welp, apparently this was a trigger for him, so, enjoy :P
This whole emphasis on Tomen being such a good guy was starting to get a little weird. Maybe Deacon was forcing it, or he really was this forward and flattering. But what did it mean to be called a good person by someone who barely knew you...? Did it mean anything? Did it just reflect what others had told him? Tomen could feel gratified by
that thought, but he'd rather Deacon just come to that conclusion himself. Tomen thought he was a decent sort of wolf. Didn't hurt people, looked out for his family, kept his promises, that sort of thing. Maybe he was just obsessing over it because of who Deacon was and who he was friends with.
So rather than draw attention to it, he shrugged again and smiled, accepting the complimentary words of himself, Veho and Felix without complaint or comment. It was definitely true for the other two, anyway.
When it came to talking about how they were related, Deacon got straight to it, confirming their Lyall connection. At the mention of who his father was, Tomen's mouth formed a neat little 'o' of recognition, as it all fell into place. Angier Lyall lived at the Ridge, so that all made sense. At Deacon's commiseration for Borden's passing, Tomen's ears flicked back, and he glanced at the floor for a moment in awkwardness.
"Yeah. That... uh, messed my dad up pretty bad." Tomen himself hadn't been all that close to his grandfather. His grand
mother, sure, but Borden had always been this distant figure that Tomen felt too nervous to really get close to. Rook had clearly loved his dad, though, to the extent that Tomen was pretty sure that Borden's death had been what caused his son to... well. Turn out like he had. Change from being a reliable patriarch to this wandering, absent, weak creature that was Tomen's mental image of Rook Lyall.
As Deacon talked about his brothers, about how he didn't really keep in contact with them or know what they were doing, as he offered to share what he knew about both their shared family and his own, Tomen shifted his weight from one forepaw to the other, trying to be careful about his response. He'd just wanted to know their connection, really, and now he did, so...
"Honestly, I'm good. I don't - uh, I don't feel all that close to the Lyalls. I mean... this place is meant to be a pillar of that family, but until you joined, I was the only one here, so. It's kinda pointless. My aunt offered the same thing, to tell me about Lyall history, but... eh. She lives out in the Reach, quite far from here, and that's where they all are now. That's where dad went, so. This pack is more the Macieo's, now."
Welp, he hadn't meant to quite come out with all that, but it had just happened, and it felt kinda good so he went along with it. It felt refreshing to be so blasé about his irreverence towards the Lyalls, because he didn't really care if Deacon judged him for it. What had being a Lyall ever done for him? And then he laughed, a soft, almost bitter bark of dry amusement. If he was gonna lay it out, might as well lay it
all out.
"And don't even get me started on the other half - I'm technically an Attaya-Lyall, after my mum and dad, same as you and being half-Archer. But I don't know anything about the Attayas and care about them even less. Mum left... like, a year ago. Dunno why." That was only half-true.
"Don't really care any more." That was entirely true. Whatever resentment Tomen might have once felt towards @
Veho for driving a wedge between his parents, Tomen had long come to the conclusion that both Quil Attaya and Rook Lyall were at fault for being so susceptible to it, their bond so easily broken. He doubted that they had ever really been that in love in the first place. In the last year, Tomen had come to know Veho better than he had known either of his blood parents, and had realised that the man had done nothing out of malice, but only from love.
These days, Tomen didn't judge Veho's love for Rook because they were both male, or because it had driven away his mother, but only because Rook didn't deserve it.
Was Tomen still a
good man if he could tell himself, without flinching, that he wouldn't care one bit if he saw neither of them ever again, and he wasted no energy wondering where they were or what they were doing or if they were well? He almost hoped that they had forgotten about him, too, because then the circle of apathy would be nice and complete.