Drooping Willows Out of sorts

Sharlee didn't know what Alarick could offer in the way of help. The way she saw it was there wasn't anything he could do besides listen. She didn't know if it would help to talk about what had her so upset. She wanted it too but she knew emotions didn't just go away. She'd been living with this for a long time now. The longer she felt this way the stronger the emotions she had. Going at that tree like she had did help some but she still felt empty inside.

He confirmed that his leader was nice. She was glad for him that he had a nice leader but it seemed most of the ones she'd met in the lore were nice. "I'm glad for you. Not all leaders are so nice." There had been some that she'd met that weren't so nice.

She finally worked up to telling him exactly what was bothering her. About how she her desire to have children of her own had built up over the past year. Most importantly how she wasn't allowed to have what she wanted most. She had no idea that he had the sake desires until he spoke telling her how he felt. This drew her gaze to him and for the first time since meeting that woman in the Wildwood she didn't feel so alone.

"I don't know what to do Alarick. I don't want to leave my pack but I don't know how long I can keep swallowing this feeling." She explained before looking up at the sky amd sighing, "I feel like I have to pretend that there's nothing wrong and that I'm perfectly happy where I am but I'm not. It's weighing me down each day as it becomes stronger." That was the best way she could explain how she felt then she said something else, "It was suggested to me to leave my pack."

This she didn't want to do. She'd been with the Valles her whole life. Her brother was there who she lived very much. Still she couldn't see a way around this. It was like a giant mountain standing in front of her that she couldn't climb. There just wasn't anywhere to go.

She looked at him and shook her head, "You're right. Like this it wouldn't be right. It would be betrayal and so many other things. I'm not asking you to do that, it would be wrong." Not just for her but for him too and she just couldn't ask him to do something she wasn't willing to do. It didn't matter that she wanted to be a mother or that she could feel that her body was ready to receive the kind of attentions that only a man could provide.

The comment about leaders made him wonder, too, just what life was like for Sharlee. From what little he had gathered of their neighbors to the north, they had seemed decent. Was it worse than he had thought? Or was it just.. the weight of the moment? He did not suppose that was a question he wanted to ask, so he settled instead for bowing his head slightly. ”Thank you.”

The other spoke more, elaborating on a growing plight and her consideration of leaving her pack. She felt like she had to pretend, and act happy. At any other point, Al might have reached out to try to provide some kind of physical comfort, but at this moment, such a thing was not appropriate. The very last thing though prompted him to raise a curious brow. Rather than respond immediately, however, he took a few moments to think.

”Only you can decide what is best for your life, whether that is staying or going. Do not let anyone pressure you into something you do not want,” Al spoke. That was the most important thing, that the decision be Sharlee’s, exclusively. Not something forced on her by another, in some way. ”If you decide to stay, I see no reason you should have to pretend. Maybe you bring these things up to them slowly, bit by bit. And if your pack and family care for you, they will be there to try to help.” If for some reason that was not possible, maybe leaving would be the best option, ultimately. That was not something he would say, for only she could make that determination.

”I would suggest as well though, that leaving does not necessarily mean never seeing them again. There is no reason you could not form your own, allied pack in the area, to help you achieve your goals.” Those were some positives to the leaving option. Although he would not say it, if Sharlee decided on that, a part of Al felt tempted to try to aid her. The ridge seemed like it would be in good paws, without him. But that was something that would require much further time and thought.

It was good, though, to know that the other was not asking anything rash. He smiled slightly, encouragingly. ”Whatever you do, I am sure you will make it work. And next year this time, this will all be like a distant memory.” He decided to go with the hopeful approach. There was so much that could happen over the next year, for each of them. Perhaps they would both be in a better place.

Part of all of this that was going on with her was what she'd been told in the forest. How wolves in the pack the woman had been in treated those that went against the rules. It had left her wondering what might happen to her despite the fact that she had no intentions of breaking any rules this season. Still she thought it important to point out that Alarick had a good leader, at least that was the impression that Sharlee got. She nodded when he thanked her.

Sharlee maybe should have shown some caution about who she spoke her thoughts to. She didn't, instead she told him everything that she felt. Including her fears about what her future might hold for her. She knew she wouldn't be able to go through another season of this. Another year of Watchung her life pass her by knowing she wanted more out of it.

"I know you are right," she said when he made it clear she was in charge, "I suppose it's my loyalty that's the problem. It's what keeps me from breaking the rules and jts what keeps me from leaving them behind." And perhaps the fact that she had to be sure. She had to know that she wouldn't get her chance while staying in the backwater. She thought about what he said next. It would take some thought on the beat ways to go about that but she felt that maybe she should at least give it a try. "I don't know if it will work but I do know that I have to give them a fair chance to show their true colors." It had to be perfectly clear that she would not have the chance next year before she made any decisions.

"If I did leave I would come back for visits as long as I was welcome of course. And if by chance I did become a mother I would want my children to know their family." She had no intentions of turning completely away from her family because she did love them and they were a part of her life. In the end it all was determined on how things went. "I don't know about having my own pack. It's not something I've ever considered since I always thought I would be a part of the backwater. I know I wouldn't be able to do it alone." At least that was her belief but maybe she did need to think bigger just in case.

Sharlee was quick to let him know she had no intentions of anything but talking happening between them. She knew what he could offer her but as she said it wouldn't be right. She would stick to that. "I'm sure you're right. Time will tell what happens. It can only hope that it all works out the best for both of us." As she understood it he seemed to be having some of the same struggles as she was having.

Thankfully, Sharlee seemed to agree that the decision should be hers, and no one else’s, though she went on to explain another problem, from her point of view. It was also only fair to give her pack a chance, she spoke, and Alarick hoped for the best if she chose to follow that path. While he believed he understood and could sympathize with the picture the woman was painting, her particular choice of words in the first bit was most intriguing.

”I would not call your loyalty a problem. Rather, it is noble. Honorable,” he spoke, once more in a bid to encourage the other, or to possibly help her see things in just a little bit different light. A wise sage, he was not. But things like loyalty and honor were not usually what he would call problematic. ”But it is a two-way street. A fair chance for them sounds reasonable, before coming to any conclusions.”

Whether he had convinced her of that, or had just helped her make that decision, it was good that Sharlee was considering things rationally. Not pursuing desires without any real thought about the future, or unintended consequences. That was something Al respected a great deal.

The other also stated that she would want any children she had in the future to know their family, which was yet another honorable and respectable thing. Something he envied slightly, but this moment was not about him. ”An understandable desire. If your family are as reasonable and thoughtful as you seem.. I would have to imagine you would be welcomed back for visits, if you did choose to leave. And nobody can do it alone. Anyone that says so, is lying, I think.”

At least, that was the hope. Because if her family and pack truly was so oppressive, that was not a place for anyone to be. However, those he had met previously - Clover, Oleander - they had all seemed kind enough. Alarick let himself smile though, as the other echoed his sentiment, and hope that things would work out for both of them.

”I think it will. A year is a long time, and a lot can happen.” At the moment, he was evidence of that. For, only a few short months ago, Alarick would have never thought he would have even what he did now, with the Ridge. It was not perfect, and he was not with his family. But it was something, and that was what counted.

It was good that she'd had this time to really give things some thought. Even better was running into Alarick who she could tell was working to help her to think things through further. It would be best to give her family and pack a chance to see her side of things and hopefully allow her the chance to start a family of her own and become a mother. He didn't agree with her that her loyalty was a problem and as he explained his position she had to agree.

"Of course you are right. I suppose right now it seems like a problem. When putting things into perspective it's not just my loyalty keeping me from going a head and fulfilling my desire to become a mother. I want my pups to have a family and not just trying to make sure they survive all on my own." If she was going to be a mother she wanted the best for her children and that meant a life with a mother and a father. She nodded, "Ultimately it will be up to them how what I'm feeling is dealt with after all they are the leaders but I also understand they can't make a fair decision without all the information."

The question was when should she go to them. When she got back now that she understood more of how she was feeling or later once she was cemetery sure of things and knew more about her situation. Was it customary to wait until the following season. Sharlee knew her window for the season was closing and therefore her chance had been lost. It didn't matter anyway since the decision that Viorel and Vayko were to be the only ones with rights this season.

She couldn't hold that against them since they had no idea how she felt. Even at the time the announcement had been made she had really known. It was all dependant of how they reacted to she brought to them. Even still no matter what happend they were still her family and she wanted her children to know what it meant to be Valles. "It would all depend how things went when I explain to them how I'm feeling. I am hoping they won't let me down, that they will understand. Mostly I hope I won't have to leave but I don't think it would be unwise to prepare for the worst. If it all goes well but I have to leave anyway I'm sure I would be welcome back. You're right, I don't think that I could do it on own." That was another reason she hadn't gone out and made some irrational decision that she would regret later.

She'd thought a lot about what happened with Modesto and how things were now. She wasn't her aunt of course and hadn't done the things she'd done but Sharlee really couldn't be sure how things were going to go. What if it did end badly for her. What if she ended up scraping out some existence somewhere. She wondered if maybe she needed to prepare for that.

Alarick seemed hopeful that things would go well. She nodded along with his words. "You're right about that. So much happens in a years time. There's really no telling where we'll all be by next year this time." Though maybe she should take on his hopeful attitude. Maybe it would help her to feel better about her situation.

Although he had been skeptical and a bit hesitant at first, Alarick found himself glad that he had stopped to meet and speak with Sharlee. Even if he never saw her again after this, he hoped that perhaps he had managed to be of some help or assurance to her, in this moment.

Her words at least were encouraging, as she seemed to recognize that loyalty, in and of itself, was not necessarily the issue. Her other intentions were also just as noble. Giving her pack a chance, and not wanting to bring kids into the world in a bad situation. Sharlee wanted them to know their family, which was noble.

Too many children were brought into the world without the support of packs, not knowing families, or sometimes even their father or mother. That was a tragedy, and not something any child deserved. Sharlee, despite the season, seemed aware of all of this, and that was encouraging.

This caused the hunter’s smile to broaden just a little. ”That all sounds more than fair. As clever and rational as you seem, too, I truly believe you will find a way to achieve what you want. And when you do, it will be all the more fulfilling.” It was just a matter of sorting out the means and how it would happen, but he did not doubt that she would get there.

Especially if her pack and family decided to offer their blessing and support for the idea, which he truly hoped that they would. ”I apologize if this is overstepping my bounds.. but, I hope that any male you may choose to share your dream and life with in the future, realizes how fortunate he is.” Sharlee seemed to have a good heart. And, he thought, she was deserving of only the best - whoever that might end up being.

Whether she'd realized it or not she couldn't really say. She felt it mist have happened over the past year. Little moments her and there when she'd take the opportunity to think about what her life would be like once she was a mother. How she hoped things would go with the rest of her family. She had dreamed about her pups playing with their cousins in the backwater.

Then sometimes the worries would sink in and destroy the images she had in her mind. She wanted to believe that if she presented her case that Vayko and Viorel would be accepting to the idea but it was hard after the way her brother had reacted about two litters. Would one of them give up their rights so she could have her dream? It was so hard for Sharlee to know. She worried that she would end up like her aunt.

That was what made it that much harder to bring this up to them. The last thing she wanted was to create a rift between her and the rest of the pack. It was hard to know what to do but she knew she had to he brave. She had to face them and she had to tell them amd then take whatever happened.

Sharlee smiled as he complimented her, "Thank you, I'm going to have to if I am going to fulfill my dream. I've got to stay strong through this." If she hadn't gotten anything out of this conversation she did get that. "I wouldn't worry Alarick. I'm sure that when you're ready to be a father you'll find a way too. You seem like the sort of man that gets things done." She needed to be a little more like that instead of talking herself out of things.

She felt her cheeks warm a little as he spoke about any man she chose knowing how fortunate they were. "You're not overstepping at all. It's actually really nice to hear after the week I've had. I think any wan should feel the same. You've been quite the gentleman through this and really thank you for staying and talking with me." She hoped that she might get to visit again soon amd maybe they could have another good conversation.

While he may have been skeptical at first, the hunter was glad now, that he had chosen to pause and talk with this woman. She had needed some kind of support, it seemed. But more than that, she had managed to aid him in coming to a few realizations and conclusions about himself, too. Both of them had to stay strong, for different reasons.

And though Al wanted to believe what the other said, he could not. He had the same worries - that there would always be some kind of barrier in place to stop it from happening. But that was not something he would mention, and instead, Alarick accepted the words with a smile and nod.

”I hope so.” He spoke quietly. A false hope, probably. Just like his thoughts of ever finding his family were. But it was better than sinking into despair.

It was a relief, as well, to know he had not gone too far, with the final comment. Again, Alarick offered a smile and a nod, although this time the sentiment behind it was genuine. ”You are most welcome. Thank you, too. I am glad to have met you.”

Just like with Levi, Alarick found himself hoping this was not the last time he would meet the Valle woman, either. It would be nice to meet her again, and maybe find out she had put in place the plans to achieve her goals. One could always hope.

fade!

(This post was last modified: May 19, 2022, 05:18 PM by Alarick.)