothin'. Just, uh. Y'know, didn't sleep much, I guess. Heh.” She cleared her throat, wagged her tail, tried to give off the impression that everything was a-okay, that there wasn't any need to be concerned, that she was just being silly. “So, uh! Is somethin' up? Did ya need me?”

No need to apologize. <3

Well—that wasn't what he had expected. She flinched at his voice, ears flat, looked at him as if.. what? He didn't know, and it fled from her face, as fleet-footed as it had been when it came. Then again, when she smelled as she did, what did he expect? Roses and sunshine, the bouncing grand-daughter they had come to know? He smiled, defeated, at her. What's wrong, indeed. The world, he suspected, was what was wrong, with everyone and everything. Death, distance—the things which shattered families, broke bonds, and drove wolves into madness. Family, the thing which splintered them further, as pairs formed, shifted, and moved away.

The reason so much of his years here were gone, blown away by the wind, snowflakes spinning in the sunlight.. he heaved a soft, soft sigh. So, what now? Call her out on whatever it was she was feeling? He could still smell it, almost put his paws on the false cheeriness, but.. maybe he had no business poking his nose into whatever it was. "Oh, Lena," he said, weariness battling with fondness in his voice. He was tired, to his bones, to his core, but the little light touching his eyes and smile was genuine. "I can still smell it on you."

He moved forward, decided it was probably for the better to not ask more questions—she knew that he knew, and that he knew that she knew, and that would have to be enough. If she wanted to tell him, she would, and he would listen, but if she did not want to talk about it.. well. He chuffed and touched his nose to her muzzle, before stepping forward to brush his shoulder against hers as he contemplated the whole thing. Did he need her..? He sort of did, he had wanted a distraction, somebody to chase the shadows away, but had found that the sun had been hidden behind clouds—and he was loathe to change the subject before giving her a real chance to consider his words. Then again.. if he just let it be, as if it wasn't worth pinning her and dragging from the depths of her soul, maybe she'd start spilling it of her own accord..?

Bah. Social interactions had been easier when it was just Triell or Fenru, who he nudge to get them to talk, or Marsh, who hadn't talked at all. "Just wanted to spend some time with you," he finally said, drifting away from her side a little. "Y'know, quality time or whatever they call it."

let the stars above shine in your soul