Oak Tree Bend black as silver

you do not know who is your friend

and who is your enemy

He wondered if he should want to be completely malleable, able to twist his insides to fit whatever Serach—and the pack—needed the most. If he should want to be able to crush his own heart, sweep it into a lonesome, forgotten corner, and let it rest there, asleep. Dormant. Placed somewhere where it couldn't even whisper of its existence, of its love for the Wildwood, and its love of Triell. A place where he could not remember these things—a place where he could not accidentally hurt Serach, whether it be today, tomorrow, or a year from now.

But he was nearly nine years old, and there was too much of Ice in him to ever be anything but Ice. And surely, he wouldn't do anyone any favors if he changed, for them, smashed his core and became something that was not Ice. Perhaps it was his lost memory that begged him to return to Eden and the Wildwood, perhaps it was something else, but even though that dragon's voice called out for him, he chose to stay, because no matter how much he wanted to walk among the tress of the Grove again, he wanted to be with his son more.

And no matter how much he wanted to be with Triell, his band-aid against the darkness and the loss of Marsh, he wanted to be with his son more.

Feeling Serach's head press against his shoulder reminded him that it was worth it, even in the long hours of night, when the siren's call was the loudest.

But some truths were hard, jagged, cut your mouth when you spoke them; some things were truths you, perhaps, did not want to hear. Maybe his little..admission had been one of those things, for there was a reluctance in Serach's voice, and it hurt him, but he knew what it felt like. When Triell had defended Naira from him.. the confusion, the anger, the desire to not dwell on it because he was afraid of what he'd do to Triell if he truly considered the implications... It was judgment and betrayal. Am I not worth more to you, than her—she, who hurt us so badly..?

Time had told him, that, no, he was not.

But between Serach and Triell..? He couldn't even imagine ever having to make some kind of choice, more than the one he had already made in staying behind, but also, in choosing not to hate Triell for his actions.

He tilted his head, and looked at his son when he spoke, and remained looking at him when he fell silent. He wasn't sure if he should say it, but to him, forgiveness and not hating were not the same thing; he could choose to not hate Triell for leaving, but forgiving him for it..? For the timing, the awful execution, the way they fled like thieves in the night..? "I understand that," he finally said, ears splaying on his head. "And I will never, ever think less of you for how you feel about this. You have every right to feel betrayed, and worse, by them, and him in particular." He leaned over his son, attempted to place a small kiss by the base of his ear.

until the ice breaks.

let the stars above shine in your soul

I suck. >.< This is the last post from me. Time to move on from all the sad.

Rage and despair were starting to rapidly give way to exhaustion. His pale shoulders had begun to slump; any sign of the fighter chasing his demons on the snow covered hill was long-gone by this point. Everything hurt, and he didn't have the mental capacity to continue to cope with it anymore. Even his declaration to Ice - that everybody should hate Triell and Naira - had come out muted and resigned, rather than passionate. His father's ears fell to his skull in response, and an exhausted Serach prepared himself for another emotional blow. But the hit never fell, and instead he was receiving all that he could truly, fairly ask of Ice: validation that he was right to feel the way that he did. That was more than Serach could have hoped for, and he accepted his father's embrace with gratitude, dipping his head forward so the larger wolf could place a soft kiss on his ear. He was still exhausted, but Ice had spared him from another hit that he was too battered to handle at that particular moment, and for that he was grateful.

After several seconds of silence, Serach shifted his paws in the snow. Tensing his legs, he slowly pushed himself off the ground and stood. Sparing just a second more to shake the snow loose from his haunches, he turned his head to look towards the pack den. It would feel strange returning there, knowing that the mishmash of warm bodies and different colored pelts would no longer be there, but it was home nonetheless. "I need to go find Aponi, and Lila. And Lena and Tenebrae. I need to make sure they're making through all of this okay, or at least as best as they can," he said quietly, his tone reflecting an unverbalized invitation for Ice to join him. "Soon we'll adjust to whatever the new normal will be, but I'm still their leader...which I guess means I can't let them try and sort through this on their own." No matter how exhausted he was, he was still responsible for his pack's wellbeing, and they needed that more than ever right now.

Giving his body one last shake to rid himself of the snowflake sticking to his fur, he inhaled deeply as he began to walk towards the pack den, choosing to go quietly as he fought for every last bit of strength he had to keep his paws moving one after the other.

Serach exit.

You don't. <3 and Ice finally did something right haha xD

you do not know who is your friend

and who is your enemy

He sat there, feeling hollow and cold and the opposites all at once, as the silence between them lingered. His heart kept on beating, but the wheels in his mind had stopped—gotten stuck or derailed or something else entirely. Serach's body was warm next to him. It gave some kind of meaning to the minutes ticking by. Was this what it, truly, meant to be a parent? To push your own hurts and worries away, and give everything—comfort, justification, just your presence—to your child..? He sat there, knowing there were things he had not said that had wanted to be said, but also knowing that now was not the time to say them. His head and heart were both hurting, but no matter how much he wanted to lie down, he could not, when Serach leaned on him.

The younger wolf stirred, and Ice did, too, like ice flaking off the sea. His hips were cold and stiff in a way they hadn't been years ago, but still he rose almost effortlessly, spurred on by his son's movements. Getting old was something he chose not to think of—it happened anyway, so why despair..?

Slowly, his great white head nodded. He didn't know what Serach had been doing until Ice had found him, but whatever it was, it hadn't been terribly productive—yet another thing he could never hold against his son. Maybe that was another parent thing, seeing him as an individual rather than the role he held. He would always be Serach, a barely remembered bundle of joy and off-white fur and large paws, and Ice would never, ever think less of him if he ever found himself not a leader. A small smile tugged on his dark lips, and they curved with it, pride seeping from his eyes, his body, a warm blanket in the air. Of course, he attributed most of it to Corinna, but he still felt strangely blessed to have such a fine, good son.

"Mmh," he hummed, and followed Serach after a second or so. He didn't know what else to say. It was the right thing to do, and just seeing Serach—and not on fire with fury and pain—would probably be enough for some of them. And for the rest, well—hopefully just a sincere conversation would do to turn their minds from uncertainty and to the future.

The end. <3

until the ice breaks.

let the stars above shine in your soul

There is a rabbit's nest nearby. +1 Health