Red Fern Forest walk the tightrope

TW for that good ol' internalized homophobia

Would these things get easier as he aged? Would he eventually no longer feel so awkward and horrible and embarrassed by his own emotions? It was pretty obvious that Adelard was attractive - anyone could see that - so why did Riven feel so bad about it? He wished, not for the first time, that he could instead be pulled in by the scents that the women gave off this time of year. That maybe he'd feel better, have better luck that way. But it had never worked in the past, so why would it do so now?

He felt his fur prickle a bit where Adelard leaned into his shoulder, and automatically he leaned back, eager for the connection and touch. Wolves around here weren't as touchy as they were where he was from, and he missed the camaraderie that had built from that. So to have a bit of it offered now, when he felt so vulnerable and humiliated, was greatly appreciated.

"I only ever talk myself into holes," Riven lamented, ears pressing back against his skull, but he made no move to extricate himself from his companion's side. "I should learn to stop talking, for once."

But would he learn? Probably not.

His ears perked up and he looked back at the other man. This was the first time Adelard had offered... well, anything about himself. "Not with who you are here?" he questioned, tilting his head to the side. He quickly discovered that he hated how sad that smile looked on Adelard's face.

And then the darker wolf stepped away, and Riven felt like his heart was cracking in his chest. Surely Adelard couldn't think this was his fault? "No," he insisted, feeling his eyes burn just as hot as his face had just moments ago. He was doing everything he could to keep them from flooding with tears - and he was pretty proud of how well he was doing at that, actually. Of course Adelard had mistaken his feelings for simple friendship - it was the normal, usual way of things between two wolves of the same gender, after all. "I... I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. Not when you thought we were only friends. I was... I'm being inappropriate. You shouldn't be expected to deal with me feeling... the way I do." His face warmed again and he blinked furiously to clear his rapidly blurring vision. "I am so sorry. I won't ever bring it up again."

So much for making Adelard feel more comfortable. This was probably the worst thing Riven could've done.

It was his turn to feel his cheeks heat up and his nape tingle with pinpricks of heat. This was all an absolute mess. Perhaps he assumed too much. His jaws clenched and he could feel his molars grind together. If given any slack, he could swear his teeth could've chattered, not from the morning chill but utter fear. He didn't want to ruin anything; their friendship had only just begun to form roots. Maybe his word choice was wrong. He wanted to melt away with the snow.

"I mean," he started.

"No."

Adelard was feeling every little thing all at once. He, himself, started doubting everything he had ever wondered before his time here within Relic Lore. Riven's next sentences swept him back to the here and now; he didn't even have time to think or second-guess. A small whistle of a whine emitted from him for the first time in ages. The self-consciousness threatened to eat him alive from within.

If anything, one thing, was for sure, it was this: he knew something had been there between them since they had first met in that Orchard. Even more so when the two of them had scrambled down the slippery riverbank; and, while he delighted in the idea of roping in one of Aubine's cubhood friends from long ago, they were no longer in the picture. He had separated himself from them. He had Riven and the others now... and this.

"Hey!" he shot up on all fours and half-barked immediately after the blond had apologized. Almost as quickly as he stood up, he sat back down. Under Hudson's leadership, Adelard and Riven might've been equals in subordination. The Gerau knew he had no power here, but ranks were bound to be sorted out sooner or later. All he wanted, though, was for Riven to listen to what he had to say next.

He had already apologized for one thing; and, this was just going to get tangled and messy further if he said 'sorry' again. A very concerned Adelard read the emotion laid out on Riven's face. A line had been crossed, but how was he to say that it was all right? That... whatever this was... was not as weird or as cumbersome as it was currently feeling? For the both of them? He silently cursed at his wandering scout of a sister. She was better at this sort of stuff than he was; she could've parsed it, straightened it all out, then spat it back at him with a 'you dummy' tacked on at the end.

"I thought we were only friends," he tried again, words slowly enunciated. "Obviously, this isn't... the case?" His words were shaky, uncertain. He had never traversed this type of territory before, socially or mentally. "Both on your account and mine?"

         

ADELARD

heat stroke, bring the fire black smoke, I take it higher

This was probably one of the most embarrassing things that had ever happened to him. Sure, he'd had his parents and old pack to deal with back months ago, but never had he laid his feelings out on the floor like this. Not in quite this way, and certainly not to the object of those affections. It was cold out, today, but the heat crossing Riven's skin blistered beneath his fur in such a way that he could no longer feel the chill.

Really, he shouldn't have expected reciprocation of his feelings. Should've kept them close to his chest and never spoken of them to anyone in the entire world for the rest of his life.

The blond's eyes widened as his companion barked and got to his feet, but the healer didn't flinch or back down. Adelard wasn't being aggressive by any means, but his sudden assertion was unexpected, and Riven fell silent in response. Riven took a deep breath through his nose and watched the larger male, waiting to be snapped at or turned away for his trouble.

Except... that didn't happen.

"Wait, what?" he asked, brows drawing together before raising up in surprise. Both on your account and mine? Surely Adelard wasn't saying what Riven was hearing. Surely he'd meant to say that they were only friends - nothing more, nothing less. But Riven wasn't deaf, and he wasn't stupid, and most likely was not crazy... so he hadn't heard him wrong? "You thought I only viewed you as a friend?" he asked quietly, voice diminutive and trembling just a bit as well. "Because I... might have assumed the same about you." It seemed impossible that Adelard would feel the same way, or at least similarly, to Riven. But crazier things had happened before, hadn't they?

Riven took another deep breath and cleared his throat to speak again. "We don't have to be anything but friends, for now. But it wouldn't be fair for either of us to go on assuming what the other is feeling." Because that would only lead to more confusion and hurt in the future, wouldn't it? "Because you're a wonderful friend, Adelard, and I would hate to damage what we already have." Ugh, his face was on fire. Hopefully he didn't sound as terrified and embarrassed as he felt. "But I like you, too... and I would like to get to know you better, if that's okay."

There. He'd said what he needed to say. Blue eyes sought out amber as he waited on the other man's response.

"Wait, what?"

While it wasn't the answer that Adelard had been expecting, it took him for a little spin. It was Riven's turn to speak; and, Adelard was not going to interrupt. As desperate as he was to sort this all out, it was painful and healing all at once. Beneath all the facades, Riven was somehow making him face his innermost self as it came to light.

The healer's voice trembled. Everything was fragile. One wrong move and Adelard was sure this was all going to become ruined. Forever.

A deep breath on both accounts and the Gerau's eyes fell, settling on his companion's chest. What Riven said next was something Adelard would have struggled to say. They didn't have to be anything but friends. This was a start and a good one at that. Both parties were on the same page.

"But I like you, too... and I would like to get to know you better, if that's okay."

Adelard smiled; inwardly, it felt like a weight had lifted from his chest at last. They were to be friends first, then they would see where this all took them from there. It all made sense now and the feeling of freefalling into any sort of relationship was no longer present. They could and would take it slow.

"I'd like that," he murmured, eyes peeking upward to meet Riven's. He swallowed, trying to remember now what he had been doing before this all unfurled. Ah, yes... "If I..." there was a bashful, almost hesitant curl in his voice but he smiled.  Everything about his body had eased up and the static that had been in the air just moments before had cleared. "If I patrol along the borders today, is there anything I can find for you on my run?"

         

ADELARD

heat stroke, bring the fire black smoke, I take it higher

The whole conversation had gone so much better than he expected it to. Riven visibly relaxed, letting his eyes shut for just a moment. This was much more than he could've asked for. It wasn't as if he was seeking a relationship right now anyway, but it lifted a certain weight off his shoulders for the simple reason that Adelard knew and didn't think he was disgusting. He wasn't being chastised or ridiculed, and he didn't think he was going to have to defend himself or run off again.

Maybe he wasn't so weird after all. Adelard didn't seem weird, in his opinion, and they apparently felt the same way. So how weird could Riven be?

"Me, too," he murmured, offering the other man a small smile. They could take their time to figure things out - there was no rush. It was... nice, to experience the good aspects of a crush - if that was what this was. It certainly wasn't platonic, that was for sure.

He perked his ears at the offer. "I'm looking for a place to store herbs - I haven't had any luck so far, but if you happen to see anywhere that might double as a medicine den, then please let me know," he requested, grateful that they could just go back to a normal conversation now. "There's not much growing yet, but I figured that would be better than keeping everything in the pack den."

Adelard stood as Riven came up with a request and the inquiring words flit into eager ears. Of course, a healer had to have storage space. A private place to hide away and stow precious herbs and valuable materials.

The Gerau offered a solemn nod. Even if there wasn't much yet yielded from the early Spring thaw, location scouting was the least he could do.

With great care, the masked wolf lowered his head to touch the tip of his nose and muzzle to the base of Riven's left ear. A low hum of an acknowledging growl and he withdrew from the blond completely. A slow blink of his eyes and he turned about without another look. Into the frozen ferns he went, leaving the Healer behind to secure the borders and search of a suitable den.

{fade.}

         

ADELARD

heat stroke, bring the fire black smoke, I take it higher