Heartleaf Creek Just make it go away

It was all around her, it filled the clearing that she stood in the middle of. That putred scent that followed her everywhere it filled her fur and her nose. She hated it last year and she she hated this year. Even worse was the heat that burned inside her and all it did was remind her of what she could not have.

Over the past year she'd watched as her cousin formd his family. Her brother seeming to become closer to Clover. Sharlee had realized that she wanted a family of her own. Children of her own, how could she not. It weighed on her like a ton of boulders.

The Valle woman spotted the creek, she needed to get the scent off. Away from her, she needed relief from the thoughts. There wasn't anything to be done. Sharlee ran to the creek splashing into the water and laying down rolling in it. Trying to wash the scent off.

When she finally came out of the water dripping and her coat soaked through it was still there. Tears flowed down her face she just wanted it to go away and it hadn't. Anger filled her and in her soaking wet state She ran to the nearest tree and started tearing at the bark, "Why me?," she shouted between bites at the bark as she took her anger out on the tree.

Embla once again found herself travelling alongside the edge of the creek which snaked through the ash tree forest.

The prickly heat which washed over her skin was still as irritating as ever, and even as she rubbed up against the occasional tree on her trail, the sensation did not subside. Small tufts of her white winter fur were left snared within the rough bark of the trees, unwittingly signposting her movements to any males who happened to be roaming nearby.

As she trailed along the water's edge, she noted how the creek grew deeper and wider, the water began to froth and lick at the cool air as it flowed into river rapids. It was this section of the river where she pondered taking another dip, keen to feel the freezing liquid against her hot skin. However, something distracted her as she moved dip her forepaw into the water.

Further up the river, she noticed a tawny female in obvious distress. She was soaked to the skin and seemed to be growling and barking as they tore at the bark of a tree. Embla's ears pricked and she immediately moved to approach the stranger, her head dipping cautiously as she hovered a safe distance away from their violent outburst.

"Are you okay?" She called out, moving her head to try and catch the stranger's gaze. "Did something happen to you?" She pressed, her tone more hushed now as she glanced around them in concern, in case a male were skulking in the nearby shadows.

She was so upset and as she torn at the bark with her teeth and claws tears ci tinued down her face. She knew she had to get it together. She couldn't return home in the state that she was but she didn't know what to do. Her sides heaved with the effort she was expending but it didn't matter the damage she did to the tree. She didn't feel any better. Her skin felt like it was in fire despite how wet her fur was. The stench was stronger than ever and that only fueled the anger that raged inside her.

She didn't stop until she heard the voice, another female. That woman carried the awful stench too. Sharlee rested her head against the torn tree before slumping to the ground next to it. Leaning her back against the bark she slowly caught her breath before turning her tear stained face to look at the woman. "I'm not okay," she said softly, "Nothing happened." She knew this woman wasn't a pack wolf and especially not part of her pack. So she wondered, "Have you ever been part of a pack?" She asked.

Maybe just maybe this woman might understand what was wrong with her. Maybe she would be able to help in some way. Sharlee didn't know but what she did know was that there wasn't anyone back in the backwater that she could talk to. She didn't want…she didn't know exactly what she wanted. Well besides the chance to have a family of her own.

More than anything she wanted children that she could teach things to amd go exploring with. She wanted them to be hers and she wanted a special man in her life because despite having everyone in the backwater she still felt alone sometimes and she wanted her own special someone.

Embla watched as the tawny female slumped down at the base of tree they had been attacking. She listened carefully as the stranger spoke, her heart thrumming in her chest in anticipation of hearing some abhorrent tale of heartbreak, or maybe she had been taken advantage of. However her brow furrowed in confusion as the tawny wolf explained that nothing had actually happened to her.

The tundra wolf's shoulders slumped in relief and she allowed her dark guard hairs to flatten back down along her back. She moved a few steps closer, curious to find out what had caused the violent outburst but still cautious about pushing the stranger to reveal what was on her mind.

Embla's head tilted at the stranger's question, and her brows furrowed a little more, puzzled. "Yes, I was born into one." She replied, interested to see where the conversation was going. She could smell other wolves on the tawny female, so Embla assumed that they were a pack wolf themselves. Unless they were no longer. "Did someone chase you out of yours? Is that why you are angry?" The tundra wolf was trying her best to put the clues together, though she wasn't sure if she was going down the completely wrong route.

(This post was last modified: Mar 11, 2022, 04:02 PM by Embla.)

Sharlee was aware that her situation didn't allow for such thoughts. She didn't understand why she had to feel the way she did but she did. What was worse was she didn't know how to make the feeling she was having stop. So as she sat there slumped against the tree all she was thinking was that she just needed to swallow it down and forget it but she didn't know how. They'd been there so long.

She turned her head to look at the stranger that had discovered her. Maybe this woman could help her in some way. Maybe she'd once felt the same. The questions she'd asked were early answered but she asked her own question. She was sure in her head what she wanted to know but she didn't know exactly how to put it into words.

Maybe it was luck or coincidence Sharlee didn't know or care. What mattered was that the woman had been born into a pack. She pushed herself up from the tree to face the stranger. "Were there rules for subordinates about having families?" She asked her words coming out slowly as she sat down in the snow. "Rules about who can have children?" She added in case more was needed.

It seemed Embla's assumption was wrong, as the real issue became clear once the tawny female opened up more. It became apparent to the tundra wolf that the stranger had been angry and frustrated by her inability to have pups, or at least, her lack of social standing made it extremely difficult for her. "Yes, the rules were strict, and harshly enforced." She replied, giving the wolf an understanding nod. She went on to explain. "Mating was a right reserved only for the leading pair, and anyone found breaking that law was immediately banished, sometimes even killed." Embla explained her pack rules without a shred of emotion, though what she added next did cause her upper lip to twitch just a bit. "It was not usually a problem though, because pups were often married off to neighbouring packs before they reached two years of age."

Embla forced a shrug, and gave a quick shake of her pelt to shake off the feeling of betrayal that trembled down her spine as she thought back to her own mating arrangement. She focused her amber gaze back on the tawny female before her and pressed her lips together in contemplation. "You are keen to have pups this season then?" She finally asked, if only to confirm what she already suspected to be the case.

Sharlee waited to hear what the stranger would say. The Valle woman believed that most packs had the sort of rule she had to live under but maybe there were some out there that didn't. As it turned out that this woman who'd come across her outburst had lived in such a situation only worse. She highly doubted Vi or Vayko would kill her but they might banish her. Maybe she had a decision to make about her future. "I don't know how strict the consequences would be in my pack for any wolf that broke the rules," she admitted and that worries her. She also didn't want to betray her brother or cousin but didn't she have a right to find her own happiness? They had found theirs or was she supposed to live a life where she had to accept that she would never get to have just because she was lower than them, less than them. "The rules have been set," she said sadly looking at her paws. Sharlee believed there wasn't anything she could do because she didn't believe Vi or Vayko could understand how she felt.

Her gaze remained on her paws. She knew what she had to do and the thought of it. The thought of going back to the backwater and pretending everything was okay. Watching them all live their happy endings with the ones they loved and enjoying their children while all she was was aunt Sharlee. It made her physically ill to thing about it. The strangers voice broke her self pity. She slowly rose her head to look at the woman, "I'd like to but I don't think its possible. My heat has come, I have no suitors and my leaders don't believe the pack can support more than two litters and they have already made it abundantly clear they will have breeding rights this season." That was that and then the question was would they continue to claim them season after season. "I don't know how long I can keep pretending that everything is okay, that I don't have these feelings."

Embla listened carefully to the tawny female as she expressed her worries and concerns regarding the breeding season, as well as her desperate desire to have pups of her own. It was a desire that the young tundra wolf shared, although she was rarely vocal about it. It saddened her to see the other female exhibit such frustration, and it their story seemed to have a similar tone to her own history, though she would keep that part of her secret.

"Why don't you just leave?" Embla finally suggested, giving her shoulders a shrug.

"You're old enough to take care of yourself, and you're old enough to start a pack of your own. Instead of tearing yourself apart trying to fit into your current pack, why not just make your own and follow your own rules? Or maybe there is another pack which would allow you to bare pups this season." The young female explained, tilting her head to one side as she watched the tawny wolf for a reaction.

Her thoughts were all a mess in that moment. While she had few that she'd expressed to the stranger it was still a flurry of what to what not to do. How she should feel, what she wanted. What it would mean if she went against the rules. It made her want to scream. Sharlee could completely understand the rules. The pack could only support two litters as they had proven the previous year. What she didn't understand was why she couldn't have her chance? Wasn't she respected enough? Did her feelings not matter? Then the woman spoke again.

Sharlee's gaze landed in her as blinked a little startled by the thought. In a moment though she'd processed it and maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. As the woman went on Sharlee's mind started running wild with what that could mean to her. But then she shook her head.

"I couldn't just leave," Could I? "They are my family and friends. They rely on me." But was that really true? Wouldn't it be betrayal if I just up and left because I wanted something more out of life?" Its not like she wouldn't tell them that she was going. She wasn't Xulia or Sita. She was Sharlee and she did care about them.