Red Fern Forest walk the tightrope

For @Riven.

March 12th; Early morning, before daybreak; Broken Clouds; 33.8 ° F, 1 ° C.

Settling in had been anything but restful. Markers and landmarks were established, territory lines were laid out by foot, and whatever meager scraps (mere morsels leftover from months-old kill sites) he and Aubine could manage were tucked away for an empty-belly day. Frankly, Adelard was exhausted. If he wasn't patrolling the paths he and his sister had started to wear into the thawing ground, he was set up at any certain 'rest points' as some sort of sentry... or, on the ever rare off chance, he was curled up at the base of a tree where a depression in the earth easily cradled him. Perhaps in the summer this little spot would be tucked away behind clusters of ferns.

Today found him weary, yet on edge. Sleep still tugged at his eyelids as he stretched forward and back, splaying his toes and arching his spine to stretch everything out. Chills chased the fur along his spine, yet heat radiated from his chest and nape. He was uncomfortable. What was worse was the not-so-subtle odor (had he been anyone else, it might've been labeled as some sort of perfume) that told him Aubine had been nearby not so long ago. It made his nose crinkle and the ever-protective older sibling side of him rear his head and snarl. She knew better than to cause trouble but, at the back of his head, Adelard could not help but worry.

A yawn emitted from him in a cloud of warm air. Instead of starting his morning walk, however, he settled back down. A moment to himself couldn't hurt anything. He closed his eyes despite being sprawled out like a proper sphinx. Just a few more minutes of quiet before he started his day...

heat stroke, bring the fire
ADELARD GERAU
black smoke, I take it higher

Spring was approaching. That meant that the herbs would be more plentiful, and there would be more food, and healthier packmates. More sunshine, spring rains, more opportunity to grow as a pack. But it also brought the potential for pregnancy for female wolves, and the possibility of impregnating them for the males. Deep down, Riven had always known that he would have no interest in that specific pursuit. Even last year, when he was just twelve months old, he had known. The smells that the women emitted brought no butterflies to Riven's stomach - only anxiety and a bit of disgust. Not that he would ever tell them that they smelled bad! It was just not an odor that he was particularly fond of, and this year was no different.

But he did find himself rather anxious for a different reason, as well.

They were ugly thoughts - ones that his family would be ashamed of. Ones that Riven was ashamed of, actually. He knew that the scents that Rhaegara and Saga were giving off enticed most men. Aubine, too, but he didn't have to worry as much about her. Because she was Adelard's sister, and it would just be weird if he liked her scent.

But that was the problem. Did Adelard like the way Rhaegara and Saga smelled? Would he pursue either of them this spring, form a union and have pups? Perhaps the thought should've made him happy for his friend - excited that maybe he'd be able to help his packmates grow healthy and strong puppies. But any feelings that arose from that train of thought in particular were always negative in Riven. It almost made him feel sick with worry.

It was jealousy; he knew that much. He had no right to feel that way at all - in fact, he would wager that Adelard would be greatly disturbed if he knew that Riven was feeling these things. Riven was greatly disturbed that he was feeling these things.

His paws dragged a bit as he walked through their little territory that they'd set up. It was safe here, to be lost in thought. And he should've been doing something productive, like trying to dig out a den to keep his medicines in, or even searching for more herbs, but he couldn't get those thoughts out of his head today. They were like parasites, digging in deeper and deeper until he had a headache that wouldn't go away.

Honestly, he hadn't been expecting to run into Adelard during his walk, and the sight of him caused Riven to freeze up for just a moment. The other man looked peaceful, lying in the dull gray scenery. The sun had yet to rise, so everything was devoid of color - lifeless.

"Did you sleep out here last night?" he asked softly, forcing himself to approach the larger wolf. Concern laced his words thoroughly - it was cold outside of their den, and it couldn't be good for Adelard to sleep outside on a winter night by himself. Aubine's scent hung in the air, heavy and bittersweet. It made Riven's nose wrinkle up a little bit, but he tried not to focus on it too much. He knew that Adelard couldn't be asleep, lying like that, so he didn't feel too bad about disturbing his peace.

Adelard had been meditating when he heard a set of footsteps meander his way. They were cautious in nature, stopping momentarily as if the packmate in question had to do a double-take or something of the sort. One russet ear turned toward the looker-on and he waited with eyes closed for the voice. Scent, at this point, only told him so much; everyone smelled like everyone in passing and the women's perfume were more dominant than ever. He had already had a guess in mind when that familiar voice called out to him,

"Did you sleep out here last night?"

Ahh, his brows furrowed for the briefest of moments... Riven. Of course. A smile dared to play on his black-lined lips. It was only a matter of time before the two of them were bound to have some sort of one-of-one time together. Both of them had been busy. Everyone was in one way or another.

"Aubine keeps me plenty warm," he rumbled. "And, we're not far from the den if you need us." He cracked open a dull gold eye to peer at the smaller man before fully opening both eyes. They glinted in first flickers of sunrise, dawn would be upon them soon. There was a moment where he contemplated if he could surmise why the healer had come. He ultimately figured he wouldn't beat around the bush this early in the morning. Games were better when the afternoon sun was still young. He sat up in one fluid motion, "What can I do for you, Riven?" His tone was warm, accommodating even despite his tense, square-shouldered posture.

heat stroke, bring the fire
ADELARD GERAU
black smoke, I take it higher

A young fawn has gotten separated from its herd. Hunt Opportunity, +8 Health

Riven had to wonder if he was overstepping his boundaries by interrupting Adelard's morning meditation, but he relaxed a bit at the smile he saw formed on the other man's maw. He didn't approach him yet, instead waiting on a response. He hadn't been actively seeking out the dark wolf, but he was certainly not disappointed to see him. A little more disappointed that he and Aubine hadn't stayed in the den the night before, because Riven had taken it upon himself to take on the wellbeing of everyone in the pack, and that was easier if they all stayed close to one another.

It was at least a relief that they had been together during the night, but... well, Riven was pretty particular.

"Well, I'm a lot less worried about us," he responded, a small smile formed on his own maw as he settled down to rest in the snow for a moment. He watched the approaching sunlight glint off of the gold in Adelard's eyes, blinking slowly and sighing through his nose. "Nothing much. I was just out for a walk. Haven't had a lot of time to myself recently." Or one-on-one with packmates, come to think of it. Mostly just hanging out in the den and trying to find herbs. "But I have wanted to talk to you. Just to see how you were feeling about the whole... pack thing." It wasn't exactly the reason why he wanted to talk to him, but it was definitely part of it. Why had these two been separating themselves from the pack like they had?

Typically guarded, Adelard had to remind himself that he was no longer the nomad he had been in the months past; and, while having traveling companions had lowered his need to be on edge during most hours of the day, he was still on unknown lands. He was not going to feel better or more at ease until he - and Aubine - knew all the paths, twists, turns, and short-cuts of their new home. He watched coolly as Riven took a seat. There was a subtle tilt in the Gerau's head that suggested his interest had been piqued, but nothing else apart from the swiveling of his ears. He was not about ready to blurt it out just yet, but apart from Rhaegara, Riven was one of the few in his mind that did not easily rub his fur the wrong way. Aubine was getting there again, but the Spring season was obviously causing some strain between them for obvious reasons. One was clingy and stank, and the other wanted solitude and silence.

His nostrils twitched as he silently "read" the scents Riven had brought with him. Nothing out of the normal... as Riven had said, he had just been out for a walk and, like most everyone else, he carried their packmates' signature scents in his coat.

"But I have wanted to talk to you," the younger man revealed. "Just to see how you were feeling about the whole... pack thing."

Adelard heaved an audible sigh as he stiffly stood up and slid forward into another bow to stretch out his back. When he straightened, he shook out his dark coat, sending what dust and frost had gathered on him into the air in a few sparks of sunlight. There. If he was any more relaxed, he might as well be flat on the ground, tummy up, and vulnerable for just about anything. The masked man had some degree of decorum and dignity to uphold and he would have it no other way.

"Oh, yeah?" he questioned, drawing close enough to Riven as to angle his head down towards the other's crown while standing. He was curious now. If he had been back in the poppy-dotted meadows of his homelands, he might have been more forward or familiar. "What whole pack thing?"

heat stroke, bring the fire
ADELARD GERAU
black smoke, I take it higher

Riv tried not to let his staring get too creepy, but the sunlight picked out these brighter tawny bits of Adelard's fur that he hadn't really noticed before. Pieces of blonde not unlike what Riven's entire pelt was made of. Adelard was being reserved, acting differently than he used to - more... distant. Though Riven supposed he had always been cool and composed - at least when he wasn't laughing about trees or falling down a riverbank.

He had to conceal a wry smile when Adelard stretched out his back like that. If things felt lighter, perhaps he would've made a joke about the other man getting old. But as it would happen, Riven just watched, sitting still as the dark wolf approached him.

But when the larger wolf angled his head down, Riven couldn't quite help but to bump the top of his head against his chin. "Yeah," he responded, not thinking much about the small show of affection. They were packmates - he was pretty sure Adelard had woken up with a Riven blanket multiple times before. What was a bit of a headbutt between friends? Even if one of which was hopelessly attracted to the other and would never, ever admit to it. At least, not right now, when those two golden eyes were boring into him.

"Well, there are several things," he began, tilting his head back a bit so they could make eye contact. "You don't seem very comfortable, with everyone. And I wanted to see if I could do anything to help with that." Adelard seemed tense, wary. Not relaxed, like he should be. "It's part of my job as a medic and as your friend to make sure that you're okay." Okay was such an obscure word. Happy, content, relaxed - not tense and miserable, maybe? Riven dared to maintain eye contact, wanting to make sure the other man knew that he was serious about this.

The tension in Adelard's shoulders lessened, a simple thing as Riven's touch being just enough to snap him back to his senses and the present. The silence between them seeped in as the Gerau took everything into consideration. Of course he wasn't comfortable; he and Rhaegara had been on their own before running into Hudson, Saga and Aubine. Frankly, he wasn't sure how Riven could help; Adelard had always kept to himself. It was how had been brought up; it was how his father had taught him to lead. To be distant and yet ever-available should any of his family or subordinates need him. To be stoic and yet possess a love or connection so deep it's untraceable to any newcomer or outsider.

"I'm okay," he reassured him. Just a groomed Leader tracing a set of steps that did not belong to either of his parents. A Type A personality set into a place meant for a Type B. "That's kind of you," their eyes met when Adelard lifted them from the pale forepaws beside him. Sky blue to sunset amber. His black tipped tail curled up in what could've been a coy wag. He could feel it now, the thump-thump-thump of his heart against his ribcage.

Another small smile and the release of the breath that had become caught in his throat. He was the first to break eye contact, blinking a few times before glancing about in the places beyond Riven's being. When he returned to the blond's face, he tipped his head to one side, a whisper of a suspicion growing in his chest. His words were slow, as if he were selecting them with care one by one from the air between them, "Was that... all?"

heat stroke, bring the fire
ADELARD GERAU
black smoke, I take it higher

Riven hated all of this... halfhearted stuff. He liked it when wolves were direct and honest. None of that I'm okay or That's kind of you. Part of the healer was a little angry about it, and would definitely rather the other man be honest with both Riven and himself. And he wasn't being kind. He frowned a little, confused and slightly frustrated at the distance he could feel behind the words. It just wasn't in his nature to be so proper and curt; to keep people at a distance. He wanted to be brave, for a moment - to boldly assert that: "I'm not being kind; I care about you!"

But he didn't. Couldn't. Not yet.

Was... that all?

The blond's skin warmed up beneath his fur, and suddenly the chill didn't affect him as much as it did a moment ago. "Oh!" he began, now looking everywhere that wasn't that pair of gold eyes that glowed like honey in the sunlight. His anxieties from earlier sprung back up, and he cleared his throat, fidgeted his paws. If he'd known how obvious he was being, he probably would've thought it was funny. As it were, though, he just felt anxious and dumb and maybe a little gross and mushy. "Er, well. It's not that important, really..." And now here he was, beating around the bush. "This time of year is really, uh, weird, and stuff, and I know we're a new pack, and we have some wonderful women to choose from." His face was on fire - he could feel it. "I don't really get it, the whole, uh... women... thing. They're beautiful, but I don't... don't think I want to... you know." He wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole. This was even more of a disaster than he could've ever imagined it being. "Um, but you... I was wondering if maybe you had... plans." Plans to what, Riven? Plans to get Rhaegara or Saga pregnant? The idea made Riven feel queasy. "And it's fine, you know, if you do - that's great, actually! I was just... wondering."

That's great, actually? Riven cringed, ears pressing back to his skull. What is wrong with me...?

His eyes were locked on the ground at that point, mortified beyond belief. He couldn't even think about making eye contact with the other man at that point, too shamed to unlock his eyes from the suddenly-very-interesting stick he'd glued them to. "I'll stop talking now," he mumbled, hunching in on himself.

(This post was last modified: Mar 16, 2021, 02:19 AM by Riven.)

“Oh!” Riven started again and Adelard was almost startled about how quickly the blond had started glancing about. Almost. His brow simply furrowed, even as he began to comprehend a mumble-jumble of things that were supposedly not important.

“Mmhmm,” Adelard hummed, unamused as their conversation took a turn. Figuratively, the ball had quickly and unexpectedly bounced out of his court and into the sky... irretrievable. Great.

“Plans?” he echoed after his companion brought it up. His whispered brows rose now.

“And it's fine, you know, if you do - that's great, actually! I was just... wondering." A pause, then, “I’ll stop talking now.” Riven hunkered down.

The Gerau sat now, attempting to peer into his friend’s face. The embarrassment was clearly felt and all too obvious in the air, but Adelard had a sudden need to soothe it. Somehow. He shook his head.

“Don’t,” he murmured, semi-awkwardly leaning into Riven’s shoulder. In all honestly, he thought he had read something building between them; Adelard, being the stoic and perhaps intimidating type, had simply tried to tear it - whatever this was... chumminess? Infatuation? - from the poor herbalist in a sad attempt at teasing that was really grilling... rather than flirting or anything of the sort.

“Keep talking,” he softly encouraged. “Someone has to.” Between the two of them, Adelard was a man of few words; in order for proper conversation, he needed the sentences, sentiments, phrases and tones to find his own answers. The once-named heir was lost, but not a lost cause of someone was willing to pull him out of his shell.

“I... did have plans,” he divulged, “but not like this. Not with who I am here.” There was a bittersweet kind of smile on his muzzle and he swallowed the sad realization down with the lump in his throat. Boy, did the hormones fly this time of year...

He sighed; he hadn’t meant to take this turn or tangent. His tail dropped to his ankles and he pulled away, “I’m sorry, I think I might’ve... mistaken something?”

(This post was last modified: Mar 23, 2021, 07:24 AM by Adelard.)

heat stroke, bring the fire
ADELARD GERAU
black smoke, I take it higher