Jasper Rocks i'm a soldier wounded

‘I know you are here.’

He could smell the other man on the borders, skirting in and about like some sort of stranger. So busy with his own duties, Veho was not able to seek him out immediately – and he was not sought out, either. It left a bitter taste at the back of his tongue, faint, but persistent, and he could not help but wonder what had changed between them, beyond their respective roles among the pack. Did leadership on his behalf change the relationship dynamics between them? Had an extended time away with only Quil for company changed how Rook felt towards him? Towards his mate, instead?

‘I should have gone with him. I should have been there for him.’

Guilt would never leave him. Not over Neha, and not over Rook – if he were less busy, he would have consulted the ancestors. He really should have done it by now, and it was just another thing to eat at him. Another failing on his behalf. He would figure it out, Veho assured himself, drawing to a halt as he came to the Jasper Rocks. The place he’d first met Rook Lyall, and pulled a drowning spirit from the water. Did he need to do the same again?

Was it his heart, that needed to be pulled from the depths?

“Rook – do not hide from me, heart. I know you are here.”

Meeting with Crystal had definitely struck that need for closeness within Rook, so when he had finally mustered enough courage to head into the place where he knew he could find Veho the stars, it seemed, aligned at last. He heard the Leader close by, calling him by name and letting him know that he was found out - that his little dances about Grizzly Hollow's borders were to come to an end and his fleeting ventures into the heart of the territory would become more frequent. His own heart had caught in his throat and he shakily tiptoed through the trees, keeping the creek to his left as he went. Within moments the very man he had ached to see emerged from around an ancient evergreen. He seemed worn, but in realizing this, Rook suddenly realized that he probably looked a lot worse. His expedition to pull Cinder from the wilderness had found him and Quil empty-handed, and that in itself had been an emotional rollercoaster of a ride. How Quil ever managed, he'd never know but perhaps this was why she left once more - to regain her sanity without Rook subjecting her to his outbreaks of rage and frustration.

When he thought there was no more room for feelings at all, he felt his chest swell up with a sense of relief and the sensation of finding something he had thought he had lost. He drew forward just enough to be three wolf-lengths away from the Macieo, keeping his trembling ears back and his eyes trained on that ivory chin he had so longed to plaster with kisses.

"Here I am," he meekly supplied, jaw quivering as he struggled with himself over how to deal with it all. Almost every night when he and Quil had settled down for the night, he dreamed of the hour when he could finally place his ear to Veho's chest and curl up to sleep, safe and sound. Half the time, he was startled from the bittersweet dream, urged by his instincts to make sure that Quil was safe while she slumbered. Those mismatched eyes glanced downward and his maw twisted itself into a rather sorry grimace, knowing that he ought to relay his report and what had happened out there. Instead, he whimpered, utterly relieved at last to be home.

There you are Veho thought with a sigh, shifting his body so he might finally rest his eyes upon his lover. Ears pricked forward, paws kneading into the earth as he studied the younger wolf – oh, how things had changed since they’d last stolen a moment to themselves. Rook looked like he might have aged, but the medicine man felt years older, the crown heavy upon his brow. It was something he took seriously, perhaps even more so than his healing – but in this, he had lost personal time, had lost some of his connection with his Ancestors. That would come, he kept telling himself, once he was certain Grizzly Hollow was secure for the toughest months of the year.

Another heavy sigh shifted his shoulders and he stepped forward, covering the distance between the pair of wolves slowly. His tail lifted above his back – his was leadership now, and it was not a habit he could afford to get out of. But Rook was met with a sweet gesture, black nose pressed to silvery cheek as he hummed quietly. This was familiar, at least, and the simple touch turned into a nibble before he could help himself.

“It is good to see you again,” he hummed softly, taking a step back as he looked Rook over again. “Are you doing alright? I feel like it has been – centuries.”

I am so tired.

Shivers crept along his shoulders and down his upper back as he was approached and, soon after, lavished upon with a gentle touch and a rather affectionate nibble of the Leader's teeth. As he assumed was expected, he dipped his head a bit lower, maneuvering in such a way as to graze the bridge of his muzzle across Veho's chin. He shifted his weight from his left to his right, for a second just relishing his partner's closeness, a treat that Rook had terribly missed. It did not remain that way for long though and it took the Lyall a moment to recognize that he was being looked over, assessed for any ailment and the condition of hid wellbeing. He was quick to avert his eyes, settling on that soft ivory white chest.

"Millennia," he whispered, daring to hold Veho's gaze. Without the posture to back up the intent to challenge, it was obvious that Rook was merely looking for what emotions he might find there, in that similarly masked face. "I'm fine," he smiled. You know I'm always fine when you're here... "How about you? Are you all right?" His little simper turned into a more humored grin; it even showed through the tiredness on own his face, "I missed you. A lot." A more solemn expression took over and his right ear rotated forward while the other kept sideways. "We had to come home, I couldn't search anymore. I couldn't do it and it was just too much. I missed you; I was so frustrated... Quil, she-- she left to continue looking on her own. I figured letting her go would give her a break. I wasn't myself out there."

“I am well enough,” Veho answered easily, already leaning in for another touch. How long he’d gone without such closeness – he had packmates, of course, and he was certainly not classified as an asocial wolf, but friendly companionship was nothing like true affection. It almost came as a relief, and the lord was quite certain he could have fallen into it, given the opportunity to do so. “Better, now that you’ve made your glorious return.”

And now that whatever needed to be established had been put into place, the male dropped dominant posture and instead sidled up to his lover until one bushy winter coat brushed against the other. He dropped his haunches to the earth, grateful for the rest, and leaned against Rook in a way he only might the most trusted among his kin. “I have missed you, too,” he confessed, pushing his nose into the other man’s ear.

It was only the mention of Quil that dampened his spirits, and the man gave a great sigh, shaking out his silvery pelt. Ah, yes. The other contender for Rook’s affection. The one who had actually taken care of the Lyall patriarch in his time of need. Veho’s tail twitched across the earth, the only hint at his inner turmoil, and he nudged up underneath his subordinate’s jaw. “Ah, but I am glad you’ve taken this break, however short it may be. There is no one else like you, my love – your presence has been sorely missed. I will relish what little time we have.”

A pause. “Are you staying, Rook?”

Just when he thought he would have to be patient to receive what he had been missing these past few months, he got it. Veho's "guard" and display of dominance fell. Rook's molars ground together, and he eagerly leaned into Veho's side. There was that familiar nudge to his ear, the touch to his chin, and the sentiments that told Rook that he had been sorely missed. The bit about "what time they had" made quick work of tying his stomach into a knot though and he peeked into his superior's face as he asked how long he would be staying.

His eyebrows rose. Veho thought this was temporary... It made the younger wolf's heart ache within his chest. "Forever," he murmured. "If I can manage it. If that's all right." Hope sprung up within his chest for the first time in what seemed like ages. "I'm sorry to have left you like that - like this - it was just something I had to do."

"If I didn't leave, I don't think I would've gotten past the grief," his ears cautiously came up now and his tail somewhat wagged behind him with a rustle of dried pine needles. "I wouldn't have been able to come back to you at all." This admission left a bitter taste on his tongue as soon as he had said it, but he touched his nose to his partner's chin in reassurance, "I'm here to stay. Don't you worry about anything else. Whatever you need, I'm here now." And, I'm all yours...

Forever.

A wry smile sprawled across the older man’s muzzle, head tipping to one side. Several months ago, at the beginning of autumn, he might have believed such a sweet sentiment. But the pragmatic part of him knew well that there was no such thing as forever, especially not for a pair such as them. After all, Rook had left with Quil, hadn’t he? When he was hurting the most, it was his mate he sought shelter in. He could never hold it against the man – grief was something one must deal with in whatever way healed them – but it still did something to the rose-colored glasses he’d been wearing since meeting the young lord of Grizzly Hollow.

Ah, but he was said lord now, wasn’t he?

Coming on four years, there was an itch in the back of his mind. As alpha, it might be his only opportunity at family…and he did want a family.

But this was a conversation for another time, Veho decided, allowing those soft tones to drag him back into the present. Without a thought, a dark, wet nose reached back out, bumping into Rook’s jaw. “I know,” he hummed softly. That is why I let you go, he wanted to say, but he wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Something locked his tongue into his jaw. “Grief – grief is different for all of us.” He had driven Namid away with his own tussle with the demon, seeking to protect Neha still, even when that girl was long gone. Shifting, the male moved to wrap his head around the younger wolf, in something of an embrace – so tired, so tired was he, and still his tail thumped slowly against the ground at the touch.

“I am glad to know – glad to know you will still be here, love. It is not home, not when my heart is missing.” A gentle sigh, a close of eyes. “Things are different, now. Time would not wait for us while we were apart.”

It seemed they were being propped up by one another at this point, though Rook was the one who sat still while Veho embraced him. Rook could have cried if he were able; to know - or, better yet, remember - that he was still the keeper of Veho Macieo's heart. Keeper. So, he did still have a place here within Grizzly Hollow. He was ready to follow suit, to release a sigh of his own and perhaps recline forward to encourage the Leader to fully relax, when another set of words ensnared his train of thought.

“Things are different, now," this made Rook's ears perk up, but he did not dare move just yet. "Time would not wait for us while we were apart.” Upon hearing the latter, the younger man slowly turned to look at his lover. A million possibilities of what that could've meant sprung up in his mind, half of him anxiously wondering what time Veho had needed while the other half didn't even want to dare to ask. At first, all Rook could comprehend was that things had changed. Then, half a minute later, he dreaded that his affections might have been questioned. Fifteen seconds after that, he dismissed that previous thought and he merely wondered what was different... what parts of Veho's life had grown or stretched out in the place where Rook had been missing for the past few months.

His voice had quieted, "What do you mean?" His yellow- and blue-ringed eyes were glossed over now with both worry and anticipation. No matter how many times Rook tumbled the statement in his mind, he couldn't quite figure out what Veho meant, especially when he had said 'for us.' "What happened while I was away? Tell me; let me shoulder half your worries as I had before."

What did he mean?

Veho sighed softly, realizing at once he probably phrased that poorly. It was not meant to worry his lover, but simply lay groundwork for a different conversation. Shifting his weight a bit, the alpha made an attempt to curl around his lover’s smaller frame. His muzzle sought out an ear to nibble upon gently and he sighed, taking his time to chose his words more carefully this time. Causing Rook distress was not something he sought to do.

“Don’t work yourself up, heart,” he murmured quietly, trying to dispel the worst of the man’s fears. “I hadn’t meant it like that. I hadn’t meant to worry you. Leadership is – not something I had ever thought I wanted,” Veho tried to explain, canting his head to one side. In truth, he had met the responsibility with some trepidation, and it took him some weeks to grow more fully into the role. But it was this burden that was the provenance of what he felt now, and it was becoming alpha that caused old feelings to surface.

He took another moment to collect his thoughts. “I had not thought I wanted it – but I have grown into it. And I – am aware this might be my only opportunity to have a pup of my own…” For as much as the position pleased the man, it wasn’t his to keep – there was the distinct possibility that Rook would seek return to alpha status once Quil and Cinder had been returned to their pack. It wasn’t his place to prevent his lover from returning to his place as founder and patriarch of the Lyall family. But--

“Ah, but I was wondering your thoughts on the idea of – having a pup. Perhaps.”