• omg i'm a terrible person.

In the land of the Willows they were dropping like flies. Their fading scents did not go amiss to the blossoming wolf as he stalked the borders of the territory. Though he didn't know their names or their stories, he knew that, like himself, they had once pledged themselves to Elettra. That meant something, right? They were supposed to be her's. Her's in the way that Kiche was her's. But now they were gone and the Ridgeland was much more empty. The brooding ginger wolf was uncertain about what he was supposed to feel. Because he couldn't know if they had deserted or fallen prey to the Devil and his savages running amok, he could blame no one, judge no one.

But it's not my place to pass judgement, he reminded himself.

Judgement was a duty reserved for his goddess, a duty that Kiche neither deserved could be trusted with. This did not, however, prevent him from tentatively picking up her mantle and setting it about his shoulders, trying it on with a curious rumbling in his heart. He wondered at Elettra's lonely office, at how she coped with all the disappearances. What did she make of Shade and Rose fading away into the darkness and the fall of Kanosak? Was she wounded? Was she angry? But why did Kiche act as if he had no idea what her reactions might be? He had seen them. He had seen them many times. For every time that Jayse had greeted him with open arms there had been an instance in which Elettra had scorned, threatened, and whetted her vitriolic disapproval.

This was not the first time Elettra had been abandoned, he understood that now.

But I have always come back, he told himself, whether or not she wanted me... I came back. Did that count for anything? It was hard to say and almost entirely irrelevant int he face of realities he could not ignore: the dark lady had wandered off and he knew, on some level, that she was hurting. Cautiously, the red priest followed the trail of her scent that had been tinged with something very strange, wondering if the change in her scent was something that should give him cause for alarm. Had she been bitten too? But... but she didn't smell like those devil wolves had... No, she smelled very, very different from them.

It wasn't long before Kiche realized where she was going: the storage den. There was no other reason to be so far east, there was nothing else out there. Since it was no longer necessary for him to struggle to track her through the willows and the undergrowth, the saint picked up his pace. It was some time before he reached the pile of rocks that would carry him up to the mouth of the cave. In the bloody gloom of dusk he came upon her.

"My lady, are you.. alright?"

• When enemies are at your door I'll carry you way from more
  
  If you need help, if you need help
  
  Your hope dangling by a string
  
  I'll share in your suffering to make you well, to make you well
  
  Give me reasons to believe that you would do the same for me
  
  gone, gone, gone - phillip phillips

The familiar greeting of a snarl was on her lips, and it was a comfort in a way. If Elettra was still snarling... then she was still whole, right? She was still coping, still fighting, she was still okay. And yet... it was as if that creases in her muzzle were lost in the depth of her thoughts as her expression became more distant. His heart lurched suddenly, and for a moment he almost called out after her before he realized she had not moved. But he felt as if she were fading back into herself, he felt as if he was losing her to some terrifying unknown. He could not follow her into her thoughts, but he did not want them to dwell on the hardships that had befallen her empire.

"Was I ever?"

His eyes widened suddenly. Her response had answered nothing, but something about her sigh, the softness of her tone, and the bareness of the question struck him. He could not answer her, he realized, for he knew nothing of who she was or what she was truly like. He had always seen her as some terrible figure, either of power of evil... but never had he seen her so mortal as this, and now he was faced with a new reality: that she came from a past and he had no idea. All he could manage was a meager whine, a plea for her to return to herself, to be the Elettra he knew... the stranger in her clothing scared him.

"Time mends all."

In an instant the door seemed to close. Once more Elettra built a wall between herself and her servant, and Kiche felt himself relax a little. But he knew that the strange Elettra was still there, lurking behind the wall, perhaps waiting for another chance to reappear. He didn't want that. Oh, he would do anything to have his old Elettra back in all her terrible, adamant glory.

Without a word, the red man slithered closer to his queen. Reaching her paws, he rolled onto his stomach, the pale fur of his stomach glowing in the moonlight like the white flag that it was. His life was bared to her. (It was more hers than it was his, really.) I am yours, he seemed to say with this familiar gesture, Make something of me. Take me.

What was there to be said for Kiche? He had always been a coward. The unknown had always scared him — and perhaps this was why he believed so desperately in God. He needed a higher power to make sense of things, to organize the world for him, to build a structure. There had been a time not long ago when the doubt had infected him, had poisoned his sight and carried him far away from Relic Lore. He had seen another side to this world that he hadn't liked, a side of himself he hadn't liked. It scared him. And so he had turned his back on this unfamiliar face of nature and run back to God, tail tucked between his legs.

And this why he could not love Elettra.

If he couldn't be afraid of her, if they could be equals... then his world would be turned upside down in ways he could not comprehend. His world had been overturned one too many times in the past few years and this boy, this boy who was slowly growing into an older man, was too tired to face more uncertainty He needed his God and he needed his stoic, brutal Goddess to lead him into the darkness. He wanted to follow her anywhere. He wanted to trust her. But if if they were equals, if Elettra knew no better than he did, then the world would be even darker and more uncertain.

He would never see how this affected her. Even though Kiche was capable of being empathetic in many small, meaningful ways... he was selfish and thoughtless in the very core of his heart, and he longed to know that he was safe. When his safety was threatened he would do anything to protect it, regardless of who it hurt.

"Get up," she said. And so he rose. Comfort flooded back into his veins as he was buffeted by the power of command. She would keep him safe. He could trust her. Unknowingly, a hopeful smile creased his face as he stared down at her familiar paws. The infatuation of a servant reflected in his fiery eyes that would never think to meet hers ever again. Just that once had been enough to last him a lifetime. He watched her paws move, following them as she moved around him. For what purpose, he could not tell. But his trust was infinite.

Is this love? he thought. This is what he felt for Pangur.

Out of nowhere, a black bottle-brush tail came up and thrashed him across his face. The man flinched visibly, unsure of what this painless act of lashing out meant. He wondered if she was going to reach out to his throat and bite him again — for that was what he thought of her. And yet an instant later his nostrils were blasted with a scent he could not name. It overpowered him with a burning curiosity. "You are mine to command," she said, and he felt her teeth buried in his skin. "Yessss," he murmured thickly, twisting his neck to watch her walk back in front of him, feeling the pressure and the coarseness of her black fur, unsure of what was going on. Idly, as if in a dream, he wondered if he should be afraid.

"Touch me."

"I... What?" His voice was the smallest whisper. This command held all the strength of the last one, and yet Kiche could not understand it. For several long moment he stood there in utter confusion, staring down at his lady's paws as if they held some sort of answer. He would follow her command if he could, only, he didn't know what she meant — for clearly there was some sort of darker intention in her tone. She did not want to be touched in such a literal sense...

From where she stood in front of him, though, a thick, inviting scent drifted from her, snaking it's way around his heart. Never had a woman smelled this way to him before. He felt the need to take a step closer, to be closer to this smell that was so warm and sensual. It made him feel strange, tense. Like his whole body was quivering with expectations unknown to his heart. Always were these dark intentions. Maybe his soul had never learned of these things, but it was clear that his body had always known about this moment, it had been passed down to him over thousands of generations. He had been born for this moment.

"Okay," he whispered, a little color returning to his voice. The response was more for himself than for her. He was afraid of what his body would do, but he felt that if Elettra had asked for this... then this was what he must do. There would be time for him to grasp at the meaning later. Only action now, only dark intentions. He took another step, his body rigid. Get on top of her. He had no idea where these instructions were coming from, but he tried to tell himself it was Pangur. That made him feel a little better. Otherwise he was unsure of how he would have done it. His place was on the ground, pressed into the dirt at her feet. Lightly, Kiche raised himself on his hind legs and reached out to grasp his dark Goddess with his forelegs. The sensation of closeness was enough to make him explode. For a moment he teetered dangerously, but somehow he held on.

The world was fading in front of his eyes, and his only thoughts were of her, how to please her.