Shroud of the Lost who needs a house when i've got all these friends

Loach claimed he wasn't, and... in a way that made Clouse feel as though he were being honest. Still it was hard to accept. He continued to watch the other, not sure what to say next. This felt unfinished for him, but not for his companion. The problem squarely lie with the small Archer, leaving its resolution his sole responsibility. Another question came, and Clouse looked away, shame threatening to rise again. Here was the second hurdle.

"... there's a lake, to the east. My sister was there. With just a pup looking after her. She's blind, came all this way just to-," his words started to spill, coming a bit quicker until he halted them and swallowed, sighed.

"She's found family in the foothills of the far-off mountains. They need my help."

Ah, there it was finally. Clear as day in any page of a book.

A little lick of heartbreak, a little taste of worries. He had no words to say. Maybe an apology would have been appropriate, maybe he should have sent Clouse back off all at once. Instead he felt an ugly selfish bubble in his gut.

What's wrong?

He could have made a lot of assumptions. Like a cubbin' looking after a blind woman was wrong, like it sounded real bad if that was the case. Only he waited in silence for answers to come. Brows pinched softly with fresh concern.

Rather than balk, Loach simply asked about it. Clouse felt another sigh express from his lungs, and just like that he was stepping close to lean into the other's chest again. He really, really did not deserve this wolf in his life. For the moment he was quiet, simply taking a second to soak in the comfort that Loach effortlessly exuded and appreciate it.

"They were a pack, but I guess too many left. Three kids and three adults, including Ra. I think, they should only need me to help get the kids huntin'. They are almost yearlings now."

Archers were typically self-sufficient by that time, if not earlier in some of the more ruthless circles of the family. Or maybe Clouse was just bitter he had to give up his preferred life, even if just temporarily, for obligation.

"I just... don't know how long it'll take."

He held Clouse close for that moment. Listened to him talk about what was going on in the life of his family. How odd it felt to suddenly feel like an outsider. To know that there was a whole other life to Clouse that Loach may never know anything about.

Y'know...if any wanna fish or swim, they're welcomed to learn how here. We'll send 'em home with skills and food. Selfishness disguised as a good deed. A hind leg awkwardly twisted to gently scuff the cold earth. They got somebody who ain't a cubbin' to help yer sister?

Maybe he had overstepped. Maybe he wouldn't be welcomed to meddle in family affairs for the man he kept the company of.

There was a tightening desire to figure out what they were before Clouse went away for an undetermined amount of time.

Loach continued to be supportive, even offering assistance. Clouse kept his face hidden in the other's fur, but it expressed a torn emotion. He was both grateful and immediately unwanting of such a plan. The more separate he kept this part of his life, of him, from his family the better. Otherwise the spell would surely be broken, and then he'd be muddled and running all over again. That wasn't how he wanted his life to continually play out, never fully escaping the coven's grasp, never again feeling truly free.

"I'll propose it to them," he couldn't help but lie, "thank you."

Clouse didn't want to risk Loach taking his refusal of the offer personally, and his appreciation for it was genuine. Hopefully that was enough. He couldn't help but be certain now in his want for this to not be the last he saw of his pumpkin-eyed amante, nor for it to diminish their relationship. Was that how things would pan out, though, when the distance and time between were real?

"It's my cousin and her mate I guess. They've got each other and their litter to fuss over. Ra needs someone who'll put her first. But... we'll see what they say."

And who will put you first, Closue? If you leave?

A bitter thought that he held in his chest. He understand that family would never be easy, never have a clear answer. Loach could have easily told Clouse to just bring her here, screw the rest. Ra would always have a working set of eyes on her or a buddy for wherever she wanted to go. Hell, he would even be willing to be the one to handle it if it meant keeping this little slice of paradise together.

It wouldn't be that easy. It never would.

I'm gonna miss you. It croaked from a tightened throat before he could stop himself.

Yet he felt no guilt or remorse with it in the air now.

Loach's response was brief, emotional. Clouse inhaled deeply, stole himself against the wave of adoration that swept through him.

"I'll miss you too," he told him, a bit of gravel in his own voice now. He knew that for a fact, and had a hint toward much more but he couldn't bring himself to think it, much less speak it. Lifting his face, he placed soft kisses across the other's salt-and-pepper cheek. There was no way he could leave Loach so swiftly, and he would find himself dragging out this goodbye over a few days. Even if he couldn't put it into words, Clouse had ample ways of showing him just how much he meant.

"Not just yet, though. Take me to bed?"

(This post was last modified: Mar 20, 2023, 03:24 PM by Hagar.)

He could hold the man for hours, days. A lifetime if it meant they could share a million more good moments together.

Always. Words that held a heft too heavy for his own shoulders. Softly he craned his neck to press a brief kiss to Clouse's crown. A return of the kisses his cheek had been given.

He imagined many more moments would be stolen together before his lover departed.