Turtleback Lake Some Prefer Nettles

Anastasia hadn't really moved very far from the den back in the Hearthwood and very rarely did she ever leave the pack at all. If she did, it was within a quick sprint back. She hadn't really been a very good pack mate that held up her end of her stay. Though, his bold question left her with no immediate answer. There wasn't just one thing or even a couple things that really made her decide to change what she did and stay. It was a lot of little things that made sense in the big picture and being a recluse or a loner was not in that big bright future she had planned. Mostly that I never was good at being alone, certainly not in her younger days when she had lived in Pitch Pine Trail, to be honest, I've always been the girl that everyone looked to when they needed help. I raised two children when I first came to the Lore because their mother left. I helped their father lead the pack and whenever someone wanted something, I did what I could to make it happen.

Anastasia had always stepped to the side to let everyone else make their dreams happen and yet, here she saw... it only made sense that her leaving two times had stunted her big plans. Now I want my time. Only then did she really realize that she had gotten on a soap box and said her piece, but she hadn't changed her tone but more or less explained exactly why she had decided that a change was necessary.

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Emrys knew what had caused him to settle down and became a pack wolf, Jynx. He'd stayed in the notch for her despite the things that he'd wanted to accomplish. Now he had lost his pack, his children, and his rank and more than that he felt he had failed miserably. Though he had spoken to Jynx he wasn't sure he really knew what was going on and that bothered him. He kept all if that to himself dealing with it in private and giving the pack another face. The woman in front of him though, he thought that he found he friends with her, share things with her that he wouldn't normally share.

She when he asked her why she surprised him by speaking quite a bit in the matter. Emrys listened and nodded as she spoke giving her the chance to get it all out. He didn't want to interrupt her while she seemed to be getting a few things off her chest. Then when she had finished he spoke. “It isn't easy being alone.” Which was part of the reason he'd joined that group of wolves before coming to the lore.

“It sounds like you have given a lot to others. You should have your time, there's nothing wrong with that. So now that you've decided to have your time what are you going to do with it?” He of course wasn't in a position to make the sort of decision that she'd made. With things still feeling so up in the air he was content to stay where he was until he could figure things out. He commented her for coming to the conclusion that she had. It wasn't an easy thing, at least bit in his opinion.

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It was strange yet comfortable how easy it was to explain her situation to someone. How much she had given to everyone else, and contineud to give because she enjoyed doing it, but also how much she wanted for herself. More than anything she desperately wanted to have a family but it had to start with her desire for romance first. In all her years, she had spent more time unknowingly pining after Lachesis. The first accidental disappearance had led to her coming back to Bastet and the second disappearance was her coming back to find out that Lachesis had found a mate. It left Anastasia feeling rather burned even if it clearly wasn't anyone's fault but her own. She had simply let time slip away from her.

While she might not be able to achieve romance any time soon, she recognized that her chances within the Surge were quite slim. She practically knew everyone and none of them really made her happy like she expected them to. Of course, she was Anastasia Starklen who looked for the magical feeling as well as a bond but it was rather hard to top the bond that she had shared with Lachesis for years. It certainly wasn't easy being alone - being a rogue and being alone or being in a pack and feeling alone. Both were terrible feelings to have.

Ana should have expected him to ask what it was that she was interested in doing now that she wanted to push forward. It didn't make it any easier if only because she didn't want to be judged. She didn't want to be put down by her ideas nor laughed at because they might be so trivial to some but it was the only thing that had ever made sense to her. I want a family, she answers with a long wistful sigh, I want my own children to raise and nurture. I'm just afraid that to do that I have to have my own territory, my own pack. She was sure that XIX and Lilya were not the only alphas that put a halt to anyone else breeding. Anastasia understood the need to restrict breeding but she wasn't going to get very far in her goals if the restriction was every year.

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He was prying and shamelessly at that but she hadn't called him out on it yet. The fact of rheatter was he was actually enjoying the conversation between himself and the white dove. It had been a long time since he'd had a conversation such as they were. He was also enjoying the chance to get to know one of packmates a little better. She had shared quite a bit with him which helped to understand her and the motivations that could have lead her to do what she'd done.

If he were honest he couldn't blame her at all for wanting her time after helping so many with so much. He liked helping others but there came a time when it had to stop being about them and more about him. It should be the same for her, she deserved it. He did however understand that there was one thing that stood in the way of her getting what she wanted. He had been through it the previous year so perhaps he could understand better than anyone or maybe he couldn't. He supposed that would be something that would have to be left up to her.

She went on to explain exactly what it was she wanted after he'd asked his latest question. He smiled and nodded, “I do understand that. I had the same fear myself last year. Things fell into place to where I could have my own family but I know that things are just not that easy. Something you might do that might ease your fears is speak to Lachesis and Lilya. Tell them what you are telling me, and explain to them how important it is to you. They were strict this year but the surge is just getting established and everyone's still getting used to the area and spring isn't quite here yet. Things might be better next year and if you talk to them well before this time next year it could work in your favor?” It was just a suggestion, he didn't know how things would turn out but it wouldn't hurt her to ask and then she would know what she had to do.

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It was true; she didn't know that many adults anymore that she could easily carry on a conversation with. Most of the adults she did were within the Surge which wasn't a bad thing but as a woman who sought to branch out and have connections, they did occasionally limit her. Reid, Emerys, Aytigin... she liked all of them. Each of them friendly with their own traits and quirks while still having a lot on them that she wasn't aware of. It was easy to simply talk about all the things on her mind with someone who was willing to answer. Lachesis she adored and would go to always but sometimes, she didn't know where the line between friend and alpha crossed.

The suggestion that Emrys brought to the table had already been circling her mind. Now, in this season, it was too late. The meeting that had instructed that no one was to breed this year was clear enough for her to recognize that by attending and leaving without a word that she agreed to this and Anastasia did not go back on her word. Not something was crucial as that. She expected her pack mates to be just as honest about it but after all that she had experienced thus far, she recognized how hard it was to stay on a path of sobriety. I expect next year I will ask them, she explains simply if only because he has said most everything for her, as a friend, I know he wouldn't deny me that happiness. It's hard to know the future, though. Hopefully next year things will have settled and things will be different. Maybe they would be so different that she would actually have someone to share a family with and not just lingering around hoping that someone would be nice enough to help her.

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Talking with Anastasia about the things that she wanted and how to get them brought his kind to the previous year. How he and Jynx had talked of having a family, possibly leaving the notch so that they could. This is what Anastasia faced if Lachesis wouldn't allow her to have her own family. Emrys hoped that for the dove’s sake the alpha did allow her as he didn't want to see her out there in her own trying to make her dreams come true. The healer felt that he and Jynx had gotten lucky when they were given the notch and now they had lost it. If he were honest he was fine with where he was for now, though his body had recovered his mind hadn't. He wasn't ready for anything more than what he had just then.

He smiled when she declared that she would talk with Lachesis and Lilya. “Good, if they know ahead of time then there will be plenty of time to prepare which might take some strain off of them.” Having been a leader he understood why the rule was in place but he also understood that knowing a second litter was coming made things easier. Preparations could be made that would reduce the strain on the pack. “Lachesis is a good friend, I can't imagine he would deny you that happiness either. He's a father too and I'm sure understands the desire to have a family of your own. The pack will be better established and we seem to have a good group of wolves so that will certainly put things in a different light.” A more positive one he hoped for the sake of the surge and the dove.

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There was a part of her that felt that if Lachesis told her that she was never allowed to have children while staying under his leadership, she might have just nodded her head and sunk it real low. The thing was that he was her best friend and she honored him as that as well as a leader. To be under anyone's leadership aside from his would be too odd for her to even think on. It would feel dishonorable to allow anyone else to lead her and guide her. While she might not express it very often, he had allowed her to see the good in strangers after her escape from la citta del mare. Lachesis had been the only individual that made her feel safe even if he was just a bumbling boy back then. She was able to focus on someone else's problems rather than her own which had caused her shell to be open for the taking.

Despite Emrys' conclusion, she felt entirely positive that if she asked Lachesis ahead of time about having a litter next spring that he would allow it. That he would give her what she wanted because she told him early but more so because they were friends. The latter she was afraid of for she didn't want special treatment of any kind but she would much rather raise a family knowing that she would continue to have a place in the Surge. Even if the whole father/daddy figure was rather dark with a large question mark over it.

Lach and I have been friends for years and I don't imagine that he would turn me down but even then... I can't help but feel that rejection is not entirely out of the question. It might be good to say it earlier but saying it too early might be a bit of a stretch given that they didn't know their situation a year from now. For now I am going to try to focus on whatever children he has and help them. Anastasia was definitely a lover of children and depending on how things went this season they might have their hands full. It would be good to have her there in case the two leaders needed to step away.

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Having been a leader it made it much easier to see Lachesis’ side of things but he'd also been that subordinate in Anastasia's place. He knew what it was to want his own family but had to worry if it would be allowed. Worried that he would have to make that decision between his pack and starting a family of his very own. He hoped for the pale dove that she would get what she wanted and have all her dreams fulfilled. Someone who had served others like she had deserved to have that. He hoped that Lachesis would see that too and give her the permission that she needed for the next season.

She seemed confident that Lachesis wouldn't deny her the chance to have a family of her own. Emrys believed that if she made her desires know then Lachesis and Lilya would have all the time they might need to give her request the consideration it deserved. He did however understand a lot could change over time. The pack could be in a much better place or it could be in a worse place there was just no way to tell. That was something he had learned from his own experiences with White Fir Notch.

The healer nodded as she spoke glad that she had taken the fact she could be rejected into consideration. “I don't think it would be unwise to prepare for a rejection. It might make it easier to accept if it does happen,” he said gently, “But I still feel you should remain positive about it. Also you do understand that he may not be able to give you an answer right away?” He asked mostly just to put that in her mind. He didn't want her to become disappointed if the alpha had to get back to her with his decision. “I think that's a good idea,” he said when she spoke of focusing on Lachesis’ children that we're in the way. “I am sure he would appreciate whatever help you can offer him. Pups are a pawful and parents are always welcome to a little help.” He knew that from his own experiences as well.

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