Secret Falls But I Go Crazy Counting Sheep

Dated to November 18th. Let's assume Cottongrass has been out and about for a few days. For @Askan <3

He couldn't sleep.

There was too much going on inside of his head. And it wasn't the worst feeling in the world. He didn't even find the sensation unpleasant. But he couldn't rest. Not even when he knew that he spent the past few days running wild and that he should have been at least relieved to be back home. Except that wasn't the case. He just felt energized. Like someone took a look inside of his brain and turned off all of the bad parts when he wasn't looking.

He didn't know how to feel about it. Was it good? Was it bad? Maybe it didn't have to be either.

He decided to focus on his clumsy shuffle forward. It was snowing. The sky and ground was full of light and fluffy snowflakes that would probably melt by the morning. He stooped over to pick up a mouthful. Except it was mostly dirt and he recoiled like the ground just slapped him. He just starting walking faster. Because he totally meant to do that.

And wasn't there supposed to be a den somewhere nearby? Maybe even a few? It wasn't that late. He didn't think it felt that late. Maybe everyone went to sleep early. It wasn't his fault the sun went to bed so quickly nowadays. He was getting off topic. His paws stumbled to a halt and he tried to make himself focus.

"Hello?" He called out into the dead of the night. Nothing answered back. He swayed on his feet and took another step forward. And picking a name at random from the depths of his swirling thoughts — Cottongrass let out a curious "Askan?"

Askan had wondered whether the thudder would return, but ever since his encounter with Sachiel the nights had been quiet and peaceful. He wasn't complaining, far from it, but even now he couldn't help but wonder what it had been and whether it was truly gone for good.

The snow was cold against the pads of his paws, but unlike his mate Askan didn't mind it all too much. Compared to his homeland this was mild, nothing more than a dusting. But even he knew the worst was yet to come, that in no time at all this land would a wasteland of ice and snow.

How would they fair against the elements? Would their foundations crumble before they had even had a chance to be completed? Or would the worsening weather just be yet another hurdle for them to face together? Either way, Askan knew that @Reyes would hate it. That just like last winter he'd spend the whole season bitching.

Askan sniggered to himself as he paced along, his musings were soon interrupted though, by Cotton no less!

"Yeah? You okay?"

From the sounds of it there was no cause for alarm, even so Askan broke out into a trot and narrowed in on Cotton, like an eagle swooping down on it's prey. Sure enough, as he'd expected the furball looked just fine. His winter coat was as poofy as ever and his eyes were still bright, gleaming with curiosity. Yep, this was the Cotton he knew and loved.

He wasn't expecting anyone to respond. Not when the place seemed quiet and deserted in that moment. But he wasn't about to start complaining. His tail wagged and shuffled forward on excited feet. Because he wasn't going to spend the night alone and bored out of his mind! There was less of a chance for him to disappear and do something he would regret this way. His rear end wiggled and he bounded towards Askan.

He didn't stop until he was close. Close enough for him to reach out and nudge the underside of Askan's muzzle with his nose in greeting. He pulled back into his own space soon enough. Didn't want to be too annoying.

"Yup." He chirped. Everything was okay. He was even sure that he was pretty okay despite the fact that he felt like he could run two marathons and still be just as energized. Maybe he should mention that to someone. Later. When he wasn't happy to see another soul out and about in the weather. "Just couldn't sleep." And without a moment of hesitation —

"And I felt like seeing you." He added on. It wasn't a lie but he would have settled for anyone. Askan was just the first name he thought of during the moment. And the one that responded.

There is a family of deer nearby. Hunt Opportunity

Just felt like seeing him huh? If it had been anyone else Askan would have been suspicious, he would have simply assumed that they were up to something fishy. But this was Cotton, this guy didn't have a fishy bone in his body. He was as innocent as they came and honestly, Askan had a real hard time imagining him being up to no good.

"I was about to turn in for the night."@Reyes was waiting no doubt, but a little longer wouldn't hurt him."But we can talk for a bit, if you want."His tail swished behind him, once or twice, just to show that he meant it. That he wasn't just telling Cotton what he wanted to hear. Though, by now the fluff ball should have realised that wasn't the Selwyn's style.

"I actually wanted to talk to you, and before you get all panicky, it's nothing bad. It's about us, our group. I've spoken to Reyes about it, and we want to settle here. Make a pack of our own. Would you be okay with that Cotton? With me and Reyes leading?"

He didn't panic. Not when he might as well have trusted Askan with his whole entire life. Instead he stayed where he stood and listened with nothing more than a curious gaze. It didn't take long before a goofy smile spread across his features and he looked away. His tail wagged behind him. And he felt giddy. Like everything in his life had been leading towards that one moment and he just never knew it until then.

"I thought that was the plan..." He started off. That's what he assumed. What he hoped for because there was no other reason why Askan and Reyes would be collecting wolves and settling down in one area like they had been for the past few weeks. "But yeah, I'd be okay with that." He would be more than okay with that. Especially when he spent his life wondering if there was such a thing as a truly good pack in the world. One that wasn't lead by wolves like his parents or even like Jessie and Drestig that always seemed to say one thing while meaning another. His friends wouldn't be like that.

Askan and Reyes were nothing but good and honest.

He adored them for it.

His yellow eyes brightened and there were stars in his eyes. "You'd be good leaders." His words weren't much but he hoped Askan would understand the full sincerity of what he said. They would be more than good. They would be the best in the whole entire damn world and Cottongrass would defend them with his life and do everything he could to make them happy. And he knew he was cursed with bad luck and terrible at everything he did, but for them he would try and be the perfect subordinate. Just as long as they let him he would be there doing his best.

(He would be there until the very end...)

"It is, has always been. Just wanted to run it past you, you know?"

It was a relief really, he'd always suspected that Cotton wouldn't mind but uncertainty had snapped at his heels, making him wonder if he was jumping to the wrong conclusion. Surely if they didn't want to follow him and Reyes they wouldn't be here in the first place? There weren't many of them but Askan trusted those who had joined them in these woods. Together they could build something that mattered, that actually brought upon change.

At times he still missed the Rye, but it had been so stagnant. All of his efforts had seemed so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, like no matter how hard he tried things would never change. An existence like that was soul eating. How the other Rye wolves could continue on as if nothing was wrong boggled his mind. How could they stand it? He gritted his teeth and with a flick of his tail dismissed that train of thought.

He didn't need it, that sort of negativity would just eat him whole. It was time to ditch the past and move on.

"Glad you think so."He said, preening like a peacock at the compliment."Figured if an old man could do it....then me and Reyes could it a whole lot better."

At times it felt like they'd been keeping the pack afloat, recruiting members, filling the caches whilst the leading pair did what? Fuck knows, Askan couldn't even remember.

"I wanted to ask if, once things are settled of course, you'd like to be our scout? I know you like to wander about and figured it'd be perfect for you. Say, you find somewhere, something interesting you make note of it and let us know? I really think you could go a good job, Cotton."

Figured if an old man could do it... Then me and Reyes could do it a whole lot better.

Cottongrass laughed. It rang out of him loud and sudden into the night air because there was truth to be found in what Askan said. His friends would be good leaders. Better than Drestig and Jessie because they weren't evasive or intimidating. Instead they were just Askan and Reyes. Two wolves he considered his best friends. His laughter dived down and Cottongrass leaned back against his heels. He shook the snow out of his coat and there was a joke somewhere on the tip of his tongue.

It died in his throat.

Askan kept speaking and it was sort of like the whole entire world stuttered and stumbled to a halt right before his very eyes. The smile on his face froze and even his tail stopped its usual happy wag. And it was all because of one little question. One little question that was probably insignificant or unimportant to most but it meant the world to Cotton.

I wanted to ask if, once things are settled of course, you'd like to be our scout?

The rest of what Askan said was white noise. Nothing more than background chatter that echoed in his ears and brain. He could feel his paws sinking into the dusting of soft snow underfoot and he could feel snowflakes landing near his eyes and nose. But he didn't care. He didn't care one bit and he knew that he should have. His yellow eyes were bright and he could feel his tail starting to swing in the cold air behind him.

"Do you —" There was a smile breaking across his features. One that was full of nothing but warmth and adoration and hope. There was so much hope inside of him that it almost hurt. Because everything was happening. Everything he ever wanted was happening and it wasn't a dream and Askan probably didn't even know it. "Do you mean it?" He asked. His tail wagged in full force and his hindquarters swayed with the movement. Energy vibrated through him until he felt like he was a hive full of a million busy bees. And Cottongrass didn't know how he did it but he pushed the energy down. Shoved it into a box marked as later.

For when he knew for a fact that Askan wasn't just talking and he knew that he was safe to be as happy and obnoxious as he wanted to be.

Cotton could be pretty unpredictable at times, but by then Askan felt as though he'd gotten to know the ball of fluff well enough to figure out what was going on behind those bright yellow eyes. But shit...Askan was stumped. He thought his offer would make the kid happy, proud,but he looked anything but. He looked devastated.

And that hadn't been Askan's intention at all.

Then things did a complete one eight, his eyes were wide and shiny and- his joy was infectious, Askan couldn't help but smile a little as his tail swished behind him. At first Cottongrass had been annoying, a pesky little runt who talked too much and wasn't serious enough for Askan's liking. But he'd grown on him and that had partly been @Reyes fault.

"Course I do, wouldn't have said so otherwise."He said, his eyes gleaming with amusement as he watched Cotton prance about like a spring hare."I don't care what anyone else has told you, Cotton. You can do great things, you've just got to put your mind to it."

Askan didn't know about his past, but he knew what it felt like to be stepped on. It was shit, the worst, and it would never happen in his pack. Cotton might need guidance, there was no denying that, but Askan wasn't gonna pin him down into submission anytime soon. That seemed like a dick move, something Craw would have done. And if there was one thing in his life he wanted, it was to be nothing like that spidery bastard.

"I'll have to run it past Reyes first, but I doubt he'll have an issue with it." He shrugged, knowing damn well Gabe couldn't say no to him, or Cotton.

He wasn't joking.

He wasn't playing some cruel prank that Cottongrass wouldn't understand until hours later when his good mood died and harsh reality settled in. Instead there was nothing but sincerity to be found in his yellow eyes and rough voice. His friend actually believed and trusted him and it was all too much. Because Askan didn't know about how he spent his whole entire life dreaming of hearing those exact same words from someone — from anyone.

But his friend said them like they were common sense.

Like it was an indisputable fact.

His tail wagged like crazy behind him and he couldn't help it — he took one small step forward and then dove. He aimed for the warmth of Askan's chest. Watery laughter bubbled from in between his parted jaws and there were tears in the corners of his eyes but he pretended there wasn't. And he knew it was dumb. Probably even beyond dumb because he was getting emotional over a few words and he knew that he would probably end up pissing Askan off but he didn't care. Not when it was the nicest words anyone ever said to him.

He buried his face into Askan's neck and chest.

"You're the best."