Paradise Falls All we could have been

She had been den-bound since her return, her every attempt to move - even just rolling over – unleashing a violent coughing fit that left her gasping for air. She spent the time endlessly beating herself up for her miscalculation, one wrong choice landing her in this state, putting not only her own life but the well being of the pack at risk; And just look what happened… Of course, it was mad to blame herself, as if her presence could have somehow changed the will of nature, but logic was the furthest from her mind right now. She didn’t even really want to leave the cave, having to face everyone and act like the leader they knew, it all seemed an impossible effort. It was only fair that she surrender that position, that burden that she could no longer bear, if she couldn’t even trail a herd for a few days – Never in her life had Flair felt this weak and old. The only remaining light in her life was her family, penetrating even the deepest depression whenever they visited. Seeing her pups grow made the mother proud, that at least she had accomplished one good thing in her life. As for Chan, she knew he was even more affected by the loss, and all she could do was watch, offering what strength she had left to support him, but knowing it was not enough. ”Speech" Thoughts

dawnthieves.de, FairieGoodMother @DA & Lakela @DA

Colette passed and Flair got worse. Now she was receiving the brunt of his care, and at this point Chan was so numb he couldn't even agonize over whether or not he could have made a difference by acting earlier. All he could do was all that his training over the years had equipped him to, and pretend that it didn't feel like hospice care. Perhaps he was drowning himself in cynicism. After this much death, though? Chan couldn't help but feel his only hope at survival was accepting that loss was all he had left to experience in life.

He couldn't even hope for a future of continuing to watch his children grow, not with what had happened to Auburn. He stayed in the moment, where he still had all four of them, with a mind too terrified of caving in on itself to wander.

Mechanically, he brought Flair her medicine, setting it down in front of her forepaws and then settling in against her back. His head rested on her flank, and his eyes closed, hoping for a dreamless sleep.