Lunette Vuesain
I'm drowning in the waters of myself
How much longer could she run?
Not much.
She wasn't good enough. (For him. For anyone.) She was a waste of breath and bones. Useless. (Filth.) She achieved nothing. Amounted to nothing. Did nothing. She was a black hole, swallowing up every effort, every kindness, every ounce of joy and happiness until there was nothing left but darkness, and then, not even that. Just something bleak and endless stretched limply from horizon to horizon.
The call roused her from uneasy sleep by the lakeside, his voice like a sword through her skull, her body, her heart; she jolted awake, up on four shaky limbs, her mind fogging, torn between a dream's illusion of it being for her and the more real memory of it being for them. (And, for better or for worse, you're part of them again—time to start acting it.) Her breath smoked white in the chilly morning air. It took a few seconds for her heart to settle. For her mind to settle. For her legs to start moving, picking the way to where Kajika stood—she couldn't look at him in the morning light, he was a shadow, her eyes sliding off his form every time—with a female Lunette hadn't bothered introducing herself to before. She was a pale thing, cream and silver, and on principle, Lunette hated her.
Lunette hated mostly everyone. She especially hated you if you were female, and not Moonshadow, a recent development that only served to make her even more furious with herself and the world.
She wanted to do as she always had—step up next to Kajika, press her flank against his in greeting, hide her muzzle in the fold between his neck and jaw, but the sunlight had her paralyzed, or maybe it was just her monster. Maybe it was just her, being wrong, bad, broken. Her tail hung limp, her eyes, averted, her ears back. She studied the shadow of the bull moose in the distance, knowing what was to come, wishing she could simply descend into the mind of the hunter, give up every inhibition and scrap of sense and self-preservation—she wanted to rush the damn thing and kill it and be killed by it.