Hearthwood River up on a hill, across a blue lake

For @Lachesis only. Set July 31st

God, he was so exhausted. The trip toward Wild Rye Fields only to have his heart (and shoulder) smashed in the process, coupled with Kisla dying and the emotionally draining meeting and having the kitten go missing... it was far too much for a man who rarely felt any feelings at all. Or, at least, for a man who rarely expressed feelings. Aytigin may have wished and pretended that he had none, but the fact was that he simply refused to express them in honesty.

Perhaps his life would be easier if he just felt nothing at all.

He had done his best for Hearthwood. He'd given them his all for the better part of the year, and he intended to continue to do just that. But he couldn't help but feel like the odd man out within the pack itself. It was no surprise or secret that he was... different than everyone else. His life - his upbringing - had been completely different. It seemed as though most (if not all) of the others had experience with other packs, or had been born into the pack itself.

Maybe... this had been the wrong choice.

The man's paws had brought him to the border, his steps uneven and halting because of his wrenched - swollen - shoulder. He placed his massive paws right on the edge, looking out into the forest beyond, but not crossing. It felt... stifling, to say the least. To give so much to a group of wolves who merely tolerated his presence and demanded him to change so drastically. They hadn't said it out loud, but if he let show any semblance of his personality, it was met with hostility and aggression.

But if the River couldn't accept him, maybe nobody would.

Cottongrass sure hadn't.

One thing was for sure - he would never allow himself to consider developing feelings for any wolf ever again. All that trust and joy and... affection, with so much possibility for more, was gone in an instant. Replaced with nothing but a pink scar on his temple as a grim reminder that anything resembling love or emotion was doomed to fail.

And to think Aytigin had been willing to give that a shot.

He longed to run. Wanted to run off and never come back - to get away from all of this responsibility and law and wolves that didn't actually give a shit about him, when he cared so much more than he'd ever admit. He wasn't cut out for this life - not really. Maybe all of his efforts would continually give him nothing in return for the rest of his whole damned life.

He was not happy with how the meeting had gone. Toward the end the fuses had extinguished and tensions had lowered significantly, but there was still a sour taste in his mouth. He feared he was being too soft on his packmates; allowing them to get away with brash statements and frequent excursions. Although he cared about the raven Baranski and viewed her as one of his own daughters, she had broken pack law in the spring after disappearing from the Kingswood multiple times (no doubt to meet up with the father). Aytigin had a quick tongue and did not hold back his thoughts. His defiance, while commendable, also could not be tolerated. If he allowed the large male to get away with speaking to him like that what did that say about Lachesis’ character? This was his pack, not Aytigin’s, not Inna’s. His and Lilya’s. Family or not, they still made the decisions of the pack, even if all the members did not agree.

Initially he had wanted to seek out the younger male immediately after the meeting but Inna and Lorcán had stolen him away, asking if they could deliver the news of Kisla to Wild Rye and poke around for the missing Tainn. He had obliged, just as long as they promised to be quick, for their numbers were dwindling. He could not afford to lose two more.

“After what you said at the meeting you better not be thinking about leaving,” he snapped at the large male as he approached the edge of forest, his chartreuse gaze hardened as his tail arched high above his back. “You don’t get to leave like that. Not the meeting; not Hearthwood.” His upper lip remained curled as his legs stiffened, readying himself in case he needed to force the larger male into submission.

stick with those who stick with you

Hazel eyes rolled back into his head as a furious voice sounded behind him. He truly was not in the mood for this. The giant wolf waited until Lachesis was done snarling at him - saying things about him not even thinking about leaving - before he turned to face the snow-colored wolf. Aytigin's tail was limp and relaxed, but he made no extra effort to lower his posture. For one thing, it would hurt his shoulder like hell if he tried that, and for another... he just didn't feel like it.

The mocha-colored man met the alpha's chartreuse eyes levelly, his face schooled and expressionless save for the arching of one eyebrow. "That's a lot of hostility toward someone who's doing nothing but standing around within the borders," he commented dully. "What, is standing against the rules or something? What're you gonna ban next - breathing?" Well... those questions were more pointed and intended to counter the leader's aggression. Still spoken in the same dull tone, though. "Inna asked me to watch Oksana while she was gone, so obviously I'm not leaving. Just going for a walk while she's asleep."

"But, honestly," he went on, letting out a heavy sigh before meeting Lachesis' gaze in a sort of defiance, "could you really blame me if I were thinking about leaving? You clearly don't want me here." Which was just about as close as Aytigin Delaney would say to 'You've been continuously hurting my feelings for the past five months.'

Lachesis is trying to push Aytigin's muzzle down in order to make him submit, but once he complies (if he chooses to), Lachesis will let him go almost immediately (he's just trying to put him in his place, no hard feelins :B <3)

Despite the first few encounters between the willowy male and the self-proclaimed casanova, XIX had actually begun to like Aytigin. Since arriving in Hearthwood he had worked feverishly to prove himself not only to the pale leader, but to his packmates as well. Lachesis trusted the younger male to watch the children of the river, as well as to teach them, and had had no quarrels with him until the meeting. His honesty was appreciated, so Lachesis could not fault him there. He had wanted honesty, otherwise XIX would not have been able to tell how his packmates were feeling. But the Delaney’s brash words were too much. Then he left without being dismissed, seemingly irritated with the meeting.

And now he was giving Lachesis attitude again. His lips immediately curled, ears pinned forward. Every time XIX felt as though he was making progress with the ebony male—that they were finally becoming good friends—Aytigin hurled himself backward with reckless acts of defiance.

Perhaps he really was too lenient.

Without hesitation the tall leader padded up to the large male, his hackles raised as he attempted to reach for the top of Aytigin’s muzzle in order to push it down, forcing submission on the younger wolf. “Are you forgetting who you’re talking to?” He growled, his eyes narrowed darkly. “Don’t be fucking smart with me,” he added as he took a step back, the fur on his back still standing. “ Despite whatever you believe, I like you. Don’t know why, but I do. Don’t give me this ’you don't want me here’ pity story. If I didn’t want you here you wouldn’t be here.” He spat as he attempted to calm his posture, his tail still arched high as he glared at the younger male. “It was Kisla who wanted you in this pack first, don’t forget that. Don’t tarnish her memory by being an asshole.”

(This post was last modified: Aug 18, 2017, 02:01 PM by Lachesis.)

stick with those who stick with you

No worries! I was hoping he'd do something like that!

The white wolf did not hesitate to grab his muzzle and force him down. It wasn't really a surprise, but it pulled on his shoulder further and drew a soft hiss of pain from the bigger wolf. Regardless, he did comply easily, even bending down a bit so that the alpha could reach easier before he was forced down. But he couldn't stay there for too long, and straightened back up, casting his gaze to the side instead of meeting Lachesis' eyes again.

His ears pressed down against his head as the snow-colored man spoke, and he gritted his teeth. Because, apparently Lachesis liked him and wanted him there, even though he was being an asshole. Which, if he were being honest, he was always an asshole. "You only want me here because you need me here. I know damn well you aren't keeping me around for my personality." He arched an eyebrow, side-eyeing the alpha skeptically. "I wasn't giving you a pity story, by the way. You were the one who just ran up angry because I was looking into the forest." His tone wasn't angry or aggressive - more resigned and set in a low rumble.

The large wolf exhaled slowly through his nose and shrugged his non-hurt shoulder. "Besides all that, I'm one of the only wolves in this pack who've never left. The longest I've been gone from the territory at all is a couple days, and that was a mistake." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I don't think I've ever done anything that should make you think I'd just walk out on Hearthwood."

The ghost almost exhaled a sigh of relief when Aytigin allowed himself to be pushed down, for he was not willing to fight the large male. Not out of fear of losing, or dealing with the male’s swarthy frame, but it was out of worry of severing a friendship. Despite the hiccups along the way Lachesis still considered the chocolate wolf a friend, even if they were constantly bickering like an old married couple. The Stark had been in a similar position upon arriving in the Lore and joining the Trail alongside his blue-eyed dove. He had not known pack law or how to interact with others. He had suffered the repercussions, just as Aytigin was now.

“We need each other, you dumbass. Your personality is subpar, at best, but you’re still my friend. Again, don’t know why, but you are.” His lips fell into a soft frown. “You’re the one that fled the meeting all butthurt. I was asking for opinions. I would never force a move on the pack. I wanted to know where everyone’s heads were at. Not to get mine chewed off for suggesting a fresh start.” His own voice rumbled back at the ebony male, his brows pinned together.

“I know,” he responded quickly, his lips still cut into a frown. “I value your loyalty, Aytigin, and you. But your mouth…” he rolled his eyes, his hackles still raised, “I told you before. Think first. That’s all I ask.” He sighed, his eyes averting from the dark wolf for a moment as they turned to study the lowlands before them. “Your behaviour at the meeting was not acceptable. Do not act like that again at a meeting. You can spit at me all you want in private, I don’t give a shit. Call me out after a meeting, see if I care. But acting like that, in front of others, that’s not okay. And it will not fly a second time. You understand?” His gaze returned to to his subordinate, his tongue hesitating for a moment before it flung more words in the larger male’s direction: “This is me being nice. Because I like you.”

stick with those who stick with you

Joining Hearthwood had not been a choice that Aytigin had made on a whim. He rarely thought things through, but a decision that changed his life so dramatically could not be taken lightly whatsoever. For months, he had worked and worked and worked, and cultivated a blossoming friendship with Inna. At the same time, he had been developing a... relationship, of sorts, with Cottongrass, and had cared for the pups as best as he could. Life had been good, albeit exhausting. But then, all at once, it seemed that everything had fallen apart. Kisla had died, Risaela and Lekalta had run off, and Inna had left with Lorcan. The raven-pelted woman had only asked him to watch Oksana, instead of go and support her. So it became abundantly clear who she would rather have by her side, and perhaps who she used for banausic reasons alone.

It all hurt, especially for someone who pushed emotional issues to the side as often as possible.

But then there was Lachesis, whom Aytigin had pretty much pissed off at every turn from the moment they'd met in the Ethos. If there was any wolf who deserved to hate him, it was the white alpha. The dark-furred man had believed that the only reason Lachesis kept him around at all was because he pulled more than his weight in the pack. Not for any other reason.

And yet, here the chartreuse-eyed wolf went, reaffirming not once, but twice, that he liked the Delaney. That they were friends. He might not have known how they were friends, but Lach seemed adamant on his stance. And it seemed that it was all a bit too much - everything combined together into one, giant, screwed-up ball of disgusting emotion, painful memories, and recent devastation. Aytigin didn't even feel his eyes burning until the world was blurry and a drop rolled down his cheek. He was quick to turn his head to the side, embarrassed, and stared at an odd mushroom on the ground to his left.

He'd been brought up to believe that he was unlovable. That wolves who were supposed to love him were either going to abuse or leave him, and that everyone else would just use him. His recent farewell to Cottongrass had dug that all back up, and Inna's departure with a wolf who had left for weeks had reaffirmed it. But here Lachesis was, seemingly attempting to ease away all of the chocolate wolf's preconceptions about all of that.

And like the idiot that Aytigin was, he believed him.

"I... understand," he murmured, still studiously watching the mushroom and waiting for the water standing in his eyes to recede. It would be completely un-manly to cry like a child over something so girly. But then he blinked and more of the tears made tracks down his cheeks, and he gritted his teeth. "Dammit. I'm so sorry - about everything..." His voice cracked and wavered, but Lachesis did deserve an apology - especially after being so kind. He was sorry, about being an idiot, about his vocabulary, about how he acted at the meeting, about thinking about leaving... Everything.

Lachesis had not been expecting that reaction.

Aytigin, despite having an explosive personality and a mouth without a filter, was still a valued member of Hearthwood. They had experienced their fair share of differences and he did not doubt that their differences would continue, but he knew the Delaney would remain loyal to the river until the day he died. Lachesis had him to thank for bringing him and Lilya together after all. And like he had stated (multiple times) he was quite fond of the large male, although he wasn’t quite sure why. Perhaps it was the differences in their personalities or the way Aytigin tested his patience, for he was not used to having someone so defiant. It was both annoying and refreshing. But there had to be limits and Lachesis had no problem letting him know what those limits were.

However, as tears bubbled within Aytigin’s eyes, Lachesis became flummoxed, his mouth falling into a soft ‘o’ shape. I’m so sorry—about everything. Wait, what? He blinked, his head tipped to the side as he studied the dark male’s damp reaction, his words catching in the back of his throat. He wasn’t good with tears or any kind of emotion for that matter. “Uh,” he started, his brows arched high into his forehead, his tail twitching nervously behind him, “it’s okay, Aytigin. Really. You’re doing much better so don’t stress it.” He didn’t know if his words would help comfort the larger male but it hoped it would at least prevent more tears from falling. 

stick with those who stick with you

Well, damn... this was awkward. It was basically like dumping all of your personal problems on one person all at once, and it just screamed weakness. Crying just sucked - that was all there was to it. And now Lachesis felt awkward and Aytigin felt awkward and he'd ruined the whole conversation. So, naturally, he felt the need to suck it up and be the man that he was.

So he shook his head and swiped his paws over his face to dry it. Because the white-pelted alpha seemed to think that it was his fault or that it had been about his critique of Aytigin's personality. As if his personality hadn't been critiqued five hundred million times throughout his life. "I'm not stressing it," he rumbled, averting his gaze. "It wasn't about that..." Honestly, if he couldn't handle not being liked by now, he should probably just give up.

"It was... more about the part where you said that we were friends... That you liked me." Now it was getting even more chick-flicky. But he really did need to explain himself. "It's just kinda something I needed to hear. That I haven't heard a lot of in my life... so thank you."

The king of awkward did not know what else to do, or say. So he remained quiet, his brows still fixed together as he watched the ebony wolf compose himself, his paw dragging across his face in order to remove the fallen tears. Lachesis had attempted to make his subordinate feel better and had seemingly done the opposite, for his words should have not inspired tears to drip down his cheeks. It wasn’t about that… the large male countered, causing Nineteen’s maw to cant to the side, a question mark written neatly across his face as he waited for Aytigin to explain himself.

“If I didn’t like you you would’ve been kicked out a long time ago,” he chuckled in response, hoping that it would lighten Aytigin’s mood. He wasn’t good at making jokes—he was a dad, after all. “You’re alright, Aytigin. Just more of a talker than a thinker.” He paused, the left corner of his mouth pinching before he added to his words, his tail lashing out behind him: “You just gotta work on that, that’s all.” Lachesis truly did believe in the ebony male. He had already worked hard to make a name for himself in Hearthwood—he knew it was possible for him to change. 

stick with those who stick with you