Paradise Falls are you holding back like the way i do

Ryder is calling for @Finley and @Jethro only, but @Flair for info.

His mind was made up, but he wasn't eager for the conversation that now came next. First, what if they said no? Worst, what if he made his mom cry or something? Staying here though, with Caspian still gone... it just wasn't an option anymore. Ryder was going to do what it took to get his brother back, even if it rocked the boat. Just... hopefully it wouldn't capsize altogether.

He took his chance when they were together but without Atara. Last he knew, she was playing with Chan and Flair's litter, supervised by their father. Normally, this was when he'd avoid them most, but this definitely wasn't a talk he wanted to have twice.

Ryder barked at a distance farther than he normally would, ensuring they had plenty of time to know he was coming and not be doing anything weird by the time he arrived.

"Hey... I need to talk to you guys..."

(This post was last modified: Oct 26, 2023, 03:41 AM by Ryder.)

Sorry for the delay on this!

It was a quiet afternoon, Finley was just enjoying having Jethro and her son home and trying to sneak away as much time with her companion as possible. Atara had been playing with the other Falls pups and as far as she knew Ryder was outside of the territory. The mother had been lying with her side pressed against the leader’s and they had been talking about something unimportant, planning a trip back to the lake as soon as they had time to sneak away. Now that the smoke was cleared, the herds had returned and such frivolous things seemed feasible again.

The bark broke her train of thought, and the mother’s tail began to wave behind her. She had hoped that their time together scouting would help to repair the relationships and at first this had not seemed to be the case but now here Ryder was approaching them. Finley smiled brightly as her son approached them, but also consciously shifted away from Jethro so they were no longer touching. Baby steps.

She barked back her own greeting, an acknowledgement that they had heard him, and waited for her son to arrive. She had no idea what was coming.

He’d grown accustomed to Ryder’s avoidance, even more so when he was with Finley. Though what’d once been pain at the thought of it had turned to indifference, at least outwardly. Jet cared, but he couldn’t force Ryder to feel the same. To hear him coming towards them now was a shock.

It put a pause to the conversation and rest he’d been enjoying with Finley. Hopefully, though, it would mean something good?

The dark one sat up, taking a quick glance towards Fin before settling on her approaching son. Need to talk.. was his request. Again, he would look toward his companion for her response, and to let her guide the conversation.

Ryder was honestly relieved not to see them all close up to each other. 'The talk' had haunted his adolescent mind ever since being given it, especially with its being directly linked to their new relationship. It was difficult for him not to be a little bit paranoid. But of course, none of that had to do with the pervading issue at paw.

Mom looked so happy and he was about to totally ruin her day. They were just staring at him, silently expectant, and he couldn't help the apprehension showing through lowering ears and avoidant eyes.

"Uhh. So... I uh. So the fires are over now... right? And I've gotten experience being away from the pack, so I was thinking... that is I, uh..."

He took a breath, let it out, and did his best to look squarely at his mother.

"I want to take my own trip. To find Caspian. No matter what it takes."

Her son appeared nervous as he began to speak, which caused Finley’s easy smile to begin to fade away. Even despite the anxiety that built in her throat at the mention of the fires and Ryder’s demeanor she had no idea what he was going to say, or how badly it would hurt. She nodded once when he stumbled, encouraging him to go on, but remained silent as he fumbled through his words.

Nostrils flared on her leathery nose as the woman inhaled sharply in surprise. It felt as if all of the wind had been knocked right out of her and the whole world suddenly tilted. It didn’t make sense. The mother clenched her eyes shut and looked away, fighting back tears and trying to force herself to breathe evenly.

It took her a good ten seconds before she trusted herself to speak, opening her eyes but unable to look back at Ryder. She let out a long exhale and her voice was shaky when she finally responded, ”If that is what you want.” She missed Caspian too, she really did, but were things so bad here that he needed to run from them?

Ryder approached them, appearing hesitant, perhaps even nervous - evident in his posture and the avoidance of his gaze. But he didn’t keep either of them waiting for long. The desire he expressed was one Jet had hoped he would never hear, or at least.. not until well after this.

But, Ryder was nearly an adult. And Jet’d been on his own at that age. The kid was smart and more than capable. However, the dark one still couldn’t shake this sinking feeling he had that this might be the last time he’d see Ryder. Whatever it takes. As her son, Jethro turned his head to glance at Finley. To see her reaction, though he didn’t have to look for long. He felt almost the same pain, but was maybe a little better at hiding it.

”I’d never try to hold ya back, either. You do what you’ve gotta do.” There was a lot more he’d have liked to say. Offers of encouragement, or expressions of affection.

”Just know that for as long as I draw breath, I'll always be here for you. We will - whatever you need." he would glance towards Finley at that. "Take care of yourself.”

I love you, he'd have liked to say, too. Because he did. Every night he wished Ryder could've been his, too. But a sentiment like that was usually reserved for those considered family, which Jet had been told he was not. He couldn’t be sure such a comment would be welcome when he’d been the one to drive a wedge between the brothers and their mother, to begin with.

With a nod, he’d rise to his paws and walk away so mother and son would have space for private conversation and goodbyes.

-exit unless directly addressed or stopped--

Ryder's stomach dropped as he watched his mother change, unable to even look at him. Her response was curt, and it all made his own heart hurt as well. Jethro had a lot more to say, words that were heartfelt, or... at least they were in tone. Just after saying he'd always be there, though, the wolf stood and began to leave them. He could almost feel the cold it must have left at Finley's side.

The kid was pretty sure he couldn't get any lower than right here, right now. He had no idea what to do, stormy eyes fighting back against precipitation as they lowered to the ground. His legs tremored imperceptibly and his throat burned. Ryder wanted to go too, because what more could he really say? He didn't want to leave his mom alone, though. He swallowed thickly.

(This post was last modified: Dec 19, 2023, 05:54 AM by Ryder.)

The mother was thankful that Jethro had more to say than she did, but part of her wished that he had freaked out and told him he had to stay. Not that she wanted their last interaction to be a fight, but maybe he would have stayed if that was the case. And she knew - deep in her heart - that this would be their last interaction. He was young and just starting her life and she was an old woman, and she had left home and never seen her parents again. It was the way of life.

This line of thinking pushed her over the edge and the tears that had been threatening to fall began to spill down her cheeks. Her breath came in a ragged gasp, and then a sad sounding sniffle. She wanted to disappear after Jethro and shield Ryder from her emotions, but then this would be over and she would never see her son again. It took a few gasps of air before she managed to get out a cracked, ”I love you, just…be safe, and be good and kind, okay?” There was so much more to say, and she thought she would have had more time to say it. The time with both of her sons had been cut short.

"Mom..." the expression held a whisper of that teenage drawling, but was spoken softly, voice almost breaking around the word. He tried to stay strong for his mother though, for what good would it do for them both to fall apart? Finley had taught him much, and one particular example had been that someone always needed to be the pillar. Who else would be that for her? What if Jethro always walked away when she cried, when she needed him most?

His mind spiraled with emphatic assumptions, only ever able to imagine what it might be like to be in her position. What came to him was pretty heart-breaking, and he almost changed his mind. His biggest fear in doing this was that something bad would happen to his mom that he could have prevented by staying. That it would culminate into him choosing Caspian over their Mom.

"It's not for forever, okay?" he stepped closer, dropping his haunches down not to his mother and moving to lick at her tears, hoping to be of comfort.

"But I... I gotta try."

(This post was last modified: Feb 06, 2024, 07:13 AM by Ryder.)

Finley felt bad seeing the pain on her son’s face and knowing that she was to blame for causing it. She should have been stronger, kept it together, let him go off with a positive memory of her rather than this mess she had become. He moved to sit next to her and she leaned into the contact, allowing him to lick away her tears and finally getting back under control. No more tears, she needed to give him a good send off.

So she stood and forced a smile - or as close as she could get to it - and nodded at his words, ”Of course not forever.” Her voice sounded convincing, but she knew that it was a lie, this was it, this was the last time she would see him. But, he didn’t need to know that, he was young and probably not thinking about his own mortality and when old age would come for him. Taking a deep breath and letting it out she said, ”I’ll be fine Ryder, and when you’re ready I’ll be right here waiting for you.” Another lie, she hated ending this on a lie but it was better than any alternative.

Finley watched, long after he had gone and finally let herself really go to pieces. She needed it, needed to let it go before she could put on her usual face and return to everyone else.

FADE

(This post was last modified: Feb 04, 2024, 09:12 PM by Finley.)