Shallows Edge I still see your shadows in my room

For @Lyanna
Forward dating a bit, to account for travel times.

I don't care if heaven won't take me back

From atop his rocky throne, Askan puffed a sigh as he stared up at the moon. Try as he might, he just couldn't understand why his mate liked it so damn much. To Askan it was just a white shape in the sky, what was so special about that? He supposed that it carried an air of mystery, that lesser wolves could easily be swayed into thinking that it was magical. But honestly, what good could possibly come from placing his faith in the moon? It wasn't going to make his problems vanish, nor would it make Hawthorne come back home. What was done was done.

Askan wasn't upset.

Even though he didn't like her choice, and had said as much, he'd accepted her decision. If she wanted time and space to unravel the mess inside her head then...okay, fine. As long as she stayed safe and in one piece then he had nothing to complain about. It was just-was it selfish of him to want to sprint after her and drag her back by the scruff of her neck? Selwyn or not, she was under no obligation to remain by his side, she was her own woman now, she could live however she pleased. Yet it all tumbled back to the fact that he wanted his family here with him.

Seven hadn't stayed for long. Hawthorne had left. Was this somehow his fault? Askan knew he wasn't the friendliest of faces, but what was it about him that made those closest to him want to leave? Or was this the worlds way of punishing him for his sins? He couldn't help but wonder...

Askan shook his head as he pulled his tail tighter around his haunches. All this thought of family wasn't doing him any good, yet these days he couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't doing enough. That if the Selwyn legacy crumbled to dust then the blame would be laid solely at his paws.

(This post was last modified: Aug 19, 2018, 02:41 PM by Askan. Edit Reason: whoops, was not finished yet. )

She wasn't ready to sleep yet.

Instead she'd laid at the mouth of her earthen den, soaking up the peace and quiet of the night and listening to the songs of the crickets come and go. In all honesty, she savored her alone time. It was only every now and again that the familiar pang of loneliness would creep over her like dust settling in a place the wind didn't blow. Slowly and drawn out. Building up until a helping hand swept it away. Fortunately, this wasn't one of those nights. No, tonight she was content - just unable to settle down enough to drift off. Rising to her feet with a good shake, she figured she might as well head over to the falls for a drink. If the walk didn't do the trick, maybe she'd lay on the bank and gaze at the stars or something.

Rising to her feet with a good shake, she took her time in making her way.

Eventually she'd weaved through the still forest down more than one familiar path before the lake came into view. Reflected on the mirror-like surface of its waters was a ripply, silver moon. The sound of the water tumbling down from the ridge was soothing - white noise for a busy mind, perhaps. Without paying any mind to much of anything else, the girl ventured over to the sandy dirt of the shore, dipped her toes in and lapped up her fill. After a time, when the breeze blew just right, she caught the scent that always made her heart skip at least one beat, usually in a good way. Askan.

Lifting her head to breathe it in deep with the water still lapping at her ankles, she looked for him. On the rest of the shoreline. In the shadows between the old trees. Along the weathered boulders that had long ago fallen from the ridge's stony rise. But, she couldn't find him. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Encouraging her to think of something - or someone - special out here in the moonlight? Surely not. Finally lifting her gaze a bit higher, they fell upon his dark, brooding form, perched atop like a king on his throne. Thump-thump, went the rhythm in her chest. She didn't know if he'd seen her there or noticed the sounds of her arrival; probably not, as he appeared to be deep in thought.

"Hey," she called out, a couple of sways to her tail as she regarded him with pale, curious eyes.

I don't care if heaven won't take me back

Though he would never admit it, Askan didn't know what to do. Most- if not all- of the issues he'd faced before were tangible and real. Things he could reach out and touch. But this was all a muddle in his mind, tangled and gnarled, like blackberry brambles but not nearly as sweet. He just wasn't the sort to worry about the future, to fear what it would bring. Yet, when Hawthorne left it was like a slap to the face, he couldn't help but dread tomorrow.

Well, maybe dread was too strong of a word. Askan was hardly quaking in his proverbial boots, nor did he wish the sun would never rise. It was quiet and hollow, like he'd forgotten something he shouldn't have.

His ears jerked forward as a crass greeting cut through the silence. He didn't even need to look to know who he was, he'd recognise that smug cow's voice anywhere. Nonetheless, he turned a little to look down at her. Somehow, even amongst all this darkness, his eyes were still bright and focused, like a pair of midnight suns.

"Hey." Was all he said, in way of greeting. Surely if she had something to say she'd get to it, if not he'd give her a not so gentle nudge, or two.

Her tail swayed again at Askan's one-word greeting before she turned to leave the pool, padding her way around it to find a path up to where he was perched. She'd never actually been atop the falls before, so she had to nose her way around for a moment to find the trodden pass that would lead her there. With a little grace and some caution to avoid losing a toenail, she arrived at his side.

The view from the top of the ridge was prettier than she'd envisioned. It was no wonder she'd found him here and not on the bank of the lake below. As Lyanna approached from behind, her eyes roved over his dark form and the way the beige in his fur looked ghostly in the moonlight. The Edge Lord was free to do as he pleased, obviously - but what in the world had implored him to be here instead of curled up next to Reyes for the night? Maybe he wasn't ready, either. Mindful to avoid infringing on his space in making room for herself, she settled to her haunches at his side.

"Isn't it past your bedtime?" she remarked, her tone quietly nonchalant. Hopefully he wouldn't throw her right over then and there. Lyanna looked out into the night, taking in the silver linings cast upon the leaves of the trees.

I don't care if heaven won't take me back

Askan kept a close eye on Lyanna as she clambered her way up. The ridge wasn't particularly tall, but the steep slope paired with the jagged rocks made the climb a little tedious. It was nothing for Askan, seeing as he'd grown up atop a mountain, but Lyanna here-where did she say she was from? Sequoia Vale? Didn't sound very rocky to him, so if she fell it would be no one's fault but her own. After all, he hadn't beckoned her, she'd chosen to make the climb.

Alas, Lyanna didn't fall. Instead, she settled down beside him and made a smart comment. The sort that earned her an undignified snort and an eye roll. He ought to have been used to it by now, but he wasn't. She just had her own special way of getting under his skin, he supposed.

"What about you?" He fired back."You don't sleep in the main den. Why not?"

Askan couldn't exactly criticise her, seeing as he'd had his own private den back in Wild Rye Fields, but unlike Lyanna he sometimes slept in the main den. It was only when he couldn't stand the pups kicking him in their sleep did he wander off for some peace and quiet-and when Reyes had appeared on the scene, but that was neither here nor there.

"Maybe I will soon," she replied with a soft sigh.

Lyanna reckoned that she didn't really have a good reason to offer. She'd avoided it at first because she was new on the scene, unfamiliar to the others. Part of her didn't want to come off as too comfortable, and part of her didn't want to get accustomed to the comfort of a warm body to lay against come night time. She knew well enough that a luxury like that was dangerous to expect for herself. Made it harder when there wasn't someone there. Given her job, she was bound to be on the road more often than not - the last thing she needed was the sort of distraction that sort of longing would most likely prove to be.

Curling her tail along her haunches, she wondered if any of those things were actually reasons, or excuses. It wasn't like she was going anywhere - she was becoming quite fond of Shallows Edge, of her family.

"Think there'd be room to snuggle up between you and Reyes?" she joked with a smirk, making an effort not to look his direction in case the expression on his face that followed her statement was more horrified than understanding. Maybe he'd get off her case if she made him uncomfortable. Behind the duo an owl's eery hoot echoed through the trees.

I don't care if heaven won't take me back

Askan would believe that when he saw it. Which wasn't to say she had to sleep with the others, as long as she rested up somewhere the Edge Lord had no complaints. If she felt safer sleeping in that little hole in the ground- yes, he'd noticed it- then that was fine with him. Being the newbie was never easy, even a woman of her...skills, likely found it difficult to slot into a group of wolves who had known one another for months. Askan wasn't too worried about it, she'd manage it in time. Probably. If not he supposed he could have a word or two with the others, even if the thought of it made him cringe. Imagine that, Askan asking his pack mates to 'play nice.'

And then, being the annoying cow she was, she had to go and ask a dumb question. The sort that had to be designed to get under his skin. Lyanna was okay and all, but there wasn't any room for her. There were no cracks for her to slip into, there was nothing she could give him that Reyes couldn't. Reyes was- he was just Reyes. And that suited Askan just fine, more than that.  Yes, they had their squabbles from time to time, but what about it? After all the shit they'd been through they were still together. Things were as they were meant to be, forever and always.

But then, well, maybe there was one thing but- Askan inhaled so sharply the breath caught in his throat. Askan coughed and wheezed. What a fucking mess. He cast Lyanna a sharp, scathing look as he huffed and puffed, and gathered his remaining wits. He scowled out at the night, his ears only flicking forward to note the tell tale hoots of an owl. Seems like one of Reyes' friends was spying on him. Go figure, big eyed birdy freaks.

"As if."

Her eyes grew wide with...concern? or, surprise?...Was he...Was Askan having an asthma attack or something? The sharp inhale and the coughing were actually rather funny, but that wheeze - he must have choked on his ego, or at least a hairball. He'd probably been up here pruning his arse before she'd made her way over. But, on a hair of a more serious note - no pun intended - Lyanna glanced over to make sure he was okay before he spit his as if at her.

Apparently he was just fine. With a smile, she returned her gaze to the night.

"Geez, Kana, it was just a joke. You probably snore anyway. Must be all the dust in the air." Her tail thumped once against the ground as she pretended to squint to see if there really was any floating around. At any rate, his question had sort of piqued her interest. Maybe settling down with her back pressed up against @Sachiel would lull her right to sleep. If nothing else, she could try it out for the night. Maybe she'd like it as much as she knew she would.

"Mmm," she murmured, "...Maybe I'll head that way later. What're you doing up here, anyway?"

whoops askan needed to bitch apparently

I don't care if heaven won't take me back

Jokes were supposed to be funny. That was just weird, Lyanna was weird, and if she didn't watch her mouth he'd shove her off the ridge into the Shallows. That would show her. He was half tempted to scramble for an excuse, to mention that his uncle had fucked his throat over, but it didn't really matter, did it? The damage was already done and she'd had her fun.

Askan huffed as his tail slapped at the weathered stone. He did not snore...or at least he didn't think he did. Askan was fairly sure his mate would have teased him about it, so there. Fuck off Lyanna. Still, he couldn't help but notice that she used his nickname, Kana. Had she heard Reyes call him that, maybe Percy? He pursed his lips. The Selwyn was half tempted to tell her off, to demand she didn't call him that, but he figured that if he did that she'd just keep saying it to get on his nerves. So rather than give her the satisfaction, Askan just huffed and shook his head.

"I was thinking." He rumbled, reluctant to give any details."Maybe you should try it sometime."

Perhaps he was being a little mean, prickly, but really she ought to have gotten used to that by now. It wasn't as if the Selwyn was going to change, he had no reason nor desire to. He was who he was. But maybe that was the problem, the reason everything he held dear was at risk.

"The pack is smaller than I would like." He eventually admitted, after a long drawn out silence, with nothing but the owl's hoots to fill in the empty space. "We've had a lot of...I've been lied to. A lot."

Oh look at what she'd done, Lyanna had gone and gotten Askan started. Perhaps it was the late hour, or just the need to vent, but once Askan started he couldn't find it within himself to want to stop.

"Back in Wild Rye Fields, we had a couple of wolves join up. They were friends of Sahalie Tainn, made all these promises that they'd be loyal- that they weren't like the rest, that they wouldn't just leave when they felt like it. But not even a season later she turns up at the borders to collect them. Said she wanted to start a pack, that her friends had promised to help her with it." It was old news, he should have gotten over it, but the feeling of betrayal resounded within Askan. It wasn't something he could just let go of. "I thought things would be different here, but it's the same old. They keep coming and going. And I hate it."

That wasn't exactly what he'd been thinking about, but it was on the same tangent, he supposed.

For the first time in their history, Askan had a lot to say. She couldn't know what he was thinking about up here, but it wouldn't be a horrible guess to assume it had something to do the words he did choose to offer. She listened carefully to all of them, and when he was done she'd drawn a number of conclusions.

The first was that perhaps he didn't like change. The second was that loss - in whatever context - perhaps felt a bit heavy on his shoulders. The third was that he must feel the sting of some or any number of betrayals, one of which he'd stated clearly. From these assumptions, she gathered her next string of thoughts. Askan was loyal and obviously intolerant of disloyalty. Askan needed stability, which she easily understood as it was something she needed, too. And then, she couldn't help but to feel as though he was hurt. Why else would he be so worked up over something that happened months before and actually had little to do with the current state of the pack's affairs. To be reasonable, Shallows Edge was thriving, even if their census had dwindled since the beginning. The caches were full. The dynamics between pack mates were positive. The territory itself was alive and teeming with life, despite the summer heat that had caused other parts of the Lore to begin to crumble, in their own ways. The Edge had at least two allies, the strongest of which was the closest. Every wolf in the Edge was healthy and happy enough to at least remain productive.

Yet, speaking of happiness, it hadn't been lost upon her that Hawthorne had been scarce and now her scent had began to fade from the grasses and the dirt, from the borders and from other areas it had been a prevalent part of. Lyanna personally didn't know for sure at this point, but perhaps Hawthorne hadn't been happy enough to stay here. She was also aware that Hawthorne was Askan's, a Selwyn, even if not by blood...Her brows pulled together thoughtfully as she let some silence follow his rant, as she tried to choose her words very carefully going forward.

"Coming and going is a part of life, as cliche as that it. That doesn't mean anyone has to like it, but change is always inevitable. And it isn't always a bad thing," she replied plainly, neutrally - not in disagreement with him but from an outside perspective. "I think it's how one chooses to either grow from it or be ruined by it that makes the difference, makes life livable or terrible...I hear you. I hear what you're saying. It's okay to hate the comings and goings, but its important to know - it's...important to me for you to know...that no change, in the past or now, defines you. You are smart. You are kind, in your own way. You are successful. And you're easier to love than you might know." She glanced over to look at his face for a moment before gazing back to the moonlit waters of the falls and their little lake. "What you and Reyes have made here is incredible, and this family is incredible. Perhaps our numbers are fewer than you'd like, but that doesn't mean they will always be. And just because Sahalie came to collect your wolves from here doesn't mean that you failed. Quite the opposite, I believe. And if they chose to go, that was their mistake - not yours. Fuck 'em." As he'd say.

"The ones who matter, who care for this pack and this place and for you - we're here. We're here now. And I think that's the most important thing, Askan." Lyanna didn't mean to imply that Hawthorne hadn't cared and that's why she left, if that's how he'd interpret that last bit. In his heart, surely he knew the truth of that, much more than Lyanna could understand for now.